The Moonsea
by Odeveca
Summary: REWRITTEN. Imprint Story. When Jacob Black is becoming Bella's personal sun, and Victoria is stalking the woods of La Push, Jude Clearwater, Harry's eldest returns home, only to lose a father, imprint on Billy's love-struck son, meet a family of vegetarian vampires, and deal with spirits hell-bent on making her life miserable. The Quileute Legends never prepared her for this.
1. Chapter 1

**REWRITTEN AND REVISED.**

 **Hello, THANK YOU for clicking on** _ **The Moonsea.**_

 _ **slow burn OC X JACOB story.**_ _**10 chaps of character development, romancing begins in chap 15.**  
_

 **All** _ **other couples are canon. Quileute Historical/Fantastical/Adventure story**_

 **Title: The Moonsea-** _inspired by the song:_ _ **Moonsea, by Phildel**_

 **Brief Character Synopsis: This begins** _ **during the end of New Moon.**_ _Judith "Jude" Clearwater, F, 20,_ daughter to Sue and Harry Clearwater, older sister to Seth and Leah, and has a troubled past... _don't most fictional characters._ Anyhoo! Change doesn't happen overnight so she is not suddenly going to be the perfect character, she will have mild inappropriate humor, she **does use profanity,** so if that bothers you please read at your discretion. To those that find flawed characters in need of redemption an enjoyable read, hope you read on, and that Jude's chaotic brain doesn't give you whiplash. :)

 **Image of Main (OC) Character** : _Tiny Ancient One by Merwild, deviantart. This potrayal is the closest face I envisioned of my (OC) character, she has an endomorph, pear shaped body, but for those that like to see the visual aspect of my non-cannon character please enjoy the picture :)  
_

 **AUTHOR:** **Odeveca**

 **RATING:** **T,** for language and may change to M due to eventual lemony goodness between Jude and Jacob. This fanfic is humorous as it is serious, and for romance I believe at least ten chapters of character development are in order before we get to the _chocolaty goey-ness_ that is romance.

 **DISCLAIMER:** ** _I own nothing, everything belongs to Stephenie Meyer._** **This DISCLAIMER SERVES FOR THE ENTIRE FANFIC**. If you want to use my OC's just ask! I would love to read your fic. I would actually like to read any Jacob/OC fic.

 _EVERYTHING ITALICIZED: JUDE'S THOUGHTS/PAST MEMORIES/SINGING  
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 _ **o0o THE MOONSEA o0o**_

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 **Chapter 1  
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The Legends had warned them of the Cold Ones that tore men in half with their immortal strength, drinking their victim's blood as they died in their cold unfeeling arms.

The Legends also told of the Spirit Warriors, men that were chosen to turn into wolves, chosen by the spirits to fight and protect the Quileute tribe from the evils the Cold Ones brought with them.

Jude remembered those ancient stories told around a bonfire, while she sat toasty warm in a thick wool blanket, listening to the Council members reminiscing. Their Chief spoke with a smooth rumble over them, like warm butter and sugar being spread over the bread being passed out. Before them the orange glow of the crackling fire fought against the whistle of the cliff's wind, sea mist from the rolling waves lapped at their unprotected cheeks and noses, and above them the dark night swirled with stars. Now, the memory seemed a far-off dream, mixed with the spirits that haunted her own life, and all those memories troubled Jude as she held her packed bags filled with the things she would need for this journey back.

"When will you be back from Washington?"

Jude felt even more miserable for not knowing when, not giving Susan a decent answer in turn.

"I don't know," the words were heavy in her mouth, they made phantom blood dribble down Judith Clearwater's invisible wound, a hole punched deep in her chest three years ago, from a fist that loved her not, and cared nothing for what she had become to try to heal it.

 _With that pleasant thought,_ Jude bended her head forward to kiss a little boy goodbye, " _bye Jordan_."

His soft raven locks felt like silk in her palm, his natural sweaty soapy smell was something she could never forget, he wove out of her arms, a bundle of excited miniature limbs, running back for his toys, probably to show them off, "just tell him I love him every day," was her answer, it was the hardest thing she had to do today, leaving her little Jordan, and yet she was still doing it.

His adoptive mother asked, " _Are you okay_?"

Jude looked to the elderly couple that she had lived with for the last year, their smile creased mouths, and their generous hearts was a stone that weighed her down still. Among the hurt and pain Jude found the answer, "I think, I am _going_ to be okay. I will call every week," more if they let her, "If I miss a call, here is my number, which day would you guys like best-"

"You can call us any day Jude," she was embraced by the woman, "he is going to ask like crazy for you anyways, might as well have something to distract him with."

Peter chuckled behind his wife, "God knows there will be hell to pay when little Jory notices you are gone. Susan is going to have her work cut out for her," they all found it funny, _in a sad way._

"I know," Jude chuckled morbidly, "I know. I'm sorry."

"No, no, oh Jude, our lovely Jude," the too kind woman cupped Jude's cheek and looked at her with so much love it hurt, "you being here, was a gift to us. What you did, and what you do now will not be easy," she tucked Jude's chin up, "but you can do it."

Meanwhile Jude memorized Susan's cinnamon and pine perfume still strong her in her nostrils, the scent of Thanksgiving, holidays, family get-togethers, and even with the three Advil she had taken for her upset stomach, that could not help the memories that lingered like unfinished dreams, the long night before sleeping her fears away in a too small racer car bed, and all the while snuggling with the best medicine anyone could ask for, she could not stop the tears now.

"No crying Jude," Susan hugged tighter, more humor, "or you're never going to leave."

"I know."

 _A coyote howled.  
_

It made Jude shiver against the setting of the New Mexico sun, even with Susan's comforting body heat, she was a complete mess, her face bloated and her nostrils irritated and red, she lost her nerve, "What am I doing Susan? I can't leave you guys, I can't leave him, what am I doing? Am I doing the right thing? Am I?"

Susan refrained from giving her opinion, always the adult, "You can always stay."

Susan's words were a favor. _Yes,_ she could stay with them, _forever perhaps_ , stay in the New Mexico heat that went to triple digits and the deliciously dry windy desert, even use their clear wise minds until she felt stronger, felt better, and more confident in the decision she had made to fly _far far away_ from the chaotic overpowering lush green Washington had once been.

"No, I can't," Jude had promised herself, staying true, "I have to fix a few things," _not just a few_ , she had some serious issues, "I am not the best person to be around right now," _that was the honest truth._ This past month she had turned into a tearful mess, making her son feel inadequate to help her, and his adoptive parents overbearingly insistent on her getting these feelings out in the open, instead of bottled up inside.

Jude said it aloud, "I can't run from this," Susan had taught her that, "no matter how much this is going to hurt, it will only hurt more if I ignore it."

"We support you Jude, but for our sakes, where will you go, who will you stay with," repeated Susan's worried husband, Peter's eyes were just as concerned as he had been when she told him her decision to return to her hometown, without the boy, and his intense looks reminded her of a grown man filled with so much wisdom it poured from his eyes.

The familiarity of him reminded her of _another man_ too, and the family she had chosen to leave behind.

"I am going home," Judith Clearwater finally relented, knowing the painful answer thrumming in her heart, "I am going to La Push."


	2. Chapter 2

_**o0o0o0o0o0TMS0o0o0o0o0o**_

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 **Chapter 2**

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Maybe Jude had always been broken and dark inside.

Maybe someone who had been whole and good would never have left her family, and not tremble in years of repressed anxiety, a guilty body sitting in a hot taxi seat, wanting to deceive herself back to her temporary room back in New Mexico, instead of bracing herself for the reckoning that laid before her. She could ask the ashy grey haired taxi driver to turn back now, his overwhelming smell of men's cologne made her want to hurl her guts, but she could suffer the ride back to the airport, she could suffer for an eternity, anything other than seeing their faces.

"We're here."

 _Too late now._

The Taxi pulled up to the dirt curb, in front of an rusty mailbox, and an equally ancient cul-de-sac house. Jude spied the peeling paint with an ache in her belly, and her nostalgia spiked with the sound of Sue's wind chimes singing in the sea breeze, the _cold_ familiar chill ran it's hands through her raven hair, sending goosebumps up her sweater covered arms, "That will be two-fifties mam."

Judith frowned, _mam?_ She wasn't that old, "keep the change," she slipped him a few bills and they ruffled in his creased hands. It wasn't her money anyways.

"You are very generous, I am sure your family is dying to see you," he commented, but she didn't think so.

She shouldn't be here, she wasn't supposed to be here, and three years ago Harry Clearwater had thrown her ungrateful ass on the street.

She rightly deserved it, but the memory still felt raw. Like a wound that refused to heal, because she kept picking at it like a junkie with her needle wounds. _No, not that like that._ Jude had never used drugs socially, even privately, but she did have her fair share of experiences of needles and scientific men caped in white coats, scribbling their notes on clipboards _they_ only got to read. Those memories would best be remembered another time. She had work to do.

Jude put on a mask of confidence as she stepped out, walking to the rear of the Taxi, taking her two meager bags from the taxi driver that had pulled them quickly from the trunk, the last things she needed, "thanks," the words felt hollow in her throat.

"Sure, have a good one," was his the driver's final reply as he took her her generous tip before abandoning her, leaving her alone, in this place, with her memories of it, made her have a little hyperventilation, "It's okay Jude," she breathed through her nose and mouth.

She controlled the sneaky anxiety with Susan's calming words, Jude threw her bags over her shoulders to knock some sense into herself. Her possessions she decided to bring felt like bricks, but she had carried heavier things with her every day, and so she instead focused on the painfully familiar front door.

"Shit," she muttered in the cold January wind, it still lapped against her long raven hair, hanging too far down around her elbows, it needed to be cut, "let's do this."

Judith became numb as her feet carried her past the cracked stone path, up the creaky front stairs, and to just a few inches away from the door into the Clearwater home, it looked so much older, and now she was close enough to knock on the off-white door. She should knock, do it quickly, loudly, but her tight fist shook in the air before it, making it near impossible. She didn't remember being so nervous, she had not felt this way at the airport, not in the taxi, but here in La Push.

Her mind went blank to who she was, and what she was thinking of coming here.

Jude closed her ridiculously long dark eyelashes, they caught the sweat or mist that dripped down her forehead, "come on Jude, don't freeze now," her silver eyes opened and to anyone they would appear like leashed lightening, emotions tormenting only the insides of her, and she _willed_ calm into her racing mind and heart.

She whispered to herself, coaching, "You are Jude Clearwater. You are here for family. You are here for forgiveness," she swallowed the saliva building up in her mouth, "and to forgive. You stay as long as you are needed, and if you cause trouble, you leave. If you cause trouble, you need let them go. You can do this. Do it Jude."

She lifted her hand.

She put it down. Maybe she should, _oh hell with it_ , "Hello," she called and knocked. She felt the anticipation in her bones. She had dreamed of this.

"Hello!" She called again louder. Judith knocked repeatedly.

There was no response.

 _Great. Good. **Whatever**_ **.** This was the part where she should leave, tell herself at least she tried, write a note, leave it on the door… _no,_

that was the coward's way, don't write a note for them, she needed talk to the Ateara's, Black's, go around town asking left and right for her family, where they were, if they were alright, and if they would be willing to see her. She knew how it would look like. Desperation. She felt desperate. Here she was, the prodigal son in the Bible, returning home at last. Judith knew the parable well. Harry had read it enough times after dinner, near the fireplace when the sky poured down, and among the people she trusted and felt most safe with. Except she was not his son, but his wayward daughter.

 _Yet,_ she had remembered the passage even now. The parable of the prodigal son was a tale of stubbornness, wickedness, and a son seeking forgiveness from his father after spending his inheritance unwisely and in sin. It was about second chances, and she knew how well Harry and Sue thought about second chances.

She had already used up her second chances. This would be mercy.

Judith leaned against the house, sank to her bum, curled her knees up to her chest, and waited for someone to show up.

In through her nose, out through her nose, over and over she calmed herself. She waited for hours, all far worse than the last, because they were leading to what she feared most. Jude closed her eyes again, seeing the flashes of memories that haunted her still. This place was so familiar, it hurt to remember, and she tried in vain to forget the last time she had stayed in one place.

" _Where have you been?"_

" _It is none of your business where I have been," Jude snapped with her childish immortal strength. Her usual bitchy seventeen-year-old self was at an all time low. The boyfriend of those years, Conner Whitney, a Forks paleface, had dropped her like she was nothing, her grades were in the gutter, and to top it off the voices and apparitions were not leaving her alone._

" _I am your father," Harry said like it meant anything at all, "if you cannot even respect this family, how can you expect me to respect you?"_

 _These conversations were normal, Jude scowled the same way she always had, "I am your daughter, I am family, you have to respect me."_

 _He had not miraculously forgotten, and yet he still did not agree,_ " _You are not acting like a part of this family," her father's face wavered, "do you even know what it means to be a part of this family? Do you know that when you act this way, you send the wrong message of what this family stands for? What did we teach you to stand for? Do you remember?"_

 _Jude rolled her eyes until they went into her head,_ " _I apparently don't, because you tell me all the time how I don't know jackshit," she said smartly, "all you care about is the family, the tribe, and how we look to the rest of our neighbors," Jude felt deeply hurt by that fact, "Well here it is, I don't care." She did, "They can gossip all about how I am the crazy kid, wild child, who gives a fuck, they need their own lives." She was tired of bringing this family down, and it would be so much easier just to prove their tribe gossip right and leave before they saw the true failure she could become. Judith played with that thought._

" _Judith please, be good to us," her mother pleaded, "you need to stop this, this is not healthy. Are you having the visions again? Maybe we should go see Doctor Williams-"_

" _No," Judith was done with doctors, and she got up to go back to her room, "I am fine. I can cope."_

 _Her father thundered after her_ , _so loud, he might as well broadcast it to the entire tribe_ , " _Car Racing, breaking and entering, vandalism. Sue do you hear this, can this be a daughter of mine, come back here Jude, we aren't finished," Jude did, and her father was overbearingly upset, "what are we going to do about this, I have had it, this is going to the be the last time, damn it, this is going to be it," Harry Clearwater sunk back into his chair, a hand over his heart, "this daughter of mine is going to send me to an early grave."_

 _Jude watched him closely. His saggy face, bloated belly, and tired eyes made Jude feel as if she was truly bringing him to the brink. This was hell. It was as if everyone wanted her to reach insanity before she even began her life. The pressure was too much._

 _The pressure cut right through her, rushing out,_ " _You make me feel like I am killing you dad! How dramatic can you be! This is my life! You don't get to own me, and tell me what the hell I do with it!"_

" _Don't speak to him like that," her Mother screamed in her face, done with remaining in the shadows, it was like her mother was waiting to erupt too, "he is the only one that helps me with you! It is so hard being your mother, I cannot believe the spirits made me your mother!"_

 _"I wished they never made me your daughter!"_

 _"You're a selfish bitch," her mother had never cursed at her, it was unnatural, it was unacceptable, "selfish bitch!"_

 _Jude felt such rage as she had never felt before, and before she knew it her hand landed right against her mother's cheek, following all the way through, and the slap of palm against flesh was unmistakable. It was deafening. The sound chilled the bone and Leah gasped, she must have felt it too._

 _The rage left quicker than it had come, only leaving Jude in heart-wrenching guilt, "Mom, I am sorry," Jude tried saying, but Harry Clearwater stood to his feet, no longer calm, and to her surprise struck her too, harder than she had done to her mother._

 _He did not flinch from his own attack, "get out of this house! You ungrateful brat! I don't want to see you! I don't ever want to see you again! Don't ever come back!"_

 _Jude held her burning face, Leah eyes flicked between them all, her mother was sobbing endlessly, and her father, his face was unchanged, if not more disappointed than before._

 _There was nothing she can do to right this wrong, she had to leave, "I am sorry you feel this way," Jude whispered, more to herself._

 _Her father looked away from her cold answer, and he wouldn't look at her. Jude couldn't blame him. She had never felt so guilty in her entire life. Jude couldn't even look at her mother whom sunk into the couch seat so Leah could wrap her arms around her, didn't even want to see the pain she gave her parents on a daily basis. What her younger sister must be feeling right now._

 _But, they were right about her, everyone was right, she was wrong, she was bad, and she was wicked for trying to stick in their lives when they wanted nothing to do with her, "I will be at Conners' if you need me," Jude kicked the screen door unknowingly for the last time and got lost. No one needed to see her tears. She shut her eyes, refusing to hear the voices, ignore the reaching white hands, and how she wished they would just disappear._

 _Jude stopped in her clumsy tracks, the darkening forest was like a nightmare. A bad dream that had swallowed her and refused to let her go. She was stupid for leaving at this time of the day. She had nowhere to go. Harry had thrown her out, Conner was done with her, and her opinion of herself was falling faster than a cannonball off the La Push cliffs._

 _Her spine shivered in twilight of the forest.  
_

 _Someone was watching her. Judith screamed when a dark shadow flew out of the woods, rushing up to her face, and flaring it's canines in malicious intent. Not again! She lifted her hands up but only air hit her. It did her not harm, not this time, but a haunting didn't need to touch you to make you fear for your life. They always attacked when she was low._

 _The anti-schizophrenic drugs were not helping, and they made her immobile as ghostly beings preened their faces at her. All her life she had suffered their presence. Imaginary Friends. Apparitions. Hallucinations. Her mind had become a madhouse._

 _She thought there was no way to get rid of them. That was before she had the guts to leave this small rainy gloom she called home._

"Jude?"

She opened her eyes.


	3. Chapter 3

**o0o0o0o0o0TMS0o0o0o0o0o  
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 **Chapter 3  
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"Seth?" Jude pushed herself off the ground.

It had to be Seth. He looked so much like Harry, except exuding an air of hopeful attention, softer around the face, and so youthful it hurt her to see the man's chin he was growing into. Judith could not imagine how much he had grown in the past three years. The childlike face of the eleven-year old boy had been carved into a young man.

"Jude, what are you doing here," she could see the apprehension of this confrontation on Seth's face. It made her feel even more guilty. Seth was still pure in his love, and still incredibly innocent to her awful exchange with their parents, because unlike her _other_ family members he was the only one that she didn't leave on bad terms with. He had been her kid brother, _God_ , he still was, and she had enjoyed her last days with him.

He repeated her name, as if he never expected to say it again, "Jude?" As if she was a ghost.

She might as well be, "Hey Seth."

He must have been so confused when she left.

Seth let her have a moment to analyze him, and for once she was glad. This Seth is very much like the eleven-year old she remembered, even with the three years of change between them. Jude wanted so badly to just hug him. He had even grown into his lanky frame, she admired how his muscles were forming on his bare russet arms, and he wore bigger shoes that didn't look so goofy.

"Hey Seth," she waved at him and gave him a big smile, "you grew up."

He looked even more lost for words.

 _Great_ , now she broke him.

She waited for him to act, not expecting anything vulgar. Jude knew his heart was so too good to even bring up what happened, and besides... he was just a lovable snot-nosed kid when she left. He probably didn't remember much of it anyway. He had been in his room, playing games when she left for the last time, and unlike Leah, he had not seen the terrible fight. Probably heard it, but she did not believe he actually saw the way she completely disrespected their mother, and Harry's violent reaction to it.

"What are you… Is that really you Jude?" She looked down at her muddy clothes, dirty nails, too long hair, and hoped that she was, or else it was going to be impossible to make amends.

"I am so sorry Seth," she told him, letting herself feel it, "I should have called. Three years is too long I know, there is no excuse, never should had run away like that. It was stupid and selfish. I know that now, and it was wrong of me, please. I want-" she held herself. This was not about her. Not everything was about her, and coming back was her chance at making this right. H _ow many times had she told herself?_ This was about her family, _not her._

"Yeah, I know," he took over her silence, "Leah is going to be here after work," Seth told her quickly, his eyes worried, "You should leave before they see you," Judith nodded understanding, even good-hearted Seth didn't want to see her. She could understand, and she could forgive.

"I understand."

"No you don't," he told her, ducking under her arms and hugging her like a bear, "I have missed you Jude."

Jude's soggy body froze.

She couldn't breathe.

She couldn't think.

This was the best hug she had ever been given. He was so big, so grownup, and she hugged him back, because she had never wanted for it to end. She had been searching for so long, and what she wanted was here all along. It was so hard to come back, but now it would be even harder to leave.

"Thank you," she watery whispered to him, and grew confident, sniffing back the tears, "I love you Seth. I want to make things better."

"I know," he said, but his face didn't look convinced.

It was just the type of motivation Jude needed to prove him right, to see him look at her like he used to, with respect, with trust in his cute brotherly way. She was selfish and hugged him again, and her body radiated joy when he let her do so. They stood on the gravel before the stairs, waiting.

Jude looked at the new cars and the grown Seth, "Do you drive?"

"Yeah," Seth fiddled with his hands, "but not legally," he blushed, "I take the keys when they are at work."

That warmed her heart, "I did that too when I was your age," Jude confessed, "Dad shouldn't be too upset about it."

"Yeah right, I haven't seen Dad angry in a long time," Seth laughed, and if she was happy before, nothing was as comfortable as hearing that, "Dad hasn't been angry, not since..."

Seth didn't say anything after that. Jude knew he didn't have to. Their father had not been furious, _not since_ she was living in La Push, and underneath this house's roof. She looked behind them to the still closed front door and stared at it for a long time. There was something special about a first home. After a person left; _Jude knew now_ , it was always a comparison of the two. _At my house, at my old house we had a bigger living room, bigger fireplace, more windows, larger rooms, and_... Jude would always compare the company. Nothing was like waking up to your mother's cooking and a pillow in the face from Leah after not getting up. Jude had it good. She just had to move to see it. She had to lose it, to appreciate it.

Jude dreaded it now, "How is Mom?"

Seth perked up, "Good, she is okay," he said lamely. Jude wanted to know more, but didn't push him.

"Leah? She is working?"

"Yeah, she is good as she can be," his word's did nothing to tame her wild thoughts about her sister. Jude guessed they were not supposed to. Seth didn't look peaceful when he asked about Leah, and knew that her less than pleasant situation didn't feel right to him either.

Out of the blue Seth asked, "Do you have a place to stay?" It was nice for someone to care. "I mean are you staying with someone? Did you go with any of the other families. Do Mom and Dad know you are here? " he finally asked as they sat calmly on the porch, the one they relaxed on during barbeque's, birthday parties, _hell_ even when they were kids they had chalked it up like little artists in the makings.

Jude sighed, Seth was a good listener, good at talking, maybe a little too good, "No Seth, they don't know I am here."

He flipped his phone open, "okay then," he was not discouraged in the slightest bit, "I think I know a few people that have some places to crash, or if you want to rent. Everyone knows everybody," _Jude knew that was true_ , "I could help pull some strings."

"I remember." Jude remembered many things.

That was not her problem, remembering, it was living with those memories that kept her up at night.

Seth began listing a few people. Some familiar, others not.

She didn't want him to work too hard.

"Seth, don't worry, I got it, I got myself a place," she told him, and effectively surprising him to end his listing of benefactors, down to earth people, and people she would never ask in a million years to help her.

"Where?"

"In La Push, obviously," Jude chewed the word, the least he knew the better. It was better that he thought she was on her two feet instead of limping to find safety.

"Okay, _In La Push_ ," he teased her, "I thought you said you would never settle down here?"

She had said that once, however stupid it had been to say it, "I had to grow up," Jude said, feeling older than her twenty-year old self, she turned the questions back on him, "what about you? What grade are you in now? What do you love?" She had already missed so much.

"I am a Freshman," he said proudly, "I have straight B's," and she laughed along with him, "joined the football team, play D-line. The guys are great, no hazing yet," and she couldn't help but smile, "Me, Brady, and Collin have made a club. It is kind of stupid so don't laugh okay. We work around the school, doing services, fundraisers, so stupid," he blushed, "one time we did a muscle contest," he blushed harder, "I obviously lost, but all the money we get goes to the Forks' soup kitchens. Mom helps us by organizing the money and stuff," he said opening himself to her, like he used to.

"How is that stupid? That is awesome. I would love to help," She saw his face light up, "I am so proud of you Seth. You sound like you have a good head on your shoulders."

"He was raised the right way," said someone that had crept up on them.

Jude felt her insides coil, and looked up at a beautiful young woman.

The young woman had long silky raven hair which touched her hips. It made a glossy curtain around her supple body, and slanted light brown eyes that matched Seth's but were in no way kind to hers like his had been. She was wearing a uniform that Jude didn't recognize, and in her hands was a hat that read in bold cursive, "Sally's", _probably a store in Forks,_ Jude thought. The woman put the cap back on and stared her down, and Jude knew that could be only one person.

Jude frowned, "Leah."

"Judith," she said just as coldly.

Out of all the people, she had been closest, among all the people she had left behind, it had been her little sister Leah that she worried most about. The drawn out lethal conversations that would come of what happened the last day, the day she left them without a word of where or why she had gone.

"Leah," Jude said her name again, gathering her bearings, "it has been too long," Leah rolled her eyes, the first sign she had been paying attention for, "I am sorry for not calling, telling you goodbye," Judith repeated, the words tasted like soap; clean and disgusting. She was ready for her to blow-up, she deserved it, wanted it, but Leah was still calm, well at least for Leah, "it is something I will never be proud of, but I am back now, I want to make things right. I want to come back."

"For how long," Leah said bitterly, "how long before you get bored and leave?"

"I won't."

"Oh yeah," Leah's voice became louder, "you are a _selfish bitch_ you know that Jude," that word cut worse than it had before, "selfish for leaving, and deserting our family. No one is going to forgive you," her eyes became watery, "Leave now if you want to make things right, you are making a fool of yourself by coming here." She sounded so much like Harry when he was angry. She was known for her verbal lashings, but never had Judith been on the receiving end like this.

This Leah was murderous, like a bomb ready to explode in the middle of a shopping center. This Leah, was not the old Leah. _What the hell have I done_ , Judith thought, _what the hell was I doing back?_

"I made a mistake," Judith admitted, feeling it more now, "I came to say that I am not that person anymore. I have changed."

"I don't care if you grew another heart while you were gone," she told her, Leah's face became aggravated, her eyebrows lifting slightly, "you are still the same person in my eyes. Doesn't matter how long you stayed away. You never cared enough to contact us in person, or at least over the phone. That is what strangers do, not family, and I am happy that you are here. I finally can tell you how I felt when you left."

"Yes," Judith took a long sigh, "tell me," this was what she had been preparing for.

Leah came up to her, her arms trembling, and she looked mean enough to punch her in the face. Judith would let her, even if it would hurt her, but only one punch. Jude still had her pride to contend with. She never let anyone disrespect her like that, but Leah needed this. Jude didn't want to be selfish anymore.

"You are not my sister," Leah sent the message loud and clear, "You are dead to me." It was childish retort, but that didn't make it hurt any less, because Leah meant it.

Leah walked past them, up to the front door, jammed her key in, and slammed the door behind her.

Seth whistled, breaking the awkward silence, "Well that went well."

"Yeah," Jude said, the emptiness was still there, there was no forgiveness to be had from Leah. It would take a long _long_ time, "I expected at least a few punches. I heard she was doing worse after Sam, but I had no idea." She had so many people let her down. Jude was just another backstabber to her.

"This is Leah on a good day," Seth was trying.

It made it worse, "this sucks," Jude wiped away a tear. She promised she wouldn't cry, "I'm sorry, I am going to get going."

"Do you need a ride, I can go-"

"No," Jude interrupted him, "no thanks, I know the way."

Seth nodded.

Jude cleared her throat and said, "Well, Seth, I will catch you around little bro."

Before she left he said, "I will tell mom that you are here, and that you are sticking around," he was far too kind. Judith wondered if it would make a difference.

"Sure, don't get into trouble Seth."

That would never happen. Not with having two older sisters that would munch on his head if he ever wanted to. Jude pulled her sweater tighter around her neck. Seth watched her as she walked away, heading off to her new home, with her bag under one arm, and her heart in her mouth.


	4. Chapter 4

**o0o0o0o0o0TMS0o0o0o0o0o**

* * *

 **Chapter 4**

* * *

The ring of a bell tickled the air as Jude pushed forward on the heavy glass doors of the convenience store, _Mark's Mart._

"Freezing," she noted how cold it was in here compared to the shivering cold outside, she dropped her wet bags that slid down her drenched legs, creaking her way on the termite infested wooden floorboards, and began wringing her soaked hair letting it drip where she stood.

It had taken _an hour_ to get here.

An hour walking in the rain, and she had forgot to buy a thermo jacket at the airport, if she hadn't thought it before... _she really felt stupid now._

Somewhere up there, Jude could pretend her ancestors responding in smug satisfaction, _Welcome back to La Push._

Jude regretted not taking Seth up on his offer to illegally drive her here.

Three miles.

Three miles was a considerable trek from Jude's old home, especially when she forgot the way, and how long it actually took to get here. Nevertheless, Jude still made it here, _Mark's Mart_ , it was one of the older convenience stores, located on one of the main roads leading into La Push, near it's quaint downtown which laid nestled in the overwhelming expanse of evergreen cedar, hemlock and older than dirt pine. Still, it had survived the changing years, the one and only Tribe run store this side of the Resort-less part of La Push.

The convenience store reminded Jude of those old cowboy movies.

The ones Harry always liked to watch when they were kids, an old saloon built for bar fights, selling liquor from ox driven wagons, and on the side cuisined to gold rush miners whom would eat a balanced diet of beef jerky or whatever meal the bartender was willing to part with.

On this rainy day, Jude had little time to look up as rain pelted her face, not taking her time as when she had first had appraised it as a small child. The long white oak along the front and sides of the building looked the same from afar, if not a bit more yellow, a series of rectangular borders along the entrance still had the same cowboy flair, an old decorative type of art perhaps mixing with fading Quileute signs representing the seal, the bear, the wolf, the hawk, and a barely hanging salmon.

The same rustic looking signs Jude had pointed out to Conner, translating the Quileute names for him when they had first come down to First Beach. She could envision herself with him, their teenage selves, wisecrack fools unafraid of their future together, they had spontaneously stopped at this place for some beers they weren't supposed to be drinking, and _gave hell_ to Mr. Marks when he refused to give them anything.

The memory felt sour now, "Hello! Is anyone here," Jude looked to the front counter, where the employee or owner would stand, and she found it empty.

She bit her worried lip, "Is anyone here," she repeated, walking up to counter, inspecting the a pop up portion of where the owner would flip to get to the other side the cut off section held cigarettes and alcohol. The length of the counter had chips from how many times it was lifted by the hands that kept this ancient place running, "Hello! I am here for the job!"

She got no answer.

"Perfect," Jude sighed loudly, leaning tiredly against the counter.

She looked back through the front wall of the convince store, it was made all window, showing off the deck under the awning, plentiful with wooden carved benches, all empty right now, and near the entrance stood a larger than life wood carving of a Timber wolf

"Wow, that's beautiful," Jude let herself walk up to the front glass doors for a better look. The wolf's wooden belt was a near perfect representation of actual fur standing on it's end, it's inanimate eyes looked alert, prowling, and watching all those that dared to enter into the convenience store, the same entrance Jude had come in moments before.

"Well hello there," how could she have missed him, "you are beautiful," Jude heard herself say to the wolf, "you weren't there before."

A deep gravely voice answered her, "Because it wasn't there before," a wheelchair rolled down one of the aisles, it stopped right in front of Jude, a heavyset man, with dark russet skin, and a face lined with deep-set wrinkles underneath a black feathered cowboy hat, "my son was the one that put it there last year."

"Billy Black," it was him, "I mean Mr. Black, good to see you again, it's been a while," they shook hands, and Jude could not really say anything else, if it was awkward trying to apologize to Seth earlier today, it would be near impossible to explain it to the _Chief_ of their Tribe.

"It has been a while," he repeated in a more serene manner, "three years right?"

"Yeah," Jude said lamely, it had been three years since she had seen him, and he had not been wheelchair bound then, and if he had, she had never remembered him so. The last time he had stood proud during the bonfires, arms crossed over his heavy-chested body, a born to be leader amongst the Elders, a man with the answers, Jude continued for them both, "so how are things going around here? La Push and the families are okay?"

"They are _going_ ," he said slowly, "as well as can be expected for these times," he continued owning his words as if he had chosen them carefully, thankfully Billy didn't venture into those dark waters that Jude had created with her family, "what can I do for you Jude?"

"You remember me?" _Of course,_ he remembered her name, she had never been the shy one of the Clearwater clan, she coughed, and answered his question appropriately, "I was waiting for the owner, there was this job online," she had the paper in her hand, it was more wet than dry, "and I was hoping that the job was still available to work here."

He answered her swiftly, "It is."

Jude folded her paper, ready, "Could I get an interview with him?"

Billy Black's eyes lighted up, but returned to their calm indifference, _"Can you?"_

Two words.

Two simple words, and yet Jude felt trapped now, trapped by his knowing gaze, and what that must have meant coming from him, but she refused to back down, not after the drenched to the bone expedition to get here, "can I speak to the owner Billy?"

"You can," he raised one of his eyebrows, rolling a fraction of an inch forward and back, and that is when it dawned on her.

Jude felt like a complete idiot, "you own this place," she pinched her nose, muttering in Quileute, "don't you? I thought old Quil was renting it out to Mark?"

Billy's face fell, "Mark passed away a month ago, we had his funeral a few weeks ago," and that just made Jude look even more heartless, the self-made outsider of their tribe, because Old Mark Creek was the man of legend in their tribe. At a hundred and two and he was still kicking kids out of his shop, and here Jude was, not bothering to call the already dead owner because she was afraid they would refuse her over the phone, and that would tempt her just to call it quits and go back on the first plane to New Mexico.

 _This was just perfect, just when she was trying to start fresh._

Jude bit back her selfish disappointment, "I am sorry Billy."

He shrugged, "he was just waiting to die. The bastard always got what he wanted," he said it playfully, rolling to the back of the store, and motioning for her to follow, "no good crying over him now."

Jude followed Billy Black to the back that opened into a small kitchen, and they were not alone, Old Quil, a white-haired and far more ancient Elder, whom sat before a game of still playing cards, took out the cigar burning between his lips and faster than lightning dumped it in water when she came in, "oh dammit," he grumbled in a voice that could only be so deep from smoking every day in his life, "I thought you were Sue."

"This is Judith," Billy Black corrected him, amused for some reason, "she is here for the job application."

He got a look of surprise from Old Quil whom continued to light up another cigar in his brittle fingers, competently unashamed, "Job application? What job application-"

Billy coughed into his hand, shaking his head, and Jude narrowed her eyes at them both.

 _Something was happening here._

Recognition flashed in both Elder's faces, "Oh those papers, I forgot about those," Old Quil said, winking through his too large glasses at Billy, as if Jude wasn't in the room, and slowly stood to his bulbous booted feet, cracking his rheumatoid fingers against the table as he did, "let me take you to the papers, come with me," he said ominously, and Jude followed after him, up the stairs to the second floor, rolling her eyes as he slowly did so, taking his sweet time.

When they finally reached the second floor of the Mark's Mart, there was four doors along the two walled hallway. This must have been the residential portion of the store, somehow this section felt more intimate to Jude. Like she shouldn't be up here.

Old Quil still went at his drawn out pace to the last door, "this was Marks room," he opened the door, and it gave a long and ominous creak.

If Jude felt wrong before, it screamed at her now, to leave, get out, don't come near, "we left it the same for him, just like he liked it," he said quietly, and it did look the same, as if Old Marks was going to walk in here, and tell her to get out before he found something unpleasant for her to do.

"Those papers," Old Quil pointed at a pile on the untouched desk, "those must be it."

They just stood there.

Looking at the papers.

Both refusing to go in.

And, the old man gave her a long look, "What are you waiting for?"

"Old Quil," suddenly she was a small girl, "I thought you were going to get them?"

"Well I'm not, so if you want the job," he made a small motion with his head, "go get them girl," he must have seen the look on Jude's face, "or _if you don't_?"

"Yes, I can do it," Jude bared her fears down, ignoring Old Quil's superstitions and unwillingness to enter the room, and went deep enough inside to physically disturb the peace of the one-bed room.

When she went in papers and old yellowed photo clippings ruffled against the walls, in their places stapled, perhaps from before she was even born. A man's wardrobe looked half-destroyed and all the clothes had ended up on the bed, a single pair of white underwear hanging on the pillow, but the room was not completely repulsing, the lone window brought in light and showed off the gorgeous green canopy behind the convenience store, and it made her want to open it, just for a moment, and let in the cold clean air sweep away the musk of unused space.

"I got it," Jude said picking up the application papers so they could return downstairs, and leave the ghost of Old Marks well enough alone.

When they returned, a woman was dropping off take-out, "I know he is smoking Billy, I can smell it in the room, you better tell my Dad to stop that before it kills him, I swear me and Sue get on him and on him, but he only ever listens to you-"

"I can't take it from him Joy," Billy Black pleaded halfheartedly, "what else is he going to live for?"

"For my Quil, for his grandson," she bit back, "he hasn't even finished high-school and he is doing this non-stop shit."

"He is not dead Joy," Billy defended his friend.

That made the very man grunt, "And I am not deaf either, so be careful what you say while I am in the room," Old Quil said right in front of Jude, unafraid of the woman's badgering for him to stop smoking, and it was none other than Joy Ateara, whom turned around to frown in her father-in-law's direction, in their direction, and that is when she instantly dropped any expression whatsoever.

She gasped, "Is that you Jude?"

Jude dared to believe there was excitement in her voice, "hello Aunt Joy," she repeated the same thing she had called her as a small child.

She was attacked, "AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!"

Jude felt her Aunt launch her body into her arms, and they embraced, strongly, jumping in place, they both almost got knocked over in their reunion, not once, but twice, "I can't believe it, it really is you, thank God, thank God!"

"Stop screaming," Old Quil complained, "you're hurting my ears," he grumbled in Quileute about _crazy woman_ , while Billy grinned, putting on his reading glasses as he looked over the papers Jude had brought down.

Aunt Joy questioned Jude, "What are you doing here?"

Before she could speak, someone else answered, "She is getting a job here," it was Old Quil, slapping his lips, grumpy as a skunk for not being able to smoke in Aunt Joy's presence, "I am letting her stay here and paying her to watch over the store while I can relax like I usually do," he muttered to himself, "like I was _trying_ to do."

" _Really_ ," both Aunt Joy and Jude said at the same time, both of them unable to keep the grins off.

"Really," Billy said head bobbing to the empty seat, "take a seat Jude, I have a few papers you have to sign."

"Congratulations honey, this is great news," Aunt Joy said, and Judith did as she was told, signing where Billy told her to sign, listening to Old Quil's preferences on how to run the place, what he expected of her, and which customers to watch out for. During the grueling speech of keeping the high school ruffians away from the counter altogether, probably the same speech Old Marks had once given to _his_ employees, Jude felt grateful, truly grateful, because for once things were working in her favor.

* * *

 **o0o0o0o0o0TMS0o0o0o0o0o**

* * *

"We are going to have move his things, I'm sorry, _but come on_ , are you serious? You guys just left it like _this_ ," Aunt Joy used Old Mark's back scratcher to pick up the used underwear and proceeded to fling it into the pile of clothes in the corner, trash, beer bottles, and random things were there too, "some of these things have to go, we can leave it for his family downstairs," Aunt Joy was a force to be reckoned with, and she devastated Old Marks room, Jude her willing accomplice as they both stripped the bed, put new sheets, and threw out the things no one would ever want in a million years.

"He had no family," Old Quil said with a guilty expression, "don't touch that."

She was patronizing him now, "Dad it's dirty. You can leave it filthy like this."

"This is bad luck," Old Quil was too stubborn to listen, "I should have given you another room," he repeated for the tenth time outside the door, still refusing to come to pass the door's threshold, "you should not touch dead men's things Joy."

Aunt Joy had her own opinion, "Are you going to stand there and complain or are you going to help us?"

Old Quil grumbled off, going back to sit with Billy in the kitchen downstairs.

When they are alone, Aunt Joy sighed loudly, "men, I swear Jude, they get worse with age."

"I bet they say the same thing about us," Jude said conversationally.

"I know Dad does," she said of Old Quil.

"I bet Billy would have helped us, if we asked him," Judith says before she knows how it would sound, of how Billy Black could never get up the stairs to the second floor, only if someone helped him up, but she had no idea if his son was strong enough to help his rather large father in that way, "I didn't mean it like that-"

"No, you're right, he would have helped us," Aunt Joy didn't take it in a bad way, Jude's words encouraged her, "Billy really is the best, isn't he, he watches over my Dad, all the boys, all the time, we really owe him, _but oh_ , this looks so much better," she grinned widely now, looking down at the work they had accomplished, moving Old Mark's clothes to the corner of the room had truly been a struggle, but now, with the bed remade with fresh sheets, a newly bought pillow from downstairs, it was almost perfect, unless... _the mattress._

Aunt Joy caught Jude testing it, "Go on, get in, let's see if you fall through," she teased.

Jude did, it held her up surprising them both, and Jude, still sitting, jumped a bit on it, the creaky sound wasn't too bad, she made herself say it, "I can get used to this."

Aunt Joy agreed wholeheartedly, "Sure you can, _oops_ ," she looked at her watch, "I am late for work, you can do the rest, I'll see you tomorrow?"

"Sure," Jude leaned up on the bed, watching her rush out, "sure, thanks Aunt Joy!"

"No problem, no problem, bye honey," she took her purse and was gone in a flash, leaving her alone in Old Marks room, _her new room_ , it was going to take some time to get used to that with how foreign this still felt. The idea that she had actually found a place, and on her first try. It felt like an incredible victory.

A thought came to Jude, and she crossed the room, and opened the window, wide, wider until it slapped and vibrated for a second against the outside of the building, "ah," she breathed in the air, and let it steal into the room driving the scent of whatever had lingered here before. It was fresh, _new, perfect._

The bathroom door slammed hard behind Jude, making her squeal.

"What's going on up there!"

"Nothing," Jude called back, unsure if there really was something going on.

 _Old Marks?_

 _Was it his ghost?_

Jude held tight to the amulet that hung around her neck, reassuring herself it was there.

Honestly, she had never liked the way Old Quil made it seem like the devil still resided in here, the memory of his suspicious eyes never left her mind as she walked up to the bathroom door, and just as quickly as she could she opened the bathroom door, her instincts screamed at her to step step back, and so she did.

There was no one in there.

Jude walked in and scrunched her nose, "oh man," _it stinked_ , she lifted the toilet seat, _and yup_ , she slammed it shut.

 _Men did become worse with age._

With renewed confidence that there couldn't really be anything else as horrible as that, Jude opened the bathroom curtain, and a family of water bugs flew at her, slapping and flapping into her thighs.

Jude screamed.


	5. Chapter 5

**o0o0o0o0oTMSo0o0o0o0o**

* * *

 **Chapter 5**

* * *

Haunted houses no longer scared Jude, there were too many real things to be afraid of now.

She trembled as she called the New Mexico number, speaking the moment someone picked up, "How is he?"

"Oh hello Jude, _good morning to you too_ ," there was humor in her voice, "he's still sleeping, it's the weekend, we have him sleep in on the weekends," was Susan's tired answer, she was an hour ahead of Jude's 0600 am here in Washington, and as the neurotic version Jude had become on the plane ride over, she wondered why the usual early birds were still in bed, and _not making some breakfast for him?_

It sounded a little too suspicious for the first night away from Jordan, he never slept in, jumping on her chest to wake up, she had missed him doing that today, but _it was only one night,_ she reminded herself, _the first night_ , and it felt like ages away from him, so Jude had to know, "Did he sleep well last night?"

Susan grumbled, "After midnight we got him to doze off, he tries to fight it," she heard someone mumble behind Susan's voice, it must have been Peter, "oh, he is fine Jude, you don't have to worry honey, okay? We have everything fine here, how is everything with you? Have you met with your parents, your sister, or brother?"

"No, just Seth," Jude bit her lip at the bittersweet memory of Leah, her unwavering drive to never give in, she missed that the most about her, and Seth, if her brother was any sweeter, all of her teeth would be rotten by breakfast, "not yet guys. No, it's going to take more time than I first thought to have these conversations. I don't think anyone's going to want to talk to me right now."

There was more mumbling behind Sue's voice, "Peter wants to know if you found a place to stay?"

"Yes, I found a place in La Push," Jude filled them in on everything that happened the day before, the layout of Mark's Mart, the first floor being the buisness, and the second that contained three rooms for storage, and one room (haunted room) was the one she would be sleeping in. She focused on the homey feeling she felt from the kitchen... _only the kitchen_ , embellishing Billy's hospitality and Old Quil's generosity to let her stay in a room almost free of charge.

Her words made them excited, "That's great dear. Good job, I knew you had it in you."

The silence over the phone only grew as Jude thought what else to ask, she held the phone closer to her cheek, feeling it imprint into her skin, "well, thank you for answering, and can you call me when he wakes up?" _What else could she ask for without sounding too crazy?_

Susan was a saint for understanding, "Sure dear, have a good first day," she needed that encouragement, and still Jude sighed on the toilet seat, breathing deeply.

"Thank you Susan."

"Bye."

"Bye."

Jude flushed her toilet, getting herself ready in the broom closet shower and restroom, wiping the fogged up mirror. She raised up the sound on her portable radio and got lost in it.

With a practiced hand she eye-lined her slanted grey eyes, put product for her pin-straight hair, and fixed herself into a warm aqua cotton neck-high sweater, shoved her legs into cotton boot fitted Levi's, and put on thick rain boots that she had bought from her shopping in the Downtown last night. The rain boots dark blue swirling designs reminded her of rain clouds, and the howling wolf on each side seemed perfect for walking to the downtown area for lunch.

She announced, gathering her courage, "Let's get ready ladies and gentleman," Jude hopped quickly down the stairs, if she was not in the restroom, she was usually in the well-lighted kitchen, the bed and the room was only for sleeping... if sleeping meant tossing and turning, and shivering in the meager blankets Aunt Joy had supplied her with yesterday. Jude would have to buy more today, heavier ones, ones she could cover her head with.

Jude opened Mark's Mart at seven in the morning, just as Quil had told her to do.

Even if the convenience store was the only one to do so, she did it all the same, no grumble, no hint of anger, this was buisness, and she would do her best to keep it that way.

She reminded herself that later on today she would have to take stock of the products as Quil had instructed her to do, she already swept up and down the aisles the night before when she was having a hard time sleeping, making them look ten times cleaner, and now she stood ready at her post. Ready at the counter, bathed, dressed, and fresh for the day, even when no one came in, _no one was coming?_ Ten. Fifteen minutes. An hour passed by her. Jude's mind became her worst enemy, _they knew she was here, the Clearwater traitor, she would bring Old Quil's business down, no one would give her a chance again, they would never trust a traitor to her own family,_ "calm down Jude," she told herself, "you are overthinking things."

Jude distracted herself by noticing all the discreet mirrors Mr. Marks Creek had put in the corners of the room, perhaps to spy on customers that came into the store, trying to steal him blind. Poor old guy. Poor dead old guy. Poor dead old guy that may or not be haunting his room... _geez. Jude needed a life._

That was when Jude heard her first jingle of the front glass doors.

"Welcome, how may I help you- _Aunt Joy_?"

"Hi honey," it was Aunt Joy, dressed in scrubs, her hair pulled back to show off her RN badge, a pair of flashy tennis shoes was the only sound as she walked swiftly over, "I brought you a little something," she did more than that, it was two pumpkin bagels and a tall deliciously warm coffee that wafted under her nose, tempting, it was like nectar of the Gods, come down to rejuvenate Jude's dour mood.

Except, a part of herself knew wouldn't be right to take it, Jude had no money to spare, "I can't take it."

"Oh honey please it is the least I can do," so she did, "I have to go, but don't worry, I put my phone number on there, just in case you need something more than breakfast you hear?" She had put her phone number on the coffee cup, Jude took a sip as she smiled at her, and was instantly in heaven, "call me for anything, kay? I mean it Jude anything."

That was just what she needed to hear, "Sure, thanks Aunt Joy."

"Bye kiddo," she was so kind, their closest family friend, save for Billy Black, and that was when Jude knew.

 _No one knew._

No one knew the horrible things Jude had done to her parents, removing herself permanently from their lives, or Aunt Joy was actually doing a pretty good job pretending like she hadn't been told a lick of gossip. _Had her parents really not told anyone? Made up a cover story? That she went away for school, traveling the world, and not…left them.  
_

Aunt Joy's breakfast run was like an avalanche for other customers to pop their heads in. The rush came with so many familiar faces, Jude's cheeks hurt from smiling so much, under her breath she mouthed their names, Sarah Greene from the floral shop downtown, Embry Call and his mother, Mrs. Lahote sporting a black eye, a little grey haired woman that asked about the candies, a group of five or more Tribe high schoolers that overwhelmed her with questions about where she had been all this time, a little disappointed with her fabricated story, and still she was amazed. She was amazed to see them go about their usual routines as if her disappearance had nothing to do to their lives, _and, it didn't._

It was a pleasant shock to Jude, the simple reality that one sole person could not affect the _entire tribe._ The Regulars came and went, Jude assumed it was so with the way they went straight for what they wanted, and then straight to her so she could ring them up. No words, no questions, just business. It was nice.

"Twelve dollars and fifty cents."

"Here," said Mrs. Mary Littlesea, whom had come inside with her barely grown toddler Benjamin, she bought a bag of chips and a few drinks, eyeing Jude as if she wanted to recognize her, but thought better.

"Have a nice day."

"You too."

Jude was more worried about the newly created pyramid of plastic arrows and bows in the tourist section of the store, she had to go over and fix it before someone saw. While she was at it, she also found little figurines chucked under the shelves, she had to bend all the way down to get them all, "come on kid."

It was an unsaid rule, only people passing through La Push bought from _Quileute artifacts_ section, and of course the little monster Benjamin Littlesea thought the toys were his own personal treasure trove, another Spirit Warrior in training no doubt. While Jude was putting the last pieces in place, and picking up the children's weapons, and returning them back to their proper places, she turned melancholy, "oh my little Jordan," she sighed loudly, remembering her own little raven-haired boy back home, no doubt playing with his own toy weapons.

She took a long break after that, putting the money in a safe for Old Quil, and shutting up shop for an hour.

After returning from her break, she took her warm food to the front counter, a wobbly wooden stool was her resting place, and for once she glad for the lapse in customers, only so she could eat her BLT sandwich from the Downtown, while flipping through a magazine, and enjoying the pleasantly sunny day leaking into the convenience store. Honestly this lazy part of the day made waiting on the appearance of customers seem more like a volunteer job than actual work.

As Jude finally let herself relax, a lithe body jumped out from the aisles, "sneak attack!"

"Jesus," Jude almost fell over at the same time Casey threw an arrow hitting Jude right smack in the forehead.

"Got you!" the paleface attacker was grinning like a fiend, "Did I scare you?"

 _Great_ , just what Jude needed, a distraction, "Terrified," Jude muttered, huffing and puffing to lift the arrow that fell over the counter and put it right next to her hand, Casey went to grab it, and Jude caught her hand, throwing it away playfully, "stop doing that, I already put these away today."

"Oh come on, have a little bit of fun. What put you in a grumpy mood? Huh, _Grumpy_ ," Casey stuck her tongue out, proving herself to still be more child than soon to be graduating Senior at Forks High School.

"I work here, so I have to behave," Casey needed to be told this, reminded that not all people had their parents to rely on, a college tuition guaranteed to be paid for, "besides I live here too, I live upstairs, and my boss is usually in the back," she nodded to the hidden kitchen, "so it's best I don't burn my bridges," Jude smirked, seeing her best friends' face gape, really taking this place in, mentally criticizing it with her eyes.

"But this place..." the Forks born elitist searched for the word, " _is so old_ , do you even get hot water, do you have to light a lamp to see?"

"It's not that old Casey, come on," that comment almost made her laugh, _almost_ , "it has warm water," and water bugs that swarm from the drain, "and it has electricity," that shuts off at least once during the night, "I am lucky to live here, Billy Black was very reasonable to me."

"He's friends of your Dad," Casey said quickly, "do you think your dad knows-"

"No," Jude interrupted her, lowering her voice, "not likely, and if he did he would have warned Billy not to take me in."

"I hate how you make Harry seem like the bad guy in your story," Casey sighed loudly, and Jude bit back her retort, _Casey was right,_ it was not fair when Jude hardly knew the man, _hell_ even the father he was these days to Seth and Leah. _It's your fault_ , her traitorous mind told her, _it's your fault for pushing away something good._

Casey picked up on her depressed mood, of course she would, "Hey," she reached a hand over Jude's cotton clothed arm, "what happened to you, did someone get on your bad side?"

"No, I am not mad, not really," Jude was more interested in, "I thought we were going to meet tomorrow morning at Debbie's Diner? What changed?"

Casey giggled like this had been her plan all along, "I got too excited to see you back, I had to come and meet you," Casey Whitney leaned over to place a kiss on Jude's cheek, and then whipped her sandy pixie cut head to inspect the calm and empty store, went to great lengths of pulling herself over the counter, dangling her feet, to take a nosy peek, "did you make the trip from New Mexico all _alone_? You said you talked to Susan and Peter this morning, everything alright with you guys," was her innocent question.

Jude knew better, a sly smirk growing on her face, "are you looking for someone Casey? Because he isn't here, he didn't come with me."

"Why not," Casey look affronted like Jude had done a grave wrong, "he should be here, I wanted to show him around town, we could have made a day of it," she pouted, as if Jude's secret born-out-of-wedlock son was something to be shown off for the Forks locals, "you lied to me, you said he would be here."

"No, I never said I was bringing Jordan, _I_ said I was coming back Casey, not that I was going to-" _make a home here_ , Jude would be foolish to ever think that she could ever have anything permanent so close to this place, "Casey you didn't tell your mom, did you? You didn't tell her about Jordan?"

Casey had the decency to flinch, " _So, about that_."

"Dammit Casey," now Jude was seriously pissed, "I told you, I told you a thousand times not to tell anyone-"

"I know, I know, it just came out and I didn't know what to do-"

"Maybe try keeping one little secret, you know how this is going to look," Jude felt so betrayed.

That is when Mrs. Claire Whitney walks in.

An older version of Casey's five foot frame, sandy and greying hair that went down to her shoulders, and a set of very azure eyes in her abnormally pale face, the same set of eyes Conner had, the same that belonged to her grandson in New Mexico, "Judith? Is that you dear," there was no warmth in her voice. No forced courtesy, only direct persecution.

"I would like to have a word with you," it was not a request.

If Jude's day couldn't get any more stressful, it did now, because it was one thing for a girl to be still talking to her ex's baby sister, and a completely other to be talking to his years on end lied to mother.

* * *

 **o0o0o0o0o0TMS0o0o0o0o0o**

* * *

Despite Mrs. Whitney's chilling words, at least the stars were out that night.

"I'm sorry Jude."

"I don't want to talk about it, let me look at the stars," Jude ignored Casey, for once focusing on the beautiful sky of the North Peninsula, and how it reminded her of the desert. Their brilliance and twinkling was making her question if they were really alone in the universe, "funny how I never really look at them," Jude said after she mentioned them, "I guess I never have the time."

"Yeah, I think they're pretty too," Casey grumbled deep into her borrowed parka, it was unbearably cold while they stargazed.

The cold biting wind was the only thing keeping her from whacking Casey again for betraying her, _to her mother of all people_.

They had parkas on, with woolly blankets wrapped around their legs, and sat on folded chairs around a self-made bonfire that Casey, a fellow Ranger, said was sturdy enough to make s'mores on. She was really trying to be a good friend, a good friend after betraying her to her bloodthirsty mother. The light from the kitchen home cast them in a yellow glow, as they faced off into the back of Mark's mart. The fire was their crackling beacon in the swallowing darkness and the sound of wildlife and the distant waves could be heard all around them; unseen and nocturnal. Judith shivered.

She forgot how cold it could get in La Push.

Casey looked immune to it.

She had the decency to ask for another paid for drink, "Pass me another Jude."

Judith thought long and hard about it, of even giving her time to recognize that she was speaking.

"Please Jude, you punished me enough, you know I am sorry," it was impossible to stay angry at her friend, after her mother had peacefully left, declaring that she would like to hear more about this grandson she knew nothing about, they had stood in silence after that, Jude promised her nothing, and Mrs. Whitney promised to be back later to pick her up, "Jude please I didn't tell my mother because I wanted to, she honestly scares the crap out of me. She scared the crap out of Conner too, you know that is the only reason he got with you. You're a hard ass, like my mom, you both freaked me out."

Jude laughed, really laughed now, "you're right, she scares me too," she passed Casey the beer, and at the last moment tipped her own glass-bottled apple cider against hers to celebrate the first night of her real return to La Push. From this short distance from Mark's Mart, the bonfire's flames cast a dancing light on white wood. Honestly the convenience store looked haunted, there was little reason denying it now, but Judith wasn't afraid. There was very little that made her spooked these days. She touched her amulet, and was happy it was there.

"So," the two-year experienced Ranger said, leaning back in her chair, "do you have any plans for the place."

"Plans? I don't own this place, and even if I did, it's too old to be restored, it would cost a fortune," Jude said truthfully, "What I first want to do is get a car. I don't care how pretty it is, as long as it takes me to Forks and back. That is good enough for me."

"I might know someone," Casey said piping, "I will call you tomorrow, after I finish work. I'll send him here."

Judith accepted it, this was Casey. Her pushy ego-eccentric friend would help if she said no, especially if she said no, "Okay, I'm not going anywhere anytime soon," she said sipping the warm apple cider, it was not favorite, "thanks Casey."

"I said I was sorry-"

"No," Jude corrected herself, "I mean it, you were there for me when no one was there, and I am not going to let something like you telling the truth get in the way of our friendship."

"Oh thank God," Casey held her chest, relieved, "I was waiting for you to say that."

Jude couldn't help but narrow her eyes into the flame, and chug the rest of her drink, "well don't think this gives you a freebee for the next time. You can't say jackshit to my family, and to hell with Conner, he would roast me alive if he knew."

"Leah would murder you in your sleep," Casey agreed, finding it funny, "but what did you expect would happen? Listen here," she was already tipsy, it amused Jude, "one thing I learned is that when times are tough that is what friends' are for. I still think you are a good person Jude. Even if no one believes it," she tipped her beer up to Jude.

That just warmed all the places in her heart, "Thanks Casey that makes me feel so much better."

"You still left my brother Jude, even left me for a while, this is me being nice remember," she teased. Jude laughed to hide the hurt. Her friends' face became thoughtful, she looked like she was dying to say something, and Jude frowned, knowing it was not going to be good.

"Tell me Casey," Jude gave up, "you look like you are dying to tell me."

She turned her chair to face her, "Okay, bear with me," she did everyday, "everyone said you ran away for selfish reasons Judith," she said and her voice was rich with excitement. She wanted something, "hear me out. That is what everyone thinks now, but why am I and my mom the only ones that know the truth? I know, I know, I remember what you said. It would just complicate everything, but why does it have to? The truth can confuse people, but at least you would be welcomed back and shit. Don't you want that?"

Jude sighed, she hated sighing so much, "You know why? We already decided this was best. Why won't you just leave it alone? It bothers me when you bring it up like we didn't even talk about this. We I could just come home, break it slowly. I am doing that. What do you want from me Casey? It won't bring him running back to me."

She waved her hands, getting to talk again, "Bring my big bro back or…" Jude made a face at her.

Casey waved her hands in peace, "okay, sorry I get it, that was not nice, but still- you did it for him, so that he could have a future, and that is something that I will never be able to properly thank you for."

"At least one of us is happy about it," Jude was still hurt that she had ever thought of leaving Jordan with anyone other than herself, of ever considered the it, _adoption_ , she shivered still.

Casey was not finished, "But we aren't kids anymore, why all the mystery, why all the secrets Jude? Both of our parents should have known what you did, what happened-"

"Casey," she pleaded, the reason of her return was the worst of her pains, "please don't talk about him. It hurts too much." Casey needed to learn how to be calm, and find peace in the present company. It helped Jude to just meditate on what she needed to do than get depressed on what she could have fixed.

Casey was torn, "So I can't talk to anyone about this? Not even your old friends?"

Now she was crossing the line.

Judith's face became grim as she said the names, the flames popping for each one, "Grant the Tramp, Lucy Love, Kimbo Hippo," she had always hated that nickname, "Conner the Wanker." Casey laughed at her brother's nickname, and Judith's old lover, it was not something to laugh about.

"Yeah, I remember the rest, Philly, Casey Baby," Casey Whitney said her old nickname, she was always the baby in their eyes, "Crazy Jude." Judith froze. She had forgot that nickname. No one had said that name in a long time.

It was not a good nickname and not one her friends called her that, unless they wanted her to explode on them.

Judith watched Casey.

Casey didn't look guilty for saying that, quite the contrary, "What Jude? Does that name bother you? It looks like it," They were both adults. Judith knew that, but the name still stung, stung enough for her to want do something not at all adult-like.

But Jude didn't, she had to make a stand against it, she had to prove herself now more than ever, "Sure, I was crazy, I always knew that," Judith shrugged, like it meant nothing, "I have a control on it now," she admitted rubbing the amulet on her neck, "you don't have to worry about that- _A loud howl from nearby made them both jump._

It was not a coyote. No this was a deep and drawn out howl. Lupine in kind.

"What is-"

"Shut-up," Jude knew that howl, could tell the difference even in her sleep, _wolf._

After some very long seconds, Casey forgot her command, "What the hell is that thing!"

Invisible panting took over the sound of crackling fire.

Jude and Casey turned into their seats, alert to the dark of the forest. The blackness was alive. There was aggressive panting and chasing along the edges of woods, it was something big, but their human eyes couldn't see a thing. Judith tapped the gun she had at her side, making sure it was there. Old Quil had told her where Old Mark kept his gun, and unknowingly gave her the permission to arm and protect herself. From experience, Harry taught her a long time ago how to use one, but tonight she didn't feel like shooting a poor animal.

She still cocked her gun, aiming, and shooting in the air.

Casey covered her ears, "JUDITH!"

The woods went back to normal after a few minutes, the crackle of the fire the only sound to meet the distant ocean waves.

"Judith, you shouldn't have done that," Casey tugged on her parka, whispering as if the creature would return, "it sounded so big, like a bear, but wolf, what was that howling about? Why didn't it get close to us, it's instincts-"

Jude gave her the answer, it still lay in her arms, pointed skyward, "I used my gun, that is why it stayed away," that had to be the reason, she didn't want to her mind to run with imaginary reasons, not when she would have to live here all alone for the coming nights, "Hm, it's interesting though," Judith hummed at as the howling got farther away, "I have a theory about what it is, but it would scare you to know."

"What," said Casey, "tell me," she begged.

Jude knew her best friend, as an outsider to La Push lore and an obvious nature-lover she didn't need things to be afraid of, the forest was filled with imaginary monsters and demons, especially to her hyperactive mind, but Judith couldn't help the terrified expression on her face, and the fact that Casey had made her life a living hell today.

"Werewolves," Judith teased, "I heard they feed on Park-Rangers."

"JUDITH! THAT'S NOT FUNNY!"

It really was, Jude laughed all night.

 _Somehow_ ,

whispering next to the fire, watching Casey's animated face, and the stories they shared of the old times, this place, these woods, it was feeling more and more like home.

That revelation frightened Jude in a different way.


	6. Chapter 6

**o0o0o0o0o0TMS0o0o0o0o0o**

* * *

 **Chapter 6**

* * *

Jude Clearwater's greedy eyes speedily read through the papers scribbled in Leah's careful and pensive hand. She hardly noticed the flicker of the fluorescent lights as she sat in her usual rickety stool at the chipped painted counter, and unknowingly leaning forward to the only person that seemed to stay. Her constant friend had stuck around these past three weeks.

That very person opened her snacking mouth, sitting comfortably on a _for sale_ beach chair, "That's just disgusting," she said only to pluck a chip into her mouth, free of charge, "can you get them to leave," the lip-slapping Casey Whitney would not stop glowering at the unnecessary customers, "they should be ashamed of themselves, crowding the front of store like they own the place."

"Yeah," Jude muttered, not bothered by them chatting, "they should," she could not pay attention, not when she was barely understanding what the ever elusive Leah really thought of her older sister, and especially in this private way.

 _Here_ , between and in the lines of prose, Leah explained Jude's betrayal in the most brutal and honest way only diaries' words could convey.

 _June 8th, 2003,_

 _It's been a year since Jude has been gone, and I should be healing, I should not be feeling the same way, but I can't stop it. She left us, and now we have to deal with Dad and Mom arguing all night-_

 _December 10th, 2003,_

 _I was talking to Sam last night, and he mentioned her, not really mentioned her, outright asked me about what had happened? I didn't say anything, and he didn't push. But what could I have told him? He knew the lies, he knew my father had made up Jude going to school back East. Anyone that knew our family, **knew her** , knew that she was too stupid, and too invested in being a anything but a fuck-up to ever get into a school, like our parents had the money anyways, or that she ever would have let them pay-_

 _June 21st, 2004,_

 _Today, Seth and me went to Debbie's Diner. It's Jude's birthday after-all, we didn't stay. I had to take Seth out when he started crying like a baby at the mention of her playing with us as kids, as if she had died or something. It reminded me that Seth had been just a baby when she decided to run out on us, leave us behind, and not give a damn to ever tell us where she went, why she was gone for so long, and why the hell she never cared enough to think what leaving did to us-_

"I mean come on," Casey Whitney's whining continued as Jude grappled with Leah's words, "if you want a guy to date you, I mean really like you enough to date you, don't pay attention to him, see how that drives him crazy," was Casey Whitney's humored yet confident love advice of La Push hot throbs and it's obnoxious chitchatting fan-girls, "can they be any more obvious?"

"No, they can't," Jude rubbed her throbbing pink cheeks, there was only terror of knowing her sister's mind, once more she was moved with how horrible her decision to leave her family had been, of what it had done…

 _September 21st, 2004,_

 _I am not going to write about her again, what point would it make, that I can't seem to forget her, that the hole she made in our family will never be filled, she won, she got what she wanted, for us to hurt, the same way she had felt right before she left, and I don't want her to win anymore, so this is it-_

"What the hell are you reading?"

"Nothing."

"Yes, you are," Casey caught on, "What is so important that you have to ignore me?" the fan-girls would only distract her friend for so long, she jumped up from her beach chair, her ever curious eyes bound to notice the self-inflicting torture as Jude's face continued to shrivel as if she had swallowed lemon juice.

"Did you bite your tongue or something?"

"Nothing, it's fucken nothing," but Jude didn't feel that way, she felt like exploding, felt like roaring the wrongness of how bad this had become, of how her family's healing had only reached a bleak end, and how the old Jude had never once stopped to think about this pain. Never give a thought of how her family's pain would never find rest until she had returned to fix what she had planted the day she left.

Jude felt her hands become fists, the letters becoming crumpled ruffles between her fingers, "Jude! What are you doing!"

That was when Jude exploded, and she sobbed, saying through the tears, "oh god Casey, she hates me," that wasn't even the worse part, "and she should hate me, I am a monster."

"Oh no," Casey came to her side of the counter, giving her a big hug, "no you aren't a monster, you went through a lot of shit Jude," she tucked her chin up, Conner's blue eyes stared back at her, and in a bittersweet way it soothed her, "and you came out on top, your back now, that's what matters."

"I came back too late," Jude understood that now, "nothing I do is going to make a difference. Leah, my parents, even Seth won't look at me-"

"Can you blame them?"

 _"What?"_

Casey had cold determination on her face, pinched nose, emotionless against Jude's self-pity, "Try this, shutup, let go of these stupid letters, they aren't doing you any good," the pale-face attacker took Leah's papers out of Jude's hands, ripping them up, and entirely freaking Jude out, "what? Oh? You were going to give those back to Seth? These?"

The diary papers were forever ruined.

"Well not anymore," Jude rubbed her empty hands against her chilly shoulders watching the torn pieces get thrown into the trash bin filled with their lunch from the day before.

She was feeling even more guilty that she had read Leah's private thoughts, her written memory, and then did nothing as they were destroyed. Secret evidence Seth had stolen from Leah's dairy tucked underneath her bed, and he would go back home empty-handed, she noted, _trusting me less now, not bothering to right my wrongs._

"Well there is nothing you can do now," was Casey's drull reply, "and please stop feeling sorry for yourself, " Casey went back to glowering at the girls her age, giggling and squealing victoriously as half-naked trio of Native American models came up to speak to them, "you are here to fight for your family, not give up the moment it gets hard."

It was not fair, not fair the way Casey pretended to know her situation so well, "You're only saying that because you want Jordan to move in with me," that was what bothered her most about Casey hanging around, sniffing like a prowling coyote, "you're probably here because your mother told you to be nice to me, so she can get her claws into _my son_ ," the words felt right in Jude's mouth, she knew the way mother's thought, the jealous rage over their children, "probably just another way to keep Conner from leaving her forever, like hell she will ever get him back, or you, if you ever try to contact him-"

A long whistle breezed between her playful lips, she tipped the Mountie hat on her short sandy haired head, "Is that the best you can do? You are getting rusty Jude," Casey chuckled to herself, "you are going to have to push harder to get me to leave. I don't run Jude, that's what I do..." she truly believed that, "I don't leave when my family needs me most."

 _That hurt_ , but Jude had deserved it.

That didn't mean Jude couldn't be pissed, "those chips you ate cost three dollars, are you going to pay now or later?"

"Fine" Casey sighed before smacking down the money from her back pocket. "if you want it to be that way, then listen to your customer," she told Jude, and then pointed at the deep throaty laughs of the perfect male specimens and the high-school girls that slobbered over them through the clear panned front windows, "deal with that, I am sure there is a rule to get them from loitering or at least for the guy's to wear shirts?"

"Why?" Jude didn't see anything wrong with it, "they are free to do what they want, and besides they are only bothering you," that didn't seem like such a bad thing.

It _did_ bother her, she didn't even deny it, "Can't you tell them to get lost?"

"Why do you care so much," Jude really looked at them, girls, a few years younger than her, probably around Casey's young adult age, girls that went to tribal school and fawned over these boys… _wait a second._

" _Those are **men**_ ," Jude felt herself say.

"That is what I was saying," Casey agreed, hearing the judgement in Jude's own voice, "isn't there rules against this."

 _There should be rules against this_ , because not only were these men flirting with girls too young for them, twirling the one girl that was forward enough to kiss the more handsome one's cheek, their russet skin was golden, cropped raven hair glistened the sun, arms and muscular chest bared to the noon sun, and every one radiating sensual grace. Still, Jude gulped watching the _annoyingly_ attractive young **men.**

"Jude! Don't fall for them too!"

Casey saw Jude's guilty expression, the older girl put her own raven hair into a bun and busied herself to get the lustful and confusing thoughts out of her mind, "just leave them alone Casey, maybe they'll go away."

"Fat chance," her friends' colored eyes lighted up, "oh yay! Look who's coming to help!"

For a moment Jude let her quicksilver eyes be stolen to the broad and lean back leaning into the 1980 Volkswagen Rabbit, his shirt leaning up to reveal the small of his back, "is that Billy's son?"

Billy Black's son was so strong, too strong that it was effortless for him to lift Billy Black's large body from the passenger seat and put him on the raggedy wheelchair, and proceeding to right him into the correct position, with a comfortable ease that was mirrored in the way Billy would roll himself around in the moments to come.

Jude found herself appraising Billy's son, his name escaping her as she admired the beauty and handsomeness of him. The composure he kept as his father was no doubt scolding him for something. That fatherly expression was the same face Billy would give her the moment she argued with Old Quil, demanding her to behave.

Jude was floored by how massive Billy's son had become of the boy she had once remembered. He was a giant now, the same height and girth as the men standing under the wooden awning of Mark's Mart, but he lacked the mystery and swagger of his similar looking brothers. They did look alike, but he seemed a casual and courteous son, a stark difference of the savage and dangerous appeal of his brothers.

The brothers looked over their shoulders as they got closer, first addressing Billy, but mostly paying their attention at Billy's son, and he nodded at them, looking to the girls, they knew him too, one called out to him, "Jake! Hey Jake!"

 _Jake._

"What is wrong with you Jude?"

"Nothing," Jude released her looks from becoming too familiar, distracting herself with counting the money in the cashier. Only to give it to Old Quil when he came in at the end of that day, and to give herself moment to recover from her lustful mood, "Billy can tell them to go away," Jude said to Casey, hoping it would tame her, "you can ask him when he comes in."

"I will," Casey's eyes were judgy, "at least he will agree with me."

Billy came in, and Jude held her breath, _waiting._

"Hello Cassandra, how are you today, " Billy Black saw Casey, it was very hard not to notice her.

"Do you think it is wise to have shirtless men flirting with young girls-"

Jude patted her baby hairs self-consciously before turning around, and seeing Billy roll himself beside a complaining Casey, and _no one standing beside him._

Like lightning Jude found herself turning to look to the awning, finding no one loitering there, her eyes searched to where the girls were walking down the paved street, heading to the Downtown, the man boys trailing after them, and Jake… _was not with them._

The answer lay with finding the Volkswagen Rabbit gone, and no doubt it's owner, the handsome giant, had gone with it.

"Jude," Billy wasn't stupid, he could see it, "are you looking for someone?"

"Your son," Jude chuckled as her cheeks blushed, "did I scare him off?"

 _As if_ , it would be a miracle if Billy's son actually remembered her, cared enough to shun her existence like her family was now doing.

Jude remembered him. She remembered _babysitting_ him, Paul, Quil, and Seth with Rachel Black. Rachel was the only daughter of Billy's that had stuck around, and very unlike her twin sister that had eloped with a Hawaiian surfer named after the sun.

They had both left La Push at the same time. Jude wondered if her father ever talked to Billy to reminiscence on their runaway daughters.

"Oh no," Billy found that funny, "Jake has a friend that he visits in Forks," he said it casually, "Charlie Swan's daughter."

"The Chief of Police, Charlie?" that took Jude right back to her Junior year, she had got to know him very well, explaining to him across the cell's bars that she was the daughter of his best friend; Harry Clearwater. That was a _fun_ conversation.

"Yes, Bella came back last Spring, she is a Senior now," his eyes went to Casey, whom was surprisingly quiet for some reason, "the same class as you Cassandra."

Jude said the name again, "Bella, Bella Swan," the name sounded familiar, "you never talk about her Casey? Does she come to the Rez? Are they dating," Jude felt like committing suicide with the last question, she felt like a fool for even thinking to ask it, and of all the people she had done so in front of Billy.

Casey was unmoving, her eyes alive, as if Jude had went into uncharted territory.

In turn, Billy's answer to her was so much unlike his charismatic confidence, instead a grim smile that did not reach his eyes came over him, and stayed there, "No, they are not dating," it seemed like he wanted them to be. _**Not yet**_ , the unspoken words were somewhere in the air between them.

That was when Old Quil came through the door, take-out in his hand, his large bifocals hanging on his nose as he dusted the droplets from his whale-watching hat, "Joy got us something to grub on, Billy you hungry? Wait," his mood darkened, "what are you doing here?"

Casey put her hands up, already knowing Old Quil's animosity was made especially for her, "I was buying some food Old Quil," she showed the money on the counter, evidence for him to stop staring daggers, and surprisingly Old Quil gave her a look of pure loathing. These past three weeks he finally understood Casey was more conniving than she actually let on, he was getting smarter.

"Don't let her stay Jude," Casy yowled, he covered his sensitive ears, "that is, unless she is buying something, we don't have people loitering around here, only customers who are paying," he mumbled, going to the kitchen, while a humored Billy winked at Casey before they went to the back.

When the door closed, Casey swore, "He's an asshole, they let the other people stick around for no good reason, why not me?" she lowered her voice, "Is he racist or something? Is he one of those," Casey told Jude as she eyed the door leading into the kitchen, as if they were listening, "you could tell him where to go Jude if he is," like Jude's was her fault that her boss was a racist asshole, "you should have stuck up for me!"

"I would lose my job, my home here," Jude frowned, "and Old Quil is not racist, he is only like that because you don't pay for the food you eat."

"That's not true," Casey shoved a few extra dollars, "there, I can pay people back, _geez_ at least Billy is still cool with me, he reminds me a bit of your dad, he hasn't come by yet right?" There was hopefulness in her tone, Jude was glad someone had asked her, that someone was brave enough to dare.

"No," Jude nodded in understanding, but remembered something important, "I saw my mother Downtown the other day," that had been the first real smile she had the entire time back to La Push, she had felt un-bashful and ready for their conversation, too bad it went sour, really fast, "she turned around and ran back to her car. I didn't get a word out."

Casey cringed, "You didn't run after her did you?"

"No," Jude cringed right back, "even if I really wanted to."

"Well this is a mess."

"Thanks Casey," Jude sighed, reigned in the urge to roll her eyes, "that's exactly what I needed to hear," there was something else too, "do you know Bella, the one that is dating Jacob Black?"

"Yeah, I do, who doesn't know Bella Swan?"

Jude made a face.

"Oh right, I guess no one told you, well let me," Casey became the gossip-monger Jude was for once grateful for, "she came here a year ago, everyone in Forks got excited, she was pretty and the Chief's daughter too boot. On her first day she was so popular she caught the eyes of the Cullens."

Jude leaned in, confused, "Cullens?"

"Oh that's right you don't know," she shook her head as if this story was going to be much longer, getting into it, "they came here my Freshman year, Edward, Alice, and Jasper are in my class, and Rosalie and Emmett were Seniors last year-"

Jude didn't see the reason why Casey knew so much about these random people, "why is this important? Are they celebrities or something?"

"In Forks they are, keep up Jude, okay, so the Cullens fell in love with her, mostly Edward, but she was following around Alice, and everyone wanted a piece of how she got to be their friend, how she got them to open up. People were so annoying with them, always talking about how gorgeous they looked, supermodel pretty, but freaky sometimes though, because they always kept to themselves, riding in their expensive cars, designer clothes, their father is a surgeon for Christ's sake, they could no wrong."

This was not new news, "They sound like stuck-up people to me."

"They were," Casey sighed, snapping her fingers like she just remembered something, "but Esme Cullen, their adoptive mother always got along with my mom, the tea-parties, you know how she gets when she wants to feel like a Lady," that caught Jude's attention.

"The Cullens are adopted?"

"That is something else that is weird," Casey's nose scrunched up as she said it, "they are _all adopted_ , and they were _dating each other_ ," that was weird, "and so people freaked when the one single guy in the group fell head over heels for Bella, even saved her from getting smashed by a car."

"A car," this was sounding more like a movie.

"Yeah, and so Bella joined their group, dropped all her other friends from what Lauren told me, and Jessica during her birthday party said she had ran away with him during Spring Break, they got into a fight, and somehow he pushed her down the stairs when she tried to leave him, broke her leg-"

She had to stop Casey, _"What? He pushed her?"_

"Oh it's all gossip, I doubt it happened too, the family seems too nice for all that," Casey said, excited to finish, and Jude became suspicious if any of this story was actually true, "and Edward, the one that pushed her, had the balls to still take her to Prom, they were dating for awhile, and sometime before Halloween they broke up," she popped her lips, finally breathing, "and she turned full on zombie."

"Zombie?"

Casey clarified, "if she dropped off the face of the planet before with them, honestly now, with the way she looked afterwards, I wouldn't be surprised if she is starving herself, cutting herself even, depressed out of her mind-"

"Poor girl," Jude honestly thought it, that story had been too much to take in, and none of it had even happened to her, Jude dared to ask, "but how does this have to do with Jacob Black?"

"Oh," Casey remembered, "for a month her and Jacob have been going out, Jess told me Monday that Mike and her are going on a double date with a few others, and I guess he is taking Bella too."

"That's nice," Jude sighed loudly, "I would have just liked the last explanation rather than the girl's life story."

" _Hey_ , you asked," Casey defended herself, looking at her watch, "you good here? I have to start heading back before my boss guesses I am gone. She only checks at the end of my shift, honestly, no wonder no one sticks around."

"Only you," that was always the story with Casey, "only you can get away with a three hour break," Jude shook her head, but honestly she was just a bit proud of Casey's devious nature.

"Don't do anything stupid while I am gone, and remember what I told you," her long-time friend said as if she was the older one, the far more reasonable of them both, and her five foot shortie butt hoped into her Jeep.

"Sure, take care of yourself," Jude nodded from the awning, waving and watching her go, all the while wistfully wishing she could go with Casey, ride out of La Push, take a ride anywhere than this too slow life. Sure Casey Whitney was an annoying pain in the ass when she was here, and when she was gone, Jude missed her loud butt the most.

As Jude was picking up the trash bag, her eyes met the pieces of paper, Leah's torn letters mocked her, and she still took it to massive trashcan in the the back of the convenience store, locking it in a bear proof container so large that even other large animals lurking in the Peninsula woods wouldn't come and ravage the contents.

The wind caressed her high cheekbones, and Jude smelled the pine and sea that called to her still, she let her raven hair down, scratching her weary scalp and whispering one name, "Leah."

 _One day,_ Jude would hear those her words again, maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but one day she see Leah's angry snarl, her water eyes, and then her wry smile as she said these words, let them grieve together, let the pain ebb to a dull throb that would mean peace for them both, and she would live to see it, _one day._

"Jude!"

The image was fading, "Yes, what is it!"

"Jude get in the front, we need you!"

It fell quicker than she would have liked, "I'm coming, I'm coming," Jude growled at how obedient she had become as the lap-dog, cleaning woman, and overseer of Mark's Mart, and how she still followed the call of Old Quil as if his words were law.

"Girl!" He growled too at her slow pace, "what is taking you forever, you have someone waiting for you outside!"

That made her pause, "I am coming," Jude said again, closer, seeing Old Quil, standing next to another man in a familiar cowboy hat on the awning, and mud crested shoes, jeaned overalls for fishing, and Seth was next to him, hands on his skinny hips, bowing his head as if he was getting punished by the two men whispering to him.

Jude barely found her voice, it wavered as she intruded, "yes, what do you guys need?"

The other man next to Old Quil turned to Jude, and she expected the worse, and she still wasn't ready for it. She was not prepared for the lashing silver eyes boring into her, questioning, scolding, and condemning her all at once, that look made Jude hold her breath, "Dad."

Seth was silent as their father appraised Jude, her body turned motherly after a year nursing Jordan, her hair much longer and silkier than it had been before, and her face… her father knew her face enough that he knew it was her, he knew enough to shame her in front of the other two people, "so you finally decided to show your face?"

That was when Jude's stomach plummeted.


	7. Chapter 7

**o0o0o0o0o0TMS0o0o0o0o0o**

* * *

 **Chapter 7  
**

* * *

Jude was never afraid of the dark.

Sitting under the awning, cast in the pitch black of the midnight sky, and the convenience store devoid of light at this hour of the night made the men's faces seem like unmoving statues, and it did nothing to make her fear them. Their leathery russet faces were akin to the Timber wooden wolf, calm and fierce all rolled in one. In a sense she admired them, _it was hard not to._

The headlights of cars had stopped passing by the longer they waited, and the night-life of the forest came alive with the hoots of owls answering one another, twittering of bats as they flew above the pine's canopy, and _other_ unseen animals trudged through the underbrush of fallen leaves before them. Off in the distance, the roar of the far off Pacific ocean answered, even in the night it could be heard, the tide rushing and retreating made for a promise of undiscovered beauty, so unfair to ignore it, _even now._

A long and undulating cry of a wolf cried back, and the howl made Jude shiver in her wooden seat, a seat between Old Quil and her father, on the largest bench, yet so close to one another, after all these years, and still, they had refused to speak for the past three hours.

They were waiting for Jude to do so.

To start off the conversation by begging for her place back in their community.

To scream and spit that they dare make her speak first, make her be the one to give up her shaky peace, in order to answer for what she did to her father, her mother, to her whole family.

To do… _anything, say anything, explain!_

Jude fought with herself to remain still.

To remain silent, and not say anything stupid enough to push her father away.

It was difficult, because everything that came to her mind was not very appropriate.

 _All the while_ , Seth was sitting on the floor with his legs crossed in front of them, and in the most uncomfortable position because all their faces remained looking forward to him, their ramrod backs too stiff to relax, and matching grim lips made it look like they were lecturing her younger brother, rather than waiting to interrogate Jude.

It brought Jude back to a memory of her baby brother put in another uncomfortable position.

 _Many years ago, when her parents went on a vacation to Canada, she- as the elder fifteen-year old sister- had been left to watch over her nine-year old toy-truck playing brother. Leah had gone to stay with Emily on the Makah Rez, they called it an extended sleep-over for the girls, and so Seth and her had braved out the empty home underneath the security of their tented fort, with only a lone flashlight between them both._

 _A storm had come that night. The lightning strikes and booming thunder brought Seth so close she could cradle his head against her chest, "I'm scared Jude!"_

 _"Don't be," she remembered saying, "let me tell you the story of the Third Wife."_

 _Seth jutted his lip out, still very much afraid, "I already heard that one, I want mama, I want papa, I don't want to be alone," he started crying, and Jude shushed him, scrambling in her teenage mind on how to get him to shut up, and stop making this a cry fest over parents that would complain that she couldn't keep him occupied for only two days._

 _"Okay, okay," Jude came up with something, "how about the Spirit Warriors, how about Taha Aki and the shifters that fought the Cold Ones, ever heard that one?"_

 _That got Seth's attention, and so Jude told him the story of the warriors that protected them from those that would do great evil._

Jude was so stuck in her memory of putting a child Seth to sleep that she didn't notice Billy wheeling himself out from the dark of the front room. How long he had waited for them to start talking, Jude was sure it was too long for him, "Seth go inside, I need to talk to your father."

"Sure Billy," Seth left her.

The way Billy looked at them all, it was as if Jude was not here, as if she was not the problem sitting between them all, and she could feel her father flinch in his seat, no doubt ready to argue for the Chief butting his head in.

"Billy, I got this," was her father's low grumbling response at Billy's unflinching glare, the first words Harry had said all night, it was far better to have his attention on someone else for a change, for Billy to take charge of the silence.

Billy pointed at Jude, and she was no longer grateful, "are you going to let her sit there Harry, or are you going to ask her your questions?"

He answered swiftly, "I don't have anything to tell her," Jude peeked over to see her father put his hands over his chest, a stony expression, "I came here in respect for you Billy, this is what _you_ wanted," and that was when she felt downright feral.

Jude gritted her teeth, noticing Billy's eyes fixed on her as she crumbled her aggressive answer, and let it simmer within herself, truly understanding that her father didn't want this, it was so… _believable, so very much like him to carry a grudge._

Old Quil had the gall to chuckle after that little hurtful comment, "you're a liar Harry, you have been complaining for a week," and then he was looking at Jude, pushing her, "no words girl? You have plenty to say when your friend is here? Is this a conversation you can't handle?"

Jude lost a breath, "that isn't why I'm being quiet!"

 _"Jude."_

"Sorry Billy," she lowered her voice out of respect for the peaceful night, and the men trying to hear her out, her father's face slaked into a smile for a moment, only to go back to his stony bravado, "this," Jude wet her dry lips, "has nothing to do with my ability to talk, it's just," she searched for the right thing to say, Billy gave her an encouraging nod, "I wanted my Dad to say what he wanted to say first."

"You allow me that now," her father responded to her, effectively catching her attention, and suddenly the space between them was far too close, "you allow me to speak first?"

"Yes," Jude felt her voice quiver, if he asked her another questions she would bawl like a baby, he had that much power over her, "I don't allow you to do anything, I have no control over you," that was the truth, "I don't deserve it."

"That's right," he agreed almost condescendingly, "you don't deserve a lot of things, but you still get it."

" _Please_ ," Jude didn't know what she pleaded for, what she hoped he would do, what her father would let her have, his permission to speak to him was enough, and Jude braced herself for what he had to say.

He said, "There is no point ignoring this anymore, that you are are finally here, and now I have to get some answers," Harry slapped his overall laps, clenching his fists, and calming himself to relax against his bulging thighs, "why did you leave?"

Jude opened her mouth, but he wasn't finished, "And I don't want you leaving anything out, tell me where you went, who you were with, and what you did?"

It was clear he wanted everything, every single thing, Jude prepared herself mentally, and knew she would never be ready, "Dad," her lip trembled, remembering her practice speech with Susan and Peter, "I am sorry I left, I never wanted to hurt you guys, I was stupid, and selfish, but that day, what was going on in my mind," the terror ate her still, the tears went down her cheeks, it was no use holding them back, "I couldn't let you guys be stuck with me like that."

He made no motion to speak, to give her a sign that he had heard.

It was all up to Jude, she swallowed her tears, "the day I left the house, after hitting mom," both Old Quil and Billy Black made noises of discontent, Jude felt her cheeks flush with guilt, but of course her father remained motionless, not helping her explain, she moved on, "I was attacked from something, and I knew I had to get out of town," it sounded like she was going through one of her episodes, but she could care less, it was real to her when it happened, "so I had Grant take me to the airport-"

"Granton Marks," her father interrupted, spitting the name of one of her dead-beat friends, "not Conner? Conner didn't take you?"

"No, he didn't know about me, he didn't know anything," Jude wondered if he would even believe her, her and Conner had always been connected at the hip, few people knew that they had in fact broken up a few days before, "I took a plane to California, and I stayed in Los Angeles for a while working as a waitress."

"We couldn't find you," Harry muttered, as if he was reminiscing, "we hired a detective."

It ached her heart to hear that, that they had assumed the worst, or on those nights she selfishly dreamed they cared enough to search for her, "I changed my name," she explained for the reason they couldn't have found her, "lived with some college kids, and I only stayed there for three months when I found out that I couldn't stay there anymore, it was too fast paced, not safe for me, but really... _for us_."

"You were with someone," Billy egged Jude on when she became thoughtful, looking down, and rubbing her belly for some time.

"I was pregnant," Jude said, and that effectively shut them all up, and then it was like a waterfall after that, "so I wanted a place where it would safe for me and my son, I wanted a place to start off fresh, so I went to New Mexico," Jude felt her father freeze, grimacing as if her choosing anywhere other than here was an unrepeatable sin, "I had Jordan in the summer, and it was hard at first, really," she chuckled dryly, "it was hard the whole time, but I got through it, there are so many good people, and I was luckier than most to find them. A year after, I met Susan and Paul. They took Jordan and me in, I stayed with them, until we all decided that they should adopt Jordan."

"So I lived there for awhile, but I really got to thinking about you, about mom," that was when it was unbearable to speak, that was really the shifting point in Jude, the change that made her come back, "what you must have gone through, having me go so far away, not knowing where I was, if I was safe, if I was even alive," she hiccuped, taking a deep breath, "I couldn't imagine being away from Jordan, and now that I am, _it is horrible_ …"

"Oh Jude," Billy said, while the two men beside Jude made no move to comfort her, no words of sympathy, _hell_ , even words of anger and betrayal would be nice, "are they coming here? To bring Jordan when you are settled?"

"No," Jude answered too quickly, "no I gave them full custody, I have full visitation but I want Jordan to feel like his home is with them. I don't want people judging him for the things I did. For the person I am," Jude looked directly at her father, "and I am sorry Dad, I am so so sorry. I wanted to to tell you I was wrong to leave, I am so ashamed for what I did, I don't know what I should do to make it up to you-"

Her father sat unmoving, only his chest raising showed that he was still there.

Billy outright said it when her father wouldn't say it, "It was hard Jude," their Chief nodded in understanding, "but you are here, and we are here for you- _right? Harry? What do you say?"_

He didn't say.

Billy said louder, " _Harry_?"

Her father bit back viciously, "You can't expect me to just-" Harry finally looked at Jude, as if he just noticed that she had been just inches away from him, that this was the first time she had told him about his grandson, that she was a mother, that she had been wrong, and that she… _was not good enough for his apology._

"I don't expect anything Dad," Jude let the lagging breath come out and off her chest, "I just wanted you to know that I was fine now," as good as she could be, "that I am sorry, I was wrong, and I am not going anywhere."

"I won't allow you to terrorize Sue," he told Jude out of nowhere.

"I don't," that was so uncalled for, "I didn't, I just saw her, what else was I supposed to do?" She felt the old Jude flare up, the one that never took his shit, "I live here too now!"

He was quick to defend himself, "they aren't ready for you Jude, what you did to us, do you think they're ready?" He was not expecting her to answer, and she guessed they were both disappointed for that, the adult in her saw the depths he was willing to go to protect their family, she just felt… _it was wrong_ , that she was being shut out for even trying.

"I am trying Dad, coming back here isn't supposed to be something wrong, it was not meant to cause you all pain-"

She hit the nail on the head, when she saw him stamp his feet for a moment, obviously reliving it, "What you did by coming back here, it was not a kindness," her father shook his head, disturbed, "after all this time, it killed your mother, Leah too, not knowing what happened, we blamed so many people, for a while we blamed ourselves too, and at the end of it," he nodded, "we understood it had been your decision, it would always be your decision."

"Dad."

" _No_ , don't," he shook off her endearment, nodding to the pitch black mirrors of Mark's Mart, where her little brother no doubt was standing, "Seth hides it better than all of us, but you can't expect us to forgive you too?"

"I don't," Jude gritted it out, hating that her father refused to see the goodness she was trying to do now, and knew at the end of the day, she deserved nothing more than what he was willing to give, "I wanted to find closure, I wanted to give you guys closure."

They were silent, Billy for once allowing her father to control the conversation, "well, some people aren't ready for that," her father slapped his jeaned thighs, "well I guess that settles it, Seth will be in touch," and like that it was finished.

Her father stood, everyone did, and Billy would have too… for obvious reasons he stayed sitting, pensive in his seat, staring up at them all with his ancient dark eyes, a weight settled there.

"Damn!" Another equally upset man followed after her father, "Slow down Harry, I will walk you to your car," Old Quil said in a slow rush, chasing after Harry that ducked his head in to the front room to yell Seth's name, and then they were off. Not one of them talking as they went into her father's old pickup truck, getting in, and driving off, and none of them looking back at her still waiting for forgiveness, hell, she still hoped for it.

Old Quil and Billy Black were the only ones to stay, and Jude sat right back down in her seat, not knowing what to say to them, what to do, after saying the things she did? There was no going back now, she had said too much for them too look at her as they had before.

At least, the men that had listened deserved that, if they wanted to take her word, if they wanted to spread her truth all over town, for every gossip-monger this side of La Push… _so be it._

She never cared much for what people thought anyways.

"Jude?"

"Hm?" Jude dropped her hand from running over her mouth, wiping the lone tear that had made it down her face.

"Are you going to be fine tonight?"

That was all Billy offered her after the first real conversation with her father. No judgment, just concern, thankfully not taking sides, and that was the best Jude could ask for.

"I'll be fine Billy," because Jude would be fine, she had done what she set out to do, she was still doing what she set out to do, and even if it fell short, even if she had not got what she expected, the good or the bad, she was going to be fine.

"I'll be here in the morning," Old Quil said, eyeing both Billy and her, "is Jacob coming?"

"In a little while, he'll get here," Billy said looking at his watch for the tenth time tonight, "I'll call you if anything happens."

Just like that Billy Black and Jude were the last people on the awning, sitting in the silence of what had just occurred, and then it dawned on her, the reason why she left, the unsaid truth that she had not wanted circulating around with the story.

If anyone would understand it, hell, even believe her, it would be, "Billy?"

"Yes, Jude."

She could tell him, she trusted Billy, she wanted to, "I am not sure if my father told you," she rubbed the back of her head, "but when I was kid, no, even on my last day here, I have always been able to see," she gulped past the fear, grabbing at the jade amulet around her neck, "I have always seen things that aren't there."

Billy nodded sagely, "I know."

 _He knew? After all this time? Did Old Quil know?_

He answered the unsaid questions brimming in Jude's eyes, "all the Council knows, all the Elders, we thought you were a Spirit Seer," _Spirit Seer?_

He sighed, taking a moment to let the name settle, "When you were very small, you came before the Council," Jude had never heard of this, "your parents brought you, they were so sure that you were able to see ghosts, the spirits of our ancestors, so we put you under a test, and at the end," Jude was never so excited to hear something, this could be the answer, this could be the reason why the terror was so important, "you did not pass, and even the oldest members said you weren't able to, couldn't be a Spirit Seer, they died out a century ago."

Jude felt herself deflate.

Billy still continued, "It was decided that you were seeing things, that other practices should be notified…" his face became serious as he leaned towards her, "the things you see Jude, those ghosts," Jude winced, knowing what he was going to say, "they weren't actually there. They were figments of your imagination, at least that's what we hoped-"

Jude was so confused, as hurt as when her parents had sent her to her very first therapist, the anger that they allowed random people to stick tranquilizers just to calm her form screaming about the asylum filled with dead people, tortured and victimized, with demons snarling at her to shut-up, and… she touched her amulet, she explained to Billy, "but I visited a Spirit Healer in New Mexico, he told me that I was able to see ghosts, had an inclination for the supernatural, to see the realm that lies between our worlds and the next," that explanation made Billy shiver in his seat.

"You don't," he said very seriously, "and if you see anything Jude, if anything suspicious to you, then you call me," he made her promise, and she knew it was only implicate herself as the loony of La Push. Crazy Jude.

"I promise Billy," that made him nod, and then a car was pulling into the parking lot in front of Mark's Mart, it was not Jacob's car. That set off alarms for both of them.

"Billy!"

The driver called for him again, "Billy! Billy," a guy that could be a twin of Jacob, so familiar to the dangerous and sensual men that had loitered only just earlier that day, ducked his head out the window, as if he was sniffing the air, and then jumped out of his barely stopped car to jog up the front stairs to where Billy sat with her, "hey Billy."

"Need help Jared?"

The Jared guy was drenched from head to toe, only a pair of cut-off jeans as he eyed Jude carefully, marking her face, her blotchy eyes, and pink running nose, as if she was an outsider, waiting to steal trade secrets, "yeah, we have a problem, you need to come with me," he told Billy, "we'll talk at your place."

That little statement effectively distracted Jude from her own problems.

She eyed the guy suspiciously, "Do you need help Billy?"

"No Jude," Billy quickly shook his head, giving her a tight smile, probably to calm her suspicious mind from thinking the Jared guy was abducting him, "stay inside, and remember what I said? Call me," he said with a nod, and Jude could only nod back as he wheeled away from the dark of Mark's Mart.

She was left with the answers to so many questions, and questions to answers that she was still trying to understand were even possible… a lone wolf howled to the moonless night, it's sorrowful cry carried Jude's trudging feet to Old Mark's room.

Even in the dark, she had memorized the way up the rickety stairs, to her temporary bedroom, the dead man's things still there, his ruffling newsletters and forgotten newspaper adds fluttered against the wall next to her bed, the wind came through the one glass window, and her eyes widened at the very open, unlatched once again as she left the room.

"Fuck," Jude closed it, hoping no little animals got in while she was spilling her guts, "it's fucken cold," she wrapped herself in as many blankets as she could, and shut her sore eyes, replaying everything that had happened, until her restless dreams mixed in with the real events of the day, and she was met with the eyes of the Timber wolf, it looked back at her, calculating, marking her.

"You're alive," she couldn't believe it.

Unmoving yet alive, and then suddenly it was truly alive, padding it's large paws down the stairs into the forest, reddish brown fur rippling as it moved, dark human-like eyes looking back at her, and then brought it's head up to give a sorrowful song to the empty dark sky.

Like a scene from a movie, the Timber wolf, in one leap, turned into a man that raced along the coast of First Beach, the one she had yet to see, his footfalls sinking and disappearing in the rush of the salty tide, and her mind naturally put a face that matched his body type, the giant, with an incredibly muscular body, _Jacob Black._

For some reason, Jude smiled in her sleep.


	8. Chapter 8

**o0o0o0o0o0TMS0o0o0o0o0o**

* * *

 **Chapter 8  
**

* * *

"I am so proud of you Jude," Casey _tinked_ her glass cup filled to the brim with a delicious malt shake, right up against Jude's chocolate one, her giddy best friend was generous with her statements, "you really are a grown up, standing up for the people you love! A little lady ready to marry," she teased her mother's stupid saying, the same from years ago when Mrs. Whitney had caught Conner kneeling to tie his football cleat in front of a sweaty aggravated Jude. She remembered her pretty pink cheeks swelling red while he proceeded to _try_ to marry her with the beautiful diamond ring that did not belong to them, while she was still wearing her stinky soccer uniform, wiping her forehead against her no longer white sleeves, "do you remember when he brought out mom's old wedding ring right before his CIF game-"

"How could I forget," Jude said dryly, not wanting to relive it, "your mom has tiny fingers," Conner had the hardest time playing husband to be when Jude's un-feminine thick fingers try to fit in the delicate ones of his mother, "he made a fool of the both of us."

"He sure did," Casey smiled to herself, no judgment in her eyes, "This is _so_ much more satisfying than that, I love when you get all awkward, your face is so funny," she said jumping her excited butt on her red bulbous booth seats.

Jude scowled, "I don't make faces."

"Oh yes you do, _pissy face._ It used to scare me, but now I like it," Casey said letting the whole company of _Debbie's Diner_ in on their conversation, it looked like all Forks was out for breakfast this gloomy clouded day, she drained away her energetic passion with a sigh, "it reminds me of the old days."

She was so full of it, "You were too young for the old days."

"I still remember," Casey sat before her like a ball of pure sunlight, a content smirk growing on her lips, "I am so proud that you finally confronted him," she said once again, kicking Jude under the table, "I can't wait till you actually get Leah or your Mom to open up, if you can get Harry to-"

"Okay, okay," Jude moved her legs away, no longer amused with her, "Okay we get it, you don't have to make a big deal about my future conversations with my _estranged_ family."

"Not so much estranged," she disagreed, "And he _actually_ talked to you," she repeated louder as if she still couldn't believe it, pretending like this is the first time she heard it, " _your Dad_ actually talked to you," no longer making it a secret to the breakfast munching customers easily in hearing distance of her shameless antics, " _My god_ , Jude, this calls for a celebration!"

"I don't know why we're celebrating," Jude felt like a rain cloud followed her here, "I didn't even get to talk to anyone, but my Dad," she did not remember her mother or Leah coming to speak to her, only a stony faced Harry, not giving her anything to work with, "and he was the one that came to the store to speak to me, not the other way around, so I don't think it is worth repeating my bravery of talking to him instead of ignoring him when he came to me."

"Semantics," Casey knocked her knee against Jude's, "don't let that get to you, you still confronted your demons!"

 _Demons._ A fabled Cold One could have given Jude a little more heat, possibly suck her dry in the process, _but still_ , it would mean he was addressing her, Jude pleaded, "please don't tell anyone," she would hate that, "I didn't enjoy doing it, causing even more drama, and now I don't think he's ever going to talk to me again about why I came back, or even open up enough for me to even make peace with him," for the past week after talking to her father, Jude had been depressed, sullen in her repetitive schedule at Mark's Mart, only daring to go to the Downtown early morning or late in the night.

Only going at the times she couldn't be _terrorizing_ her mother, as Jude's father had _carefully_ put it.

"Wow, who replaced the old Jude _with this_?" Casey didn't see the reason to mope, finding her story at the least a bit entertaining, "Did you punch anyone?" Jude gave her a look that made Casey outright laugh, "I would not have wanted to be there for that conversation," she whistled, catching Jude's upset face, "or maybe I should have been there, at least to get you out of this funk, you obviously got nothing off your chest. If you did, there would have been a fight," she was the only one that found Harry's insults as funny, "come on, you can tell me, was there just a _little fight_?"

"No, there wasn't," Jude was done with her playfulness, "drop it Casey."

"Fine, be a sore butt," Casey piped up when Jude wouldn't continue, "What did Billy say while your Dad was talking mess to you? He seems like the reasonable one out of all the Elders."

"He is," Jude let herself smile, "he let my dad talk, not really butting it, but he was understanding afterwards," she remembered his soft authority very fondly, "honestly Billy was amazing throughout the whole thing, maybe I should give him a gift or something, he deserves it after putting up with our family drama," Jude confessed, letting the memories roll over her, "after that day, he has been the closest thing to a father-," _**no that wasn't right** , no one could replace her father_, "no, he is more like a good friend, the one _true friend_ I can count on since I have been back-"

Casey looked upset with that statement, jealous even, "-Hey, what have I been this whole time?"

"Well, except you Casey," but that was a given, "you've always been here, you're my best friend," Jude dismissed it when Casey flashed her an agreeing smile, "I just never expected it coming from Billy, did you expect it to turn out like this?"

"Never," she got a giggle from her as she bit on her straw, denting it beyond repair, "I was ready for them to kick you out of La Push the moment you came back," Casey giggled louder as Jude blanched, "it didn't happen, it didn't happen," as if that made it better, "besides, what is he up to right now? What is your Billy friend doing today? Maybe we can pay him a visit," was her grand idea to raise Jude's spirits.

" _He's just_ ," Jude sighed, upset with it all, going back into her overwhelmed rain cloud self, "he's too busy right now for people to visit," Jude told her that Billy was ignoring her friendly calls the week leading up to this point. _His excuse_ , he had to stay home and help Jacob, whom had supposedly gone down with- _**Mono?**_

"Isn't that a kissing disease," Casey scrunched up her lips, "oh Jacob, let me kiss you Jacob, please I love you!"

"Shut-up," Jude pushed Casey playful lips away, looking around to see no one really paying them attention, they knew Casey's excitable nature, nothing was new about it, "stop it Casey, I do not have a crush on him."

"Good, don't be like those girls," Casey took her spoon and dug it into her strawberry malt, talking with her mouth full of the pink dessert, "or else you get sick with Mono too."

"You're disgusting," Jude didn't mean it, and Casey winked as they continued their drawn out breakfast in one of the booths at Debbie's Diner, enjoying this Friday in February Jude had decided take off. Not only did Casey take the day off too, but she was her trusty driver to get here. Jude needed this day of vacation, a break from La Push. Old Quil was being unbearable at Mark's Mart, his tyranny being even more rude than usual.

 _Of course_ , Casey would be on her team, she had a vendetta against the _racist asshole_ Elder, "He told you what?"

Jude repeated Old Quil's warning words, more like a threat, "That if I didn't sweep up all the extra rooms upstairs, he was going to have to fire me, and have someone else move in there, as if anyone wants to sleep where a guy died a few months ago."

"True, talk about creepy. You know what I think? I think, Old Quil is just a scared old man," she sounded so sure, "and he hides being afraid of the upstairs by putting you to work where he would rather not have anything to do with. I mean out of everyone, he knew Old Marks better than anyone, it is only natural that he is scared to see his best-bud lurking up there," Casey agreed with herself while Jude didn't really believe it, Old Quil was too old to be afraid of things like spirits, it was all just an act, probably to mess with her about her past experiences with ghosts, _seeing things that were actually not there_ , the way Billy put it.

Casey asked, "when are they cleaning Old Marks stuff out? Didn't he have family to pick up all his junk?"

Jude nodded, "they are coming next week to get his stuff from the Makah Rez, Old Quil is renting a dumpster during that day, and whatever they don't take, I am throwing away," _good riddance_ , Jude thought, maybe then she could find the space to actually buy something of her own, rather than having to look at someone else's stuff still there, "so Old Quil is going to pay me to get rid of all the trash and his things, hopefully Billy calls me back and I can have one of Sam's boys come and help me."

"Sam?" that perked Casey up, "Sam Uley, like Leah's Sam?"

Jude and Casey shared a hateful look with one another, they knew _that_ story, her Forks insider leaned forward, "I thought I told you Sam broke up with your sister, _why_ would you want anything to do with him?"

"I don't," gritted Jude through her teeth, "but there is no getting rid of him, he is Emily's Sam now," Jude didn't feel like gossiping about her baby sister, and the reason why their closest cousin had stolen the love of Leah's life, but she did, telling Casey about what Aunt Joy had confirmed over bagels and coffee.

"That sucks," Casey pitied her little sister, "no wonder she is so pissy."

"Yup," Jude pushed her chocolate malt shake away, "honestly having to see his boys everywhere, and knowing Billy is fine with whatever youth group Sam is running in La Push… something just feels off about it, you know, they seem… so much older than high-school kids, too mature, too mean-looking," she explained to Casey that Sam's guys were the same ones they saw talking to the flirting girls, and that they were in fact the same age as them, all in high-school, possibly even younger than Casey.

"This just gets better and better, what are they feeding those boys? Steroids?" Casey shook her head looking out the window at the end of their table, the rain dripping down, "you could always work in Forks," was Casey's advice, "move in with me and my mom, we have an extra room."

That was never going to work, "Your mom wouldn't want me at her house, come on Casey, be serious for once."

Casey smiled wider, that scared Jude, "She already said yes!"

"She did?"

The idea rolled in her mind, bursting with joy, "She did! She said I come live with you guys," and Jude felt guilty for even thinking it, being tempted, because at least Old Quil had given her a place to stay, very close to her alright paying job, a place, rent-free, where not one person was there to question, scold, or judge her in that bleak upstairs room, _only Old Mark_ , but his unseen ghost didn't count.

"Of course you can move in with us, my mom is hardly at home, and it gets lonely when I am the only one there-"

"No Casey," Jude touched her jade amulet once again, "I can't leave La Push Casey, it wouldn't be right."

"Fine, I'll let it go, stay in your creepy house, but don't come crying- _wait,_ where did you get that from again," Casey finally noticed the necklace Jude had been wearing since Jordan and had turned one year old, and the necklace that was not meant to be seen since it was usually kept under her shirt, to avoid a conversation very much like this one.

"Oh this little thing," she deflected the importance of it, Jude showed off the shiny green of the jade stone, hanging on a leather loop and necklace, "A Spirit Healer in New Mexico gave it to me."

"It's cute," Casey made a motion with a hand to give it to her, "hand it over, I want to see how it looks on me," Jude clenched her fist over it, as if taking it off would be the death of them both.

"Um…" Jude calmed herself from acting like a psycho, "Yeah, that's not going to happen."

Jude's phone rang, startling them both, and then their faces brightened at the New Mexico number, this was about the time of the day that Susan called her and let her talk to Jordan, Jude smiled into the receiver, "Hello?"

His high pitched voice screamed in her ear, "Momma!?"

"Hi Jordan," Casey turned into mush before her, just like Jude did when she heard her son speak, "how is your day going?"

"Mommy, Mommy, _Gamma_ plays too," he was eating breakfast, Jude could hear Jordan playing with his favorite spoon, "we are watching a movie!"

"You're watching a movie? What is it about baby," Jude cooed into the phone, smiling at Casey that leaned on her arms as she proceeded to baby talk for a few minutes until Jordan got distracted by something his _Gampa_ was doing.

"That's the longest he spoke to you," Susan sounded surprised as she put herself on speaker phone, Jude did the same so both Casey and Jude could hear Jordan singing Twinkle Twinkle Little Star in the background, "how are you girls doing?"

"Doing good," Jude nodded, "I told Casey about what happened with my Dad."

"I told you girls," said Susan who huffed like she was trying to lift something, by the sound of of cups beings scrapped against one another, she was doing the dishes, "if you guys feel like coming back, you are more than welcome, this is your home Jude, however long you want it to be. You don't need to be around people that are poisonous and not even allowing you to speak from the heart-"

"Susan, please," Jude had to stop her right there, before she upset Casey, Casey never liked when people tempted her with returning back so far to New Mexico, while she was trying to play the devil's advocate and get them to move to Washington.

"You know," Casey was in that very state of mind, "you can move up here Susan, the weather in Washington is nice during the Spring, and I found a house just in your price range."

"Nice try Casey," Jude grinned knowingly at her, "but, they love where they live, _right Susan_?"

Susan laughed over the line, "That's right Jude, this is home, we already have-" she huffed, clicking her tongue, "I am going to have to call you back, this little guy needs a shower," it sounded like she scared him, because little Jordan squealed and then giggled endlessly, both Casey and Jude shared a smile.

That sounded like a problem in a need of a fix, "Sure Sue, thank you for all of this! Have a good one!"

Jude hanged up, and Casey gave her a funny look.

"What?"

"You called her _Sue_."

"I did not," Jude became defensive, "I called her Susan, I always call her Susan," Jude did, she never wanted to mix her up with the mother that bore her into this world and Susan Greene, even if their names were very similar to each other.

"You did! You did, I just heard you, you're so busted," Casey leaned back in her seat, "just confess, you miss your mom!"

"Well come on Casey," that was not a secret, Jude had never hidden that truth, "Of course I miss my mother, I never stopped," Jude mumbled, aggravated with Casey's bugging ways, "what do you think I am doing here, playing a game with them? I miss Seth, Leah, my mom, _hell_ , even my dad, I want them to see that I am not a piece of shit anymore. That I have changed."

"We know that. Doesn't that count for anything? Don't I count for anything," Casey tapped her nose, "if they don't see it, then they are stupid."

"If only everyone could think like you do Casey," Jude was honestly surprised the Forks Senior destined to fly to Washington State had stuck around for this long, anyone with two brain cells would never _wasted breath_ on the chick that broke up with your older brother.

"You can only wish," Casey grinned, savoring the compliment, "hey, guess what, I wanted to tell you that we are starting soccer season again, it starts next week? Would you like to come out?"

"What?" Jude found herself smiling, the rush of the game, spectators, and fresh mowed grass heavy on the mind, "I could do that? I can come out to Forks?"

"Sure you can, we always need more coaches," she told her in earnest, "we practice on Tuesdays and Thursdays," Casey said just as excited as Jude was feeling, "I wasn't sure you wanted to do it, it's been forever since I've seen you play."

"Of course I want to, this is what I need, just wait," Jude giggled with her, "you won't be able to get rid of me now."

"Good," Casey looked pleased with herself, until a police officer walked over to them, his badge gleaming, hits black boots slapping against the Diner's tiles, and his dark brown mustache trimmed perfectly, as he came to stop before their table.

It was as if their careless conversation as hauled over the burning coals. Their Diner conversations had always been like this, no ceremony but to vent about tedious abstracts of their live, a chatting crescendo of their changed circumstances, and all of her mindless brisk chatter came to a dead stop as Jude looked up at Charlie Swan's dark brown eyes, his curious eyes were alright with something akin to wonder, "Jude? Is that you?"

"Oh shit," Casey raised her hands playfully, not relinquishing her unabashed humor, as if they had been caught in the act of something deviant, "what did you do Jude? They haven't caught you yet here, we didn't do anything officer, it was all her idea-"

Jude for once ignored her, "Hello Charlie, yeah it's me," there was a young woman trailing behind him, her attention stolen to the younger, shorter, and prettier version of Charlie, but equally pale as she no doubt inherited from him, as if they both had refused to be in the sun, not entirely impossible for people that lived in Forks, "is this your daughter Charlie?"

The Chief of Police turned to introduce Isabella, _Bella_ , whom was very pretty in her casual dress. Pretty in a soft around the edges and brown doe-eyed type of way, and she was not even wearing makeup on her clear snow white face. She looked like the kind of person you would trust to babysit your kid, but not want to pressure to play soccer because she would break under the stress. _Doll-like._ Jude could see why Jacob had fallen for her, "it's nice to meet you Bella."

"Nice," she said softly while Jude shook Bella's soft hand with her scarred and calloused one.

Good _awkward_ Old Charlie, not giving Bella a chance to answer, jumped into his friendly charade, "how are things on the Rez."

"Good," Jude shrugged, "can't complain."

Charlie nodded, deep in thought, "I heard your Dad's not doing so good," his face dropped as Jude's calm expression changed to sadness, "I'm sorry to hear that Jude, Harry was the only one I could get a hold of since Billy has given me the cold shoulder, he wanted me to know, and" he implied, "if you need anything from us, we are here for you guys," and Jude felt panic go over her body at his unknowingly said words.

All she heard, all she could think was, "My dad's not," the words didn't process, " _he's not doing good_? _He's sick_?"

"You didn't know," Charlie blushed for some reason, "I just assumed that he talked to you about his heart problem-"

Jude's eyebrows rose, "He has a _heart problem_ ," Jude felt even worse now, _why had she never asked, why had she never suspected?_

Casey spoke up for her malfunctioning mouth, "Jude's not really on speaking terms with her parents," she shrugged, "you understand, it's difficult or her to talk about it."

"Thanks Casey," Jude grumbled, "but I can speak for myself."

Casey fussed, "Don't look at me like I was the one that told you," she held her hands up again as Jude frowned deeply at her, "just letting him now before he says anything else that freaks you out."

"I'm sorry Jude," Charlie got a call, "I have to take this," retreating from the awkwardness to take the token of escape, "Bella," he nudged his head to his silent and watching daughter, "you girls can keep her company for a sec for me?" Like she was a kid instead of an already grown adult.

The immediate scowl on Bella's face was laughable, Casey and Jude both had to hold back their smirks, and nodded for his poor daughter's sake.

"Thanks girls," said Charlie in a rush, and stepped out to talk, obviously a busy man.

Bella Swan stood there, _awkwardly blushing._

She reminded her so much of Charlie, like father like daughter it would seem, "Bella," Jude felt the need to break the glacier that stood between them, "why don't you sit next to me, I know all about Dad's embarrassing you in front of strangers, mine is the worst," she patted right next to her and the girl sat down, Jude gave Casey a warning look, as if she would pounce on her the moment she sat down.

Casey did not listen, taking advantage of the superstar Bella Swan, "so is it true that you are dating Jacob Black? I was talking to Jessica about it and she told me-"

"Casey," Jude groaned, "shut-up," she sighed as Casey did so, looking over at the very shy Bella, whom was red as a tomato, "I'm sorry about my friend, she lacks the part of her brain that tells her to stop talking-"

 _"Hey!"_

Jude ignored Casey's grumbles like a professional, "so how are you enjoying Forks Bella, I only came a month ago, and honestly everything looks so different now."

Bella's thinly plucked eyebrows came together, "You've been gone," those were the first words that left her naturally cherry red lips, "Charlie never told me-"

"He wouldn't have talked about me, I was not surprised my own dad didn't tell yours that I was back in town," Jude smirked with Casey, "If it's not obvious, I am kind of the black sheep of the Clearwater clan, like Casey was just telling me, she is surprised that the Council even let me back into La Push, let me have a place to stay. Runaway girls are not really let back," Jude nodded as Bella's eyes widened in awareness to what type of person she was sitting next to, "but you already knew that, didn't you Bella?"

"No, I never heard it," Bella shook her head disagreeing, her strawberry scented lotion overtook the table, it made Jude sneeze, "no one ever tells me anything," she fumbled with the words, "I don't know what's happening in La Push, Billy won't even answer my Dad anymore."

"He's busy man that Billy Black," Casey tries, like she knew anything about it, "he won't even make time for Jude, and everyone knows he loves her like a daughter."

Jude had to roll her eyes at that comment, "that is what Billy has Rachel and Rebecca for. He doesn't need me. He does fine with just Jacob."

"Jacob," that brought Bella into the conversation, "you know Jacob?"

"Who doesn't," Casey pulled the same line, the one she had said when Jude asked about the girl asking the question, "he is the most popular boy on the Rez, right Jude? Didn't you see him flirting with all the girls from tribal school, even gave one of them a big smooch-" she winked at a pissed off Jude, unabashed from stirring the pot, openly enjoying that Bella looked as if someone shot her puppy.

"Don't listen to a thing Casey says," Jude bit her lip at her best friend, a threat for later, "she is just trying to rile you up, we don't know Jacob, I just know his Dad, and from what I see he behaves himself? Why?" Jude said cautiously, trying not to push her father away, "Did he go AWOL like Billy?"

Bella opened up a little too easily, desperate, she had a presence of deep sadness as she rubbed her chest, saying, "he told me to wait until he called me, he didn't call me back after that," she rubbed her chest harder, "when Charlie called Billy," she grabbed her shirt, "he said that Jake couldn't come to the phone, I heard him right there talking, and he couldn't take the extra steps just to tell me himself."

Casey had a word for that, "What an asshole-"

"Casey," Jude saw the way it made Bella flinch, "right now is not the time, but she is right Bella," there was no better way to put it, "guys can be jerks sometimes, even when their trying to do the right thing."

"Jake's not a jerk," she corrected Jude, leaning back in her seat, "that just isn't him, it never was him, I know there is something wrong happening, with Sam's gang-"

"Gang?" that was the first time Jude heard it termed that way, "no Sam isn't a gang leader, he is starting a youth group, he works with the patrol and security for La Push," it made her laugh just thinking of it, "he doesn't have the balls for starting a gang. Sam's more," how should Jude portray the asshole that dropped her baby sister, "a patronizing fool that only follows the rules, I doubt Jacob would ever follow a _tool_ like him."

Casey laughed too, she agreed with any put down for Sam. Jude had taught her well.

Bella didn't agree with them, she was silent, even turned more troubled as she looked only at the table, rubbing her hand where she already had scratched marks.

The marks disturbed her, and Jude remembered the eighteen year old story, of what Bella had lived through, and for once saw how devastated love could make someone, and how Jacob was doing what the Cullen guy must have done before him. This was genuine hurt, suffering at it's finest.

"Bella?" Jude had to ask, "you're still suspicious of Sam?"

"Yes," Bella was so certain, "Jake said the other guys in his class were scared of him," it sounded all wrong, but the look in Bella's eyes, it meant Jake must had told her this in honesty, "that they started following Sam out of nowhere, and forgot everyone else. They stopped being his friends at school, and just stayed in their own gang. It scared Jake," she repeated, for once the worry in her voice was no longer funny.

Casey leaned over, and Bella flinched as her best friend attempted to rub the grieving girl's shaking hands, "I'm sorry your going through this Bella, and I hope Jake comes back to you, that he sees how much you love him." That was nice of Casey, these brief moments of kindness is why she had stuck around with Casey Baby, even if they had a strained bickering relationship, at least she could be kind when the opportunity showed itself.

Bella didn't take the act of kindness in the right way, not comfortable with Casey's exuberant behavior, "I don't feel like that," she took her hand away from Casey, putting her quivering hands in her lap under the table, "I don't love him _, well,_ " Bella blushed, it was so easy with a complexion like hers, "not like that."

"Oh," Jude felt something warm come to her heart at that revelation, "so he isn't interested in you like that, you guys are _just_ friends," Jude thought she could no longer be surprised after hearing her story, and once again she found herself wrong with Bella, "Billy made it seem like you both were something more-"

"He does," Bella whispered, "Jake does feel that way for me, but I- I can't let him-"

" _Oh my god_ ," Casey shook her head sadly, "your still stuck on Edward! You can't move on from him!"

That is when the poor traumatized girl shot up, and raced from the booth at the declaration of her old flame, the Diner's glass entrance doors vibrating with the big push she made her hurried escape, "what did I say," Casey shrugged as if she had not just traumatized someone, "she is obviously still hung on him," and without a second thought Jude leaned over to bonk Casey on her big ass head.

" _Hey_ , what was that for!"

"You are a horrible person, you didn't have to say those things," Jude watched the way Bella got into the passenger side of her father's police cruiser, ducking down, and pulling her hood over her head, "you just had to go and mention him, didn't you? You saw how she was acting with just talking about Jacob, how shy she is, and you go and scare her off!"

"I was just stating the obvious," Casey growled, "it's been _months_ since she stopped dating Edward Cullen, honestly this is a wake up call, I hate how everyone at school walks around eggshells when she is around, like saying the _Cullens_ existed is killing her-"

Jude screamed, "This isn't about you!"

The Diner was deathly quiet, the waitress stood in front of their booth, hands on her hips, and Jude sighed loudly, "I'm sorry, here," she gave her the total, and a gracious tip to go with it, she actually liked coming here, "I will take her out," she took Casey by the arm, and back to her Jeep parked outside.

Jude was serious, "I want to go home Casey, I'm tired," and she did not want to see the police cruiser from the side of her vision, no doubt Bella was crying her eyes out inside, and the moment the Chief of Police saw his daughter, he would know, _know what they did._

As they were driving back to La Push, the air wiping past their faces, and Jude thankful for once it wasn't raining, Casey spoke over the roar of the engine, "why do you care about her anyways, why would it bother you?"

"It wasn't nice."

Casey was not convinced, "Did you want to hear more about what she thought of Sam Uley's gang?"

Jude whipped her hair from her face, "No, that's ridiculous."

Casey's eyes lighted up, "Then you wanted to hear about Jacob?"

That was the most absurd of them all, and yet Jude _had been pushing_ , pushing Bella for everything she knew about Jacob Black.

That was so unlike her, the cunning, she had tried to make her open up,and that made no sense to Jude.

"I didn't," _yes, she did_. Jude wanted to know more about him, sure Jacob was no different from the over-sexualized young high schoolers, the dark and mysterious impression they had made on her the week before, _and still_ , that was not reason enough for to go to these lengths…

Jude made up something stupid, "she looked sad, didn't you see it."

"That's how Bella always looks," Casey brushed it off.

"Exactly," Jude rubbed her lips, "think of looking like that all the time, having to feel like shit for people disappointing you, people not thinking you are worth the trouble," her families faces, her father, her mother, Leah, and even a smiling Seth flashed before her misty grey eyes, "it makes our lives look pretty good, _right_?"

For once, Casey Whitney didn't have anything to say.


	9. Chapter 9

**o0o0o0o0o0TMS0o0o0o0o0o**

* * *

 **Chapter 9**

* * *

Jude ran into a little problem come Sunday morning.

 _The unspeakable evil_ , as she was beginning to call it. It had been one of those days, the days that Jude would need a friend to stroke her back, while she cried her eyes out into their shoulder remembering the horrible day. It happened on the _one morning_ Jude was allowed to sleep in the dark and cramped space of Old Mark's room. The one morning Old Quil was not hounding her ass to keep Mark's Mart in _tip top_ shape, _the irony was not lost on her._

 _So_ , Sunday. Mark's Mart closed on Sundays, a bunch of downtown stores did it apparently, and here she was, not sleeping the nightmares of last night away as she had planned to do, but instead glaring daggers at the _newest addition_ to her room. A _rocking chair._

 _Yes_ , a traditional American rocking chair had shown up in Jude's room. It was ordinary black wood, but it looked too old to have been made in Jude's lifetime, colonial probably, like the one put in those horror movies. It was rocking all creepy like, a near evil replica, it just showed up when Jude woke that morning, _creak, creak, creaking_ her awake. When she tried to move it, it did not budge, and that is when the invisible shield around Jude dropped, the nightmare becoming more real.

"Fuck you," Jude warned it, "back off."

It did nothing of the sort.

Instead of burning Satin's rocking chair, Jude was busying herself in the washroom, fiddling with the ever dripping faucet like it was the one possessed and playing tricks on her, and trying to figure how it had become this way. This dripping faucet was something dark. Another dark and terrible thing, something she had not foreseen.

No Running Water.

 _Nada,_ even the drips had stopped leaking from the faucet, and that is when Jude went underside of the sink with a handy wrench, loosening the bolts, and only aggravating herself more by finding nothing coming out of the main pipe, "What the hell is wrong with this place, it's trying to piss me off," Judith swore under the sink, and then went to the main water supply outside of the convenience store, messing with that too, and to her horror the pipes ran empty, nothing, completely dry, and she was really suffering for it now.

For the better part of the day there was no washing dishes, clothes, and no washing period, and absolutely no one handy to help her, her _big ol'_ pride made her stop from calling Billy.

"He's busy with his son," she reminded herself of Billy's earlier explanations, "he can't be bothered," she talked to her warmed breakfast that she had made for Old Quil the day before, leftovers that tasted bland in her mouth, not giving her the reprieve of distracting her from the creaking from upstairs, _the immovable rocking chair_ , "I have to fix this myself, before everyone gets here tomorrow," she cast a glance when the _creaking_ stopped.

It bothered her, the silence.

This place was too sad, too cold without extra bodies to fill it, Aunt Joy's chatting self as she helped make meals, Old Quil smoking to his lungs content as he sat on the kitchen's backdoor stairs looking out to the woods, and Billy Black, ever the busy-body, busying himself with chores here and there. Jude was honestly missing them, _the way she felt without them_ , it couldn't be helped.

So, to cheer herself up, and feel just a bit like a rebel, Jude chose to put the radio loud, make herself a container of too sweet lemonade, drinking to her heart's content, and when the time came, she relieved herself in the bushes deep in woods behind Mark's Mart.

Of course Jude did it discreetly, it had to be at times the street and the convenience store were evidently empty, but she was not afraid to go outside during the day, she actually preferred being out here than inside, looking up at the silent swaying pine trees, cast in the familiar light of the sun, but during the night hours, especially this night to come, _well_ , even if she told herself a thousand times not to be, she still was, she was... _she was afraid of the room._

She didn't stay too long in the woods. The oversized panting animal had come back while she slept robbing her of sleep. It prowled in the nearby tree line with only the shade of night for cover. Jude could hear it howling to the moon, to its pack, and saw the massive footprints and broken foliage in the morning. It looked like wolf footprints, but they were too big for that, so she guessed it was some type of bear... _with mutant wolf feet._

 _Yup,_ even without the visions Jude was losing _It._

She called the one person that would judge her the least, "Oh God, Jude burn that chair, it has to be evil," was Casey's advice about the chair, among other creepy things Jude had noticed, "why did you never talk about this before? This is some exorcist shit!"

That was the damn truth, "I am losing my mind Casey," Jude rubbed her jade amulet between her thumbs, she willed it to work, "I don't know how to ignore it anymore."

Her pale-face protector and antagonizer already had the answer, "Yeah, so just come over to my house, and we can watch movies and eat take-out from Debbie's Diner. I owe you one-"

Casey knew her kryptonite, and held strong against the temptation she once again gave her, "You know I can't do that," for various reasons, _Casey knew why._

The youngest Whitney just didn't want to let it go, "come on, don't make this bigger than it has to be Jude. Don't give me that bullshit about intruding, I already asked my mom, you can come and live here, come on Jude, where are you going to go? Where would be better?" of course her best _friend_ already told the wicked Witch of the West, she was on Casey's team to move her and keep her closer, so for the days she used her visitation hours, _Jordan could come and be apart of them too_.

 _Despite their meddling ways_ , Casey did give Jude permission to come over to the safety of the Whitney house. She offered for her to use her shower, washer, and dryer, _hell_ , even her very own Queen bed. Too bad she would never say yes, what kept Jude from saying yes was the idea of another heart to heart chat with Mrs. Whitney, or worse catching a lethal sighting of _**the ex**_ , that is, if Conner was still on winter vacation from his college in California.

"No I got this," Jude had to, because the other option would shame her even more deeply. The idea of leaning on Conner Whitney's family instead of her own family just felt wrong on so many levels, "I'll call you later."

After their conversation, Jude knew, whatever she planned to do, this would call for some cunning.

Judith had to be resourceful.

She had to use her assets.

So, _she got a gym membership._

"Have a wonderful day, enjoy the gym," said the trainer lady, and she felt like it was a reasonable option to get a decent shower, Jude definitely thought so when she sighed in pleasure to have hot water poor down her back, she missed this, and she took a gigantic bag of her clothes to be washed at the laundromat right next to the Forks gym.

As Jude waited for her laundry, she studied her store's inventory, doing the calculations for the week so she could present it to Old Quil. He had never asked for it, but she could still do it for him, just for her sanity she busied herself. Jude struggled with balancing a calculator on her thigh while she waited for her clothes to wash and dry.

The chug and spinning of the washing machine calmed her and she caught herself watching her clothes be tossed like slush snow being shoveled from the ground. Jude wondered how it would feel to be put in there. It wouldn't be _pleasant_ that was for sure.

Jude jumped when someone sat next to her, "Do you come here often?"

She told the guy, not giving him an inch of a smile, "You scared me."

"Oh, I'm sorry, I just have that effect," said a blonde-haired kid trying to pull a sexy smirk, while touching his varsity jacket like he wasn't trying to draw attention to it. His cocky mannerisms reminded Jude of Conner's football friends, "I mean I haven't seen you around before, are you new?"

Jude stopped writing the calculations to get a good look at him.

The kid had baby blue eyes, and his pale blond hair gelled back with stray hairs up there and here at random places. Judith found it looked rather odd, who wanted crazy hair that looked like a rainstorm had hit it. Apparently this guy did.

"My water is not working," Jude said lamely, going back to her work.

"What a coincidence," he gasped in a mock show, "so is mine. So do you live on the Rez? Ever been to First Beach?"

"What gave it away," Judith teased coldly and he laughed.

He was a good kid, but not her type. The whole _being too young part_. Judith had graduated from jocks to men a long time ago.

"You have pretty eyes," he told her while Jude got up to shove her wet clothes inside the dryer, "do you have a boyfriend?"

"Do you have a girlfriend," she shot back, rolling her eyes, because she did not have time for a lost puppy. She focused on her writing, docking all the supplies with the tallies, and going back to do the math again, just in case, he leaned too close to read her paper. She pulled it to her chest and gave him a tight-lipped smile. Jude had enough people to worry about than some stranger trying to get lucky with a cougar. This guy was not getting it.

Avoiding someone is not an invitation.

"You are making me uncomfortable," she said to him, but the guy found it funny. Jude did not.

"Oh, then let me introduce myself, the names Mike Newton, what are you writing there?"

" _Mike_!" the short brunette drawled out his annoying name, and with too much voluminous hair strolled to their seats in the laundromat, "my god stop flirting," she said slapping his arm playfully, "was my boyfriend messing with you, I am sorry, I can't keep this one on a leash," she growled playfully at him, and he did so in return.

Judith just raised her eyebrows, and decided couples are just plain weird. She left them to turn the dryer on for the next load, and went back to sitting, and trying to remain busy.

Mike was still smiling at her, so his girlfriend stayed too.

The girl asked spontaneously, "So, you live on the Rez?"

"Wow," Judith said, truly impressed, "you really are a couple. Do you guys read each other's minds or something?" Mike was the only one that laughed. His laugh made her want to fall over and puke at the sound. All immature guys were the same, they saw something sparkle and they were like, 'gimmie, gimme, gimmie.' It was endearing for a child, but in grown men it was just sad.

Mikey boy was making his girlfriend question herself by blatantly ogling her.

Judith could read it on her face, and so she decided to break the social barrier.

"Hi," she extended her arm to the girl, and was grateful she was not left hanging.

"Jessica Stanley," she shook hands with her, a pleasant smile on her face, proving her wrong about her stigma of jealousy, Judith introduced herself too, "Judith Clearwater, I do live in La Push."

"Hey Mike, can you go to the car," Jessica kissed Mike, "I can finish up babe, I'll get the clothes, why don't you pick us up some food," his focus was stolen by the mere mention of food.

That was something all guys agreed to quickly, "yeah, I will meet you at the car. Okay see you guys around," he winked at them and left.

As soon as he left the brunette with big hair and personality, turned she-devil, shattering the false peace, "If I ever see you staring at my Mike, _hussy_ , I will personally see to it that you regret it! Am I understood." _Hussy_ , who used that word? It sounded like something a grandma would say to a prostitute in the nineteenth century.

"Excuse me."

"You heard me," Jessica said, poking Jude's arm hard, "or are you deaf?"

The poke didn't hurt, in fact Jude had been poked harder by babies. It was the act of being poked by a ridiculously jealous girlfriend that made had such a profound effect on Judith. She didn't want to sink to her level, but Jessica made it so tempting. She felt the flare of pure rage tempt her. There was no one around to see. It would be so easy to teach this girl a lesson in respect. Judith had to crack her neck to calm down.

"I am still confused," Judith said getting up to her six foot height, she was already too tall in front of the small chihuahua girl, "you said that you are going to do something I would regret?"

"Well I, what I meant was-"

"That you wanted to fight me? is that what you want, to make sure I don't' flirt with your ridiculous annoying boyfriend," Jude cocked her head to the side and lightly punched the dryer next to them, making Jessica jump, this was fun, "What did you have in mind for me Jessica?"

"I-uh," she fumbled back, but kept her courage, "I have friends in high places. I know the Chief of Police," she threatened her.

"Huh, I don't answer to the Chief of Police," she had said that a long time ago, "I don't answer to anyone," she repeated and was not afraid of saying so again, but that struck her as funny, "your Bella's friend?"

"I am," Jessica shot right back, she sniffed, "why are you asking?"

The flare of pure rage had cooled to a satisfied superiority, "she knows you talk shit about her, you better watch out, I hear she is dating Jacob Black and he looks big enough to break your boyfriend in two, I might enjoy watching him do it," that was the _damn_ truth.

"That isn't true," she shot back, "Charlie wouldn't-"

"I know Charlie," Jude shot right back, "longer than you do, and I know if he ever knew the shit you were pulling with his daughter," she clucked her tongue, "well that would be fun to watch too."

"Please, don't," Jessica begged poorly.

"I would like nothing better but to see you get your ass handed to you," she confessed, remembering this was how she got into fights at Forks, and conversations like these had added to her impressive resume of detentions and suspensions. At Forks one talked down to her or started a fight with her, without getting some hair pulled and teeth knocked out.

There was something about the fight that made Jude's blood sing. Maybe it was the exhilaration of doing something she shouldn't, but it was also the chance to show others not to _"fuck"_ with her. Even if she did enjoy it when they did.

Leah had been so proud of this type of sister. The one that was bigger than the law, and the one that had so much confidence in her cocky no bullshit attitude that it landed her at an overnight stay in jail.

That version of herself was not the type of role-model Leah was supposed to look up to, but it still made Jude feel better that someone believed in her.

"I-" Jessica's face was priceless.

Jude grew confident, poking her back, "Hm, how about you fight back, _hussy,_ " that sounded delicious to Jude, "you could slash my tires, no wait, that would be petty. I did that before, and between you and me there is no real pleasure in it. You could knock me out, and steal all my clothes, yeah, leave them on the road," Jessica looked like fainting, but Jude was not finished with her, "nope, not that. Not permanent enough," the poor girl's eyes widened as she leaned forward, "Hm...oh yes. How about I rip that ridiculous hair from your head-huh-how does that sound?"

Jessica was already running. No one came to get Mike's' clothes.

Judith felt nauseated after the satisfaction left.

There was a reason why they called her _Crazy Jude_.

It was not always because of her visions.

* * *

 **o0o0o0o0o0TMS0o0o0o0o0o**

* * *

"I didn't know who to call," Judith spoke into the phone, "you told me to call you when I saw something suspicious, Billy this is it," she looked around the door to her nearly destroyed room, "I think this is the real thing!"

That was an understatement, Jude had been near hysterics when she came home to find the water working perfectly, _that wasn't the problem_ , the problem was the rocking chair was _rocking_ like a demon had possessed it, throwing shit around the room with its energy, and making a terrible noise that she could hear it downstairs.

As she kept watching, it was burning the wood beneath it, as if it was carving evil marks just to push her over the edge, it did push her over, that was why she calling, "my rocking chair is possessed, no I don't know how it got there! I think this place is haunted Billy, this place isn't haunted is it?"

Billy laughed loudly until Jude shrieked in rage that this was really happening, "Oh," was his smart response, "so, you're not joking with me?"

"Of course I am not joking," Judith felt the rage growing more as she now sat in the parking lot of the still closed convenience store, not daring to even get close to it unless she had some back-up to help destroy it, "I am not joking about this, this is not something to joke about," she should know, _ghosts_ were no laughing matter, especially the demonic ones.

Billy became serious too, "I'll be over there in a bit."

Jude was beyond relieved, "Thank you Billy!"

"Sure, sure," he hung up, and Jude looked at the obviously haunted _Mark's Mart._

She mumbled through gritted teeth, "You're going to get it now," she said this to whatever decided to haunt her, "you're a real asshole Marks," she had a feeling it had to do with him, his spirit must not have really left the place in peace, refusing to leave after for so many years that this had been his home, probably didn't want her nosing around his things, Jude reasoned, _which they would be doing later on this week._

Maybe Old Mark's spirit could sense their future demolition of this possessions? Maybe, Billy would be smart enough to bring burning sage to fight away the angry spirit attached to this place. _Unless_ , this was more than a spirit, _a demon_ , some religions called it, and that frightened Jude even more.

She said a silent prayer until she saw a car pull into the parking lot, she walked up to it without looking like she was freaked out of her mind, relieved to see Old Quil come out first, his signature grumpy face, followed by an incredibly tall man, that took out a wheelchair-

"Billy!" Just seeing his dark comforting eyes was enough for her to lean down and hug him, "thank you so much for coming!"

Billy held her worried stare, "No problem Jude, where is it?"

There was a chuckle going up the stairs of Mark's Mart, for once he was not slow, "Let's see this ghost, girl," Old Quil held a bat in his arthritis hands, slow running to the inside of the store, as if he was going to beat to death the spirit inside, "show me where it is."

Jude did, more confident in getting up the stairs, and waiting until she saw Old Quil's keen body get to the room, and for the first time, actually _go inside_ Old Mark's room.

It was silent for a moment, it sounded like he was walking around the mess the chair had created in the room, Jude held her breath as she heard him cursing, and she made no move until Old Quil's aggravated face came back to the threshold of the door, commanding a frozen Jude, "get Billy, he has to see this."

"Sure," she did, and Quil helped a wheelchair bound Billy go up the stairs for the first time, carrying him in his incredibly strong arms, while Jude brought up his rickety wheelchair, and just like that Billy was able to wheel himself into the haunted room too, to see the damage that had made Old Quil call for him to inspect, Jude tugged on her necklace, and all while the Elders inspected, Jude and Quil waited outside.

"My name's Quil," he shook hands with a glass-eyed Jude.

"I know you," she muttered, knowing his face as she did some from the tribal school, from their older siblings, from her dreary memories form before, "me and Rachel babysat you. You used to eat paper," she felt bound to remember.

"Right," he rubbed the back of his head, "For the record, I promise to tell people we met at the movies or something. This just seems a bit too weird."

Jude laughed under her breath, still trying to hear what Elders were doing, she whispered back, "you're telling me. I actually have to live here."

It sounded like they were deciding something, until Billy said loudly, "Jude can you come in here!"

Jude braced herself for entry, going inside the room was harder than before, but there was Billy, Old Quil, even little Quil, and that calmed her a bit.

As she stepped onto the bits of broken glass, torn paper, she glared daggers at the mess the evil chair had done to the room, it had broken the lone window in the room, the hinges swinging outwards, it had sent Old Mark's newsletters torn and shredded around the room, and feathers from the ripped mattress had found itself all around too, whirling in the air, rolling against the scorched marked floor, all her possessions,

"Oh God," Jude touched her mouth in sadness, all she had brought from New Mexico looked like someone had made up a game of throwing them as hard as they could into the walls, denting the wood in places, and leaving them no option to know that this was nothing sort of a malevolent spirit.

"What happened here Jude," Billy asked her.

"The spirit," Jude shook her head in anguish, "this is so much worse than before, this has to be stopped."

"What happened here Jude," Billy asked her again, with more feeling.

"I-" the look he was giving her, the _look_ Quil was giving her, they couldn't mean, "Billy you don't think I did this?"

Old Quil grunted behind him, answering for him, "who else would have done it? There is no one else here? This looks like a girl throwing a fit because she didn't get what she came for," he dared, "this looks like you are making a big deal so I don't press charges for you vandalizing my property!"

"I would never," Jude looked straight at the damn evil chair, "it's right there, that is what did it."

The Satan spawn chair started rocking again, probably just to _tease_ her., that awful noise refusing to stop.

Judith pointed at the rocking chair, "see it moved! It will start everything up again, we have to stop it!"

"Judith," Billy said, rolling up to her, and calming her by putting his large creased hand in hers, it was warm in her cold shaky palm, and then her Chief said something that haunted her more than the chair ever would, "I don't see any rocking chair Jude," he dropped his gaze, "that's because there never was one."

Old Quil grunted in a agreement once again, crossing his arms at her.

Jude looked back to where the chair was, rocking, _and yet_ , she was the only one that could see it.

 _Only the things you can see_ , _things that are not there_ , they had told her time and time again.

Quil, Old Quil, and Billy all looked at Jude's gaping mouth as she grappled with the reason why her mind did this to her, and that was when she knew, things would always go back to the white coats and needles, to the distrust, to the pity, and she wanted to sink into the termite floorboards, and never show her face again.

* * *

 **o0o0o0o0o0TMS0o0o0o0o0o**

* * *

Jude was speechless.

Even now as she leaned against the railing screwed against the hallways of Hillcrest Retirement Homes. Casey had called earlier and all she could tell her is that she had moved, not to where, not with whom, but that she would not accept any more calls for the rest of the day. It was probably not the best way to speak to her hyper aware best friend, but it would have to do. While she leaned against the wall, wanting to become apart of it, two elderly snow and grey haired woman chatted it up in their wheelchairs, eyeing her, pretending not to notice Jude's dead grey eyes as they were taken by certified nursing assistants to the dining room for their expensively prepared lunch.

One tapped her glasses, gossiping with the other, "Did you see that?"

"Yes," one waved back as Jude stared back, "what a pretty Indian girl," one of them commented as if she couldn't hear them, and Jude didn't even have the brain capacity to roll her eyes.

Billy had brought her here after Old Quil had revoked her right to step within fifty feet of Mark's Mart.

There went her room, her job, her sanity it would seem had gone with her expulsion... thankfully her employer wasn't pressing charges, but that could change with the way the Elders were looking at her as they passed into the room Billy had reserved for them to meet.

Apparently, old people were friends with other old people, and they pulled strings at the retirement home so Billy could get a meeting together between members of both the Hoh, the Makah, _for what?_ Jude had no idea, it was not like she was all that important, her delusional hallucinations of rocking chairs didn't need to be a _Council_ problem.

 _"Jude?"_

She looked up only to curse again, her parents, Seth, and Leah were there, and her voice caught in her breath, suddenly her un-ironed clothes, her crappy haired bun, and her too short bitten black nails seemed like a disgrace in front of them.

 _Here they all were,_ and she didn't know what the hell to do with them. Jude beheld her family, tearing apart the spun stories that they wanted nothing to do with her. The stories that she would only bring them nothing but pain and regret for taking her back. Not one of them balked with her glance, knowing there was no such thing people could say that would make it as worse as it was, _looking at your family_ , and not being able to go to them.

"Harry," the door to the meeting door opened, "thank you guys for coming," Billy opened the door to the room the Elders were in across the hallway, he looked down the hallway to her, his eyes betraying nothing as he avoided the heavy air hanging between the Clearwater family, "we will be with you in a moment Jude. Stay there."

"Sure Billy," Jude croaked, not recognizing her voice.

Her family went in, her mother first giving her a side-along look that had a tear going down her cheek, her father discarding the opportunity to look her way, Leah giving her a meaner look than the rest, and Seth, so sweet Seth gave her a little smile that gave her the hope to smile back.

The door closed, and Jude was once again alone in the wheelchair frenzy of wheelchairs, chattering, sing-song voices of the elderly of the Forks Community center.

 _"I'm fucked."_ There was no better way to say it.

"Watch your language, young lady."

Jude tensed, "Oh I am sorry," she said, because while she had been in her own little world, a little old lady in a wheelchair, boxed glasses, skinny frame, and darker skin than the regular pale-skin had wheeled up close to her, inspecting her, and frowning as if she found her lacking in all decency.

"Come on, come with me," she nodded for Jude to follow her as she wheeled to the dining room, "come on, you look hungry kid."

She was told to stay put, "I am here for-"

"The Elders take their sweet time, you will be waiting forever, come with me, I can get you started on something while they do what they have to do," that shut Jude up, and so she carefully went to sit with her at the elderly woman's supposed regular table. _Honestly_ , Jude did not know what she was doing, following orders from a cute little stranger, but a stranger all the same, because when Billy told her to stay put, she was going to do it, but the confrontation had left her stomach grumbling.

And so here she was, while the nurses didn't ask what she was doing, Jude _went along with it._

"Put that on, I bet you know what that is for," Jude was given a thick cream napkin, and for the first time in years Jude actually used it for her lap, "you can eat Mrs. Bordwell's food," the little Lady said discreetly, "she doesn't eat this food anyways, they always mix up her order, she can't eat solids, like they ever listen," she took the formed food form her fellow wheelchair table partner, that seemed only to be mumbling one word, slacked jaw, drool coming out the side of her mouth, and the sight bothered Jude. Made her uncomfortable to even be taking food from someone in general.

It felt wrong, "I shouldn't. I'm sorry."

"Do it! She eats only puree, look at this stuff, it's going to go to waste," said the pushy little old lady.

As Jude began to eat the offered food of mashed potatoes, steamed broccoli, and sirloin steak, she couldn't help but enjoy it, _it was divine_ , she patted her lips like the little lady told her to do, and that is when the incapacitated Mrs. Bordwell became excited.

She said one word, "Moonsea, Moonsea, Moonsea, Moonsea," the repetitive woman muttered the one word with zest, her eyes trained on Jude, no matter if she shifted, she repeated the word to her.

"What does that mean?" Jude had to ask her little old lady, "Moonsea?"

The little lady leans forward to ask her friend, "what does it mean Debra? What does Moonsea mean? Why do you keep saying it, the girl wants to know?"

"Moonsea, Moonsea, Moonsea!" That excited Debra even more, the drool leaking down her chin, and Jude had to lean over and clean it, knowing that if it had been her, she would have wanted someone to clean the drool form her lips.

Her little old lady watched her, "That's good of you. She has been repeating that word for years," she shook hands with Jude, "I hate when people call me Mrs. Carter, you can call me Barbara, half of the people in here will forget so it's easier just sticking with the one."

It still bothered Jude, "Why does she keep repeating the same word," Jude felt pity for the woman, suddenly her problems were not as bad as what aging could do to you, "did it mean something once?'

Barbara shook her head in thought, "Why does the mind decompose after years of use, why does the body betray us when we need it the most," the little old lady looked straight up at her, "Judith, you should know by now that the mind is a powerful thing."

Jude froze in her seat, no longer knowing who she was talking to, "How do you know my name?"

"Forks is a small town," Barbara leaned forward towards her, lifting her glasses, and said carefully, "and La Push is even smaller," she let that hang in the air, "you have been a very popular girl this last month, and honestly Quil has the biggest mouth this side of Washington," that explained some things about how Old Quil went for so many walks Downtown, "you need to be careful with saying that you see spirits Jude, people don't trust things they don't understand."

"How do you know all this," Jude was beyond aggravated, beyond embarrassed, and downright _frightened_ with how much Barbara saw through her, "how do you know so much about me?"

"We don't have time for that," Barbara said seriously, "listen carefully, if you keep down this path you are taking, trying to make a life for yourself here, things like this are going to keep happening, you do understand," Jude was not close to understanding, "it isn't safe for you to stay here."

"Funny," Jude gritted through her teeth, "which of the Elders told you to say this."

"This isn't a threat Jude," Barbara patted her lips once again, "this is a promise, you are a good person, and I don't want to see you hurt by her."

" _By her_? Who is she?"

"Moonsea, Moonsea, Moonsea, Moonsea, Moonsea," said Mrs. Bordwell again, lifting herself in her wheelchair for a moment, "Moon-"

"Shutup Debra," said Barbara, "I am tired of hearing it, I swear if you ever say that word again, I'll hang you from the rafters-"

"Hey! No fighting," one of the nurses thought it was a wise idea to finally come over before Barbara actually attacked Mrs. Bordwell.

"I'm sorry," Jude said to the nurse, "she was trying to talk to me about-"

"Talk?" The nurse leaned down to crouch next to Barbara, "Mrs. Carter, were you talking to this fine lady? Where you talking to her about your grandchildren? Your daughter?"

Mrs. Carter didn't say anything, mute, unmoving, her eyes listlessly looked about the table, her arms draped in front of her, and then the nurse smiled knowingly. For a moment Jude was expecting the nurse to call her out, but in fact did the opposite, "Mrs. Barbara Carter hasn't' spoken for years now honey," she said getting up from her crouching position, "I was hoping you were right, her daughter has been trying to get her to speak for years."

Jude shivered.

 _Who had she been speaking to?_

"Moonsea, Moonsea, Moonsea, Moonsea," said Mrs. Bordwell to answer her, that word had not been imagined, but she still had to make sure with the nurse.

"Excuse me? Does she always repeat _that_ word," she asked the nurse, "Moonsea," the dreaded word was beginning to mean something to Jude.

"Oh she has been saying that for years, ever since her daughter died," said the nurse, "if you know what it means, you have to tell let us in on it," she said gladly.

She was about to wheel Mrs. Carter back to her room, when Jude stopped her, "where are you taking her?"

The nurse gave her a look like it wasn't any of her business, it really wasn't, "I honestly have no idea how Mrs. Carter got rolled out here, did you do it," Jude shook her head no, "well, she usually takes her lunch in front of the television in her room."

"Thank you, I think I am going back to the hallway," and so she did, regretting ever following a little old lady that had offered her lunch.

Jude had heard enough, seen enough to know that she had never spoke to Mrs. Carter, but instead a spirit that must have taken over her body, _probably to warn her, get her away from something that was malicious, something that wanted to cause her harm- **stop** , _Jude thought, _she had to stop thinking like this, stop, before her mind became a madhouse._

The click of the door meant the meeting was over, and the Elders came out, her family close behind, and it broke her heart to see them stalk away quicker than they had come, as if she wasn't even there, or they were hoping to treat her so, and one day it would be more or less true. It was a joint effort not to go running after the fast-paced unit. She might as well not have been born with the way they kept their eyes trained forward, the would win every battle if they kept doing that, and Jude felt like a starving woman at a feast she could never eat from.

 _Look at me. Look at me, please, I need you_ , Jude pleaded, and still, nothing.

"Jude," Billy had stayed at the door, and Jude wiped the tears away, forever silent to what Mrs. Carter's spirit had warned her about, willing to take whatever he gave, because right now, she was torn in half for even staying.

"Jude? Can you come in here," Jude did come into the meeting room, expecting him to have a one-one chat about how she should move back to New Mexico, and instead she was surprised to see that Billy was not alone.

"This is someone I have been wanting you to meet," he turned to his left, "this is Winona, she is one of the Elders from the Makah Reservation," they shook hands, and Jude eyed her with tamed aggression, not in the mood to have another old woman warn her off from her family and her foolish attempts at rectifying her past mistakes.

Upon closer inspection, Jude could now see she was a petite woman, white-haired, in her eighties to nineties with sagging wrinkles around her mouth and forehead. Her skin was a deep brown, and her eyes were even darker.

The woman bent her neck, "Winona."

"Jude," she bent her head back at the woman.

For once, Jude was wondering if there was such a thing as time travel, because the elderly woman before her could have been a future version of her mother.

"Makah Reservation, I am a spiritual healer there," she introduced herself.

Jude could see it. There was something in the face that reminded her of the Makah. Stiff and proud. Maybe it was the dark eyes, maybe not... it was difficult to tell with the tied black feathers in her braids, she wore a traditional Makah furry cloak that hung down her chair, and on her arms clunk stone and shell bracelets.

"Let's just start off from the beginning shall we," Winona gave her a tight smile, launching into her statement, "you aren't crazy Jude Clearwater, you never were crazy as a child, and you aren't crazy now," said the woman, not condescending, or with an ounce of pity, Jude was too tired to feel anything but relief at the kind words, "and whoever told you that piece of shit lie wanted you to fail from the beginning, to tear yourself apart from the inside, and not understand that what you have been given is not a curse or a sickness," Winona looked at Billy that only nodded for her to continue.

She did continue, more softly, "I want to meet with you tomorrow and get to understand your capabilities," she places a hand over her heart, "for years people told me that I was crazy, and that I should be put in a madhouse, but I learned how to control it Jude, and your amulet, the one that I can now see for myself around your neck," she noted Jude's as she touched it, "is only blocking you from your true potential. We need to strip it from your protective barrier, and then we can reach the planes of the spirit world, a place where of our ancestors are waiting, and we can make an alliance with them-"

"Let's not get ahead of ourselves-" Billy interrupted her fanatical speech of ancestors and spirit worlds.

"Ahead of ourselves? She can do great things with her gift," Winona said proudly, "and you shame her with having these nonbelievers send her to people that will only say she needs medications, therapy sessions, electric shock, she has suffered enough-" she said distastefully. That information must have been given by her parents, whom had not let the doctors walk all over them when they found out the treatments their daughter had suffered at their hands.

"I think you are presuming too much," he disagreed with Winona, "that Jude has these, _gifts,_ " Billy said carefully, "but how could we know for sure, without truly testing her capabilities, how could we really know-"

Winona clicked her tongue to stop him, "What is there to test? Isn't it obvious, it is obvious to me," she said proudly, "I can sense these things, and Judith," she whistled, "is a hot-wire," she looked back at Jude, "I want to meet with you as soon as possible to teach you, and don't you worry, you don't have to be afraid anymore, not after you learn the things I have to teach you," her fast-paced words were like a ragged imbalanced tonic for Jude's nerves, this was the first time she could get answers, the first time she could control this, and live a _normal_ life, but the fanatical look in Winona's eyes, _as if she was a prize_ , it made Jude a bit unwilling.

"There is no need to rush," Billy must have known how unsteady her looks made her too, "This week is Spring Break, we have things planned this week, we might need more than a few weeks" Billy said carefully, and Jude groaned at his need to lengthen the solution, they had to face it one day or another, "No, let's think rationally Jude," he said for some reason that he found as the only reasonable solution, "I didn't know you were going to offer all this Winona when we spoke before the Elders, you spoke of healing, not _using_ Jude."

"I am opening her potential," Winona corrected him.

"Well before anyone get's their potential opened. We will think of this, I will have her at my house-"

"Billy, we can't ignore this, this is my problem to fix, you shouldn't have to-" Jude couldn't let him take this on, she was not the best person to have around, not stable, and here was finally someone that could help her, "you shouldn't have to deal with my problems."

"No, you are part of my tribe Jude, this is my problem," that shocked Jude to the core, even with the entirety of the table between Jude and him, she felt compelled to reach over and take his hand in gracious respect, "we have to think this through Jude, " she nodded her approval, "Then it is settled? Good, after spring break we can set up a meeting, how about then?"

Winona admitted, "I don't like to wait Billy, not when the best time is now," the spiritual Makah woman said petulantly, "but a deal's a deal," she said mysteriously, and it bothered Jude that Billy would strike a deal without her knowing, and allow her to stay at his house for a whole week, and running the likelihood that Jude would have to share the space with his incredibly handsome and underage son that may or may not know that she saw spirits on a daily basis.

 _Damn, this was a story to tell the kids._


	10. Chapter 10

**o0o0o0o0o0TMS0o0o0o0o0o**

* * *

 **Chapter 10**

* * *

There was a crack in her wall now.

A hideous crack that ran along the edges of Jude's mind and created a fistula to her insides. It threatened her to notice how deep it went within her, the search for the purpose to seeing spirits, Winona had planted it there, and she in turn was failing at noticing how she nurtured her words of standing a shot at using her vision as a gift rather than something to be cynical about.

As she waited for the wall to crack further, Jude kept close to herself, a bag of things Billy had bought her was held tightly against her chest as she entered the Black House that Sunday night, she ignored her phone calls as she was given a young woman's room in Billy's home, she wasn't sure which of his twin daughters it belonged to, but she sat on the offered bed all the same, listening to the far off coast accessed through the much larger window than she had been graced with in Old Marks room. The devastation that had been done to it, the haunting that would hang in that place, Jude rubbed her lips at the memory, remembering Old Quil's sneer as he finally got rid of her, and the small joy she had at leaving.

Billy was beside her before she knew it, "Is this fine Jude, is this- big enough-"

"Yes, it is perfect, " she said not taking a chance to refute any of Billy's kindness, she knew he would only take it as rebuttal for him sticking his neck out for her, "thank you, I am very grateful to you," she kept her mouth shut after that, not wanting to disturb what Billy had given her.

As she slept that night, she once again became restless, despite her comforting surroundings. The next day, when she had awoke earlier than the sun, hearing Jacob preparing himself in the restroom before he ducked out the door, not even daring to look her way, that is when she knew... Billy was the only one that wanted her here. She was unwanted even by those that had not spoken a word to her, did not have the excuse of being _hurt_ by her.

"I am going to go freshen up," Jude needed a moment of peace as she left the kitchen table, she really wanted away from La Push, away from Billy's mothering ways over the breakfast table as his son didn't even have the decency of acknowledging the both of them, and so she left the comforting bed in Rachel Black's room, calling Casey and explain what had happened the day before, brief description of how someone had vandalized her old room, of how she was no longer allowed there, how Billy had taken her in, and not one thing about that _fucken rocking chair_ , "I need a distraction Casey. When can you pick me up?"

"I'm sorry Jude, I am working today, doesn't Billy have something for you to do," was her smart _bitchy_ answer.

"Don't get pissy with me," Jude shot back, "you know very well why I can't move in with you, it has nothing to do with how much I love you Casey, or how much I would love nothing more for us to get a place together," that pacified her, "I mean it Casey, I don't know why you have to get pissed that Billy is helping me."

"I am not pissed," she rejected in that voice that Jude knew she had won her over, "today isn't a good day Jude, got into a fight with my mom over Conner," she wouldn't budge as to the reason for why they were arguing about him, but the call was not a total loss, "oh, I got you that car you were talking about, my friend is thinking of selling it to you cheap. Do you want me to pick you up later to get it?"

"Nah, you stay at work," Jude said looking around the corner as Billy wheeled down the hallway as if he had not been listening in, "I am going to sneak out, can I meet them at Forks?"

"Forks Community," Casey told her, "I'll tell them to meet you there."

"Thanks Casey I owe you one," Jude heard Casey muttering that she owed her more than that.

Jude sneaked past Billy, almost making it to the front door.

He caught her when she was two steps from it, "Where you going Jude?"

"To Forks," Jude hung her head in guilt, he had saw through the whole thing.

"What for?" he rolled around as Jude tried opening the door, effectively blocking her, and looking at her with a look that made her question if Harry had taught it to him, or vice versa.

"I'm getting a car in Forks," Jude shrugged, "I need it Billy, it won't be all day, please don't make me feel like I am on house arrest."

Billy leaned forward to push the door open, _open it wider_ , "I am only asking to check on you Jude," he nodded to the outside, "I never keep prisoners, holler if you need anything."

That surprised her, and she did nothing to stop the smile from spreading on her face, "Thank you Billy," Jude meant it, not running at the first chance, "I really mean it, I don't know what I would have done if you hadn't taken me in, I probably would have went back to New Mexico, and you really stuck your neck out for me, I won't forget it!"

"Ah, it was nothing Jude, you just remember to be safe, no hiking, no going into the woods with the bear problems," he waved her off, repeating what she already knew.

"Sure Billy," she curiously watched him, going back to whatever it was he was doing, and then Jude called a Taxi so she could meet this friend of Casey's at Forks Community College.

Forks rainy weather was a constant as they drove out of La Push and she tapped her fingers against the droplet splattered Taxi windows imagining desert, sun, and open flat land for as far as the eye could see. To get into the moody feel of the evergreen canopy of grey-skied day, Judith took out a book of Rachel's to read as she waited for her Taxi ride to get to the community college. Her mind wandered to heating baby bottles, getting formula on her shirt, and baby vomit at the most unpleasant moments. She remembered sleeping with a beautiful little being, and…that was the push she needed to remind herself that _she had to learn more about what the spirits were trying to do with her, and what the Elders were keeping from her._

Especially Billy, the way he had dismissed Winona the other day, dismissed her help to fix the spirits problem once and for all. Not to mention, the way Winona knew what she was with such assured attitude, as if she had been waiting for a person like her, as if it was their purpose to do this together, it… _just didn't feel right._

When Jude made it to the barely populated College, she bought a food at a taco stand.

"You are cute," a sandy-haired guy was the first to approach her, "do you want to go out sometime?"

Judith smiled at the little stud, she was more interested in her lunch, but he offered, "how old are you anyways?"

"Seventeen," he purred at her. It was silly.

"You are jail bait, sorry kid," she said, looking around for the guy she was supposed to meet. Judith had texted him that she was waiting here, they were the only ones. It was no coincidence, "are you Austin Marks? Casey said you had a car for me."

"Yeah Casey told me to meet you here," his grin grew bigger, "you are Conner's old girl then?"

Judith stopped smiling, "do you have the car here or do we have to go to your house?"

"Wow, slow down cougar," he teased her, and Judith shook her head. He was such a kid, "sure, does Conner know you are back? He was friends with my older brother. Maybe, you know my brother?"

 _"Who's your brother?"_

"Granton Marks." Judith didn't remember a Granton, what an ugly name.

"I don't know a Grant-wait a second, Grant the Tramp?"

That made Austin laugh, "he hated that name, haven't heard it in a long time."

Judith smiled like she meant it, "that's because Conner and me made it up for him. He had a British girlfriend at the time-"

"Kimberly, I remember her," Austin eyes grew big, "she had amazing boobs."

"I guess she did," Judith laughed as the boy's cheeks grew red.

Austin looked so much like his brother, even smirked like him, "I see why my brother liked you. I am selling my Honda Civic. It is a 2005. It is practically new, but I will give it to you cheap. By the way, are you looking for some motorbikes, because I am trying to sell those too. I want to go to Europe this summer, and I need the money."

"I would," Jude bit her lip, "I would like to help you, but I don't like motorbikes. I had a bad accident when I was little, maybe your brother can tell you. I am on the Rez again, and he can visit me if he likes. Seth Clearwater will tell you where," the whole of La Push would know she was staying with Billy Black, and that his charity knew no bounds for the _local crazy woman._

"You see, the thing is," Austin lost his smile, "Granton has been missing in action for some months," Austin said running a hand through his shaggy hair, "If you find him tell him that mom misses him. He is a good brother Crazy Jude," he said her nickname, and she let him, for Grant's sake, "he just has a temper and a bad case of depression because of Philly, and when he is off, doing whatever it is he does-"

Austin looked so lost. It reminded her of someone. It reminded her of Seth.

"I know," Jude reached for his hand and gave it a squeeze, '"Grant was the best of us Austin, I know. He could be mean, and he enjoyed lighting up, but no one was more loyal than Grant," she remembered that much, "but when you lose the love of your life, you change. It is hard."

"It's hard for us too," Austin said, taking his hand away from hers, "Thank you, but you don't understand. Come on, your car is this way."

That hurt Jude, but she knew that she was doing the right thing with Grant's little brother. Granton was the last person she saw before she had ran away from La Push, because he had been there to catch her running through the forest naked as the day she was born, and running from spirits that had torn the clothes from her. It was humiliating.

 _His advice at her running away._

 _"You can go home, apologize, make-up," Grant shrugged, wagging his eyebrows, "I don't know suck Conner's dick,"_

 _"GRANT!"_

 _"Okay daddy's girl just make up like a normal person," he hinted, and Jude glared._

" _I am not a normal person Grant. Obviously I cannot even keep my clothes on," she was mostly naked here, shivering in her birthday suit, "and the visions are getting worse. The medicine isn't working," she pushed away the bud of Mary Jane he offered from behind his ear, "that doesn't help either. I am tired of being a fuck up. I need to start changing and it can't be here. I mean can you see me running around naked trying to find myself, what would people say?"_

 _He found it funny, chuckling, and giving her a look like he wasn't aware how naked she really was "Sounds like a personal problem, and I don't know if you would live very long if you tried," he joked and laughed loudly now, "I can't be chasing after a nudist in the woods, what would the people of Forks say?" He repeated her stupid words.  
_

 _She smacked him over the head, "You are such an ass!"_

 _"Whatever Crazy Jude," she play fought him as they made it to the airport, he had the decency to at least give her his shirt, then buy her extra clothes, and then give her the cash to get the plane ticket furthest from the place they always wanted to get away from._

"Thank you for speaking to me Austin. Even if you don't know me," Jude told him as they walked through the parking lot to his car because people like Austin Marks needed to hear these things like that.

"Grant knew you were a good person, so we did too," that was nice of him to say, "Well here it is," he opened the car they had finally got to.

The car looked clean.

It was a good car, it drove nice around the Forks Community College, and Jude knew enough about cars to know that she was not being ripped off. It felt good to go with Austin to sign the papers at the DMV and give him the cash Old Quil had given her over the weeks working, and she wished that it would help him in his dreams of adventure in Europe. People needed that sometimes.

"See ya," he drove off with his mom.

"Bye Mrs. Marks," Mrs. Marks didn't look like she remembered her, and Jude didn't say anything to jog her memory.

Grant's mom was a less controlling mother than Conner's mother had been, but all those lunches and video game sessions in her son's room never meant she approved of her. _Granton_ would drag her over all the time, and that was probably the problem. She was only a girl that fueled Grant's less savory hobbies.

It was for the best. Jude wasn't the best influence, and Grant was no angel when she left.

She sang to clear her mind, "Alabama, Arkansas, I do love my Ma and Pa," she sang while imagining what happened in the years she was gone, and how she had missed driving the familiar road back to La Push. Time would tell. Grant would show up one day to tell her all about it, _he had to._

Judith rubbed her amulet, remembering Winona's words, _it is holding you back from your potential, it is blocking you from your gift,_ Jude would take her chances.

Well, at the end of the day, she had what she wanted.

A new car.

Judith's wallet was lighter, and from this moment she vowed to start saving, and stop spending so much. It was not healthy to be treating money like toilet paper. Judith turned the car down the riding roads filled with giants of trees, and sung all the way back to La Push. She had succeeded. The day was beautiful, it only drizzle, and she let the weather come into her car. She blared the music loud with the windows rolled down. Jude was invincible, until she saw her sister walking on the side of the road.

Leah looked drenched, her arms stuffed in her armpits, and her backpack hung over her shoulder wet and filled with books.

 _Who had left her like this?_

Jude slowed down, she had to, "do you need a ride?"

Leah gave her the stink eye, but Judith knew better.

She opened the car door, and prayed Leah made the right choice.

* * *

 **o0o0o0o0o0TMS0o0o0o0o0o**

* * *

"Leah," Jude sighed for the hundredth time, "get in the car."

"No."

"You are going to freeze to death."

"No," Leah was so damn stubborn, "leave me alone."

Jude revved her engine, she was losing gas, but that was the last of her worries, she patted her car door in frustration, "Come on Leah, you got miles till you get to the house, are you really going to walk all the way home," she would not budge, "are you going to make me drive next to you like this?"

Cars honked, passed them slowly, others barely missed grazing her, and Jude had to wave them off. If she was not so upset with Leah she would be embarrassed for causing this scene, and no doubt giving the locals something to chit chat about. This would get back to her parents sooner rather than later, and she could hear her father telling her to leave her sister to reach out in her own time.

Jude was not sure what their reaction would be to her pushing, and she was not sure if she was prepared to find out. They could ask her to leave, and that would only depress beyond anything she was experiencing now. She had to try harder.

"Leah, please," she pleaded, "you are making this harder than it has to be."

She showed her the birdie, and it made Judith curse under her breath. Leah would die trying to hold her grudge against her.

Judith stopped the car, put her emergency lights on, and chased after her sister. Her sister noticed, her eyes bulged, and that was when she took off. Jude almost tripped on the wet pavement as she chased her, but kept going after catching herself, hurtling faster to the sprinting Leah, "Get back here Leah!" Leah started jumping through the foliage, and it looked like she might get away. She was fast. Judith was faster.

Judith caught her mid-leap.

Leah's wet body smacked with her own dry one, "Let go of me," Leah screamed, scratching on Jude's hand that was clamped around her wrist. Judith grunted as her sister struggled to be released. Leah tried biting her, and then resorted to stamping on her foot.

Judith winced, but didn't release her, "No," now it was her turn, "I will not."

"You're hurting me," Leah screamed in face, her wrist and her foot would have serious bruising after this, "why can't you leave me alone, leave me alone," she cried out, and tears came down her eyes streaming down her russet cheeks. Judith held on until she stopped struggling. The fight in Leah went out quicker than a bolt of lightning touching down on the mountain's tips. It was not what Jude wanted, for Leah broke down like this, and to cry like this.

"Okay, okay, get off, I won't run," Leah promised, "Just let me go."

It made Jude's heart clench, but she released her.

"You are my sister," Jude said miserably, rubbing the long line of nail marks on her arm, "I won't leave you like this again. I love you far too much."

"Do us both a favor," Leah said, "love me a bit less." Leah's long hair caught in her mouth, but she spits it out, "I can't have you standing around every corner, trying to push yourself on my family."

Judith's own grey eyes blazed. _How dare she!_

"This is my family too," said Jude, it was hopeless to tell her. Leah looked devastated, "why must you hold onto all this hate Lee-lee," she began to sob at her old name, "It is so much easier to forgive. Please forgive me Leah, let us find peace."

Leah would hear nothing of peace, "you think you have all the answers, well news flash, you are just as lost as us. You crushed Mom and Dad when you left."

Jude felt herself shake with the news, the guilt was terrible, "Did you know we went after you, drove to Conner's, and he hadn't seen you all day? None of your friends knew where you were, where were you Jude? We called the police station. I was so scared. No news after the first day, and no one knew a thing about where you went. Another runaway they called it, but we were scared. Dad said that you might be... you might be hurt somewhere, you might be worse than hurt," Jude had never known, but of course whose fault was that? They must have lost their minds, and Leah was right, _where the hell was she? What was she thinking that day?_

Jude wasn't thinking, and that was the answer. She was only thinking about herself.

"We thought you were kidnapped or dead until you sent us the letter that you were fine, and what a stupid letter you sent. It could never fix what you did to us. Where were you? WHERE WERE YOU!" Leah began pushing Jude, and Jude held her as she struggled.

Her little sister was strong and young, and for that Jude was sweating up a storm and straining her muscles to keep her near her. Leah got away, and Jude jumped her again almost being taken down as well... but Leah's resolve was breaking, "LIAR, SELFISH LIAR! I HATE YOU!" Leah screamed in her face.

It made Jude scream back, "I HATE MYSELF TOO," and let go of Leah, who she fell on her butt. They separated from one another like a taut rubber band looked painful, but the damage was already done, only the silence between them left after their passionate declarations.

Jude stared back at Leah.

They both suffered from her leaving. Leah suffered for what fates forced upon her: a horrible sister, the whole Sam and Emily thing, and how their tribe thought time would make it better if she was just ignored like a bad memory. Jude suffered for what she did to fool the fates. No one could completely change their future, or push it on someone else. She was destined to be more than a single girl with issues, but she was too afraid to become more when she had Jordan in her arms.

Changing things too quickly, it would drive them crazy.

Leah was breathless, panting with her hands on her knees, and a drizzle picked up around them.

"You're right," Judith grimaced while she straightened and fixed her jacket around her neck, and she rubbed her hand that was stinging from the bite and nail scratches. Her sister was worse than a cat. Leah had the eyes of one too, with her malicious cold death glare. The amulet hung around Jude's neck like an anchor, and she rubbed it trying to get over that her sister would ever give her a look like that, "I don't have all the answers, and I don't pretend to have them."

Leah drove it deep, "Then why did you come back? Why do you try?"

"I lost so much already," Jude told her, "I know now what is important, running away was never the answer. It was stupid, it was selfish," Jude could feel the sweat and drops fall down her neck, "I know that now, more than I can say, and there's nothing I can do to make it right. I can only push so much, and I don't want to push you anymore Leah."

"Good. I don't want you pushing me," she agreed.

"Good," Jude agreed right back.

 _What more could be said?_

The fight have finally settled, and after all things were said and done, Jude could not help but feel a bit more relieved.

At least her sister had opened up to her.

Time would tell for other things.

Leah walked back in silence, their feet finding the path, continuing on their trek through dirt, gravel, and Jude followed her little sister's footsteps. Their silence did not make it better, and the running car was waiting for them but Leah refused to come with her.

After much pestering, Leah found her resolve, "I don't trust you anymore. You are unpredictable."

Her sister knew her too well, "I am trying Leah."

Leah was not finished, "You say you want to help us, be apart of our lives, but that is what you say now. What will be important next month? Or the month after? I don't trust you for a second Jude when you say that you aren't going anywhere. _So_ , don't follow me, don't talk to me, and stay away from us," she ran away.

Judith cried when she lost sight of Leah.

 _She was right_ , trust had to be earned. She had lost the trust of her loved ones. Who would run away like that? A selfish person, or a the truly desperate girl she remembered? Jude was losing her mind back then, the fear of spirits attacking so great she had fouled herself some times, watching the invisible hands ripping at her clothes, and that was why she had to leave. That was her excuse she told herself when she lived far away from her family. _Was she really forgetting why she came here?_ Jude knew the answer, even if Leah didn't believe it.

"You are Jude Clearwater. You are here for family. You are here for forgiveness," she said with gusto, and the mountains' winds as her only witness,"and to forgive. You stay as long as you are needed, and if you cause trouble, you leave. If you cause trouble, you need let them go. Stop feeling sorry for yourself and do it."

She had already left behind her favorite person in the world.

The truth was, "the truth is," Jude whispered for anyone to hear, "I was pregnant when I left," she swallowed the falling tears in her mouth, "and now," she cleared her throat, "I left Jordan behind," _not completely,_ but she knew that she wasn't going back to New Mexico, not for some time, "and a part of me wanted to, to save him from ever knowing me, of knowing how horrible his mother really is."

That was her secret, and Jude still had not forgiven herself.

She was too hurt to tell anyone, but she had finally said it aloud. The spirits of her ancestors must think her a sad case, and only the forest knew her darkest secret now.

At least that was a start.

* * *

 **o0o0o0o0o0TMS0o0o0o0o0o**

* * *

Jude followed Leah.

She followed her like a stalker; albeit a stalker with good intentions to see her little sister home safe, but a stalker nevertheless.

 _How had Leah grown up so much?_ She already sounded like Harry, with words that moved people to change for the better. Jude missed her family. She parked a street down, and came in front of her house, well… _her childhood home._

There was a moss-covered stump in the thick green foliage in front of the Clearwater Residence. It had been there since forever. Jude occupied it, her hair plastered to her cheeks, and her wet jeans rubbed against her inner thighs. Jude would get a rash for sure. She looked up at the looming and swaying canopy of evergreen trees. They looked welcoming this week-day evening. She put on bug spray and her rain jacket to watch a moment of the old life she had given up.

Seth came home after Leah did with a young man she had never seen before and a hop in his step. If Jude didn't know better, she would think that he had taken some prescribed happy pills or had just had the blow job of his lifetime. No one was that happy, all the time, but he was. Jude needed to let more happy people into her life.

When the first car pulled into her parents driveway, is when the first bugs try eating her. She smacked a pesky mosquito against her neck, and her palm comes back red. The sucker got her.

She looks up to see someone get out of the car.

It is her mother.

Sue Clearwater was still driving her old green jeep. The one she got out of college when she married Harry. Jude's mother leaned backwards yanking two brown bags from the Jeeps' backseat. She got groceries for dinner. Jude watches her huff and puff to the front door, struggling to turn the knob, and for a moment she imagines herself going over there and helping her. It would not be wise. Jude doesn't do it. A blue jay swoops down near her, and Jude throws some sunflower seeds at it. She could share her snacks.

Sue is already done with bringing the groceries when Seth and Leah come out to help. Their Mother was not happy, and tells them to help her carry things in when she brings them food to eat. It makes Jude laugh. The bluejay is getting more confident, and she could pick it up if she bent down now. It flies away as she tries. Birds are fast.

"Good evening Harry," a man in a car yells as a rusty truck rolls up to her curb.

"Evening!"

The man in the old Chevy chugs to where the taxi had dropped her off two weeks before, and Jude's heart races. Harry came out of the truck, older, rounder around the center, but still Harry. She expected him to change, to be different, but she didn't see it. He walks up the steps, stamps his boots, and puts his hat on the tarnished gold beg that hangs next to the off-white door. It was such a familiar sight it makes her want to start blubbering.

 _Very slowly,_ Harry turns and looks her way.

Jude holds her breath. Of course he would find her watching, like a stalker, an outcast of her own making.

Harry leaned against the porch, looking out to her, but she was sure he could not see her. He wouldn't be so calm if he had, but a girl could wish. Jude wanted to believe that he already knew she was here. She was her daughter, his first-born, and his first baby. Jude was crying again. _How could he not know she was here?_ He didn't call out to her. Instead he sat on one of the porch's chairs, pulled out a cigarette, and smoked it, and puffing out smoke from his mouth like a natural.

Judith sat enraptured.

He was still the same, and she always knew he never would give up that awful habit.

Harry Clearwater never cared much about his health, only well-being of his family and friends and that trait was what made him so endearing. His lovable non-nonsense, I don't give a shit, listen to what I say, not what I do, type of attitude. Very few people could love you the way he did. Jude should have listened to him more, had more patience, and told him she loved him. _Why had she held herself back from telling him how much she loved him?_

Sue poked her head out, and Harry went inside, while throwing away the cigarette before entering his home. They would sit to have dinner, talk about their day, and get to tell each other the things they wanted. Family was beautiful when you couldn't have it.

Jude had seen enough.

* * *

o0o0o0o0o0TMS0o0o0o0o0o

* * *

Later on that night, she cooked her first meal for Billy, mostly to make up for ditching him the first day he allowing her to stay in his home. She made more than enough leftovers for his son, an unsaid thanks for giving them the whole house the first day of Spring Break, without his unwelcoming presence, and Billy answer was that it would have been boring if she had not come, and boring if she had stayed in today. Jake slept all day, and Billy made use of himself by whittling in the back, "that's beautiful Billy," Billy happily showed her a necklace of crescent moons, "who is that for?"

"I made one for Rachel and Rebecca," he said, showing her the other, "I am going to give it to her when she comes back from Washington State later on this week, she is going to see Rebecca later on this week, I would go to Hawaii too, but," he didn't expand on it, Jude knew it would never be her place to push for that information, he brought attention back to the bracelets, "they are beautiful aren't they?"

"They are! I am a little jealous, I wish my-" Jude stopped too, and Billy and her shared a sad smile with one another.

That was when his home phone rang, he picked it up, and came back to the kitchen table to give the phone to Jude, "who is it?"

"Take it Jude," was his simple answer.

It bothered her that he couldn't just tell her, she put it to her ear, "Hello?"

The person hanged up quickly.

"That's weird," Jude's eyes landed outside the open kitchen window, sunset cast the sky with orange and dark purples, and she put the phone down beside her, Billy giving her a curious look, "I guess it was the wrong number Billy."

"They'll call back," Billy sounded so sure as he rolled himself to the living room, turning on the television.

They did call back, Jude had to wipe her hands and wash the dishes so she could make the next meal, "Hello, this is Jude?"

They hung up again.

She refrained from slamming down the home phone, "Dammit."

When she came back inside after throwing out the trash, she had cleaned the kitchen as she waiting suspiciously, and now as she came back to it. The phone rang once more, taunting her.

"Hello? This is Jude?"

Still no one answered.

"Damn," she growled, "please don't hang up again," she groaned, "someone is prank-calling me Billy," she checked outside the window of Billy's house, the back-door expecting someone to be there, Casey, Leah, hell even a chuckling Seth and grew irritated that Billy was flipping through his channels not really bothering with her distress of her being prank called again and again.

The Dial tone made her sigh again.

She sat on the living room couch, bringing her legs up with her, watching what Billy thought was good television, "I am not answering the next one. I don't care who it is."

"Okay," Billy said in humor.

 _She really meant it_ , she told him so, and Billy didn't say anything to her, and Jude was secretly hoping it was her father that was calling and hanging up. There were times when this smacked her in the face. The longing she felt to talk to her father about him being _sick._ She couldn't ignore the caution and sadness that had come form her father's close friend Charlie Swan. The tightness she felt in her body when she thought of anything happening to her father.

Jude had returned to the kitchen, daydreaming as she cooked the salmon, and two other Clearwater meals when the phone started ringing, it made Judith jump.

She jumped on it, already prepared, "Hello, who are you? Why do you keep hanging up on me?

No answer. Once again.

"Is someone there?"

The person was still on the other end. Judith could hear them breathing this time.

"This is Judith Clearwater, I am going to hang up," Jude said, ready to hang up.

"Jude?"

"Yes," she didn't recognize the voice, "that's me."

The woman started crying, sniffling, and her sadness overwhelming. She knew that crying.

"Mommy?"

It had been her mother calling.

The crying increased in fervor and Judith stopped making her dinner.

She listened to her mother, silent, and wanting to speak, but afraid that it would make Sue Clearwater hang up, why out of all the moments did her mouth get dry, and her heart drop to her stomach. She was still in withdrawals from last time. Jude had been hurting from Leah the just earlier today, and dreading how her family would take her pushing after her father had specifically told her not to. She didn't know how much rejection her body could take.

"Jude, my Jude," her mother cried, her voice was so familiar, it hurt to listen to the pain in it, and the reason that it was there in the first place,"why, why did you leave us?"

 _Why?_

 _She hated not saying the truth. She couldn't say the truth._

"I don't want to make excuses Mom, I was in the wrong," her mother sniffled, and Jude wanted to see her now, wanted to hold her, make her see the pain in her own heart, Billy rolled around the corner, giving her a look, Jude steeled her face, "It is not fair. I am a horrible person, and I have no answers."

That made her mother cry even more. Jude decided to just stay quiet. She was only making it worse.

"Jude," her mother finally says, "how are you?"

"Good," she said and then groaned at the stupid remark. _Yeah, real smart of you Jude_ , she thought to herself, t _ell your mother you are good after running away for three years_ , " I'm okay, I am staying with Billy, he is taking care of me mom."

"Are you…" her mother became silent, she was really listening, "do you have food? Are you hungry?" That threw her off.

"I am making food right now, mom," she moved the pasta around in the pan, it smelled so good that it made her stomach rumble, "pasta with spiced mangoes," her Mom should know what that meant, because it was one of her recipes.

"You make food? You make _my food_?"

"Yes," Jude said in fervor, "Billy has to eat something Mom, and I have to represent the Clearwater traditions, and he honestly kept buying things might as well make food for him with it. He is so pushy Mom," she said aloud, and saying her name sent warm butterflies all over her body, "he said he always liked this plate of yours. He didn't like that I can't cook Dad's fish fry, but I can always learn," she was pushing her mother, but her mother had yet to hang up, so it must not have been too much for her.

Jude became brave as Billy rolled away from his hiding spot by the door, and back to his television, giving her some privacy, "How is Leah doing? Did she tell you I saw her this morning."

"Yes, she did tell us," said Sue, it was all she would give her.

"Is Dad there," she tried to say, "is he off work, how is he doing?"

"I have to go-" Sue hanged up, and Judith could guess why.

The Dial tone was loud in her ears, she pressed END, "Bye, mom," she began stirring the pasta, taking one in her mouth, and spitting it out. It was really hot. She rubbed the tip of her burnt tongue. That was what she got for being impatient. Her mother reaches out for her and she began firing questions about their family. Probably scared her off for good.

"What did Sue say?" Billy spoke up, she could tell he had never really been watching television.

"She is good, she asked how I was doing, we talked a bit," how dumb could she be to ever have left her in the first place, "I miss my mamma Billy," she sighed into her meal, "I miss cooking with her, spending time with her, even my dad, I miss fishing with him," she confessed.

"I know you do honey," Billy started flipping through the television channels, settling on a baseball game, really watching it now.

Jude knew, deep down, Billy should have told her the truth. That Jude should have felt that way _three years ago._

It would have kept a _whole bunch of pain_ from a _whole bunch of good people._


	11. Chapter 11

****o0o0o0o0o0TMS0o0o0o0o0o****

* * *

 **Chapter 11**

* * *

The night came unlike any other, Rachel Black's night light fought against the dark, the miniature crescent moon cast a golden glow about the room, the shape of it reminded Jude of Billy's delicate bracelets he had whittled for his twin daughters, and the gift he had given to Jude by letting her stay here in the warm cocoon she had made in the sheets softer than clouds, and pale blue walls darkened and warmed by the comforting night light.

The color of the room reminded her of the constant peace she had found staring up at the desert sky.

The memory of New Mexico pale blue cloudless day, and dark bright night of flickering stars, drawing her further into the powers of her imagination for spinning a story where she could be daughter, mother, and herself all in one, and all parts were better than the ones she gave the people she claimed to care for and love.

Jude felt her body relaxing, relaxing deeper and deeper than she had done in a long time. She nudged her face deeper into the soft pillow Rachel had on her bed, it smelt of lavender and perfume, and for once she was no longer worrying about trying to catch a nap in a haunted mansion, but in Billy's home, she felt it a personal gift that she would cherish to the highest regard.

Here, in this place, she could replay the sweet memory of her mothe _r asking about her, asking her if she was hungry_ … it made Jude feel hopeful for what progress she could make, and the progress she could yet to make with Winona when they met again.

 _Moonsea._

She went to sleep with the troubling word in her mind, tormenting over the meaning no one seemed to grasp even when she asked Winona, even Billy the night before. Billy had given a look as if he was regretting introducing her to the Makah spirit healer, and so she knew that was the last time she would ask about the elusive word. It rolled in her brain, leaping through her memories of confronting Bella, speaking to her father that night on Mark's Mart awning, and hearing the voice of her mother after years of being without it.

It reminded her of Jordan sleeping, the way he closed his eyes and expected nothing but to enjoy his dreams of being a hero, or waking up the next morning to bounce on his mother's chest.

 _Moonsea._

"Jordan," Jude whispered to the room before she dreamed of him, " _good night baby_."

The next morning, she called Susan, spoke to her son about his newest wrestling guy toys, and that delightfully simple conversation with Jordan woke her with renewed energy for what the day brought her, it was nearly dawn when she began folding up Rachel's sheets to wash, she was planning on going to the kitchen to cook and clean some more before Billy or anyone woke up, but she didn't wake up early enough.

Voices rose down the small hallway, a door was shut hard enough that the walls of Billy's home shook, "she is using you Dad, can't you see that?"

"Lower your voice Jacob-"

"She is poison Billy, Harry won't even have anything to do with her, doesn't that show you how far she is willing to go, no I will not be quiet," he raised his voice even louder, and Jude bit her lip in aggravation, willing herself not to confront him.

"You will respect this house Jacob, you will respect my decision-"

"I do," his voice contradicted his wrathful words, "I do respect you, _you_ did nothing wrong. I can appreciate your kindness for giving her a day to get herself together Dad," Jacob was unafraid of voicing his opinion in that bass voice, it did not calm her as she had imagined it would, instead she held her amulet inside her fist, painfully listening in, her heart pounding at the accusations, "but when do you expect her to run off with her nosy ass friend, using up all your time with helping her, or worse she could trash our home when we aren't here, just to spite you, maybe even steal what she can from Rachel's room, I wouldn't be surprised if she already did-"

Jude immediately put back the book she borrowed from Rachel's collection, that is the only thing she had taken from the room, and now she felt guilty for it, "She isn't like that Jacob," Billy advocated for her, "you don't know her enough to make that judgment-"

"Do you know her Dad?" Billy didn't get a chance to answer Jacob as he yelled, "that is what I thought, you don't trust the story she fed Harry, because you know anyone with common sense would never trust someone that left her family behind. I can't do it Dad. I can't stick around when you plan on playing father daughter with a girl that would punk around Bella in front of a whole Diner and get away with it."

Jude's eyes narrowed, she muttered, " _Bella?"_

"I hardly believe Jude would have done that to Bella-"

"Stop, stop protecting her," Jacob growled, "Bella is not a liar," he said, "you don't even know her well enough to know if _she_ is a liar. If what Old Quil told me, it would seem that would be the least of our problems when it comes to her, I'm going to be with Bella today, don't expect me back early-" his footfalls silenced the cold words he had spoken.

"Jacob! Come back here right now!"

Jude snapped her eyes shut at the slap of the front screen door, Billy yelled after his son, and Jude knew he wasn't going to come back.

If she had any doubt before what Jacob Black thought of her, it was made painfully apparent know that he thought her a delinquent, thief, bully, a liar, and everything went stiff inside of Jude at the thought. A threat of violence shifting underneath her skin. Just what a girl wanted to hear the morning she woke up in a good mood.

"Hello Billy."

"Oh Jude!"

"You guys were pretty loud," Jude put it lightly, better to start there, let Billy know she heard every _damn_ thing.

"Oh, you're awake, well," he disregarded it, "are you hungry? Would you like me to help you cook something up?" He plastered a fake smile on his face, and that is when Jude felt a flicker of disappointment for him.

She had never dared touched the thought that Billy would ever be fake to her, and then she knew this was the man that had opened her heart to hoping for something better, but in fact had opened her heart wider just so that he could put a lashing where it mattered most.

"Don't pretend Billy," Jude knew exactly where she fit in this situation, jumping on the conversation she was dying to have when Jacob was present, "you don't have to pretend that you are sick of my presence, I am sick of myself too. I know, I knew it before I even came back, I told myself that someone would care to know my side of the story, but I knew it was a lie I told myself to just push myself to come back. No one cares for my reasoning, not when it caused so much damage, nothing I can do, nothing I can say, hell I think I even made it worse by coming back, but that is fine, this isn't about me anymore, so," Jude huffed to herself, "I am going to pack up my stuff, and I am going to-"

"Now Jude," Billy Black became serious, taking control of the conversation, "this is my house, and if Jacob has a problem with you, then he can deal with it with me," he put his hands in his lap, "I don't care what you do outside this house, as long as you don't share the information you hear here, you don't make any more scenes at Diners, and you don't go with that pale-face girl, she isn't good for you Judith, you can't see it because she is your friend," he said trying to calm Jude's aggressive eyes, "I would rather have you here, if that is selfish than fine, but let it not be said that I didn't tell you the truth when you asked, or tried to give you a better way to deal with seeing these scary things."

"Thank you Billy," Jude could give him that much, "thank you for caring," but she didn't feel like seeing him, perhaps for the whole week, because his words had hurt ten times more than Jacob's ever could, "I am going to go with the pale-face friend, she is my best friend," Jude said right away, she had always been very protective of Casey, that would never change, like the way she would never want to stop pushing Leah, Seth, her parents to take her back, even when she had to pull herself back from doing so, because they wanted space. Jude ripped the words out of her, "but don't worry Billy, I will keep all your things a secret, no one needs to know that you feel threatened by her."

"That isn't fair Jude, you aren't being fair to me," he said as she got her phone, soccer bag, and already going to her car, he wheeled after her, and she roared her engine to life, his large hand grasped the diver side window, leaving his imprint there, "are you going to come back?"

She roared her engine once more, her legs ready to push the gas... _but she didn't speed off._

Instead, she stayed in that driver's seat, staring out to the road, _thinking._

She didn't want to become what Jacob had professed her to truly be, despite her earnest pleas otherwise, and what the town gossiped she really was when you tore away the desperation and stupidity of her newfound character. Jude thumbed her fingers over the wheel of her car, wanting to be cruel to Billy, to tell him that she never wanted anything to do with the tribe, with people that had pushed this loathing of her visions, tore her fragile mind when she was so young, and she felt that she deserved to be mean to Billy, to anyone that allowed the things that happened to her as a small child, and as a troubled teen, and the fact that no one reached out to Winona much sooner to explain her case, instead of believing insanity was the _only option_.

 _Yet_ , Jude was falling short because of what Billy had said lay underneath her persona, he had told his son that he had no right to pass judgment, that there was hope for retribution, even from a person like her, and that made her self-aware of her hurricane of emotions clouding her mind, knowing she was angry, and Billy was the last person to take it out on.

Jude exhaled the peaceful words, "of course I am coming back, you gave me a home Billy, that means a lot to me," she did not dare take her eyes off the wheel, "I will bring food home when I get back," she said, "and I need to get a job, so…" Jude shrugged, "I will call you later if anything changes."

He turned his head to the road Jude would take to Forks, nodding for whatever reason he found in her words, "See you Jude."

* * *

 **o0o0o0o0o0TMS0o0o0o0o0o**

* * *

The tribal school was off all this Spring Break week, but she knew Seth would be practicing rain or shine, the tribal school was no joke when it came to their own football practice.

As she drove the familiar path that she had picked up her younger sister from school, so stubborn to follow her own path instead of following her older sister to the pale-face school, the memory of Leah's grumpy face whenever she came to Forks Highschool to watch her games with her father, her judgy comments that she could have played better, even those memories were golden in Jude's mind, she held her phone was still at her ear, asking her very talented soccer student, "Did you have fun today?"

"So much fun, you kicked our butts into shape," Casey agreed, "Thank you for today Jude!" She swore happily in her ear, "but who is a fucken badass for getting you a job here! I am the best! I said it, you know it-" she _sing-songed_ about getting her into the strict little circle of the teachers and staff of her old school. Good thing she had left the school on good terms, an alumni was always something good to mention, and she also had been all-star Varsity players for three different sports and that supposedly won her the job. All-star players were in short supply, most of them moving far away from Forks to bigger and better things, instead of returning for it's small town city vibe.

"You are my badass friend," Jude smiled with all her teeth, "there I said it," she said, wiping her forehead as she parked in the tribal school's parking lot, there was still sweat at her hair's roots to the lovely french braid one of the soccer girl's had given to her as they prepared for Varsity Soccer practice, "so Tuesdays and Thursdays right, or do the girls want more practice?"

"Yes, we are going to CIF, we practice on Saturdays too, this is going to be so much fun," Casey giggled happily, the same way she had when she slide-tackled one of the girls competing for her popular Striker position. The position in soccer that was the most offensive player, had to deliver goals each game, and Casey did deliver.

The rain had picked up as Jude got to her little brother's school, a drizzle now, and the fields would be muddy, death traps for knees and ankles of growing boys, "I am going to go see Seth," saying that sent excitement crushing through Jude, "wish me luck Cass!"

"Sure Jude, have a good one," her friend sounded alive and whatever problem had formed at their conversation at the Diner, it felt almost healed.

That is what worried Jude as she exited her car, locking it in pensive thought.

She was not worried about Casey, no, _it was for Seth_ , it was about what he would think of seeing her here showing up to see him... after Leah had already refused her. The idea of him practicing, refusing to see her, or worse, twisting his ankle when she yelled distracting him. It was a foolish thought, but not too foolish with the luck she was having these days. As she spotted the muddy field, she knew it was a dangerous combination when grown boys, football boys were tackling and colliding into one another in the rain and slippery more mud than grass field. It had never bothered her before, but as she walked into down the stadium bleachers, watching Seth tackle and be tackled by other players, the sight made her catch her breath with every impact.

 _How did their mother let him do this?_

When she had first seen La Push's tribal school, her breath caught. Everything about the tribal school was made anew. They had renovated it and Jude could agree that the tribal school needed it. Even if the population didn't reach a hundred students.

"Hello, I am looking for Seth Clearwater," she had found the football field but didn't know how to get on it without going all the way around, "do you know where the opening is?," she asked of a young woman with girlish pigtails, whom pointed to the end of the stairs to the left, and went back to reading and scribbling in her notebook. She had earphones in and even Jude could hear the music.

She read the scribbled hearts, "Jared Cameron and Kim Cameron," Jude read aloud, "Cameron, huh, I think I knew his cousins when I was growing up."

"What?!" the tribal school girl trapped her journal against her chest, "Don't tell anyone," she began freaking out, "oh please don't read my doodles please," the girl, Kim, blushed deeply and began packing up.

"Hey," Jude felt defensive, "I was just joking, I don't think it is that big of a deal."

Kim certainly did, "why don't you mind your own business!"

"It isn't a mortal sin to crush on someone," Jude said, laughing at the silliness of it all, "I am not going to tell anyone." Mrs. Jared Cameron did not look convinced as she stuffed her backpack, "Hey, don't leave, see, I am leaving, already going," Jude descends the stadium stairs, "don't be afraid to tell him how you feel," Jude butted her head in where it didn't belong, but knew that this girl needed it, "the worse he could do is tell you no."

"Please," Kim repeated, "Don't tell anyone."

"I won't tell a soul. I am Seth's big sister, and if you know, yeah you look like you do," Jude put up her hands, "then you know no one is going to talk to me anyways."

"Thank you," sad the girl, and Jude walked down the metal bleachers to the football team. That girl really needed to sort out her priorities, but yet, Jude had bigger problems than an unrequited love. Her love-life had been left in the dust. She would be lucky if Conner ever wanted to talk to her again.

Jude made it to the football field.

The football team were taking a break, but after watching them for awhile she saw that the coach had let them go early.

Some of football players eyed her as she stood on the fence, and she wondered if they even recognized her. She remembered doing this at Forks for Conner. Waiting for him to finish his football practice, but Conner had a much bigger team for their Senior year at Forks than this mere twenty. Jude wondered if all high-schoolers looked this young, and if she had looked so when she was Seth's age? When Jude was Seth's age she was getting into all sorts of problems, she didn't have time or patience for academia or teams. Conner had shown her something better when she started dating him.

Seth was chatting with some friends when Jude's grey eyes found him.

He was wearing a pullover, and for a moment she wanted to pull on it to get his attention. She had to stop herself. Jude would probably give him a heart attack. She watched Seth bend down and lift his bag over his shoulders. One of his friends pointed her out, and his eyes lit up like a Christmas Tree. It made Jude feel so very special.

He spotted her first, she let him, "Jude!"

She answered back, not reigning in the happiness, "Seth!"

He jogged over to her, unrelenting surprise and satisfaction growing on his face, "Jude! What are you doing here?"

He didn't sound upset, so she raised up her peace offering, "I brought food. Can you take a break?"

She hoped he still like BBQ and fish fries. It didn't beat their father's fish fry, but _Debbie's Diner's_ was always been _their_ Diner. Harry, Billy, and Charlie Swan were always regular customers which made Jude, Leah, and Seth one too. That would include Bella too now, but she didn't want to think of that.

Seth's smile was like the sun, "Hell yeah, we finished already," he grinned, excused himself from his football buddies, and she kidnapped him. It wasn't hard, because he was excited about a football game that she promised to go and see this weekend. He enjoyed the food as they shared, and he ate like he hadn't tasted anything in his life as good as this.

He exclaimed as an answer, "We haven't gone to the Diner in ages! This stuff is bomb!"

 _That didn't sound right_ , her father had always been a favorite of the place, "Why not?"

"Well," Seth shrugged, "you now, we get busy," he deflected, making her suspicious, "Is this your new car?"

"Yeah, I bought it from one of Casey's friends," she patted the car she had bought from Austin Marks, one that was growing on her, knowing her brother was not saying something very important, and she decided to push him by saying, "Why don't I drive us somewhere, for dessert? Hop in!"

Seth made a face that meant he wouldn't even consider it, "I can't," he kicked some pebbles on the gravel that surrounded the parking lot of the tribal school, and Jude got the reason why Seth said no. Harry did know about her return, and had forbade Seth from _"hopping"_ into anywhere with his disgraced older sister.

Jude had to know, "Does he know I am staying with Billy? Does he talk about me?"

"Dad and Billy have talked," Seth shrugged, but didn't say yes, "but Dad didn't say anything about us eating on the curb. We can just chill here, is that okay?" He was so cute when he didn't want to hurt other people's feelings. Jude would eat in the dumpster if she could share a meal with Seth.

"Well," Jude was less excited, "this is going to be the best meal you have ever had on the curb."

"I have had the Diner before," he rolled his eyes.

"Not with me Seth, not on this very comfortable curb," Jude pointed her fork and butchered the BBQ, "dig in little bro."

"You know what I like Jude," she smiled feeding him some pork from her plate and Seth pushed it away laughing. They did a lot of laughing and Seth didn't look surprised, because he remembered this old Jude, and she was desperate for his affection. They talked until Jude got tired, and then Seth picked up where she left off. They talked about her time in California. They talked about Susan and Peter, and most especially about Jordan. About what he liked to do. What put him to sleep. If he was allergic to anything. Seth was most interested about, "why did you name him Jordan?"

"Hm," Jude had not thought of it very often, "oh, the Jordan River," she exclaimed, and Seth gave her a look.

"The Jordan River was where the people crossed to the Promised Land, and where Jesus," for some reason that made her blush, "where Jesus was baptized, it just sounded right, like I needed rebirth too, and I wanted to give it to Jordan."

Seth nodded, finishing off his plate, "and I thought you were going to say that the name sounded cute or something, don't all chicks say that?"

"Seth! Who do you take me for," Jude grinned, using her hand to ruffle through his raven hair, and for a second she was playing with Jordan's hair, it took her breath away.

 _"What?"_

"Nothing," Jude nodded away the memory, "tell me more about you?"

"What do you want to hear?"

 _That was easy,_ "everything."

Seth obliged her.

* * *

 **o0o0o0o0o0TMS0o0o0o0o0o**

* * *

It had grown late, later than she first had planned to stay with Seth, and still she couldn't leave his infectious attention, "Come over," she tempted him after they finished, were patting their bellies, and watching the after school traffic outside of the tribal school, "I made so much more food, and we can stay up having s'mores at Billy's campire thing in the back, tell scary stories! It will be just like old times."

"Sorry, but I don't think Billy will like the extra company, he doesn't like when people just show up," that was not Billy at all, Jude sighed into her hands, knowing which _Chief Prince_ was to blame for Seth's reluctance to join her to extend this sibling reunion.

"We both know you mean Jacob Black," she rolled her eyes, "he has been so nasty to me, but I guess that is what I get for being mean to his big mouth girlfriend."

"Bella?" Seth really looked at her, "you know Bella?"

"Casey and I met Charlie and her at the Diner," it had started off so well, "and then Casey hurt her feelings about bringing up her old boyfriend, and we made her cry, and so I got in trouble for the whole thing. God, I wish Casey would keep her mouth shut sometimes, it gets us in trouble more than once."

Seth shrugged, so much like Jude, "that sounds like Casey to me."

"I know right," Jude was so happy that he understood it, how people like Casey were like that with everyone, "why don't you come over and hang out with me, I miss you little bro? I can tell you all about my new job at Forks," Seth congratulated her, "I know, I always wanted to get back into soccer, and now I actually get to coach it, I'll come to your games if you come to mine?"

"Deal," Seth closed his take-out, shaking his head slowly, "but not today Jude, honestly, I wasn't supposed to say anything, but we are having this thing at the house. It is just a party thing."

 _A party thing?_ Jude picked herself up and leaned on her elbows like Seth,"What type of thing?"

"Well," he laughed but saw Jude's face, "It's just a kickback, nothing big. Charlie wanted to try more of Dad's fish fry. I am going to be too full to have some," he groaned but didn't look to upset by this, "honest this was the best Jude."

"Don't lie," Jude teased him, "you are still going to eat everything you pig," she pushed him and he pushed her back on the gravel, she flipped out of his hands, she had always been more agile than him, "you should be talking, you eat more than me!"

Jude laughed pretending to be hurt, "not anymore you jerk. You finished the second plate! That was supposed to be for Casey!"

"Tell her it was delicious," Seth burped loudly.

"Your disgusting," she didn't have a problem with it, she just wanted to prolong the time, Jude picked up her keys sitting on the curb when they disposed of the take out, "Do you think I could drop you off at the house?"

"Well," Seth rolled on his heels while Jude tried to give him the cutest eyes possible, the ones that Leah called her _stupid face_ , "I don't think it would be too bad. It's beats having to walk there, and I owe you for that one time I made you walk to Mark's Mart in the rain."

"Three miles," Jude hated the memory, how soggy and cold she had felt, "don't remind me!" She was internally celebrating in getting Seth to ride in the car with her, and how much easier each day would be to learn even more about him, and get him to see that she actually cared about him, and it was not all an act to redeem her character, that she was doing it because she missed and loved him. _It seemed to be working._

 _Score!_ Jude - 1, Life- 0.

He continued, gushing out as she turned on her car, both of them getting in, "Besides Mom is really missing you, like really bad, and Leah doesn't want to say anything," Jude's heart was beating fast, this was good news, what she had dreamed of last night in Rachel's bed, "she doesn't get a lot of sleep. She blames it on other things, but I know what you said to her really got to her," Seth looked so happy to be saying this, "I don't understand why we have to be keeping this all hush-"

When Jude was pulling back, "don't tell me too much Seth, I don't want you to get in trouble-"

Someone interrupted their moment, heavy footfalls that bounded over the gravel, swift, and like an Olympic runner, it was a deep voice, with so much confidence it stopped every thought she had of taking her brother to Billy's, "get out of the car," Jude got out, only because she was afraid he was an undercover cop or something, Seth did too, and the guy addressed her brother first by name, "Seth, why aren't you at home?"

Jude and Seth looked up at an enormous man. A giant. _One of Sam's gang members_ , Bella had warned her at the Diner, and Jude narrowed her eyes.

Jude had to tip her head back to get a good look at him, and for the life of her she could not recognize him. He was taller than any man she had ever met. Seven feet at least, with cropped hair, bulging muscles, dark eyes, russet skin, and a tribal tattoo on his shoulder. He _did_ look like he was in a gang, and Jude knew the Elders never allowed gangs to form on the Rez.

 _That didn't mean that one didn't exist_ , a little voice said in her mind.

"Everyone is waiting for you at the house," the guy said again, looking Seth up and down like he was sizing her kid brother, "so why aren't you there?

"Because I don't want to be there right now," Seth said back with the same confidence, his smile was gone, and his eyes no longer filled with silliness, but hard, serious, "What are _you_ doing here? Don't you have things to do?" It was a stark difference to what she usually associated with Seth. Her baby brother was not happy to see him, and that intrigued Jude. It took a lot to make Seth take that tone.

"What are _you_ doing here," the guy repeated much meaner than Seth's angry retort, "You should be home. I came by to see what was taking you so long," the last was aimed at Jude, but he refused to acknowledge her. This guy took Jude's shunning to a whole other level.

Jude refused to be ignored, tired of when Jacob did it, not in the mood now, "What the hell is your problem, man," Jude crossed her arms, refusing to take the silent role, "don't you see I am talking with my brother."

"A brother that you _left behind_ ," he said finally looking at her, and that retort made Jude gasped, _that was low._

She let him know it, "Who gives you the right to talk to me that way! You are such an asshole," the stranger smiled at her use of language.

A smile that made her want to smother him, he made himself taller, pulling himself back, his arms going over his broad chest, "I can see where Leah gets it now."

At the mention of Leah, Seth growled, "Shut your mouth Sam, before I shut it for you."

A cold understanding came over her mind, "Sam," Jude's eyebrows rose, " _Sam Uley_?"

Samuel Uley's grin grew at the mention of his name, "you are a lot slower than Leah, and they said you went to College," an insufferable smile tugged on his lips, "I always wondered why I never believed that."

 _The nerve._

 _The cheating asshole._

 _The one that had hurt her little sister._

 _The one that she was meaning to give her regards._

"Sam Uley." Perfect. Her hunger for retribution was served on a silver platter, all plans of behaving was an effort to even remember when the Sam Uley was before her, finally in her grasp, and it was as if Fate was working in her favor, giving her a chance, this was it, and Jude snarled, letting her rage explode, "is this slow for you!"

She pulled back, jumping high enough to get him, and she successfully landed her punch to his pretty-boy cheek with all her force her body could pack behind a well-placed punch.

Seth yelled too late, "JUDE NO!"

 _It was too late._

Her hand broke into a hundred pieces.


	12. Chapter 12

****o0o0o0o0o0TMS0o0o0o0o0o****

* * *

 **Chapter 12**

* * *

Jude inspected the bulbous monstrosity against the backseat car window, the fluorescent shop lights flashing by made her dizzy as she tried to properly see her bandaged hand, and just like that Forks passed in a blur as Seth drove her back to La Push still drugged from pain medication and pissed at Sam's seemingly untouched, unblemished face, _unchanged_ by her attack on him. It gave her no satisfaction to see him looking over the passenger front seat, no bruise to prove she had landed a blow, and having the balls to give her pitying looks.

Life seemed to not be her friend today.

 _Jude - 1, Life- 1._

Jude growled, "Stop fucking looking at me!"

Sam Uley thankfully listened to her command, for both of their sakes.

 _Too bad_ he couldn't keep his mouth shut too, "Can't she just say at least a thank you," Jude bit her lip in retaliation, never planning on doing so as he continued whining like a _sissy la-la_ , "I just brought you to the hospital, you act like I am killing you-"

"I don't think that's her problem Sam," said the driver Jude wasn't very happy with either.

The fourteen year old boy looked between their hateful gazes they gave to one another, a bit worried, "Stop it you two! Why can't you just leave her alone Sam before someone gets hurt," Seth said as he stopped at a red light, he was pretty good driver for this being the third time, "didn't I already told you that she was going to be pissed off at you sticking around."

"Yeah," Sam muttered, refusing to let it go, irritated that Jude almost bit off his head for even _trying_ to driver her car to the hospital, "I get it. Even if I thought _she_ would at least be grateful that we took her to the hospital to get herself checked out."

"I am thankful for Seth, he is the one I am fine with," that was the truth, "it's you _I can't stand_ ," Jude added because she was sure she couldn't land another punch in her condition, her words would have to do for now.

 _Even when Sam made it so damn tempting to use her good hand to finish what the other could not._

Her disabled hand did nothing to confirm her threat of getting even with the _**gang**_ leader.

In her drug induced state, Jude registered at the last second that Seth was driving her to Clearwater home, and when she was led out of her car, she was greeted by her parents in the light pouring from the front door, she looked up and registered that it was late in the night after her hospital visit, early morning possibly, and the only sound for miles of quiet wilderness came from the inside of the house.

"That little piece of shit," she must be talking about Seth, "he was out with Brady, I told him not to," suddenly Leah stood silent behind her parents in the warm glow of the living room, and all their equally judgy looks made Jude honestly not in the mood for anyone of them, no matter how much she professed to love and miss them.

All Jude felt like doing was brooding her pain away, and far away from her father that didn't want anything to do with her.

Instead of turning her away, the man of the house questioned them all, breaking the peace of early morning, "What happened here," it was her father that asked Sam as she leaned on Seth for support, "what happened Sam," Jude was climbing up the front stairs that dared to make her trip, not daring him a look at he father in case he remembered that she was supposed to be shunned, "Sam? What happened to her? Her hand?"

"She punched me," Sam complained like a _little bitch_ , rubbing the back of his head, "we told the nurses she punched a wall. It was the only thing I could think of. It was her idea to leave the hospital-"

"Sorry if I don't believe in hospitals being hotels," Jude had a better idea, "I _should_ slam your head against a wall, see if that worked better so I could clobber your big ass head," and she heard a womanly chuckle as they all huddled inside the warmer living room, and it couldn't be her mother. _Leah._

Jude looked to see that it was Leah, filling the void of emptiness with her snarky humor, and for once Jude was not so afraid walking into the House of Clearwater, because for once there was no hate in sister's eyes.

That was nice development. Jude sat in on the sofa with Seth, the longer Jude returned to her conscious state, the pain her arm became overwhelming, and that meant she could barely tolerate playing nice with the enemy, "where is my pain medicine, this thing is killing me," she asked Seth, "go get it bro," glaring daggers at Sam that had not left when she had shouted at him in the car for his _big ass to get the fuck out of her face_.

"Sam, thank you for bringing Jude back," her mother said to the silent room as Jude swallowed her pills, and it was the first kind words any of them had said since she was allowed back in the living room where the tragedy first began, "thank you for bringing her to us."

He did not deserve her thanks, "Don't thank him," Jude grumbled, "it's his fault I am here in the first place."

Sam shook his head, as if Jude was crazy for even thinking, "Who punched whom Jude? Last time I checked I did nothing to encourage you punching me."

"I can think of a few reasons," Jude muttered.

"So can I," agreed Leah, catching her older sister's reluctant half smile.

Her father cursed in Quileute, "that is enough girls," Leah and Jude lost their matching smiles, "I think we should all get some sleep, it's pretty late, I will call Billy in the morning," her father reminded Jude about the _very man_ she had made a promise to call if anything changed, and how easily she had forgotten about her promise, "thank you Sam for coming," her father sent an approving nod, "you should go home too, get some rest before today starts," Harry sighed, rubbing his chest, "as for me, I am going to bed," for the first time Jude saw the black under her father's eyes, see his breath pick up from as he stood up, "Seth you can take the couch, and Jude can take your bed-"

"No, I will not," Jude spoke up, not so drugged that she couldn't stand up for herself, looking at her father's straightening back as he stopped going to his room, "Billy should know I am here. This morning I told him I would be back, I promised," _it seemed so long ago after her fight with Sam._

"That was yesterday," Leah piped up, amused to argue with Jude, "it's three in the morning _you dufus_."

That just confirmed Jude's worries about Billy waiting up, probably calling Charlie to see if she ran away again, _oh, Jacob would just love that_ , "I told him I would be back by now Dad."

He responded, "It's too late Jude, he is probably sleeping."

Jude's mother agreed, the solution easy to her, "oh, we can call him in the morning, you should get some sleep while you are here, come I will tuck you in Jude," Sue said her name with a familiar tone, as if she was urging her to stay a bit longer, "we shouldn't wake his whole house up when there is nothing to worry about, right, come to bed," was her mother's soothing voice combined, and it really worked with the pain drugs she had in her system. The combination lulled Jude into false security, and Sue's attempt was poorly concealed.

Jude saw right past it, saw her mother's reluctance to initiate, and instead choosing to pass over the conversation that no doubt was going to happen.

Jude refused to join them, hissing when her mother touched her messed up hand as it tried to move her away, "First, am I allowed to move back into this house? Do you guys stop pretending like I don't exist?"

Her mother's eyes widened, " _Jude?"_

"Am I allowed back to move back in here," she repeated with no room for turning her attention elsewhere, she knew her father was no longer going to bed after her question, all the Clearwater, and even Sam sat back down in their seats, watching Harry for his answer. Jude continued, "because if I am staying with you guys, I will not be leaving to go to Billy's house," Jude knew that much, "and if I can't stay, I would rather not sleep somewhere I am not welcomed."

"Leah and Seth," Harry turned to sit on the chair he usually took to watch the ancient television box their grandmother had bought ages ago, "go to your rooms."

Before Leah even complained, Jude beat her to it, "They can hear it Dad, we aren't children anymore," Jude stood, "they should hear that you don't want me back, that you still don't trust me," Jacob had been right about how her father felt, "I could apologize for ages, and you still wouldn't want it."

"Yes," her father said, "they aren't children anymore, none of you are, everyone sit. I am only going to tell you this once," he leaned forward in his seat, the light of the lamp above him leaked over his massive shoulder, "I don't blame you for running Jude," and for once Jude noticed how very unlike he was to the father he remembered, "you were lost, you were scared of what you were seeing because you weren't taking your pills like the doctor told you to," there was no trace of him left, only tired acceptance, no longer a fight to help her, to understand her, "but staying away from your family," he shook his head grimly, "that is going to take a few years for us to accept that you are back, that you aren't-" that is when Jude's mother breaks down.

Her mother's strength dwindling to a lone cry, "We had a private funeral for you," her mother cried between her hands, the first truthful thing they had shared, sending shivers up Jude's one good arm, "I thought you were dead! We mourned you! We thought you were dead!"

Jude would never forget this tiredness that came from her father's eyes, the painfully familiar room, same jaded sofa pillows, same lightly stained leather sofas, and the indistinguishable feeling of being up way past an ungodly hour, but most of all, she wouldn't forget the way her mother cried into her hands for the loss of a daughter whom had never once tried to return to her.

 _Until her leaving had caused so much pain, that it made her leaving unforgivable._

"This is why I told you she wasn't ready," her father tapped his jeaned legs in erratic thought, guilt overriding his features that only increased with Sue's crying, "this is why it is hard to forgive what you did to this family," he got up to sit beside Jude's mother, _his grieving wife_ , and leaned over to place a soft kiss on her raven hair while she kept weeping, weeping, and _weeping_ until the rays of true light touched them all, and the sun of a new day reared it's unforgiving head.

* * *

 ** **o0o0o0o0o0TMS0o0o0o0o0o****

* * *

The lights were on at Billy's house during the early dawn hours, and for some reason this told her that Billy had slept just as much as she did.

 _Not a wink._

"Here you go, don't drive anywhere," Sam gave her car keys after driving her here, "lay off the arm," was his grumbled advice, Seth needed his rest for his practice today, and so Jude had complied with the _enemy's_ unwanted help driving her home once again.

"I still don't like you," Jude said all but ripping the keys from his hands.

"Like I care," Sam said just as maliciously, jogging into the woods, leaping over the underbrush, like he some extreme marathon runner.

"What a weirdo," she muttered, and went into Billy's house.

It surprised her when someone that was _not Billy_ was waiting on the couch for her, and in that startling moment the TV turned off just as she opened the screen door wider, giving the T-shirt-less and _dark good looks_ the opportunity to notice her unwanted presence.

The sleepy eyed glare she expected from him didn't come, instead he didn't even look at her as he rushed a hand through his cropped raven hair, and he announced in his deep morning voice, right over his shoulder to the bright kitchen, "She's right here Dad!"

"You don't have to yell," Jude muttered under her breath.

"Whatever," Jacob Black rolled on his heels, jumping over the couch in a too swift moment that made it seem like he was doing it in slow motion, his feet barely made a thud as he walked away from her, "he waited up all night for you," was his little sassy remark before his _giant ass_ went into his bedroom, shutting the door behind him with the same tremors it made in the walls.

Jude stuck her tongue at the closed door, _at least Sam has the decency to look me in the eye_ , she thought, and hated that she compared the two assholes with one another. They _both_ were a pain in her ass.

" _Jude! Thank God!"_

"Billy!"

Jude became entirely focused upon a wheelchair racing Billy that wheeled from the kitchen, anger flashed, then relief, than back to anger, than a frustrated smirk she had seen on Jacob's face just moments ago. How many emotions Billy could convey in a single look? Jude was honestly not sure right now, he asked her, " _and_ , where have you been?"

Jude took a seat where Jacob had been laying before, the warmth of his body had seeped in the couch, it leaked into her own, "well for starters, I was with my parents, Sam dropped me off," that really surprised Billy, "but he just left right now, and my phone has been dead for hours, that is why I never called you."

"I guessed so," he gave a deep sigh, "I was going to call Charlie," he ran a hand through his long raven ponytail, something Jacob must have learned, "but I wanted to give you at least a day before we went searching," he continued to drag his fingers through his drawn back hair, it was longer since she had seen him that first day at Mark's Mart, he caught sight of her damaged hand, " _What happened? What did you do to your hand?_ "

"Funny, that you should mention that," that he expected it was _just her_ fault, "it's funny how _well_ you know me now," Jude found it a little scary to be honest, "I went to go see Seth practice at the tribal school, I bought him some food, darn," Jude remembered that the food in her trunk must have gone bad by now, "I bought food for you too, it went bad in the car."

He used his Chief voice, " _Jude focus, explain please."_

"Right," she swallowed, showing off the splinted hand he had only now just noticed, "I know this sounds crazy, but would you believe me if I told you that I punched Sam, and this happened?"

She had to show him a closer look of her splinted hand, he turned it in his larger ones, and he furrowed his brows he inspected it more than the doctor ever did, "you said you punched Sam?"

"In the face," Jude said proudly, "it did little good, that guy is like a fucken wall," she cursed at the pain she felt lifting it for the unnecessary show, huffing as Billy gave her the same judgy look her parents had given her, "he deserved it Billy, he was bossing Seth around, and then he put me down for leaving him in the first place. He had no business telling us what to do."

"There is no need for violence, no matter what he told you," Billy took the role of the tribe's Chief and father into one, it was a little scarier than when he caught her stealing cookies as a child, she wondered if Rachel and Rebecca had felt the same way when they had lived here?

Billy egged her on, "then you went to the hospital, and they checked you over? Why didn't you stay with them to put a cast on you?"

"I have to go later on this week," Jude said with a grumble, "they couldn't do anything more for me, and Sam refused to just leave Seth and I alone, and then it was someone's bright idea that we go to my parents' house instead of coming here, and-" what was a good way to put it, "I had some heart to heart words with my parents."

Billy weighed the merits of entering into that conversation, no doubt he decided in the affirmative, knowing fully well that bickering could ensue with the sensitive topic, "would you like to talk about it."

"No, I don't want to talk about it," she would rather just get some sleep, but out of everyone, Billy deserved to know her progress the same way Susan, Peter, and Casey had supported her to follow through with this moment with her parents, "but there's no point in hiding it, they aren't ready for me to come back, they are more or less okay that I am here, accepting that I am trying for once to fix this instead of running away, but," Jude bit on her lip, the lone tear going down her face, "I don't think they are willing to forgive me yet."

Billy reached over, and wiped the tear from Jude's cheek, she sniffled back more tears, looking into his knowing brown eyes, and wondered why she had never seen the kindness there before, "give it time Jude, they'll come around."

* * *

 ** **o0o0o0o0o0TMS0o0o0o0o0o****

* * *

That Thursday came like any other before it.

There was no shadowy _omen_ that would have prepared Jude for what was going to happen that day, _nothing._

If she was expecting a _rocking chair_ that morning, it didn't come.

It was oddly peaceful, the calm before the storm.

Only birdcall, sea breeze, and the rustle of the pine needles against one another welcomed her as she awoke rested with a full belly after the plentiful dinner she had prepared for Billy (and Jacob) the night before. As she got lost in the sounds of early dawn coming through her now opened window, Jude found a calm reassurance in herself, despite the chaotic day Wednesday had been for her family, and her newfound friendship with Billy, she truly believed that things would get better.

Not to mention that her mother had given her a lasting hug before she left that first night back at her childhood home. Seth brought her home. He had been sneaky, bringing her when she least expected it, but she knew it was meant well. Her mother's hug. It was brief but sweet.

The simple victories of yesterday left her daydreaming on Rachel Black's bed, refusing to leave it when she found the house empty, thankfully no Jacob lingered while his father was not here to discipline him into behaving with her, and Billy's note on the kitchen table said he would be busy for the day entire day, and so she called Casey, because she had a few plans for their soccer practice later on today.

"Don't be mad, but I am in Cali!" Casey had abandoned her, "surprise!"

"You traitor," Jude sighed, "I am just going to cancel practice, no point in practicing when I don't feel like it anyways."

"You'll live you big baby, you better not! I got you that job," said her alleged best friend.

After much convincing on not canceling practice, Jude wished her a fun weekend with her family. It would seem that Spring Break would feel like the longest week in her existence. It would be even longer since Casey had gone on a weekend vacation to California with her mother to visit her older brothers. Daniel and Conner had never seen eye to eye, and now Casey would have to spend the weekend with their nosy asses, and knowing the guilty person she could turn into, Casey was going to spill her guts to them, and that would only mean more headaches were coming her way.

"Dammit Casey," she muttered to herself, "what am I going to do now?"

Jude's arm ached with every move she made in the bed, but she couldn't complain or take back the reason she had done it.

"I need to hit him with a crowbar next time," Jude muttered with humor, "run him over with my car."

While she was envisioning her pleasurable revenge against the tank-faced Sam Uley, Billy's home phone rung, making Jude jump in the bed, and so that is how her calm evaporated, forever lost in whatever place laid between the worlds of _could be's_ and _never would be's_.

She didn't stop herself as she went to answer it, bringing back to the comfort of Rachel's heavenly bed, "Hello? This is Jude."

"Jude! Please Help Me!"

"Mom?!" nothing mattered except her mother's screaming over the phone that she come as soon as possible, "Harry is dead Jude! I need you, please come now!"

It was like an avalanche of snow had just covered her head to toe. She was already moving off Rachel's bed, her mind in pure shock, "What, what happened!"

 _How could this have happened!_

Jude didn't even know if she could drive like this. Jude forgot even how to talk because she still did not understand, "I was just there the other day," Harry had given her the liberty to speak to them on the couch, garbled conversations that went nowhere, but at least they were happening, and now, _what the hell was happening_ , "what the hell happened! Mom are you alone! Where is Seth, Leah!"

Her mother, a perfectly sane mother, began hollering and screaming for someone to get back, and Jude snatched her car keys and bolted from Billy Black's home, with only her pajamas, and her crazy hair in a bun. She could care less. This was an emergency. Her mother needed her.

She cursed shoving the keys into ignition, her hand shook so hard, it made it impossible for her to turn it, "Mom! Mom! What is happening!"

Someone picked up the phone as her mom started hollering in the background for someone to get out, and for someone to get help for her _dead_ father, "I need you to stay where you are Judith!"

Her voice was accusing, " _you_ ," she had known he had been up to something when he let that morning too early for her tastes, leaving a message that Harry needed help with something, "Billy! Why are you there?!"

"Yes, don't come Jude," she still revved the engine and took off for two minutes to her house at blinding speed.

"Like hell I am Billy," there was not one calm thought that went through her mind. She swerved past cars, they their blared horns at her, and her radio was full on blast until she slapped it off, but none of that mattered, only Billy's voice did, "What the hell is happening Billy! What happened to my daddy!"

"Everything is being taken care of," he repeated, the _secretive shit_ was pulling the Chief card on her, and it did nothing to abate the anger pooling in her stomach.

Jude had enough of the Elder's secrets, Billy's secrets, she was finished with it all, "NO, that is my family, _my family_. I don't care if you think you are in charge of everyone in this damn tribe, even if I am your problem. No one gets between me and my family."

Billy groaned into the static of the home phone, as she could still hear her mother freaking out in the background, "This is not what it is Jude, I told you I have everything in control, stay where you are-"

She swerved her car into her home's street, the houses swished by as she throttled her car down the never-ending road, she had to turn a sharp end to get to the last house hundreds of feet away from the last, "thank god," she rattled through her teeth when she could see her house, "I am here!"

She pulled in front of the house, turned to it, and her mouth dropped.

Jude thought she was dreaming, or having a nightmare. _More the last._

"Oh shit," in the backyard of her house, two very large wolves were outside snarling as two others were being submitted by a large pitch black one, the black one was the largest, and his growling was so dominating it made Jude quiver in her seat, leaning down as if he could sense her.

That is when she heard it. Thunder. Smashing thunder as the front of her house was ripped apart and the ground shook as one more wolf came out of nowhere to tackle the black one. They smashed into one another much stronger than any of Seth's football mates could dream of. Their blinding speed, strength, rippling fur, and aggressive snapping of pure razor sharp teeth was something so primal and dangerous it made every goosebump on Jude's skin raise.

"Oh my god," Jude pulled herself back as her car shook "AH!"

Her car almost tipped over as one of the massive beast bumped into her car, and she screamed in response again as it's incredibly intelligent dark eyes zoned in on her.

A few of the gigantic wolves looked her way and Jude ducked as low as she could, because she was sure they would tear her out of the vehicle, and chew her into painful oblivion.

Jude couldn't breath, she couldn't think, but she most certainly could lock the door. She did so, and painfully watched as they caught wind of her, and thankfully went sprinting into the woods.

After a few _fuck-me_ moments of scared stupidity she was able to sprint across the war-zone of a front yard for her childhood home to find the front door and chunks of wood missing, living room torn to shreds, and in the center was a wheelchair bound Billy Black trying to console a screaming Mrs. Clearwater.

"MOM!" Jude bent down and embraced her shaking mother.

Her mother embraced her back, "Jude, my god, you came. How could this happen!"

She asked her tear-stricken mother, "What were those things! Oh spirits, did they hurt you!?"

"They protected us, they had to when she became-" her mother blubbered and Jude was even more confused now, "They said only the men, the legends only say the men but Leah, she never showed any signs, we never thought, but she did, oh my poor Harry, my god."

Jude felt her voice shatter, "Dad?"

"In the kitchen," her mother sniffled the dreadful words, and Jude turned her back to see her father face down and not moving. Billy was there, "you shouldn't Jude."

"Get out of my way," she instantly came to her father's rescue.

He was wearing his fishing hat, his face was turned to the side, and his body looked like it was frozen in pain or… _oh no_. Jude searched his chubby neck and checked for his pulse. It took her a few moments, but _Nothing._ His frigid body was already stiff and hard to the touch. _How long had he been like this?_

It clicked too soon. Jude screamed loudly when she soon understood what she was doing. This was her father, the man that tucked her in, kissed her head as child, and taught her to put a worm on a hook even when she thought it yucky. Her father, _was dead._

She crawled away and screamed once more. The tips of her hair became entangled in her palms. This was going to give her nightmares for the rest of her life.

"This isn't real," she begged to whoever was in charge up there,"it can't be."

"Judith, your mother," Billy reminded her before she lost her mind.

Jude tore herself away from the traumatizing sight, and came back to her rocking mother, "Where is Leah and Seth mom? Mom? Where are they?"

Her mother began crying mournfully, Jude asked again, "Did the wolves take them?"

"Wolves- my babies- _oh god_ ," her mother was rambling nonsense.

"There are things you don't understand," Billy tried consoling them both, "things we don't tell others to protect them," but Jude picked her mother up and moved away from his secretive ways. She didn't need to know about his lies anymore, knowing that he had some part to play in this.

He caught on, "you have to be reasonable right now Jude. Think about your family."

That was the point, "That is all I think about! You are going to tell me the truth now Billy Black, or I swear," Jude picked up her cell phone that had still managed to stay in her pajamas pocket, "or I am calling the cops, and then you can tell Charlie the truth."

"No, you can't," he slammed his hand down on the ripped apart sofa, the one she had sat in the day before, "no one can now know about this. No one."

"We didn't even know anything about those- _things_ , and look what happened," Jude pointed at the destruction.

Their rivaling anger only worsened the situation. Jude couldn't stop how fearful she was getting and it was leaking into her attitude as untamed rage, "My father is dead," Jude screamed at Billy Black pointing her cell-phone to the kitchen, "everyone is going to know about this. I swear if you had any part in this Billy. Every goddamn person is going to pay for this. Where is my brother and sister!"

She started dialing, and Billy sighed, "they were outside when you came in."

"What do you mean, stop playing with me! Did the wolves take them? Oh god did they eat them, they are monsters-"

"Leah and Seth weren't taken by the pack," Billy screamed back, his ancient voice cracking a few octaves. It startled Jude so much that she jumped when she stepped on broken glass that littered the ground. The wall where the windows would have been were obliterated and Jude could only stare at it and imagine the same loss she felt when she pulled into the road, "you have nothing to fear Judith. You need to calm yourself," it looked like he was waiting for something, "you need to stay calm, don't anger yourself more."

"Don't tell me what I can, and cannot do," La Push did not feel safe anymore, Billy's kind eyes no longer met her open heart.

Jude kept her grey eyes pinned on the underbrush of the forest, for the panting beasts that no doubt had hunted her at Old Mark's place, how could she have been so blind to the dangers this place could hold for her, "what if they come back Billy," because she felt like the wolves had come back. They had been quick, quicker than any animal she had ever seen, "how are we going to get away."

"We don't," was Billy's stubborn reply, rubbing his forehead as if he was getting frustrated with her common sense to run.

"We are going to die if we stay here," she would not even be able to make it to the car with her mother, let alone Billy if they decided to return.

Billy saw her stares to the green forest, and he said words that changed everything, "they are part of the pack Jude. There is nothing you or I can do about it now. They belong to the ancestors now."

Jude couldn't believe it, because her rational brain couldn't believe it.

"There is no such thing."

"Yes, there is," Billy patronized her, "you know the legends, you heard them, even as a child."

Any person that had not known the legends or understood the popularity of myths that surrounded La Push and Forks would have thought him crazy in that moment.

 _Yet_ , Jude remembered sitting around the bonfire, Billy's stories, and the Elders warnings of things that could not possibly exist. The eldest living heir of Ephraim Black, Billy Black said the legends again, just as all the Quileute chieftains before him, "The wolves descended from spirit warriors, from Taha Aki, and they are here to protect us, and care for us, against the Cold Ones, against any forces that dare attack Quileute lands."

"I know the legends," Judith yelled back, "I just never thought those wives tales were true!"

"Well from a man that memorized those wives tales," Billy sighed, rolling back against the wall. For a moment Jude pitied how helpless he looked. She would never admit to feeling such a way, he was still the Chief of their tribe for _fucks sakes_ , but it really took a great man to live the life he did, "there I told you. This is the truth Jude. I already called some people. They will come and get Harry from the ground. I would, if I could," he tried saying, "but you know," he didn't say much else.

Jude felt like shit for her screaming at him, especially with her father's dead body not a few feet away, "If Seth is a wolf," Jude remembered how males were destined to become wolves and join the pack, "then where is Leah?"

Billy's face became grim, "Like I said, they are apart of the pack."

 _"What?"_

"Leah is a wolf Judith," he broke it to her softly, "and her phasing and the truth gave Harry a heart attack." Jude dropped her cellphone, speechless, and for once with the amulet around her neck, she felt herself go a little insane.

She wanted to run into the kitchen and shake her father until he woke up. Tell him everything she had failed to do in the past. Jude wanted to run into the woods and bring Seth and Leah back safe. She wanted to laugh in Billy's face and tell him how stupid he was for thinking he had everything in control, and better yet she wanted to run farther away than she ever did before.

The real world had been shattered and the supernatural world had taken its place.

Instead of doing any of those crazy things, Jude decided to stay next to her mother, hug her, hold her hand, and sleep next to her. They both flinched at the sound of howling in the night.

That could be Leah and Seth, and that frightened Jude more than it made her feel better. They should have been here, grieving and sleeping in their parents bed, instead of running through the woods as gigantic wolf beings. It just didn't make sense. There was no such thing as spirit warriors, magic, and god forbid, _Cold Ones_ … Jude wanted to forget all about today.

Sometime in the night her mother began stroking her head, "Jude, Jude, don't leave me again. I can't bear to lose you again," her mother's puffy eyes began weeping again.

Jude snuggled deeper, kissing her head like she had seen her father do when she was like this, "I am not going anywhere Mom, that is my promise," her motherly scent drove everything away and Jude for the first time in months fell asleep with someone else lying next to her.

They did not wake until the next day, when there was hushed voices in the kitchen, and her mother put a pillow over her head to drown them out. Jude decided to ignore them too, hugged her mother harder, and closed her eyes as she willed sleep to come over her again. Sleep was forgiving, and for once she was sleeping in her old home, same scent, her parent's same bed, and her mother's same smell.

Jude shut her eyes and dreamt of better times.

 _The skies were beautiful today, only fringes of white scattered here and there, "I see skies of blue, and clouds of white, the bright blessed day, and the dark sacred night," Jude was singing with her daddy along with the radio as they swung on the hammock, "Daddy?"_

" _Yes Jude-bug," he played with her hair while watching Mama with Leah, "why is the dark night sacred?"_

" _I don't know," was his wise answer, "why don't you ask Armstrong. He sang it."_

" _Daddy why is he called Armstrong?"_

" _Because when he was a kid his arm was so strong and so you see that is why he is called Armstrong."_

" _Harry," her Mama laughed, "don't tell her things like that."_

" _She asked, babe, what else am I supposed to say," he said and kissed Jude's head with his warm lips, "she doesn't even believe me, right Jude?"_

" _I believe everything you say daddy," a child Jude said and her father laughed when Mama got angry at him for filling nonsense in her head, "why are you filling my head with-"_

" _Hush, Judith. Listen here, I like this song," another song was on the radio now and he sang along with it,_

" _Somewhere over the rainbow_

 _Blue birds fly_

 _And the dreams that you dreamed of_

 _Dreams really do come true ooh ooh" Jude was smiling and clapping, and laughed when Mama joined in._

" _Someday I'll wish upon a star_

 _Wake up where the clouds are far behind me_

 _Where trouble melts like lemon drops_

 _High above the chimney top_

 _That's where you'll find me."_

 _These lazy Sunday mornings, with her parents, and baby sister Leah always made her feel as if suffering during school lessons was no so bad. She heard her baby sister laugh. Mama was playing peek-a-boo and Leah looked as if it was the greatest game in the world. Jude would have been jealous, but their parents always shared their love. Besides she was too busy enjoying herself with her daddy singing in her ear and playing with her hair._

" _Jude," her father whispered in her ear, "you'll find me. Promise you will find me."_

" _What are you saying," she turned her head, "but you are right here daddy. Why do I have to find you?" Jude looked up at his grey eyes and saw only pain, "you need to take this off," he touched the amulet that had not been there before, "and come and find me. Promise me."_

" _Daddy!" The fringes of sleep started creeping in._

" _Find me, Jude."_

"Daddy!" Jude woke up sweating and found herself very alone on her mother's bed.

She reached for her jade amulet still there around her neck, and was thankful to find that her father's spirit hands had not taken it off. She didn't want to think what would happen if she had lost it.


	13. Chapter 13

******o0o0o0o0o0TMS0o0o0o0o0o******

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 **Chapter 13**

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A man's path swerves two ways in life.

The _way of nature_ , and the _way of grace._

Jude remembered her father telling her that, _we have to choose,_ choose the one we will follow in the end.

Harry made it very clear, the roles both played in man's life.

Grace, it doesn't try to please itself, it accepts being slighted, forgotten, disliked. It accepts the all ways of the world, even the times of injuries and insults.

Nature, only wants to please itself. It get others to please it too, likes to Lord it over them, to have it's own way rather than the ways of others. It finds reasons to be unhappy when all the all the world is shining with happiness and love.

He taught them the truths, even as small children, that the people that follow the way of grace never find the path of destruction, evil, and most especially _hopelessness._

She was feeling it, knowing the path she had taken weighed on her, _"Lord?"_ Jude whispered against the covers of her parents bed, questioning whatever almighty power held them to live out their lives, " _Why?"_ Why did she have to see the face of her father, grimacing, cold,and dead. The face kept her from joining the voices in the kitchen, the conversations she is not ready to have, "Where were you?"

Jude wet her parched lips, "Answer me. Where were you when they needed you most? When _we_ needed you most?"

Jude closed her eyes and let her mind explore the reason among the dark pathways of her mind, every moment she had with her father, every smile, every hateful word, every argument, seeking forgiveness, every unsaid thing, all the powers of grace and nature, and found _nothing_ to explain why her siblings were chosen for this _graceless_ life, that they had to suffer so much in this world, her poor mother had lost all her family in one day, and all Jude could do was sit there, rocking, rocking, just like that damn rocking chair that taunted her even now.

"Damn you," Jude stood to pick up her mother's picture frame, lifted it over her head, to slam it into the mirror that showed her devastated face, "damn you," but held herself back from committing to the act, her still broken hand shaking above her head, and she knew as she relaxed her arm, letting the picture frame fall to the floor, safe from her mistreatment, she knew deep down, that she didn't want anyone to hear what her destruction would inflict. She did not want a soul to hear the pain she was ready to unleash into the world.

Not when it would affect the people she loved.

Jude could only dry her eyes, _and stand._

There was people in her father's home, people talking in the kitchen, and this time it was louder as she went to the bedroom door to open it. Her mother's side of the slept in bed was empty, too cold for her to have just left, and Jude walked into the lone hallway, still in her clothes from yesterday, and pulled her hair up in a bun, scrapping her baby hairs against her scalp. There was some rubber bands and some deodorant on her mother's side, and she made use of it.

After relieving herself in the restroom, Jude went in search of Sue.

It was her mother she found and a few other people in the kitchen. Billy's wheelchair was gone from the living room, she chose to ignore the slighted feeling of his absence, and focused on the blue tarp covering the living room wall that was no longer standing there.

Jude watched as the tarp blew out making an eerie flapping noise. Someone would have to fix that soon. She wondered if Louie and his Company could come out soon and help them, they had always been good friend of her fathers, many people in Forks and La Push had known her father as a good friend, a good man, and the familiar wave he would give from his car as he passed by them on the street.

Jude knew she would have to make a few calls... _when she found her cell phone._

The kitchen conversations turned into louder chatter about her father's funeral rites, presumptions were being made that her mother should say something, and Jude's attention went again to that dark place, and right back to her selfish side wanting to prolong the pain that would come form entering it once again.

Jude fought her instincts and went back to where this mess had begun. _The kitchen_.

It was meeting place of all the racket, and Jude peeked around the corner thankful that her father's cold prostrated body was gone from the ground. It filled her with a great sadness for feeling so, because this was _his_ home, he had bought it as a teenager, built it with his own hands, and if he was still alive she would not have been welcome inside.

Even if her life-changing conversation was a bit awkward the night before, the torment of watching her mother weeping, Jude had become closer to mending the self-made rift with her family, but with her _Fathe_ r… "Dad," she whispered to him, the tarp flapping was her answer, and the living room silent of his deep sighs and tiredness, and the only thing left was the impressions his back had made in his leather club chair, "I'm sorry."

"Judith Clearwater come here," said a person that was not her mother when they caught sight of her.

 _You are Jude Clearwater. You are here for family._ Jude told herself as she walked into the yellow creamed kitchen walls, with cracked white tile, and a redwood kitchen table twice her age, and ready for the struggle that would come with _explaining_.

The kitchen walls were more of a canary yellow than a mute one and it was supposed to bring in more light through the white skirted windows. It had been Grandma Julia's decision, as many of the decisions of the house and her parent's marriage had been made by the Clearwater Matriarch. It was supposed to make you feel light and cheery, but it did nothing of the sort when Judith looked around her family of strangers.

"Judith," Aunt Elizabeth stood next to her mother, her father's sister, "aren't you going to hug me?"

"Hello Aunt Lizzie," she hugged her and her Aunt huffed moments after, her face pinched, and the dark bags under her eyes must have meant the plane ride from California had been a sleepless one, "you hug me like you don't want me here? Is that what you think, because the door is right there Judith."

"I am glad to see you," Jude said the lie through her teeth.

"I don't believe you, you aren't going to start something, act like a brat and make a fool of this family are you?"

"That is enough Lizzie," like Jude had expected from her Aunt, many of her family saw her as the outcast, and her mother's interruption surprised the room.

"It's the truth Sue, I am only telling her the truth-"

"If you can't respect Jude," Sue started, her knuckled white as she gripped the kitchen sink, "then you leave. That is for all of you," her mother's whispered threat made her eldest take a step back, especially at the poorly veiled motherly anger that had come with it, "you will respect her as a member of this family."

 _Just like that_ , Jude had won her mother's forgiveness, it was a bit too easily given, and the look her mother gave her, the slight blush in her cheeks, Jude knew both of them were surprised by the development.

"Well then we shall see, " said Aunt Elizabeth, folding her hands over her chest, "I think I speak for everyone when I say that we are surprised you came back Judith. That you would help with Harry's funeral on Sunday."

Jude was surprised by the quickness people had made of the arrangements, wondering whom had helped her mother this morning with all the preparations that came with arranging a funeral, "It's been settled? Have people been called?"

Aunt Lizzie clucked her tongue, "people have been called _since last night_ girl, while you were sleeping your mother and I contacted the Makah, the Hoh, the Elders told their family, we are preparing for tomorrow's _potlach_ for family out of state, we will have the wake tomorrow too at the Baptist Church in Forks, closed casket," Jude frowned at her implication, "the funeral will be held by Billy, and I got it all done," she said proudly, "and I didn't even land in La Push until two hours ago, and look at all the work I have done, someone had to get it done," was her judgy response.

"Thank you Aunt Lizzie, thank you for helping," Jude distracted herself from riling up with the abundance of aluminum foiled covered food in the kitchen was already filling with foods and her mother was adding to it. Her eyes were red and raw but that did nothing to stop her from continuing making a lasagna.

Jude took her place, next to her grieving mother, preparing the tomatoes.

"You have done a fine job Sue," said a voice behind them as they worked, "this house looks the same, just like when Harry built it when the girls were babies," said a man that Jude had yet to notice, his seat sat over the spot she had found her father, no wonder she had overlooked him, "it's good to see that at least your cooking stays the same."

Jude looked around at her her uncle, finding two, "Hello Uncle Mike," she said to the first man that was her father's oldest brother. Michael Clearwater lived on the outskirts of the Rez and kept to himself. He was known to go exploring for days and missing in action for the rest. She hadn't remembered seeing him in years, and that was before she left.

"Hey Jude-bug, how you holding up," he opened his arm and she hugged him over the spot her father had died, "Don't take Lizzie's words seriously, honestly, I am not mad at you Jude, not for leaving," his voice was deep and warm, it reminded her a bit of her father's voice, but had none of the discipline in it, "I am so sorry this happened. You have my support."

Aunt Lizzie, his younger sister found it funny, "As if your bony old ass will stay here long enough to give it. They are practically the same Sue, you can't trust my brother for anything, and Judith… well she proved herself these past years what family means to her."

"Hey that's enough," someone yelled from outside, and that made Jude jump, "you aren't playing fair!"  
"Stop pushing me!"  
"You stop pushing me!" but it was the children yelling at one another, giggling, unaware of their argument inside. It was Jude's younger cousins playing outside. Aunt Lizzie had three children and all under the age of ten, and it would seem they all had come on the plane ride over.

That must be the reason for her short-attention span, and how Aunt Lizzie kept doing what her mother had told her not to do, "I mean can you see her actually staying here?" Her mouth twitched, "I can see right through your act. The main reason you came back was to get her father's money? Wasn't it?" That was just disgusting, the nastiest thought to have come out her insufferable mouth, her anger was mistook from her Aunt, "Your not getting anything Judith, you can leave before you make your mother think better of you!"

"Hey cut that shit right now," said her other Uncle on her mother's side, "you heard my sister, she said said to cut it out! If I hear you disrespect this house one more time Liz, I don't care if we are in-laws. You and your own are going back to California."

"Fine," Aunt Lizzie snarled and went outside with the children.

Jude looked at the man that defended her, "Thank you Uncle Luke," she nodded to her grim Uncle. This one she knew the best and had obviously been hurt the most by her departure.

His dark eyes that he shared with Sue, Leah, and Seth appraised her, "It is good to see you back Jude. I hope you will be staying with us," his veiled threat didn't go unnoticed.

"I promised my mother I wouldn't leave," Jude held her mother's hand and she squeezed back, "I intend not to break it, and hope that I can be of use to people."

"That's just silly," the back door opened again, Lizzie was not accepting a thing that came out of Jude's mouth, her mother sighed into her hands, "How old are you anyways? Nineteen now? What would you know?"

Jude was glaring at her now, hoping she just got eaten by the wolves already, "Twenty Aunty Lizzie. I am legal adult, capable of making my own decisions, knowing what is the right thing to do, and when is the appropriate time to have these conversations-"

"My point exactly, right now is the perfect time, before everyone comes for the funeral," Aunt Lizzie cut in, ready for this argument, "what can a twenty year old homeless girl give you Sue? Please tell me because I am still not seeing the whole picture here. How could make this better, when all she has ever cared about is herself?"

Judith opened her mouth to argue, but her mother said, "This twenty year old has been working hard, accepts her mistakes, and had the strength to come back and tell us all about it, and that is something you could never take away from her Lizzie, no matter what you are trying to accomplish by finding fault in her. "

"Damn," Jude muttered. She couldn't believe that her mother had known all that.

"She has a car too," someone butted in, and they looked up to see Seth standing at the barrier of the kitchen, his same bright smile refusing to die even now, "she even let me drive it around."

"Seth!" Jude smiled, but it was her mother that ran to him and hugged him like he had gone off to war and just returned to them. Jude watched the space behind Seth, expected Leah to be behind him, but there was no one there. That made her frown. _What had happened to her little sister? Was she safe?_

Instead a very familiar face came through the front door and into the kitchen, "I leave for just a few moments," an elderly hunched woman walked in, her face riddled with wrinkles, and her hair in a grey bun, "and a car crashes through the front door, Harry was sick for gods knows how long, and the rest of you guys are at each others necks. _Ah!_ Clearwaters!"

"Grandma," Judith felt her eyes water at the sight of her grandmother that had lived on the Makah Rez from before she could remember.

Grandma Julia came in with an Aunt Joy. Quil's daughter-in-law held a box of bagels and coffee, and her eyes went straight to Sue, leaving the breakfast on the table, opening her arms to her, "Oh Sue! Come here!"

It was a beautiful reunion between the widowed woman. "Joy, oh how I have missed you," her mother embraced with Aunty Joy, and Jude was given one quickly afterwards, and it was a nice reprieve from the stilted conversations with her estranged family.

"I have missed you too little one," was Aunt Joy's words inside Jude's ear, giving her a kiss there.

"You're not angry," Jude questioned, "not after what happened with Old Quil-"

"Never," Aunt Joy rejected it quickly, "I don't know the whole story, but I know you would never do any harm Jude, you loved working there, I could see it in your face," the look of love in her real _Aunt's_ eyes, so incredibly different from Aunt Lizzie's showed how much she had showed her path of _grace_ while she had been working for her father-in-law.

"How is Old Quil," Jude was tempted to ask, "is he still angry with me-"

"Later," Aunt Joy smartly thought, "come here Sue, give me another hug, you need some love," said the loving nurse that continued to overwhelm her mother with her very powerful hugs.

Her mother really finally let go of her grief in friend's arms, "I was so afraid. I didn't know what to do, I was so afraid-" her mother repeated, drying her tears as she nestled her face into Aunt' Joys neck.

"We are here for you, just like you were there when I lost my Quil" said Joy remembering her husband's death, rubbing Sue's back, "whatever comes." Her words continued on, so very comforting, "the tribe is here for you, Dad is making preparations with Billy. He is going to have the best, everyone is coming, you will never be alone Sue," Joy promised her and was shoved aside by Grandma Julia.

"Sue, come here," mother-in-law and daughter hugged, less tears, more composure from the two woman that new Harry Clearwater best, "thank you. You are a good wife and a mother."

Her grandmother and mother shared a look without words, yet they said so much. It was a overwhelming moment, there was no more dry eyes in the room, and Jude wanted to understand it.

 _What the hell must be going on in their heads_ , Jude wanted to know, because she was still remembering her father smoking on the porch, laughing at his girls playing soccer in the front, and signing in her ear during the bonfires they would always go to.

 _Her father still felt so real,_ and yet he was supposed to be dead. How was Jude going to get that into her mind. How was she going to let her father's memory go little by little. Now it was fresh and raw, but years from now... _she did not want to think about it._

"You are strong," Grandma Julia told Sue, "stay strong for your family Sue, like Harry was the rock for this family, you have to be like that too. You can't give up when things get like this, he wouldn't have wanted you to give in to your sorrows."

"She has always been strong," Uncle Luke said, standing beside his younger sister.

Jude agreed with them all, _whatever comes._

"Who is this young lady, I don't recognize this one," Jude's Grandma pretended to size her up, a smirk on her creased lips.

Jude played along, "It is me Nana, it's Jude."

"Judith Clearwater, the girl that ran away and came back a woman," her grandmother searched her face, and turned it to the side to side. Inspecting. Critical. Knowing. It was like she was looking at two people, one that she had grown up with, and the other that knew exactly what had made a wall fall down in their living room.

Jude couldn't' believe how blind she had been to the Legends, and how the Elders had slighted them for so long by not giving them the chance to understand the that the Legends were the truth, _one in the same_ , her grandmother asked her, "what did you learn while you were off gods know where with gods know who?! Hm, what good did you get out of it?"

She felt everyone's conversation go quiet, Jude wet her lips once more, "I learned what it was to be hungry, homeless, and to live without a single person to care for you," the room was silent, because she had not told this to anyone. Maybe because no one had asked like her grandma did, "I learned that family means everything, and without love you are lost."

Her grandmother tapped her face thoughtfully, "At least you learned something. Welcome back, it took you awhile, but at least you did it while you were still young. Some of us," she looked at Aunt Lizzie and then Uncle Mike, "never do. I hope my Harry saw this," always _my Harry,_ Grandma Julia had her favorites, it was always Harry and Seth in her book, "he loved you Judith, never could shut-up about you," that clenched Jude's heart, "he must have been so happy to have you back," Jude didn't say anything, did not deny it, because she didn't want her father's name to be put under any negative stigma today.

 _Especially,_ when the family was all present like this.

Instead she stood taller, and searched for Seth while introductions and reunions happened around her oddly repaired house.

She looked for Seth, but came up short.

 _He was here a moment ago_ , Jude thought.

Her mother touched her back, "you must be tired. Take a nap, then shower, and after I will have someone drive you to Billy's. It's time you brought a few things over. The wake will be here before we know it," her mother whispered these things and for the life of her Judith could not match this mother with the crazed one from yesterday.

"Aren't you tired too mom?" Her mother looked a little too energized to be good for her.

"Oh Judith," she smiled and touched her face, "not here, not in front of all these people."

Jude looked around at the smiling, crying, and emotional people. Suddenly they appeared uninvited and unwanted. Her mother needed time to grieve and instead she was playing hostess over the spot her father had died on the day prior. _This is fucked up._

"I need some air," Jude said to her and went outside, walking to the treeline, and jumping on one of the boulders to sit down on. She wanted to be alone.

She was not alone for very long.

Little happy monsters were running amuck in the same field the wolves had battled it out the life-changing day before. The ground was still lose, and mud was getting everywhere paw prints had been ruined by their little feet.

One of them pointed at her, "That's my cousin."

"No, it's not that's Leah."

"No, that's Jude, she's the oldest," the kids ( _her cousins)_ watched her and she them. The last time she had seen them playing like this they had been in diapers and the last one was in Aunt Lizzie's belly, they stopped playing, "you are cousin Jude, huh," said the oldest, a ball in his hands, "didn't you run away?"

"Yeah," Jude said.

A smaller one, a lollipop in her mouth, popped her lips, "I heard you ran away because you couldn't get any money?"

 _Little monsters._ Jude frowned, no longer pleasant, "didn't your dad make the same excuse to your mother?"

Got that little twerp there, the little girl's face ballooned red, "Shut-up," her boy cousin yelled back, "you don't know a thing about our father!"

Jude could only stare as Aunt Lizzie came outside to get them.

"What did she say? You picking on them?"

"No," Jude growled at her.

Of course, Aunt Lizzie didn't believe her, "They are just kids, what is your problem!"

"Apparently I am still angry for not getting my dad's money," she yelled back and the Clearwater backyard was cleared so she could get her time alone. They shut the back door when there was more screaming inside her house, giving her mother no rest from the hectic chaos that came with family, "this sucks," she whispered to herself.

 _Who would think that she left for money? What the hell was everyone thinking about her?_ Jude began to truly recognize that her parents had refused to tell others of what happened and so they had thought the worst. _Of course_ , the truth was worse of the two. No one should hit their parent… _respect thy mother and father_.

Jude flinched at the memory of her father slapping her across the face, " _get out,"_ and a father should never say the things Harry did to her.

"I'm sorry Dad," she breathed in the cold pine air, "I forgive you," she brought out her same raggedy cell-phone she had found while she had been searching for Seth.

She scrolled through her contacts, and thought seriously of calling Casey, _but right now_ she didn't feel like talking to anyone, or god forbid explaining what had happened. The house. The wolves. The secrets. Her father having died for things they had no control over. That would just tear Jude in two. _How did her mother get through this? How were they all going to get through this? Jude needed her mother and siblings. Seth had disappeared and there was no one…_

"They annoy you too?"

She knew that voice.

Jude turned around on the boulder, her ass almost fell off, "Leah?"

Her sister had a cigarette in her finger, it burned, the smoke rising, and she brought the thing to her mouth as if she had been doing it for years, and Jude found a reason to hate what had happened even more.

It didn't look like her sister, she said in wonder, "Leah?" and then, "your hair?"

"Don't like it," Leah with her long hair, Leah with her snarky words, and her true self, _it was gone. H_ er raven locks were cut to her cheeks, she was taller than she remembered, stronger looking, muscular, and even if it was freezing she was wearing a cropped shirt, army shorts, and a cigarette still held between her teeth.

Leah never had smoked. The sight of it made Jude want to rip it out of her mouth, but Jude didn't feel like fighting with her. Looking at her sister was enough. Her deep brown eyes were staring at her, the edges were yellow now, and it made her feel like something else had taken her sister father away, father than she ever could. Leah was one of them, the Spirit Warriors, and Seth was one of them too, and if she knew the Legends she should be afraid of the Quiluete guardians.

The gigantic wolves were made to kill the immortal undead, and Jude would be an easy kill. As she kept staring at her, she could only feel sadness, her baby sister had the most fucked up day yesterday, and here she was outside without a soul to tell her so.

"Huh," she said breathing out the smoke, "I'm going to take a guess and say you think the same way they all do."

Jude felt even more confused, _what was everyone else feeling?_

Her sister wasn't finished, "I thought you would be different, but you blame me for dad's death too. That this is all my fault for some reason, that if I hadn't blown up, literally, he would still be here," Leah said as if it was the truth, " _go on_ , say it."

Jude felt herself shaking her head, "you are wrong Leah, who the hell told you that?"

"See," she scratched the top her head, "you say you don't agree with them and your body says something else," she noted and Jude stopped flinching each time her sister lifted the cigarette, "I guess it is the wolf genes. Everything is heightened, I hear, feel, and see everything now. It's annoying but I see clearer now," Leah laughed at that, it was so much more mean than before, "I guess you are not the worst Clearwater, congrats to you," she flicked her cigarette on the ground, stomping it out.

Jude couldn't let her believe that, "You are not one either Leah, this is fucked up. Especially for you-"

"Oh stop with the pity party," Leah refused to let Jude speak, "Well, tell me how I fucked up. How you wished I was dead instead of him. At least Dad had a reason to hate you, but me," she shrugged, "hey, I was just upset that when you left everything changed. Our happy little family was not happy anymore. It was all about you and guess what," she pointed to the cigarette, "you didn't even care to find out what we thought."

 _"Leah."_

"Don't Leah me, I killed your father," Leah lifted her hands in the air, "I guess that is the trump all- just look at me Jude," her hands were shaking, "I am the Clearwater freak, the first female wolf in all of history, so you're free form the curse now," like it was all some magical story, "because the murderess has taken your place. Who cares about Jude and her schizoid tendencies, look at Leah, she is werewolf freak, and she killed her her father," she was crying out loudly and Jude jumped off the rock.

First, she was afraid that others would hear her ravings or worse they would get a front row seat to see what a big _furry_ problem La Push really had going on underneath everyone's noses.

"Leah, you are safe now," she tried saying, coming near to her, even as he sister stepped back, "no one, is going to blame you! No one should blame you."

" _I blame me_ ," she growled out, "I hate this, I hate you, I hate everything," Leah screamed and Jude hugged her shaking body, hugged her as tightly as she could.

It was terrifying, hugging Leah's shaking body.

She was afraid that if she so much as blinked Leah would become a wolf and rip her to shreds, tear her apart, and make an even bigger mess of their lives. Leah really could, but Jude closed her eyes and prayed, prayed out loud, "Please almighty God, or gods, whoever is listening, please bring us peace. Our family is so messed up right now," Jude prayed and Leah listened even if she didn't want to, her muscled body rigid as a board, "give us some peace and help us forgive. Please forgive us, Amen." After a drawn moment, Leah said her _Amen_ reluctantly. They were never religious and now it didn't make them so. Jude knew they needed something _graceful_ in their life, they had just loved and lost their dad, they needed something like grace.

"The path of grace," Leah sniffled into her shoulder, " _Dad_."

"I know, I know," Jude nodded back into her sister's shoulder too, "we need it."

It was all she could give to her little sister.

Jude hugged Leah even when she stopped shaking, and it started pouring over their heads. It was like the floodgates had opened and all the emotions of three years past had suddenly been cleansed. That was how Jude felt. Leah's skin was warmer than anything she had ever felt, it burned Judith's cold skin, but she didn't care because for once Leah wanted to be hugged by her.

"I love you Leah," she whispered as her sister calmed, "and I am never leaving." The rain turned to small drizzle as they sat against that boulder.

After a few minutes, Leah found her voice, her body becoming lax, less stubborn, less Leah, "I hope you keep your word," Leah had finally admitted it. She wanted this closure, "I would never forgive you if you did not follow through this time."

"Hey," that was not something that needed bringing up, "I think I am all right. Do you remember when I was _dead to you_ three months ago, remember?"

Leah smiled for a second, and then it disappeared, "I am still angry with you."

"Good," Jude gave her sister a smile, an idea forming in her mind, and the truth that she could no longer stay away from them, even now. Her father was stubborn but if the dream from last night was anything to go by, he wanted peace for this family, just as much as she did right now. There must be something about being around family that made her want to take Fate into her own hands, "hey Leah," Jude asked, hoping, "I need to get a few things from Billy's. Do you want to go for a ride?"

That drew Leah's attention away from the obvious, "A ride? with you?"

They had plenty of those, scared Leah half to death all the times she sped over 90, and Jude remembered when she had complained to their father, effectively giving her father a reason to never use his care again.

She patted Leah's incredibly muscular arm with her good hand, "I won't kill you."

"I doubt anything could kill me now," at leas the _furry problem_ could bring humor to Leah's face, "can you even drive with your messed up hand?"

Jude waved it like it was her very own pinata, "Wanna find out?"

"Sure," Leah agreed, "beats sticking around here," and they both got up from the ground, whipping the dirt from her knees, and eventually followed back to the kitchen screen door. Jude noticed as Leah no longer taking measures to ignore or stay away from her, a timid start, but a start all the same.

"Is it true that you still drive like a madwoman?"

"Seth told you didn't he," Jude wouldn't put it past him, "I only drove like that because I was in pain, and Sam was in the car-" Leah agreed, "believe me, I drive better than anyone on my worst day-"

"Leah! Jude!" Someone said from the inside noticed them as they passed, "Jude, where are you going, I need you-" it was Aunt Lizzy.

Jude picked up her job, "Run Leah!"

They both picked up speed, running away from the home, Leah easily overtaking her now, her long limbs thrummed as she ran, like a deer, it was effortless, "Why are we running!"

"Because we can," was Jude's easy answer, "and it'll piss her off."

Leah caught on, and they ran past their guests that were occupying the front porch, Billy was there, "Jude!" and still they both went straight for Jude's car parked where she had left it the day before, mud smeared on the side where the wolf had slammed into her care.

"Get in hurry," as if they could outrun Sam's goons in the front, or Billy's judging stare.

"I am, I am," was Leah's grumble. It was so wrong for them to have excitement over something so small, especially since their father was not even in the grave yet, but it just felt good to drive away from something like this. If only they could take their Mother and Seth with them. Have a few days to recuperate.

"Hold on, little sis," Leah did her hand tight on her own handle, "this car picks up some speed," Jude warned and pushed the gas as far as it could go, not minding the screeching noise it made as she drove off for Billy's house.

* * *

 ** **o0o0o0o0o0TMS0o0o0o0o0o****

* * *

"What the hell Jude! You're lying! No, no, no," Casey was crying over the phone after being told what had happened, they had called her after a joint decision to do so was made in Rachel's room, and now they were packing all her things to move into her real home, "I am so sorry, so sorry, don't you worry Jude, me and my mom will take the first plane back home, we should be there by Saturday for the funeral-"

"No," that was not what Jude was saying at all, "no thank you, but you stay, we have family here, they are helping us, my mom and Leah came around," Leah gave her a look as if Casey's declaration to come back was stupid, Jude wouldn't say she agreed, but she did, trying to distract her distraught friend, "how are things with you right now? How is Conner?"

"Who cares about him," Casey repeated, upset for some reason, "what is going to happen to you? How are you going to surrounded by all those people that are going to give you shit for leaving, don't lie to me Jude," she wept some more, "they aren't nice to you, you need me to be there, for support!"

Leah gave a motion for the phone to be given to her, "No, Leah I have her-"

Casey sniffled, asking, "Is Leah there with you?"

"Yeah," Jude watched as Leah asked again for the phone, "but I don't think you should talk to her right now."

"Give her the phone." "Give me the phone," they both said at the same time.

Jude did and Leah took the phone, "I have her Casey, I am with her," there was some talking on the other end, "yeah I know, well that's family for you, yeah, we already called Susan and Peter, they can't come on such a short notice, I know, Jordan is a talker," she chuckled eyeing Jude as she spoke of her nephew for the first time, "sure, that is what I was trying to tell her too on the way over here, sure, I can do that, excuse me," that is when Leah took her cell phone and left the room, shutting the door behind her so she could have a private conversation.

" _Ugh_ ," Jude rolled her eyes falling back on the bed, Casey was going to probably vent everything on her little sister, give away all the reasons why Jude should be let back into her lives, "pushy little pale-face," it was endearing though, everything Casey did was so.

There was a knock at the door.

"You can come back in Leah," Jude grumbled, "I don't know why you left-"

It was a guy's voice, "I'm not Leah."

That made Jude rethink letting _that someone_ in, she looked like hell this morning, and when she had been with family, with Leah, none of that had been such a big deal. It was different when the door began opening by Jacob Black hand, and Jude all put launched herself at the door, closing it, almost smashing his fingers, and keeping her hand clenched around the turning knob, "you can't come in here."

" _Why not?_ That is my sister's room," she rolled her red puffy eyes at Jacob, knowing he would use this to his advantage, that this was _his home,_ _not hers._

"I'm a mess right now," for some reason that seemed like a reasonable explanation, "please Jacob, I can't deal with you right now," Jude rested her head against the door between them, "I can't take what you have to say-"

"Then when would be a good time for you," his voice dripped with sarcasm, "when should I make _my appointment_?"

He had some nerve to joke about that, " _maybe,_ " Jude bit back, "when I am not bawling my eyes out, how does that sound to you-"

He gave a drawn out sigh, as if she had punched him in the gut or something, and that is when she heard a little knock as he cracked his knuckles against the door, "I didn't come to argue with you Jude," and that was the first time she had ever heard him say her name, he said it differently, as if it was a great pain to say it, "please, I came to say that I am sorry, that I am sorry what happened to Harry."

"I don't want your pity," Jude didn't want anyone's pity, didn't want anyone faking their concern.

"It's not pity," he exhaled his anger, "I miss him too, you think I don't care what happened to Harry. You're wrong, we are all suffering Jude, you aren't the only one, I wanted to come and say I am sorry, that I-" he caught the word before it became anything more, " _doesn't matter,_ Leah taking care of you?"

" _Yeah_ , why shouldn't she?" Jude wondered what he was about to say.

"Good, stick with her, she'll keep you safe," was his _half-assed_ apology with sticking his nose in places that he had no place sticking them, and his poor attempt at giving his regards for her father.

Jude heard his steps retreating to his room, the same way he closed it a bit too hard each time, and then she felt herself moving to where she knew he would go, it was not right what she was doing, but Jude pushed back the little voice in her mind telling her to stop. Instead she kept on moving as silent as she could to Rachel's closet, getting on her knees, and putting her ear to the back wall like she had done the other time she had an argument with Jacob.

At the same time, Jacob rested himself against his headboard of bed, laying it right up against the same place on the wall hers was now, and like she expected he sang something entirely new, and something that made Jude catch her breath,

" _Someday I'll wish upon a star_

 _Wake up where the clouds are far behind me_

 _Where trouble melts like lemon drops_

 _High above the chimney top_

 _That's where you'll find me."_

Out of all the songs the insufferable Jacob Black could have sung, it was the one song that belonged in her dreams, the one Jude sang to herself when the need arose to remember the good times with her father. Jude had to fight every instinct she had to sing along his soothing deep bass. She fought the urge to agree that Billy's son truly knew how to sing.

 _"What are you doing in there?"_

Jude bonked her head against Rachel's clothes, knowing Jacob must have heard her through the wall, and came out of the closet with as much dignity she could carry, "nothing, I was doing nothing."

She looked even more suspicious now, but Leah still gave her back the cell phone, "did you get everything you need?"

"Sure, sure," Jude made Rachel's bed for the last time, "yeah, I am ready."

As expected, Jacob's door was open when she walked out, and he was standing at the threshold of his door, probably ready to confront her suspicious looking ass as she left, instead he mumbled, "bye Jude."

"Bye Jacob," she couldn't even have the decency to meet his eyes, making her feel like even more of a coward, and passing the chance to see the amused glint that would surely shine in his knowing eyes.

There would be no escape from the conversation that would come, and the reason why she was listening in on him in the privacy of _his_ own room. She would have to see him for her father's funeral Saturday, but she knew that it would be a while before then, maybe at the _potlatch_ he could corner her among the guest, confront her with an audience, but at the back of her mind she knew he _would_ go right back to ignoring her.

 _Hopefully_ , he would forget the whole thing had ever happened, forget that she had ever came to live with him and Billy in the first place.

 _Hopefully._


	14. Chapter 14

****o0o0o0o0o0TMS0o0o0o0o0o****

* * *

 **Chapter 14**

* * *

They walked through the forest, and found the path to the calling sea.

Her grandmother sung the old words, leading them forward, "Come Great Spirit, help us sing this story of our land, of our people," the Elders repeated in Quileute, and people around them bowed their heads, muttering their own prayers, her grandmother raised her voice, Aunt Joy helping her get to the coast, her carved walking stick piercing the mud as they went, "of the whale, of the seal, of the harvest of clam and shellfish, and for the birds of flight, the mighty _T'ist'ilal_ that brings whales to our coasts, to _Q'wati_ , the great Transformer that has kept our people safe, and gave us plenty," her wrinkled hand rose like a bird itself raising to the setting of the sun, dusk upon them. This ceremony was so different from the gospel songs, the church's bell, and homily given by Pastor Weber at the Baptist Church, "and of the great wolf _Taha Aki_ , that watches over us still."

Leah and Seth stepped forward with two baskets full of gifts, food, clothes, things that their father had created with his own hands, placing them in circle of standing stones, the prepared bonfire of unlit wood was ready to be lit, but not just yet, "step forward and take what you deem fair," said their grandmother Julia to the procession that had followed them here, "let what was my son's possessions, be of some use, put to rest the spirit," and so that is when the tribe members stepped forward to participate in their age old ceremony, _taking_ things that they found useful.

Jude watched them take in respectful silence.

The Potlatch Ceremony.

 _Weddings. Winter Feasts. Births and Funerals._

It was seen more in the dead of winter, the families of the Quileute Council would sacrifice their plenty in great splendor and feasts that could last up to a week. During these ceremonies, it was tradition that people could pluck what they wanted from the pile of assembled goods, it was a great honor to share in the plentiful of the well-off families, and _whatever was not taken…_

Jude lifted her eyes to see Billy's wheelchair had made it to the beach. The person that had brought him stood over his shoulder, a mountain of strength and calm as his handsome face looked to the ocean. Jacob. He had insulted her, and yet he still could remain civil after it all. For some reason, when she looked at him, watching his gaze remain in deep thought as the dark waves lathered in the orange of the setting sun, she felt like he understood the longing, the longing for someone that caused you only pain.

"Jude, pay attention," Jude felt Leah pinch her side when she was tempted to look again.

"Sorry," that stopped her from looking at Jacob, and acknowledging the ceremony that would only happen once for her father's released spirit.

Jude payed close attention when the words, "My son," her grandmother raised her voice louder, the same words she had said when her husband's potlatch had been done before the tribe, "may you go in peace to the other world, may the Great Spirit carry you on wings, and _Q'wati_ set all things right." As a tribe they said one last prayer to _Q'wati,_ just as they had prayed in the Baptist Church for their father too with the members of their tribe that practiced both faiths.

Jude felt someone leave her side, her hand becoming empty without her warm hand, "I light his fire," said their mother whom had stepped forward to the light the fire of her father's belongings, "so that they may be free too."

"May you go in peace," Sue repeated their grandmother's words, as all of her father's things burned, everything they had taken from his closet, under the bed, out in the shack, the bonfire got so big, no wonder it was so close to the sea, and in the open expanse of the rocky shoreline, rather than the cedar and pine.

Her mother returned to her side, and Leah held her other hand. They decided to go home rather than to see what was left of their father's things smolder into black nothing.

That night, she was sharing a bed with Leah.

Both their heads together, the covers over them both, "are you awake," Leah whispered.

"I am," Jude was not sure she could find rest, "we should be sleeping," she told her, but it was difficult when her father's funeral would be tomorrow, and it would not be like the private ceremony the potlatch had been. For some reason that upset Jude, the various ways she had to publicly say goodbye to her father, and not allow them all to grieve in the comfort of each other.

"I can't," Leah said the words, assessing the roof above the bed, swallowing, her voice rough, "this is some bullshit, Mom and Seth, and I have to imagine," she said, "I have to imagine what would have been if Sam didn't turn-"

"Sam?" The enemy, this was uncharted territory.

"I was going to marry him one day," Leah swore, "and now I have to be stuck in his-" she straightened her body, raising a hand over her head, "it doesn't matter," her voice slipped to a low timber, "if were being honest, this is the first night I don't mind sleeping with someone. Having you here," Jude was ready for the put down, "it's nice."

Jude opened her mouth, Leah's eye snaring her attention, how wary it looked, "I like being here too sis."

"Good," Leah sighed, and they laid there, listening to each other breathing.

The small moment of peace ended too quickly, "Sue! Where is the grease, I have to cut this meat up, and lather it," said Aunt Lizzie in the kitchen, she was so loud, even in the dead of night, when her mother was trying to get some sleep, willing to wait till the morning to finish the meals that had yet to be cooked, "Sue! Where is it?"

"I got this, don't get uom," Jude got up from the warm bed, shutting the door behind her so Leah could get some sleep.

She went to help in the kitchen before her mother decided to give in, seeing the mess her Aunt was doing to prepare for tomorrow, "and what are you doing?"

"Help me," was her Aunt's command. Jude reigned in every curse word she could think of.

It would seem, the person that was on Aunt Lizzie look-out, _Aunty Joy_ , had fallen asleep at the kitchen table, the cut lettuce against her cheek. She was dead to teh world, probably because she had skipped her night shift to help, and she stopped Aunt Lizzie from daring to wake her sleep-deprived mother or Aunt Joy as they finished what was left to be made.

When Jude only had three more hours until waking, all the traditional meals prepared in foil tin, the house was finally silent as her cousins slept in Seth's room, Seth slept on the couch, and Aunt Lizzie shared a bed with her mother, and for some reason, the _too_ filled house, too many people snoring, too many people breathing in this place, it still hurt Jude. She decided to forgo the hot rooms and breath in the cold air outside. She threw out the trash that had accumulated in the kitchen, serving herself a cup of a coffee, and finally waking Aunt Julia when the sun began to creep up.

"It's morning, it's time to go home Aunt Joy."

She rubbed the red marks on her face, lettuce in her hair, "Shouldn't you be sleeping too?"

"I'm fine," she sipped on her cold strong coffee, Jude wiped the traitorous tiredness from her eyes, "go get some sleep. We need to be ready in a few hours."

After walking Aunt Joy to her car, she swept up the kitchen, wiped the counters, the oven, and for some reason she could not even stop as everyone woke up, the morning quiet before the cluster-fuck that was no doubt going to come when they buried her father's body.

"Can you throw this out," her mother handed her the trash from the restroom, and she had to stop herself from closing her eyes like she was going to knock out any second.

"Sure, mom," their trashcan outside was overflowing, Jude made it work, and that is when a _caw_ made her jump on her feet.

"What the hell," it was a hopping Raven, that jumped on the fence when she tried to ignore it, leaning over right above her head, cawing louder, and then speaking in a woman's snarling voice, " _come on_. _come on Bayak._ "

"Bayak is right," Jude cursed the Raven in Quileute, someone must have been just as pissed at this talking bird, it was probably the reason why he was so confident, getting closer to her, it ripped a caw as she turned, she almost slipped on the back door steps, the trickster had got her once again, "you little devil."

It cocked a single dark eye at her, intelligent, puffing it's neck, and cawed, "Moonsea!"

Jude froze.

" _Moonsea! Moonsea! Moonsea!"_

"Not this again," someone was seriously messing with her now, especially when it kept repeating, even as they were pulling out their car from the house, Leah asking what the hell it was cawing for, yelling at it to shut-up, and it still wouldn't stop cawing, repeating the same awful word, Jude's deadpan face wanting to shoot the smug feathered creature from it's perch, " _you've got to be kidding me_ -"

* * *

 **o0o0o0o0o0TMS0o0o0o0o0o**

* * *

They put her in one of her mother's old dresses.

It was one from before Sue had been married to their father, or even thought of having children, let alone having three. Jude's long hair was tied up in a tight braid, the same way Sue had made Leah's, and Seth was wearing one of Jacob's suits, and when she was feeling aggravated with the hundred of conversations that refused to rest her headache filled mind.

At least the ceremony was started when a very familiar man wheeled himself to the front of the field, right before the raised coffin, "Hello everyone, can I have your attention," the chattering ceased, people cutting down on the sheer volume that filled the clearing, "thank you for attending Harry Moses Clearwater's funeral procession from his home to these sacred grounds."

If the crowd as big before, it was _huge_ now.

At least a few hundred had come for the funeral service, only fifty chairs were available, and many gave their aggravated remarks that there had not been such a crowd since Old Quil's father had passed away, and how long was everyone expecting them to stand.

"Ignore them," Jude muttered to a shaking Leah.

"Easy for you to say, I can hear every fucken word they say," Leah muttered just as angrily back.

"You're not the only one," Seth muttered with a sigh, "at least they came to pay their respects." He was right, many of the peoples of the Makah and Hoh had come. For sitting arrangement, the immediate family and a few of the extended were sitting in folding chairs at the foot of the grave while the rest encircled and hovered next to the burial site of the La Push cemetery.

It was a sea of people, and Billy Black, the official spokesperson was giving the funeral rites, "We are here as a community of brothers and sisters, to lay him to rest among our ancestors, on the soil that served as a resting place for those that have come before and those that come after," Billy Black's rhythmic voice was calming as the waves that could be heard, and just like in the comfort of her kitchen, it put he at ease.

As she looked at the cemetery, it occurred to her that everyone would be interred here, well, except for the chief's of the Quileute tribe, like Billy, they would be buried on James Island, as a sign of respect, and of tradition.

There was something beautiful about tradition. Jude was holding Leah and her mother's hand while Sue held Seth in the other. As they sat together, a family, their father was a few feet away, canoe casket closed, and a large picture of how he looked like in his twenties. It was a photo they had enlarged and Judith held her breath as she stared into her father's handsome and happy face.

Harry Clearwater had not looked like that in a long time.

Billy opened a piece of paper, "Harry asked for a burial in the old way, but at the behest of our Chief of Police," Charlie Swan nodded his head a few rows back, "we will bury him in the canoe that would have taken him out to the deep waters of _Adlivun._ For you see our ancestors would build a canoe for the deceased and let them sail off the edge of the world until _Agloolik_ , the storm and ice god, would tear the canoe into deep waters and into the domain of _Sedna_ of the Underworld."

He rolled his chair forward a bit, and his only son Jacob Black was at close hand to help him, "before I get away with myself here, and roll down the hill," there were a few giggles from the kids, and shushing from parents, because this was a funeral, and everyone was supposed to be serious, "I wanted to say how much Harry loved this community, friends, and everything it stood for. Relations between the Quileute people and the others we have immersed into our culture has not been easy, but he taught us to be open to change and growth," he opened the paper again, "to not be afraid of it. He was a wise man that wrote to me about many things, just like he wrote here 'Billy I met a girl named Sue Uley," she could fear her mother tense up, "and she is hottest chick I have ever seen,'" her mother relaxed at Billy's words, at her husband's words, and now there was inappropriate laughing from the adults and children alike.

Jude even felt Sue chuckle as Billy continued, "He was a funny man if you knew him. He enjoyed the good things in life, and above all he loved his family, his girls, and his son, very much." Jude almost broke down for the first time when Billy began tearing up, it was ridiculously sad to see him like this, "he was one of my very best friends. You don't get many of those," Jude felt her stomach clench at Billy's heartfelt words, "a great many will miss him, even if he did hog up fishing boats with all his junk."

"That's right," someone yelled, it had to be Charlie Swan, "we still loved him for it."

Billy folded the note, finished with his parting words, "I would like to invite Sue Clearwater to say a few words on behalf of her husband."

Jude let go of her mother, to allow her to stand up but instead Sue pushed her up. Jude was standing all by herself, all eyes on her, "my daughter will say a few words."

Judith couldn't believe her mother. No one had told her she was supposed to speak. "Mom," she whispered screamed, hoping her mother would see how much this terrified her.

"Jude, go up there," her mother gave her the letter she was going to read, "and say a few things about your father, please honey," her brown eyes were biting, and Jude knew the real reason now, it was obvious when she saw her mother's hands shaking, and her jaw trembling worse than anytime before.

Her mother was _truly terrified_ of speaking in front of large crowds, and above all things, she needed her to speak on her behalf. It made her mouth go dry, and Jude's eyes landed on her staring sister that watched them both through sun-glass covered eyes..

Jude grabbed a powerful Leah, dragging her as hard to the stage, "hey, don't push" she growled as she let her pull her forward, "you don't have to push."

"Don't let me freeze, Leah, I swear to God," she muttered to Leah that mumbled that no one would even notice if she did. Jude opened her mother's paper, hearing her heart pounding in her ears, and to her utter horror, it was blank.

"Oh hell," _this couldn't be it. This shouldn't be it._ Her mother stared at her patiently, but she showed her mother the blank page, and like she guessed her mother stared back in horror. Some people were catching on and Jude felt her cheeks grow red with shame. She didn't need a piece of paper.

She folded it in half, "Harry Clearwater, has left behind wonderful memories of a loving son, brother, husband, father and a friend. My mother and father were high school sweethearts, best friends, and each others soulmates. Their story is a beautiful one," Jude knew it was right to talk about her parent's. They had a special story, "Our father was a family man, and you bet he didn't miss any family meals. People killed for his fish fry," Billy's' good vibe leaked into her own eulogy and it met with the same chuckles."He deeply cared about others, protected them, and provided wisdom to his loved ones. His brothers and sisters were never far from his mind and he went over Grandma Julia's house almost every day. He taught Leah, Seth, and I that in this life, family always comes first," Jude's eyes met her grandmother's and she nodded in understanding.

She looked at Billy, "My dad was a smart man. He knew how to listen. My father gained his knowledge from many of the older men and women that influenced his life: Billy Black, Charlie Swan, Old Quil, and his own father. In our family and in our culture, the past means something," she looked at Sam Uley and his group of tall henchmen in the back.

The pack of Spirit Warriors were a living testimony of that, and they didn't get a choice to devote their time and energy and possibly die against the undead and evils this world had to give, "If you knew my father," everyone here had known him in a way, "than you know his greatest talent was having patience when things went wrong," she felt her mind go blank.

" _Mom, I am sorry," Jude tried saying, but Harry Clearwater stood and to her surprise struck her across the face, "get out of this house!"_

 _So many words were left unsaid_ , and Jude felt that nothing was fixed from what came of that awful day, "I was his daughter, and even if I refused to give him the right for three years. He welcomed me with open arms," _he wouldn't even look at her, let alone welcome her back, he said they would need years, and he couldn't even get a day_ , "he was the best of us." The words felt wrong, "It was an honor to have Harry Clearwater in our lives."

 _He would never be able to fix something if he was already dead_ , "it was an honor for both of us," Leah added when she noticed Jude didn't have anything more to say, and it was Leah that finished with, "thank you everyone for coming. We will miss him."

There was no clapping at funerals, and so they sat down and her mother gave her a wet kiss, "beautiful Jude and Leah. Thank you."

Jude squeezed her mother's shoulder and laid her head against it.

 _You are a liar_ , she told herself, _You are going to hell._

"You did perfect," her grandmother said behind them, and Jude flinched. This was not right.

Her mother hands found her own, and they stayed that way for the rest of the ceremony.

Jude knew her mother's happiness was worth the pain that came with lying about how she really felt about losing their father.

* * *

 **o0o0o0o0o0TMS0o0o0o0o0o**

* * *

After the funeral service, Jude had found herself hiding out on her childhood patio, blowing her red nose, and leaning her tummy against the patio railing.

The friendly chatter about: _"her father this, her father that, how her father was everything she could have ever hoped in a father,"_ was too much for her.

" _You did such a good job," Aunty Joy told her when they passed around the fish fry. It didn't taste as good as her father's but it still did bring back good memories._

 _Uncle Mike slapped patted her shoulder before leaving for another year,_ " _Way to go, did a good job Jude-bug."_

 _A relative from the Makah rez, a spokesperson she believed, held her mother close,_ " _I couldn't have done better! The girl is a natural Sue."_

" _You had such an amazing father," said Joseph Young who was carrying his two year old daughter, "Claire-bear, you going to say how good she did," she burrowed deeper into his shoulder and everyone found it adorable._

" _She sounded just like her father," said Grandma Julia, "I knew we would have another Harry one day," and that was the last straw._

Judith started picking at the white paint on the patio railing, it got under her fingernails, but she could care less, "I don't sound like anyone," she mumbled to herself, "I sound like myself."

Jude looked out to the dark heavenly green, and imagined running into it, like she used to when she had been a small child with Leah. She would never be able to portray the wonder and enchantment she felt to the rustle of the fir needles, the occasional bird-call, and the rare but eerie hoot of an owl. The woods were enormous and even being for a girl that had once been a local, hiking with her family, and the weekend excursions they gave to tourists during the hunting still did not know all it's secrets, she once believed her father did. How did one capture the _bigness_ of it? La Push fell into a completely different category, and meant so much more than a place for Jude.

On this spring day, the bright and dark green forest never looked so serene as it did now, maybe because she finally knew what was running around in the forest. Another mystery ticked off her list of terrors. She didn't need to be afraid anymore, because she had been introduced to the entire teenage pack and protectors of La Push.

"Don't tell them too much," Leah told her.

"They aren't bad Leah," Seth stood up for his new guy friends.

Like usual, her little brother was right, They were good guys, probably ate too much for their own good, laughed a bit too loud, and everyone of them was still under the finger of the guy she punched in the face, but Jude was safe all the same.

"It's different now," because apparently it was common knowledge that she was forgiven for leaving. Her mother never failed to show her affections under the scrutiny of the funeral guests, by rubbing her hair, praising her, including her, and everyone followed along. If it wasn't for the black dress-code and music-less rooms she would have guessed this was a family reunion. In a sense that is exactly what it was. The whole family only got together for weddings and funerals.

It wouldn't be long for a wedding the way Sam and Emily kept looking at one another, and Jude hoped death would be far away for all of them. She had her full of funerals.

The wind picked up, the raven's caw floating with it, "fuck you spirits," she whispered to the wind. It blew harder making her long hair tickle her arms. She could travel the world, but there was a distinct aura that surrounded La Push, she loved it as much as she hated the power it wielded.

 _This was it,_ the place she could never truly run away from, "I am right back in the middle of it," she was exactly where she would be if she had never left. At least that is what she kept telling herself.

As she blew her nose loudly, someone pounced on her, "hah! caught you!'

"God!" It wasn't Leah, "Sheesh," Judith turned her back on the porch railing, and found the guy that had been eyeing her inside.

He had finally found her, and that just put her in a different bad mood, "So you are Leah's big sister," asked the guy that had introduced himself as Paul, another wolf like Leah, "why haven't I seen you before? You are kind of cute," she lifted her eyes up to him and he shrank, "I mean that in a completely respectful way of course."

"Respectful?"

Something told her this guy was anything but. Just look at where they were, they were having Harry's funeral reception at her house, but it was feeling more like Sam's with all his cronies walking around, eating, taking up all the space with their ridiculously huge bodies. Leah and Jude were not very happy about it. Leah had gone to the restroom and Jude had completely left the house. Some people didn't get that she needed to be alone.

She called this _Paul_ out, "Are you hitting on me? After my father's funeral?"

"Well, I won't tell if you won't," he winked. Jude felt extremely uncomfortable with his lustful gaze, because oddly enough she was attracted to him. He was very handsome, scratch that, he was probably the most handsome out of the group, but like the rest, he her younger by _three years_. All she needed was gossip to spread over La Push about how she tempted and defiled a younger boy. Jude had hoped, if she made some distance, played the _wet towel_ compared to her fiery sister, he would leave. Apparently he didn't get her avoidance at all.

She remembered something funny, "Didn't I babysit you when you were a baby? I swear the last time you had mud on your face."

He smiled widely and she found his teeth very white, "Want to do it again?"

Someone else joined them, "That is disgusting Paul," the other wolf she now knew now as Embry agreed, "even by your standards." This wolf was taller and lankier than the muscled Paul. If no one told her than she would have guessed Embry was the younger of the two, yet after introductions to everyone expect Kim's Jared Cameron and the thankfully elusive Jacob Black she had learned they were in the same year. Junior year. High-schoolers. _I am getting old_ , Jude agreed.

"Why don't you go eat something Paul?"

"I am trying to," he leered at Jude.

Jude laughed, "you wish," and she began sneezing, "I think I am getting sick," she moaned and Paul's face fell.

"Does that mean, making out is out of the question?"

"Paul, come on man, have some class," Embry waked his head and he growled, "Sam is sending someone out because you aren't behaving." _How could they know that? Super-hearing?_

Judith laughed when Jacob Black ducked out of the house and looked at Embry, "you guys Sam wants us for a meeting." He didn't even acknowledge her or see her unwelcoming grimace at his need to ignore her, especially when it was so painfully obvious, and so Judith just turned back to the forest.

" _Coming! Fuck Jake, don't hit me,_ " they all left, their huge bodies making them look like La Push security squad rather than soon to be high-school dropouts, Jude exhaled a relieved breath, and Leah came out, wiping her hands on her butt, returning from the _long_ bathroom break, "it's a good thing Sam has them on a leash, and I don't have to do a damn thing he says today."

Those words sounded wrong coming from Leah, she had to ask, "Why do you mean that you _have_ to do anything he says?"

Leah made a face, like she swallowed something disgusting, "Sam is the Alpha of our pack, Jared is the Beta," she sighed at Jude's confused expression and joined her, putting her elbow to Jude's, pushing the gap that had come with the years apart, "and you are looking at the Omega. That means," she finally explained, "that whatever Sam says is more than just an order," she shrugged, "a command has to be followed through. Seth can be okay with that, but don't get me started on getting a front row seat on what these guys are thinking," she shivered, "I never wanted to read people's minds, and let me tell you it is more of a curse than a help when we are hunting."

"You can read minds too?" Jude froze. Just when she was becoming comfortable with the whole _wolf thing_ ; as comfortable as she could get with only a few days since they sprung it on her, and now Leah was throwing out explanations like being able to _read people's minds._

Leah found her horror amusing, "No, I can't read your mind, just the pack when we phase into our wolves, and let me tell you," she whispered, "there is no gag reel. When I turned back the last time, my god, the next time I phased I got to see what those pervs actually thought about my ass."

"Disgusting," Jude wrinkled her nose.

"Yeah, they are disgusting!" Leah looked glad for some reason, "I am glad someone can see these guys for what they really are."

Someone screamed from inside, "We can hear you!"

Leah yelled back, "you are meant to!"

Jude whispered, aware of what she was saying now, "They can hear that?!"

Leah found it funny, "wolf-hearing, we can literally hear a pin-drop. It gets annoying fast."

That meant Jacob had heard every time she had nestled her head against the wall next to his room, that he knew about her eavesdropping on him, ieven when she had pretended ignorance of his singing capabilities, "that sounds," Jude makes a face, "nightmarish. Can't you choose not to phase?"

Leah sighed, more acceptance than denial, "We can't stop phasing, not with the vampire that is trying to attack La Push. We need every able bodied wolf to protect the borders. God forbid, she comes here for her next meal," Leah looked less happy about that fact, and Jude felt the same.

The word meant something dangerous now, something that reminded her never to go into the woods outside La Push alone, "Vampire," Jude found the word scarier than usual, because maybe it was no longer a wives tale, "there are vampires, like the Cold Ones?"

"Exactly," Leah leaned closer to her, "the redhead vampire is called Victoria, and she is after Bella Swan. A wannabe vampire that was dumped by her leech boyfriend, and now is our problem."

"Bella? Bella Swan?" Out of all the people that could have been in the middle of this supernatural shit-storm, it had to the be the delicate beauty, "she knew all about this stuff? For how long?" She made it seem like she didn't know shit about their Legends, about what happened to Jacob, and now… _she was not so sure about the brown doe-eyed girl._

"She dated a vampire," like that was explanation enough, "Edward Cullen, all of the Cullens were her vampire buddies so I guess they were the ones to tell our Legends," and for once Casey's story of the arrogant beautiful and rich family didn't seem so simple, "last year, she got into a fight with Victoria's mate, he got killed by Edward-"

"Jesus fuck, what the hell is that girl trying to do, get herself killed-"

"Yeah," Leah chuckled morbidly, "and now we are stuck with the angry female that wants revenge for her boyfriend."

"Damn Bella," that girl was a danger-magnet, she should win an award or something, "she must feel like shit, for bringing this crazy vampire into her best friend's life," Jude sure the girl had hoped dumping her vampire boyfriend that she would find a little bit of peace, but this just rotten luck at it's finest, "at least she broke up with the vampire," Jude said aloud, "at least she tried to get away from it all."

"Oh no, she wanted them to stay, they were the ones to leave her," Leah corrected her, and Jude didn't know if she could be any more surprised.

"You have got to be kidding me," Jude whistled, "when you think you know someone."

"I was going to say the same thing about you," Leah shot right back, "You aren't freaked out Jude? You don't look so good," Leah put her extremely hot palm to Jude's clammy forehead.

She brushed it away, no longer worried about her safety after hearing Bella's horribly nightmarish life, "Just sick, sick of all these people, it's nothing serious," she told Leah, brushing if off, "how are you holding up?"

"Same," Leah muttered. Jude understood. She didn't need people worrying about her. Jude felt a whole lot more grateful to have the Spirit Warriors in their lives, but she didn't need them breathing down her neck, she sighed, "at least like grandmother said the spirits are still protecting us when our lives are going to shit."

"I don't see it that way," Leah played with her cropped hair, threading her fingers through it, "if they really cared," she dared, "then they would give us a way to get rid of all this supernatural stuff for good. Life is too crazy to add the supernatural to it. Now, I might never age again, the werewolf gene stops that, and since I can't age that means I can never have kids while I am like this," Jude gasped at the onslaught of news, her sister couldn't mean...

It couldn't be true, "Leah, you can't," anything could happen now it would seem, " _Can that happen_?"

"That is what the Elders are telling me, Sam agrees too."

"Fuck, all this is fucked up," Jude was having a migraine from the information overload. Her nose was dripping and she needed a tissue before she became an even bigger mess. Though the bigger mess was leaning next to her. At first their father was dead, then her sister and brother became Spirit Warriors, and Leah was the only female werewolf in Quileute history. What did she do to deserve this? Leah and Seth supposedly gained _immortality with the werewolf gene_ but it was Leah that was _cursed with infertility_. The spirits never did anything in halves.

"My god," she leaned back to get a good look at her, "how are you talking about this so calmly? Shouldn't you be the one blowing up, I would be pissed out of my mind, I would tell those Elders where to shove it-"

"I don't know, all I felt was anger at first," Leah shrugged, "it's what triggered me phasing," her own brown eyes brighter around the edges, lupine, "maybe it's because I don't want to controlled by my anger. I am tired of it, from Sam being a tool, Dad," she paused, "and because you actually care about me now," that was mind-blowing, "and you cared before I was like this, before my life went to shit."

"It isn't shit Leah, our family isn't like that, we aren't going to let you go through this alone," Judith felt brave and embraced a softened Leah, "I can't believe you are opening up to me."

"Me too," she confided, "but it feels good just to get it off my chest. Seth and Mom would have told me to just forget it, and move on."

"Grieving isn't a weakness, I am glad you shared it with me," that was something Susan taught her, after losing her son and daughter to a car accident, "I am glad you came to me Leah," Jude agreed, "that was all I wanted."

After a few tense moments, the old Leah reared her head, "I am not going to change though," Leah snarled, "I am still angry at you, at Sam, hell even our mom for inviting his ass here."

That sounded like she hadn't lost the part Jude loved, the wrath she so admired, "I wouldn't have it any other way," Jude laughed, "well as long as you take it out on Sam," that brought a smile to her sister.

"JUDE CLEARWATER!" A car with the window down pulled up behind the dozen other cars in their driveway, "Why have you not answered my calls!" Jude gritted her teeth, just remembering that she had left her phone charging in her room.

"Shit." _Shit indeed._ Casey jumped out her car the moment it was parked, her mother right behind her, and that was when Jude knew, she was not going to get any rest today, "hey Casey."

"Is that your girlfriend," Leah teased knowing full well it was Casey Whitney, the same one she had spoke over the phone at Jacob's house.

Jude cracked a smile, "she likes to think so sometimes."

Leah nodded, losing the humor, "I didn't get to ask her why she never told us where you went," there was accusation in her voice, "she knew where you were. All this time, isn't that right Jude?"

"Don't take it out on her," Jude muttered as she saw Casey came closer, weaving through the parked cars, "I told her to keep it a secret, even from her own family, from him too," she said as Casey and her mother came towards the house, carrying a plate for the reception, both nicely dressed woman walking up the rickety porch's steps.

"Come here, you big baby," Casey opened her arms wide when she was before her, "you said I couldn't come, and of course I came," Casey's little body, big attitude wrapped her arms around her, Jude held her too, looking over to see Casey's mother nod once, before entering into the home she had never entered when she had been dating Connor. It felt odd for both of her old worlds to be crashing into one, all she needed to hear was her mother talking to Mrs. Whitney, and that settled her nerves of both mothers finally meeting after all these years.

Casey squared her shoulders, sizing up Leah's new and improved warrior's build, "Hi Leah, you've been hitting the gym?"

"Hi Casey," she sized up the smaller young woman, "didn't grow any taller I see."

"We all can't be giants," was her snarky remark, "at least Jude isn't the tallest person I know anymore," Paul and Embry walked out of the house, Paul giving them a wink as they left.

"Very nice looking boys around here Jude," was Casey's sly remark, "too bad I swore off guys for the foreseeable future."

Leah gave her a look, Casey doing the same, as if she was their mother or something, "At least she isn't slobbering over them," Jude reasoned to her own sister, "that means she is trying."

"I am still here right here," Casey's lip began to tremble for some reason, "I have always been here."

"Do you want an award or something," Leah said snidely, "being a liar for my sister doesn't make you the best friend of the year now does it."

Casey weighed her words, "I was there every single day for Jude."

"I'm sure you are mistaken," Leah said snidely, going to sit on the couch behind them, getting comfortable with argument that no doubt was coming, "because I know for a fact you were right here, in Forks, where I could see," like Leah had been keeping tabs on her, "so phone calls don't count Casey."

"Can I talk to you Jude, in private," Casey said tugging on Jude, as if she expected her to just ditch Leah, that gave her a look from both of them.

"Please don't start a fight right now," Jude looked at them both, "that is what I usually do," _stirring the shit pot_ , as Grant had once put it. Sam would love everyone to see how much of a fuck-up Leah and Jude could make when outsiders came to visit, give him a reason to ban Casey from coming, "and let me tell you guys' it's never pretty, please Casey, for once do as I say, _please_."

"Fine," she bit into her fist, "I behave, even if my mom is driving me fucken insane," Casey looked over her shoulder, still frightened of her, but still willing to reveal what was going on at her home. Casey looked at Leah and then at Jude, "he is back. He is back and my mother almost threw him out of the house."

"Who?" Leah furrowed her eyebrows, "Who's back?"

It could only be one person, "Conner," Judith spoke before Casey could say the name that would make it all real. If he was back then that could mean only one thing, "that is the only person that the _he_ , can be."

"That's not all," Casey wrung her expensive scarf tighter around her neck. Jude already knew, "he has a fiancee from San Francisco. A lawyer and she-" Casey could have explained the most perfect person, and it still wouldn't have mattered. _So, he had done it._ He talked about going away so many times, and only coming back to get married and then off to California again. Where the people and cities had more things to do, and sunny days were the norm. Conner was not living in his past, not like Jude did on most days, and so she scolded her face into a smile.

She sat back down with her sister, making her body relax, "That sounds great Casey."

Casey became infuriated, slapping her foot against the patio wooden floor, "Didn't you hear what I said, they said she came highly recommended, like she was applying for a fucken job, who the hell explains a person like that-"

"Oh I know what," Leah muttered, "she came highly recommended to suck cock," Leah teased, and Jude made a face. She didn't need to say that, it was rude, and for the record it brought all types of ugly images to her head. The last thing she needed to do was vomit on the porch and piss off people even more. The thought of someone's head bobbing in front of Conner's, _nope,_ _she was not doing it._

Jude tried breathing out the stress, "I don't know why I have to know all about this Casey," she cleared her head, "why don't you congratulate him for me. We can talk about this later. Go home and hang out with him while he is back," Jude said the hollow words, "he deserves to be happy and have his family support him."

Both Leah and Casey looked at her like she was an alien, "Support him?"

"Yeah," was that so hard to believe, "that is what I said," Jude sneezed into her nasty napkin, "do I have to spell it out too?"

Casey looked like they were going to jump her right there. That was not what she wanted. Casey had always been one to always keep her informed, always keep her in the bubble. Just because she didn't like what she had to say didn't mean she had to bully the messenger.

Jude put her hand on Whitney's shoulder dragging her down to sit with Leah, this was mean to be a conversation amongst friends, "thank you for telling me Casey," Jude sniffled, "I am truly happy for him Casey, go enjoy being with him. I know you do."

"But that is just it, so do you, you love him!"

"Loved-"

"Same thing, this is so unfair. He is making a huge mistake and you aren't going to tell him the truth. He should have the right to know Jude," Casey said with so much obvious secrecy she might as well have screamed it aloud with all the wolves hearing, "you can't keep this a secret anymore. It is not healthy!"

Leah growled, "shut your mouth Casey, we don't want the family to get wind of this," they all knew about Jordan,her son, no doubt her mother and Casey's mother would be talking about it soon, about the grandson they shared now.

"Jordan is not a secret that can be shoved in the closet," Casey said, "you can't ignore him," Jude pulled her friends so close, she might as well kiss her ear.

"You need to shut-up about this," that was the least of fit, "What do you think you are doing," she said through gritted teeth, "you have no right to come on my father's funeral, make these demands, and get away with it."

"You are a mother Jude," Casey whispered back just as viciously, "Connor deserves to know he is a father, he deserves to know about his son, for Jordan to know him too," Leah was the not the only one that was growling now.

There was no space for argument in Leah's voice,"That is my sister's choice, _not yours to make_."

They were silent for a great while.

Despite the argument, it was Casey that broke the silence, "You are still his mother Jude," like she would ever tell herself otherwise, "you have the right to give him the chance to be with you, and the chance to have a father that I know will love him."

She already knew what to say to that, "If you love me like a sister and truly care for Conner you will never speak a word of this again," none of them deserved to be overwhelmed with the news, to be overwhelmed when Susan and Peter had always taken care of Jordan, loved him like a son, he was practically theirs more than hers, and that pain was mean to only be hers, the tears that would no doubt go down her face when she thought hard of the decision to give her son to adoption services, "I swear Casey I will not be forgiving next time if you leak this information again."

Casey looked like she would like nothing more but to slap her across the face, but it didn't matter, "Okay I promise," she promised with an icy indifference.

"Casey!" It was her mother, "we are leaving."

Of course Mrs. Whitney wasn't going to stay, there was no reason for her to stay with Conner's leftovers.

Casey was different now, less jovial, and so Jude shook her arm as she tried leaving to leave, "promise Casey, don't let your mom say anything either, please."

"I know," Casey met her gaze, there was something dangerous there, and Jude squeezed until, "Okay, okay, okay, geez. Don't rip my arm off. I will not speak to a soul. I swear."

 _That was what she needed to hear._

She didn't expect Casey to still hang there for a moment, expecting something,"Answer me this Jude," even Leah perked up in her seat, "what if he changes his mind, what if he calls the wedding off. Would you take him back," her eyes were so hopeful, "could you guys ever get back together?"

Jude took precautions to school her face. Everyone didn't need to know their business, but Casey looked so hopeful, it would hurt her dearly if she didn't answer, "It is not a question of if I would take him back," Jude said aloud, finally feeling her love for Conner brush every nerve-ending of her mind, the kisses she had given Jordan on the head, imagining that she could transfer the love to his father in some small way, "we both know that answer. The question you should be asking, is _if he would take me back_?"

Her victory whoop made Jude smile, her energized Casey returned once more, "I will tell him you are back. He is going to freak out," Jude frowned at the news that he had not been told, and what he would think that Casey and his mother had dropped in for a visit, "he will take it in the good way. Well, I think. Also, maybe I will let him know you are interested… interested in seeing him again that is."

"You will do no such thing." she said to a giggling Casey.

"Maybe I will hint something," she was far too happy for something that was never going to happen. Conner would never speak to her, he was too smart to go back to her, "bye Leah, take care of her stupid ass."

"I will nosy ass," she bit back the retort.

Jude could not hold it in any longer, her anger not lethal, but bruised, "you are so bad Casey I swear, if I didn't love you so much. Don't go running into the Rez without an invitation, and be better to your poor mother."

"She isn't poor Jude," she rolled her eyes, "you should hear the things she told my brother," she chuckled, and Jude knew there was a story there, and all she could do was watch Casey get into the car with her mother, and drive off.

Leah leaned back to stretch like a cat, or a wolf, both seemed likely, "thank God she left, I thought she was going to talk her head off."

"Yeah, that's Casey for you," Jude looked up at the sky, "Wanna go for a walk?"

"What," Leah was thrown off.

"Do you want to go for a walk, my car is trapped by Sam's stupid Jeep," it was true, there was no way they could take their cars out now with the congregation of idle cars parked like they were trying to survive the Great Flood or something, "I need to stretch my feet Leah, come on," Leah made a noise between and laugh and a hell no.

"Fine," Jude got up to take one by herself, "see you in a bit."

This is what she needed. Not sleep, not another heart-to-heart conversation. She needed away from prying eyes, from her judgy sister, and most of all the judgy looks she would get from the eavesdropping pack members. No one had come up to her to talk about Jordan, about the fact that she had a son in New Mexico no one was allowed to talk about, but it would no doubt come up now. Her home invaded by big Native brutes.

As she walked by herself on the dirt road, the sky was a clear baby blue, not a cloud in sight, and so she kept walking and she kept going until she hit the main road and then decided to pick her pockets. _Damn._ No phone, only a few dollars as she decided to still go forward, to make her way to the downtown, maybe she could pass by Mark's Mart… _maybe for old times sake._

Her breath was visible as she breathed in the cold Spring air, and she didn't even have a heavy sweater to protect her from rain, but she searched the skies finding it safe from rain.

They were perfectly clear. She should be okay.

She could hitchhike on her way back or just walk…

 _Walking was not so bad anymore._


	15. Chapter 15

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 ** **Chapter 15  
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She had never been so wrong.

After coming back from Downtown La Push, Jude had arms full of packed food and girly' things she would need for the coming days, rumbling thunder jerked her from daydreaming, and lightning racked it's claws against the sky above her, "Where did this storm come from?"

As it began to drizzle, Jude prayed for a car to come soon, anyone that would remember her from the funeral service, and when one did come her way, it only sped faster past her as she tried to hail to down, "Hey! Asshole!" She called after the zooming car, but whoever it had been was long gone. No one wanted to be out in this weather. She was stupid for thinking it wouldn't catch her. She was shivering, sneezing, and she knew that she shouldn't be feeling this hot or wheezy chested, she was sick, a boiling fever type of sick.

"Fuck it," a soaked Jude looked through the downpour and just ran into the woodlands.

It was dangerous bet to take the cover of the tall pine trees, but she knew the way. _Kind of._ It had been a while since she went walkabout in La Push. The branches and canopy helped keep her somewhat dry, but the foliage and scampering wildlife made it difficult to traverse. Hopefully there were no hungry vampires named Victoria prowling about. Of course, Jude still turned around to look for any bright red hair among the deep green and earthy browns. Leah did say the bloodsucker had red hair.

Jude returned to the road when she recognized the borderline of her side of La Push. As she crossed the borderline, another car slowed right up next to her soggy tennis shoes.

"Oh thank you! Thank you!"

She had never been so happy in all her life. It must be Leah or Seth, possibly one of the wolf's she met recently. She hoped it _wasn't Paul._ The car's window rolled down and the person inside was a man she had not expected, "Sam?"

"One of the guys spotted you," Sam opened the door and a soaking wet Jude jumped in quickly, "you were lucky it was one of my guys that spotted you."

For a good two minutes the only sound was the rain, the heaters on full blast, and the rhythmic 'swish' of the windshield wipers. Awkward didn't even explain it. _What should a person say their sister's ex?_ She thought of seriously cursing him and getting out the car, but it was raining and her head was ringing. But what she _really_ wanted to ask him why the hell would he leave her baby sister for her cousin Emily, and that was something that she didn't want to fight over in the close compact space of the car.

Instead she decided to just sit, and thank him when they got to whatever house he dropped her off at.

While she was counting the seconds and dreading how slow he was driving, Sam spoke, "How is your hand?"

She raged at him,"What, what did you say to me?"

"I said," he pointed to her right hand, the cast it was now in, innocent as he could be, "How is your hand?"

 _Well, it was not a rude thing to say,_ but Jude still felt angry as she looked at the white and hard cast she had been put in the day before, "My hand is still weak no thanks to you," she spit back, "don't talk to me Sam. I am still angry at you."

He didn't listen, liking the sound of his voice too much, "I would be angry too. Leah didn't deserve what happened to her and Harry, or what is happening to her now," he coughed clearing his voice, and Jude rose her eyebrows. _He really wanted to do this_ , "and for the record, what I did to Leah was inexcusable, but what I have done Emily is even more so. I don't deserve either of them," was his lame retort, "but I want to make it perfectly clear what I have with Emily is not just a fling, this is the real thing. I would not have left Leah for less."

"Hah," Jude was not letting him get away with this _half-ass_ apology, "like that makes it better. This better not have been the speech you gave to Leah when you guys broke up-" he flinched, making it worse, way worse, " _oh no_ this was the speech. You suck so much Sam. I mean my god just tell my sister that what you had with her was _'not the real thing'_."

Sam gave a low growl, "I am trying to fix what was done. If Emily and I could have done it any other way we would have, we tried staying away from one another, but it was just not that simple. Leah deserves to be with someone that feels the same way about her," he sighed like it was hard for him, Ike he was the one that had to watch Leah with another guy,"That's it, that is what I should have told you when you broke your hand."

"Yeah," she enjoyed that memory, up until the last part, "broke my hand punching a great Spirit Warrior, wait an Alpha, _the Alpha_ in the face," Jude smiled at the last part, "I hope you won't hold it against me if I feel the urge to do so again."

He shifted gears as they came down her street,"I wouldn't recommend it."

"Is that an _Alpha_ order Sam?"

"I see that Leah has informed you of some things," Sam's polite face turned dark, "I just hope you do the same. _No more secrets_ , right?" So the wolves had been listening in on their private conversation, Leah had warned her not to say anything in front of them.

"That is none of your business," Jude leaning back in her seat.

He took it as a show of defiance, "Anything to do with Leah is pack business."

This controlling ex-boyfriend thing he had going for him was so annoying, "You must love that," Jude said, "you must love pushing all her buttons. I hope my sister does what I can't and punches you were the sun don't shine. It might take you down a notch, because this all high and mighty Alpha thing gets annoying really fast."

"Whatever, I am dropping this," Sam said like an Alpha asshole would say, "I don't want to fight with you."

"Fighting?" She pointed to her partially open mouth, "This is talking, Alpha Sam," Jude said, mulling over the fact that Sam was able to abuse his control over other people if he wanted to. If her siblings so much as told her so, _oh my god_ , this was inexcusable, _ugh,_ "I only wish that I would have been the one to turn into a wolf," if only to give Leah the break from him, "you better believe I wouldn't have let you get away with half the things you are doing to my sister."

"You are not a wolf," he breathed deeply, a cocky smirk growing on his face, "and thank god for that, you're anger issues are worse than Paul's," he gained some control with the joke, more than Jude felt like having, "we are sworn to protect you, and you better believe if I could I would remove you from that oath" he didn't have to say it, but Jude knew, "You are too much trouble for one person to handle."

"Awww, you _powr powrful Alpha_ ," Jude cooed, when Sam finally turned on her street, he drove like an old lady, and she had to keep reminding herself that he was a vampire-killing machine. "Thank god Sam, you drive like my grandmother," at least Leah and Seth could hear them maybe, give her some back up,"am I giving you _hard_ time Sam? Am I getting on your nerves? Am I making you want to phase?"

"Stop it," he growled, wolf-like, " _you are trouble_. I don't want to see you walking alone in the woods again. And you shouldn't be out in this rain," Jude chuckled shaking her hair and wetting Sam's leather seats. More growls filled the car and she knew that messing with him was just too much fun.

She kept doing it, "you can tell me that again. Thanks for driving me home Sam, you are my hero," she teased him when they got out, he walked stiffly beside her, and she tried patting him, laughing when he flinched away from her, "down, down, bad doggie" she said looking down at the tracks visitors had made when they left after that overwhelming funeral service, teasing Sam helped her forget, "bad doggie."

Sam was right on her heels, whispering while he snarled, "You don't get to make jokes about this Judith Clearwater. The pack is confidential information that can put our entire tribe at risk. If anyone _unworthy_ found out about this. You could forget about vampires being the only problem we have. Are you listening?"

"Yeah," Jude moaned as she tries to push the front door open, it wouldn't budge, and she put down her things before she vomited on the patio, "I feel so sick," Jude chuckled feeling the joke coming, "like a dog."

Sam's mouth turned at the tips, "I highly doubt that."

"No, don't smile Sam. We are not friends-," she yelled louder, hoping someone would save her from him, "I never-want to be your-oh god- falling- falling-" Sam helped her before she fell flat on her face, and yet the world still tilted.

"Sam? Jude? Why is she all wet," Mama Sue was already there, and Jude saw a worried and bitchy faced Leah behind her. _Yes, she was safe._

Sue took Jude's shaky hands in her own, "Jude, where have you been? Why are you all wet?"

"Take this off," Leah helped take off her the jacket that clung to her body, and for a moment that was a bad idea because now her skin was bare, and so cold. Mama Sue came back with a warm bath towel, and Jude was never so thankful in her life. She was so thankful she gave her mother a big wet kiss on the cheek. It didn't look like she enjoyed it.

Sue rubbed her back through the bath towel, "Okay let's get you warm bath."

While she was taking off her soggy shoes, she looked up at Sam, "It's Sam fault mom, he is trying to kill me, called me too much trouble" she teased him, and Sue thanked the dog for his help and they went inside. Jude only made it to the couch.

"Stay here Jude, I am going to start the bathe, no fighting," her mother commanded because she already knew Jude so well.

Jude turned on her side, getting a better view of Leah's stone face as she sized up her Alpha, "Yes Mama, I'll stay with Leah, Leah?" She failed to get her sister's attention, it didn't really matter, "Why don't you let in the nice ol' Alpha?" Jude would like nothing more than to see what objects actually caused harm to Spirit Warriors, maybe Leah could help her find out, "see if we could have some fun with him."

"No," Leah didn't let him in. It would seem Sam would be stuck outside, "he's not coming in."

Sam's voice was earnest, "Leah," even when Jude could not see his face, she could tell he wanted to stay and tell them how Jude no doubt would not be allowed to speak of the growing wolf problem, "Leah let me in, stop acting like this," he whispered, "we have things to discuss."

It seemed like he was going to come in without her permission, "Leah, move out of the way," he tried coming in, but Jude's baby sister pushed him out, "dogs stay outside."

"Oh damn! You heard her Sam," Jude was never so proud in her entire life, "get out you dog!"

"Jude," her mother was back, the water running in the bath, "what did I say?"

Jude vomited on the floor, Leah and Sam groaning probably because their wolf senses could smell everything that was in it.

"Someone's going to have to clean that," Jude mumbled, wiping her mouth.

"You think!" Leah growled as Sue told her to get some towels to clean it, she had shut the door in Sam's disgusted face, and thankfully he did not have to see her almost fall into her vomit, "god Jude! I swear you can't ever hold yourself together, just for a day!"

"I'm an emotional mess today," Jude whispered as Sue helped her up, "Leah is too."

"I am not emotional," Leah corrected her, "pissed, it's called pissed."

Jude could see right through that act, "I am going cut her some slack with it today Mom," she whispered as they hobbled to the restroom, as if Leah was the problem, "you know, we all should have a break after today," her father's first day entombed in the ground, God she could not think of that right now, _it was too soon_ , too fresh in their minds.

"Jude," her mother tutted, "stop it, and get in the bath."

"Sounds good to me," even if Jude had a thousand issues to fix.

Jude had to go to Billy and talk about Winona had to say about the spirit demon problem, she had a son that no doubt would be calling to hear his mother's voice, and Susan and Peter would want a full story of what had happened today at her father's funeral. It gave her a headache that to think that she would have to edit most part out since Sam would rip her to shreds for breaking the treaty. Bury her for letting others know about their real-life Legends walking on four furry legs all over La Push. Even if Bella Swan, an outsider, had told it to their sworn vampire enemies, and the boy, _almost man_ , she couldn't get out of her mind was still hung up on winning the same vampire-girl back to their side.

"Damn," Jude went into the restroom with her mother, the steam from the bath evaporating her problems into a mush in her mind, "I got a lot of shit to do Mom."

"Yes, yes, in time Jude," her mother shushed her, "but in the meantime…" she was right, Jude had to take warm shower, get over this sickness, and _hack up_ her stomach some more.

* * *

 ** **o0o0o0o0o0TMS0o0o0o0o0o****

* * *

She couldn't remember getting so excited to have blistering water pour down her body.

 _Goodbye_ , she wished farewell to the Marks Marts' weak excuse of a lukewarm faucet to get her head wet, now the she had the real deal in her mother's small but equally larger to her bathroom. Billy's had been a greater reprieve from the first option, but there was nothing like being home. The sight of the off white tile, maroon fluffy circle carpets, and the green designs of painted on pine trees, their individual paint-strokes of leaves reminded her that her mother had an eye for the detail. At the very bottom of the wall she had let Leah, Seth, and her paint some flowers, those child-like coils and lopsided petals made her smile.

The scent of open top window of the path let in the actual pine scent, cool air taking the overpowering warmth, and the burning cinnamon from the lone candle filled the foggy room with all comfortable times she had bathed in here before as a toddler, as a whiny kid, and as an angsty teenager that screamed at Seth and Leah to get out. It was home.

Before getting into the tub, Jude stripped her old torn clothes that she had bought two years ago at goodwill.

"I am throwing these out, no, they are ugly," her mother sentenced them, collected them in her arms and took them from the bathroom. That would be the last time Jude would see them, and many more things she had brought in the two bags that had lessened to just one bag since she left New Mexico. The birthing pains of letting her old life in New Mexico fade away, the life she had before she had Jordan in her belly, and what it would mean for his future without seeing him everyday, meant she would have different things haunting her now.

"Let Jordan go," Jude tried, "let him have a better life," knowing the grey tainted memories that would stay with her always were still worth coming back home to explain to her father before his death, and patch up her relationship with her now _willing_ mother.

The same woman came back in, Jude was oddly at peace in her presence, "I told you not go running in the rain," Sue dumped another hot pale of water over her head as Jude sniffled in the tub water, but did not say anything, "ever since you were little, why can't you just listen Jude?"

"I know, I'm sorry," Jude's raven hair became a thick wet curtain around her head. She parted it in time to see Sue to dump another bucket of warm water over her. It felt good, but her mother was overdoing it. They were wasting so much water. It was like she was washing, scrubbing, and rubbing away all the three years of abandonment against Jude's reddened skin.

After her skin began to burn from the friction, she found her voice, "Mom, not so hard," Jude said and then Sue handed her the sponge.

"You can do it then," Jude took the sponge, and eyed her watching mother. _What was she supposed to do?_ Her mother would not leave her for a moment. If she even hinted it her mother would give her a "Leah glare" and just kept circling like a mother wolf and her injured pup.

"Here take these," Sue said with her arms full of products, "here hunny these help with making your skin softer," she put oils on Jude's arms, legs, and the back of her neck. It made Jude's skin slippery and truly softer. "Wow" she said as her mother smiled at her. Her mother was babying her too much and to add to the whole experience, Mama Wolf refused to let her do any work, and under no pretense did she let her even let her out after a few hours of keeping warm in the bathroom.

Jude was sure she didn't even lock the door, Leah, Seth peeked their heads in to see if she was still alive, and a few of their leaving family said their goodbyes through the door.

One voice in particular stood out from the rest, "Sue, me and Jacob are leaving," said Billy that was at the door, and that sent a whole different type of chills going down Jude's back.

When the house was empty, and when Jude was allowed to paint her mother nails, and each other's wiggling toes, Jude felt more energized to do something other than breathing in the healing fumes of hot tea leaf water, "why don't we get Leah in here, we can make a party of this," Jude hoped that they could have more days like this, and her mother could have another week off from working at the La Push marina in their father's fishing shop for the tourists.

"I think Leah would rather get a break from this whole town," her mother said shortly, "I need to let her get out more, let her have her own freedom," it would seem Jude had made that impression on her mother. That her unending love had suffocated them in some type of way, a way that pushed them to get away.

"I don't think Leah wants to get away from you mom," that was the damn truth, and then it struck her, "Oh shit," that reminded Jude, "I have to call Casey, I have to remind her that I won't make it to practice with the soccer girls."

"You can make those calls later," her mother answered flippantly taking off the nail polish that had gotten on Jude's fingers.

"I can't just give up on my job," she watched her mother work, "people are expecting me to keep my word," Jude said to as Sue began gathering the bottles of herbs, towels on the ground that had become bathroom mats, and draining the dirty water, "Mom, I'm serious. This is serious, you can't baby me like this, are you listening? Mom! Hey, and I can take my own showers!"

"You weren't complaining a few minutes ago," her mother continued by pouring conditioner over Jude's hair by cupping her hands and running her fingers through her longer hair. _True. Why was she was right_ … _because she was her mom,_ "You have never been able to stay put in one place Jude," Sue rubbed it through her head again, tutting her, "you need to learn how to relax yourself."

Her mother was so great at giving showers, her mother continued in relaxing her, "I know you need to go back Jude, but take it easy for a few weeks. Take the week off like me, I have Mrs. Call running the store for us at the marina, Leah quit her job, she needs some space too," well that was some news, "and even Seth took some time off from school," she patted Jude's thigh as if she was a small child again, "Give it a few weeks and we will talk about jobs and other things."

"That sounds good Mom," they walked out of the restroom to eat in the kitchen.

The house was truly empty, no Leah, no Seth, "they are patrolling with Sam," how her mother knew that, Jude had no idea, "they won't be back till later."

When her mother sat with her, leftovers from the funeral feasts in their plates, she pointed her fork at Jude, "Now about my grandson," Jude lost her relaxed mind, "I talked to Claire," Jude had forgot Mrs. Whitney had a first name, "and I agree with her, we don't know nearly enough about our grandson, who he is living with, if these people are even suitable-"

"They are," Jude was quick to defend, "they are amazing," she swallowed some of her food, "what would you like to know Mom?" That was all the invitation her mother needed. Jude didn't stand a chance.

 _How old is he? Who are these parents that are taking care of him? What are their names? What is their numbers? Where was he born? What color eyes does he have? Pictures?_ Jude had pictures of Jordan, him eating, playing, during Christmas and her mother fawned over them. She was afraid her mother would drive to New Mexico and take Jordan from Susan and Paul's home.

"We will have to pay them a visit."

"I am going in the summer," Jude grinned at the possibility of Jordan meeting his grandmother, "we could head down sooner if you wanted to?"

Her mother debated it, and then shook her head after her thinking, "when Leah and Seth have the time, when they aren't needed here, then we can go."

"Sure mom," because Jude knew the wolves would be more calm after the Victoria problem was taken care of. With the way Leah and Seth complained about it, Sam was no doubt going to tear off her head soon, _hopefully._

After eating, her mother sent her to bed, "Mom," Jude moaned, "I don't feel sick anymore."

"Go to bed," her mother pushed her pajama clad body back into her parent's bed, and checking her forehead again, palming it like a piece of dough, "this is not a cold. It is a fever, and I am going to have Emily make you her famous soup, sleep, soup, sleep, and rest for you young lady. Remember a week!"

"Mom," _this was ridiculous like Emily would ever make her a soup_ , Jude thought.

" _You_ are being ridiculous, no more fighting me Jude," her mother heard her talking about Emily, "I am getting the mint leaves, my mother's remedy."

"God save me please," her mother was smothering her with so much affection, if she was not so blissfully happy with her mother's acceptance of her, her willingness to forgive, well… _it wasn't so bad._ She fell into a dreamless sleep. Nothing could have awoken her that night.

The following day, Jude was coughing up a storm in bed, the door opened and it was not her mother. Leah came in, with Seth almost tripping in after her. They shut the door quietly, probably thinking she was sleeping, and got onto the bed. Jude was surprised to even see them, she was sure that one night could not change their mind that much, but the dip of the bed and their warm bodies told her otherwise.

"I am awake," Jude smirked when her closed eyes opened, "you wolves are not so quiet."

"Shut-up Jude," Leah slapped her playfully on the cheek, and it hurt enough to bruise, but Jude just smirked at Leah's dumbfounded face.

"Sorry Jude, I meant to pat your face-"

"I barely felt that," Jude laughed, and Seth joined in, Leah giving a bleary eyed smile as they laid on their parent's bed. Jude snuggled underneath, and the two blistering heated bodies of her siblings above. Jude didn't care, it was nice to just relax like this with them. She could feel it, they were all truants today but her mother was right.

"You know I love you guys right," Jude opened her arms to encase them, Seth was yawning in his sleep, and Leah frowning because she was trying to nap. Jude's yin and yang.

Since Leah was already awake, she talked to her, "I am sorry Leah."

"Why are you apologizing for now?" Leah looked like she knew exactly what the reason was, "Do you need to apologize?"

"Well yeah," Jude admitted, while Seth quietly listened with his eyes closed, "I need to apologize to this family for pretending like I knew what you guys went through, I really fucked things up," Jude sighed, "having a child makes you look at the world in a different way."

"Aww, Jude," Seth comforted her, his hand rubbing against her face, yawning again, "that's sweet."

Leah didn't think so, "Anything else?"

"I am sorry," this was for Leah and Seth, "that when you both opened up to me," Jude remembered them embracing in the rain the day after their father died. Seth sharing a meal with her at his school, and all the car-rides afterwards, "when you both opened up to me, I was too much of a coward to do the same. No more, I am secret free now… wait," they tensed, "you both should also know that spirits attacked me my last day here," might as well tell them the whole thing, "and they kind of ripped off my clothes."

Seth spluttered as if his older sister being naked was close to seeing an old woman naked, "Why were you naked?"

"I got lost it in the woods," Jude said, "spirits were chasing me, and trying to attack me. Grant helped me get clothes and I convinced him to take me to the airport" Leah looked away like it didn't matter, "Anyways, I had it up to here with spirits and their craziness so I looked for spiritual help. No, I didn't join a church… or a cult. In New Mexico there was this shaman that said that if I didn't want the "gift" then I could put this on," she showed them the amulet around her neck, "and then _bada-bing_ all the spirits were gone."

"So that is what this thing is for," Leah turned the talisman in her hand, "Why did you choose New Mexico?"

Jude put it back underneath her shirt, "I went to New Mexico because that was the only flight farthest away that I could afford," they didn't look happy about that.

"Well at least the visions are gone," her mother peeped her head into the room.

"Mom," they all groaned in unison, "were you listening?"

"What," she used her mothering voice, "can't I listen in on my kids?"

They wolves threw pillows at the door, and Jude didn't get much sleep after that, all four of them putting on the radio full blast, jumping on the bed, almost breaking it with their wolf strength, and listening to their father's old recordings. As the music played, they listening to Sue's stories of him, how they met, how they fell in love, and they finally got the chance to cry, together, to grieve over what had happened while Jude had been gone.

Jude didn't mind the calm accusations, because she got their little moments of forgiveness too. It was like a great stone was lifted from her chest, cracked in two, and now she was bouncing on the ceiling lighter and happier than she had ever let herself feel.

* * *

 ** **o0o0o0o0o0TMS0o0o0o0o0o****

* * *

That Monday morning, after the hectic weekend of her father's funeral, _was actually not bad, not bad at all_ , Jude thought sitting at the older than dirt dining table Sam's kitchen had against the wall. Sam's hostess was worse than Sue, "Eat up," Emily put a second bowl in front of a bettering Jude.

The delicious bowl of hot soup wafted up to through her red nose, "Yes, _wolf girl_ ," Jude smiled back at the half perfect side of her cousin's face, still getting used to the other disfigured side, _Sam's favorite side_ , as Leah had whispered to her just outside before they came in.

"Oh stop it Jude," Emily slapped her arm, and Jude winked at her, and the person beside her growling and Jude sighed louder than before.

" _What did I do now?"_

"Don't mind me," Jude got the ugliest look from Leah, "just forget I am even here."

 _Oh, that was righ_ t, Jude grimaced at her mistake, they were supposed to be angry at Emily, the one that was cooking like a mad chef, but it was so difficult to be angry with Cousin Em when she was so naturally good and kind-hearted to the entire pack.

There was something about this grown-up Emily that just made Jude feel... _homey_ , and not to mention that her doting did not just extend to Sam, but everyone. It was like she was made to take care of the entire wolf pack, and her constant attention just felt... _real._ She had sacrificed her home, her poor restroom, and more importantly her kitchen and living room space for a throng of loudmouthed and boisterous people. It took a very special type of person to do that.

"You liked her once," Jude put it carefully, "what about that peace were were talking about? How good it felt to finally forgive me in the end?" There was a reason why Leah and Emily were so close before... _the unmentionable happened._

"Your my crazy sister," Leah bit back, "I have no choice to forgive you, and you at least felt remorse, Emily..." Leah shook her head, probably seeing Sam's quick glance her way, always reprimanding, "whatever."

Besides that conversation, Emily was feeding everyone like they were the happiest wolf family in La Push. Leah was right, there was not one sign of remorse on cousin Em's face.

Seth lifted his cup when they had started eating, "To the vamp calling it quits!"

They all drank their cups at that.

"To getting the vamp's ass handed to her when she gets back," Leah shot back right back, and the pack lifted their cups in celebration. It was a celebration meal. Victoria hadn't showed up for two days, Bella Swan had ditched town, and all the vampire drama had left with her. Maybe, they could move on from all of the supernatural shit-storm they called their lives.

After breakfast Seth went for his first patrol alone. Besides the impossibly happy Omega (Seth) being absent, the whole pack was here. On a side note, Jude was happy for Leah's promotion, her sister was too fiery and high-strung to be the lowest on the totem pole, and get shit from the guys like she had also mentioned earlier. Seth didn't seem to mind in the very least, he was just happy to hang around the guys. Now he could bro it out with the guys. Jude liked to see the way he was talked so excitedly with Embry and Quil before he had left. They said that Seth looked up to Jacob Black the most.

"Please don't," Jude told him not to when she found out, "you are fine just the way you are Seth," she would hate for Seth to become anything like the cynical and up-tight Jacob Black that was doing handstands for a girl that had tuck tail and ran to her vampire family when they called.

"Jude," Em called her out, making her slurp up the rest of the soup, "I want you to meet Jared and Kim," Emily said, and then Jared came from the living room where he was leading a giggling familiar face.

"This is Kim," _well, well, look who it was_ , it was the future _Mrs. Cameron_ , and this time Kim gave her a look of pure happiness instead of fear, because to everyone's amusement Kim and Jared were as inseparable as Emily and Sam. It was beautiful as it was nauseating to watch.

"Hi Kim," Jared said as if they hadn't already been introduced.

Jared spoke up for her happy grin, "it's good to meet Leah's other sister," he shook her hand, "what you said at Harry's funeral was good to hear, we liked it," he added as if they were a bonus package, and Jude graciously dipped my head. It was good to hear someone liked it.

"That's nice of you," Jude leaned back in her chair, turning back to Jared,"you know what, you look so much like your older cousins, Liam and Chris," she could remember them being a lot shorter and squatter than Jared, but their smiles were the same. Big and White.

"Do I?" Jared looked surprised that she even knew them, "they went to join the army two years back," he chuckled, "how did you know them?"

"She fought them," Leah answered for Jude, making Kim chuckle at Jared's surprised face, "She broke their arms," Leah added, "and Jude got her first black-eye."

"Come on Leah," Jude pushed Leah but her unmovable sister didn't move, and looked beyond irritated with her for trying, "now he isn't going to tell me anything after hearing what I did to his cousins. Don't worry Jared they lost with dignity," Jude promised but frankly could not remember, "I am sure they would whoop me now. That was the first grade, and now just look at me."

That made a few people laugh.

Someone yelled a loud _fuck you_ outside, followed by the sound of a fist meeting skin, growling, more fists flying and hitting something hard, "Oh my there they go again," Emily said as she brought Jude her second bowl without asking, "Paul always wants to pick a fight with him, I just hope that Rachel doesn't hear about this." Jude knew there was wolf drama with a family this big, but she was more focused on the delicious food before her.

"Great!" Jude gave a thumbs up as Emily filled her soup, "Keep them coming Emily!"

Leah growled, "suck up."

"It's for you stupid," Jude pushed her the soup towards her.

"You eat like the boys do," Emily said not noticing Jude was actually trying to feed her sister Leah whom was pretending like she was not hungry.

"I'm not hungry," Leah said after only eating one soup.

"Liar," Jude took it back.

She forced herself to take another sip and successfully burnt her lips and the tip of her tongue. _Ah._ Jude would just let it sit.

"You need to eat," Emily got Leah unawares by coming to fill hers too, "I can see your hungry, please eat Leah."

It would seem that she had eyes behind her head. Leah was already finishing hers and Jude smiled as Leah tipped the bowl to her lips because she knew, her big sister could have two to three bowels, but she could swallow ten and still ask for more.

The guys on the other hand…. _My god_. They ate as much as was available, and poor Emily, Jude wondered how she found the time to make so much soup for so many always hungry people with bottomless stomachs.

Jude could hear the start of a fight outside, growling and talented cursing, "Sam! They are starting," Emily gave Sam a look, and Jude couldn't help giggling with how fast he moved to get outside and play Papa Wolf. Emily had him so whipped.

She asked Leah, "Why are they fighting?"

Leah ignored her.

It was the hostess that answered her, "Rachel came back for Harry's funeral," Emily said bringing a thankless Leah another bowl, and she paused looking at us both, "and she is not going back. She," Emily's eyes darted outside, "found a reason to stick around. Billy is so proud," she skipped back to the kitchen, "and I made that soup spicy, so watch out," she warned us.

Leah didn't even stop eating with that _weird_ conversation.

"Why would Billy be proud of Rachel staying?" Jude was filled with more questions, "Last time he talked to me he said that he was proud Rachel was at school, that she was finishing her college education instead of being around for the vampire problem-"

"I don't know," Leah huffed, "and I don't care."

Jude clicked her tongue, knowing what was the problem, "Are you angry with me?"

"Stop asking that shit," Leah growled, her soup vibrating before her, no doubt her thighs were shaking under the table, and Jude decided to ask Seth about it when he came back from patrol.

"Just eat your food Jude," Leah said grabbing the homemade salsa and putting two spoon for Jude and ten for her.

Jude growled right back at Leah, feeling like a wolf herself, "you are going to burn my mouth, great you ruined it Leah" Judith moaned.

"Good, maybe you can stop talking so much," now it's Jude's turn to frown.

"No more fighting," Sam came back in with an irritated Paul, grabbing him by the nape of his neck, as if he was a small pup, and sitting him at the kitchen's island and in front of the spicy soup. Suddenly unhappy Lahote was happy Lahote. Emily's soup was magical, and Jude decided she needed some to take home and give to everyone she had done wrong to.

As Jude was rubbing her burning tongue Paul's eyes found her, and she frowned at him, and he smiled back, and turned around to continue eating his soup. _What?_ _Did he just ignore her? Pass up the chance to flirt? What happened to yesterday?_

"Leah," the self-conscious part of Jude bugged her again, and she didn't know how to put it in any other way than, "Why is Paul ignoring me?"

"Why do you care?" Leah's pissed off look intensified up at Jude's face, and she made it seem even worse than it actually was.

"Are you…" her sister's mouth turned into a coy smile, "jealous Jude?" Jude felt so completely embarrassed by Leah's stupid interpretation, that was not it, and a smirking Leah knew always knew it was not. Conner still held that softer part of herself.

"What? Me? Never," Jude said quickly, knowing everyone, save Emily, could hear their conversation, "I just wanted to know why he changed all of a sudden. It's kind of freaky."

"Freaky has nothing to do with it," Paul said, turning in his seat to a blushing Jude, and Jared laughed loudly from the couch with a giggling Kim under his arm. They thought it was funny, "don't you worry Jude, it has nothing to do with you," Paul said to Jude's reddened face, "your still gorgeous, don't get your panties in a knot," that made the guys holler in even more laughter at her expense, even the quiet Embry chuckled. _Oh I could just die_ , Jude thought.

Quil, the same wolf from that dreadful day at Mark's Mart, had even joined them, "That's it ladies. Paul's been hit by cupid," he grabbed his heart and stuck out his tongue, "now he is going to be just the most lovable person," Quil tried pulling Paul's cheek and got his finger chomped instead, "Ow, Paul that hurts!"

"Then stop _fucking_ with me," Paul muttered under his breath.

"No cursing in Emily's kitchen," Embry said while collecting all the disposables around the kitchen, the helpful one of the bunch, "that is why you got into a fight outside, Paul? Because you're so lovable?" He pulled Paul's hair and Embry leaned back from Paul's massive fist, "Don't you know he is protective over Rachel? She is gone for years and now you have this _"hold"_ over her. Why do you got to go rub it in that you are apart of his family and shit."

"Because Jake would rather pretend I wasn't," Paul said, dunking into his soup with more gusto, "he would rather pretend I was just the same old-" he stopped there when he spotted Jude's curious glance, "never-mind."

"Shut-up up Paul, before I get Jake," was Embry's dry threat as he went outside to take out the trash, and someone held the door for him, and let himself in.

It was Jacob Black himself. He was the one that had fought Paul outside.

"Jake," Quil was quick to say, as Jude regained her calm composure, "here I made some room for you, right next to Paul," he teased and Jude could hear Jake growl like they must have done when they were in wolf form. Jude just wondered why Sam didn't ring Jake's ear like he had Paul's. _Didn't he deserve to get his ear pulled too?_ He deserved it a thousand times over with the impression he had made that first day she had stayed at Billy. Calling her a _liar and a thief_. Jude had not forgotten.

"Is this seat taken?" Leah turned around and Jake was there, hovering over her shoulder, repeating himself, "is this seat taken?"

It struck Jude how attractive she found Jacob, especially when he was all moody like this. Jude told herself, _it had nothing to do with him actually._ It was all physical, nice slope of his back as he leaned over Leah, his face, no his perfectly tipped nose that was straight from tip to base, his hair, raven glossy black, _oh yes_ it was his hair that hung around his small pink ears. Very nice, it would look better longer.

 _Stop it Jude_ , her mind told her.

 _It is sick, to crush on children_ , but Jude didn't see a kitchen full of sixteen year old boys when she looked around the kitchen. Men. All _in-shape, handsome,_ and _La Push grown men_ , and Jude knew she had to control her own _wacky_ hormones in front of them all. _How did Emily and Kim not feel the effects of this overwhelming hormone inducing display?_

Jude looked away from her soup for the answer, studied the other girls reactions, Kim and Emily, they were engulfed in their significant others and vice versa. Jude's eyes returned to Leah's tight ones, and for once Jude understood. It was hard to be surrounded by guys that treated you like one of them, than an actual young woman.

"That seat is for Seth," Leah said distastefully to Jacob's polite request, "this is the Clearwater table."

"Leah," Jude warned her, knowing her tone would not be taken kindly, especially when the guys were already giving her shit, "that is not going to make us any friends."

"Good," Leah said in absolute confidence, "I don't need any here."

"Aw, Jake," his friend called him back from the island before Emily's cooking prowess, "what are you doing messing with Leah? Don't go to the girls table," Quil said loudly getting a bonk on the head from Emily, "Leah is all protective because she brought her sister-" I could hear the wink in his voice, "to come and meet us all."

"Did she, that's nice," Jake said as if he didn't recognize all the times he had glared at her like she was shit under his shoe, turning his gaze from Leah to Jude's waiting eyes. _I wondered what he meant by 'nice'_ -

Jude stopped wondering, because she found it.

Jacob's eyes were dark brown, darker than Seth's, darker than her mother's eyes, and Jude had never been so conflicted with her past emotions and the ones running through her head now. When Jude was little, she always thought colored eyes were the prettiest, her own grey ones', Conner's blue eyes', and even Philly's exotic green ones. Her opinion was suddenly different.

Jude didn't feel like that anymore, _my stomach had never felt so completely warm, my toes began to curl, and my… my goodness he was still staring, but so was I,_ her mind had turned into a teenager looking at the man of her wet dreams. She didn't want to stop. Jude didn't want anyone to ruin her little moment with Jacob's warm eyes, but to her, it was not little moment to her. It was big, huge, stealing her breath, and she knew when he stopped staring it would be lost, he would go back to his indifference, go back to running off the Rez to save his lady love.

Jude couldn't let that happen. Jude had traveled thousands of miles, struggled with water, food, homes', a baby boy, fought, grieved, and reconciled with her family to have a perfect moment like this. It was like she had been awakened to a new world. It was like letting yourself fall to the bottom of the ocean, become apart of it's deep slumber, and not worry about the fact that you need oxygen, even when your lungs are burning for it, and that, that is how his eyes felt.

"Jake?"

Leah pushed Jude's shoulder, yanking it a bit, "Jude," _just a bit longer, let me look at him a bit longer,_ Jude thought.

"Jake," someone was trying to discontent him too, "didn't you hear what I said- _oh shit_ , Embry! Get back in here!" Quil covered his mouth as if he was choking on his food.

"Jake you asshole," her sister looked between them, "stop staring at her-" Leah said and when he failed to do so, she turned to Jude whom was no better off than the first.

"What the hell?" Leah's eyes widened, and recognition lit her face as she saw what was between Jake and Jude. Their stare was no longer rude, no longer innocent, and Jude could see her sister's head steaming from here. Leah was shaking in her seat, ready to phase any moment, "I can't believe you," she snarled, and Jude was not sure at who she was really talking to, "I can't fucken believe you."

Then someone else caught on, the screen door slapping behind him, "shit, shit, not Jude," Seth said from the door, just back from patrol, stealing everyone's attention, "why on my sister, man?" Jude was one of the few to turn around to an unhappy Seth, the spell of Jacob's eyes broken. _What did he mean not my_ _sister_? "You don't have to leave Seth," a worried Emily chased after her brother, the one person that was not still tripping over what the hell just happened.

"Yes!" Paul whooped twirling on his seat, congratulating himself, "I knew it, you son of a bitch, I knew it," and began pointing at Jared, "I won, you owe me twenty!"

Jared grimaced but let go of a confused Kimberly to pull out his wallet.

"This is not a joke," Leah roared and went to take their bowls to be refilled, shoving a frozen Jacob as she got up, "talk to her asshole, don't leave her hanging like that."

Leah left her alone, _with him._

Jacob Black, the one that was far more mature than his wolf brothers when it came to these things, the one Billy loved so much he couldn't stop talking about, the same Jacob Leah had told her had spoke up against Sam about protecting Bella, that said he would do _anything_ to save her, even fight against his own brothers if it came down to it.

 _That Jacob,_ was frozen, but Jude had the displeasure of seeing his blank look thaw, thaw into something that she had more experience with.

This Jacob returned to the cold stranger that she had lived with at Billy's house, even more so, and he looked furious, his own hands shaking, the bowl in his hands breaking, fluid dripping to the ground.

"Jacob," Emily shrieked, "what is wrong with you?"

Jude thought she had finally understood his reasoning now, her peace with her mother, her fiery sister, and with her lovable Seth. All of it was just a temporary truce, crushed just like that bowl, people would go back to remembering the person she really was, and now, Jacob's un-remorsful look of disdain made especially for her, it reminded her what all this meant, and her stupid attempts at playing family with _his friends, his tribe_ was a sham to him.

Jude felt the guilt once again,

playing the intruder in her own home.


	16. Chapter 16

**o0o0o0o0o0TMS0o0o0o0o0o**

* * *

 **Chapter 16**

* * *

 **JACOB POV**

Jake felt the hole in his chest being torn apart, bloody stitches torn from their seams, invisible skin ripping, and he struggled as something foreign tried to fill it.

"Jake step back."

If only it was that easy.

The foreign power of the imprint bond didn't even fight his attempts at rejecting it, passing over his mind like a sheen of pure liquid spread all over his brain, a soothing balm, calming him, _trying_ to calm him, and when he resisted once more the power of the imprint bond drew it's claws and dug deep inside all the parts that had once belonged to another. The wolf inside him preened at the attention the bond gave it, the relief of the search for his other half finished, because she sat right here before him.

Jake twitched. He fought the wolf, he did it for himself, but mostly _for Bella._

 _No, stop it_ , he growled at whatever it was, because he couldn't give up on her.

He had promised Bella. He had given his word to that clumsy, loving, stubbornly recuperating Bells. He had promised that he would never leave her, make that hole in her own chest worse than it already was.

 _She left you_ , the wolf told him, growling in defiance.

His failure to ignore it weighed on his mind, and the unwilling obedience taking over him.

 _It was her._

His imprint.

His mate.

It was all this Jude's stupid crazy fault that this had happened in the first place.

She was the one that had to come to La Push and ruined everything, ruined Old Quil's room like a drama Queen after a fight with her father, ruined his own father's impression of how his sisters could change, gave his father hope they could actually want to stay in this a place that reminded them of their dead mother, and the fact that she was not here waiting for them.

Most importantly Jude ruined every hardworking and heart-wrenching move he had made for girl that knew him better than anyone. Bella was his best friend. His _true_ soul mate. He had _chosen_ her.

Now it was just Jude, only Jude, all his connections had been snipped off, one after the other, and now even the _motherfucking_ air around the girl seemed brighter somehow, glow around her grimacing mouth and confused steely gaze.

Judith Clearwater. Jude. Harry's crazy and irresponsible daughter, the selfish devil's incarnate of what he had fallen in love with Bella for.

"Get up Jude," Leah whispered lowly, inching towards his imprint. _His imprint,_ Jacob groaned at what this magical bond had rendered him to, a possessive wolf with an obsession to take Jude far away from all the shit that had happened to Bella, protect her and cherish her. Jacob fought the need as it grew.

Jude must have read his mind, or felt it through the bond, because the glimmer, _or something cheesy shit like that_ , had left Jude's eyes, and been replaced with something far more vulnerable. It was like he was looking into a reflection of himself. They both did not want this, the pain, their choice taken from them, and a more mature part of him knew they both deserved better than _this._

At least someone hated him as much as he hated himself, "What the? I can't believe you," Leah's face knew it too, and her reaction seemed to make the most sense. It should have been his own, but the thing about imprinting is that it strips you of your rationale.

"I can't believe you, I can't fucken believe you," Leah snarled at him, and Jacob could not believe himself either. The hum of the wolf was calling to him, and if he did not calm down now then he would be wolfing in Emily's kitchen surrounded by two imprints and their own up the ass protective mates to claim what was… _no stop it._

Jake had to calm the fuck down, but it was harder than he thought.

Especially when he could smell her cinnamon and pine scent, like Christmas, the forest, and something like soothing tea going down his throat. He could see the beads of sweat poor down the side of her head, down her angular heart-shaped chin, and mix with the raven baby-hairs of her scalp. _She was beautiful…_

 _Stop_ , Jake would not submit.

"Shit, shit, not Jude," and to make matters worse the wolf pup Seth was there, his honorary kid brother, and here Jacob was imprinting on his sister like it had nothing to do with him.

Jake stood there like an idiot, his mouth failing him, and his expression kept getting worse, Seth's hurt was written all over his face,"Why on my sister man?"

 _What the hell was I supposed to say to that?_ Jake thought.

Did it look like he had planned to imprint today on Seth's gun-ho and all around bat-shit crazy sister. The one that babysat him when he was even younger than him, used to braid his hair at the kitchen table, read Embry, Quil, and him stories, and... _why the hell was he remembering this now?_

 _"_ Seth you don't have to leave," Emily said, apparently she was the only one that thought this was okay, no big surprise there when she followed the poor kid out.

Instead of remaining calm, Jake felt his hairs prick up at Paul's annoying ass voice, "I knew it! You son of a bitch! You owe me twenty-" Jared put a twenty dollar bill in his hands, _that fucken asshole_ , he had bet on his love life with Bella being _fucked over_ like this.

He expected this from Paul.

A betting about imprints sounded like something Rachel's newly imprinted ass-hat would do, but Jared? That just pissed Jake off more, made his heart pick up like when he was about to phase. The pull of the wolf tempting him. Leah growled so low Jacob barely caught it at first, and suddenly he wasn't alone in his overwhelming hatred. It would seem that they both could whip his ass later.

Jake chuckled to himself, excited for what would no doubt be the biggest whopping Paul Lahote had ever received.

"This is not a joke," Leah must have heard him chuckle, "talk to her you asshole, don't leave her hanging like that."

 _Sure, bitch_ , he wanted to say right back, but Jake was once again reminded about his imprint. That talking to Leah like that would cause her pain, and her pain was his pain. A tether tied to his rib that connected to a hers, and when she moved, he felt it. His imprint.

Not Bella.

 _Jude._

The difference between the two brought him back to reality. The fury consuming him. He made sure he only felt the hatred and loss of Bella, squashing anything else out, and his newfound fury was aimed at the silver-eyed girl that had done it to him.

With his wolf strength, Jacob shattered the ceramic bowl between his shaking hands.

What was left of it fell to the ground, soup staining Sam's cheap ass rug, and around him a hundred broken pieces spread everywhere else, too many for any sane person to pick up.

* * *

 **o0o0o0o0o0TMS0o0o0o0o0o**

* * *

 _Hatred._

The sheer mass of him.

Jake's powerful impression still lingered in Emily's kitchen, even when he was pacing just outside the cabin filled with the pack, his whispering pack members a bit too loud, and Sam _Alpha_ ordering everyone, especially the wolves, not to go outside.

 _Giving him space, let him, work things over_ , was Sam's words.

Jude felt the pack's eyes on her at that comment, as if she was the problem, and she didn't back away from those glances. They had no right to judge her for something that was not her fault, "What?" They returned to their own business. Jude remained pensive as she rubbed her fingers over her quivering lips, seething for some reason, probably because Jacob looked at her like she was the devil come to drag his ass to hell.

"You know Jacob!" Leah worked past the Alpha command, yelling from inside, her prison for the moment, "this should make your choices about the Pack much easier, now that the spirits have chosen my sister for you," Leah hinted even when people where shushing her.

A growl answered her from outside. Jacob throwing a fit probably.

Jude hung on every one of Leah's words, her sister continued, "Oh come on guys, believe me. Emily agrees with me, right, come on _Cousin Em_ ," Emily stopped cutting more vegetables for the soup. Leah enjoyed hitting exactly where Sam would feel the greatest pain, she told the listening wolves, a ferocious edge to her words, "I mean it was the only way Sam looked her way, right?"

"Leah," Sam growled rattling his own bowl.

"Leah," Jude was quick to say too, because whatever she was saying would not likely end well for any of them.

Emily turned her back at Leah's words, bending towards the stove, but Jude knew she was trying to hide the hurt. This shouldn't be a fight, they should have talked it out months ago, but instead it was left to fester, and that was what was happening now. It was just her luck that Jacob brought her into the center of another drama fest.

"Yeah that was the only reason," Leah hummed tipping Emily's soup to her perfect and plumb lips, "you let them the guys be the bitches now. Let them know how it feels like to have their heart's ripped out. It's the only good thing that comes out of the imprint bond..." Paul, Sam, and Jared all growled for some reason, as if they were worried she would explain to much.

Leah picked up on that, "whatever, just enjoy it Jude. We all would if we could."

 _Imprint?_ Jude thought, _What the hell is an Imprint?_

She had to ask, "Leah?" Leah rose and excused herself, and she knowingly left her big sister with more questions than answers. Jude knew there was more to be said, but the way Sam was glaring at Leah meant she would have patrol for a week after this.

Jude found it unfair.

"What are they talking about, what's an imprint," asked Kim for her, Jared's girlfriend should have pushed more, because her lover tamed her worrying with a kiss, "Nothing babe."

"Yeah," Paul said, "that is what we should tell all the imprints," _there was the word again,_ "like they will believe that shit lie," there was some muffled threats from Sam and then they were silent.

 _What is so good about the imprint? Was it another creature they had to watch out for? Was it even a person? or a thing?_

Judith didn't know if that was a good thing. Not when this Jacob's face had become crushed under something terrible, like his intestines were bursting from the inside. For the record, _Why did she feel as if she was going to hack her own stomach out? Was it the soup? The residual fever? No, that couldn't be it._ Jude had never been so awake after looking into Jacob's eyes.

Moments before, Jude had once been painfully aware of how Jacob had creased his forehead creating fake wrinkles as he looked at her, his large dark hand holding the chair until his knuckles became white, and how he had been gently kicking the back of Paul's chair, deciding something, before he had launched out of the room.

 _Why did Jude feel as if her very soul yearned to follow him about the room, and felt broken when he refused to notice her?_ These feelings, they were irrational.

Leah returned with buttered bread, and she bitterly shared a piece once she noticed Jude didn't have some. Stingy bitch.

"Whats Jake's problem," Embry spoke up when he came in, probably seeing Jacob throwing shit outside by the sounds of it, seeming as clueless as Jude, and probably had a bit of more experience since it was his own best friend they were talking about, "it's not like the imprint makes a difference-" he was shushed again. It would seem like Embry knew more than her.

"Enough about Jake," Paul roared, distracting everyone, "Hey Emily! Can you give me some more of that soup?" He pleaded, "Is there still the chicken legs left, that was good," Emily ducked behind the counter and brought out more food out for the small army that religiously camped out in her kitchen. She served it warm for him, "oh, so good," Paul's eyes rolled back as he tore at the chicken's thigh with his canines swallowing it whole.

"Oooouuuu," Quil slapped Paul's back, "He thinks about Rachel when he does that!"

"Shut. The. Fuck. Up." Paul hit Quil over the head with his arm, "Jake is still outside, do you want us to break Emily's _shit_ by fighting."

"You better shut your mouth in my kitchen," Emily pointed her spatula, "no cursing," her hurt over Leah's words had dissipated back into her mother mode.

Jude looked to Emily's right side, where Sam was busy eating his food, and even then the Alpha of he pack gave Paul a look that made him cower into his bowl. If they didn't listen to Emily, then Sam was always there to remind them what would happen if they didn't.

"Yes, wolf girl," Paul teased her but listened. It was hard not to listen to Em. She was pack mom after all. Being Sam's girl meant that she was high on the pecking order, and welcomed to feed and mother the entire pack, or that was what the boys thought.

She smiled and thanked him, but Quil was already tackling Paul to the ground.

"Get him Quil!"

"Stop it Sam."

"Fine."

The guys cheered instead of stopping it, and Sam tearing them off each other, while food flew in the air until he got them to stop.

In the chaos, the screaming wolf boys digged in like dogs into Paul and Quil's unprotected food, laughing at the wrestling boys, and Leah snarled at them to stop making a mess of everything. Emily didn't make a peep for them to stop their good fun. She seemed to enjoy their rough-housing, even as Embry jumped on Sam's back, and he tried to shake him off.

Instead of yelling like Leah, she grabbed some towels, and disbelievingly cleaned around them. She put Snow White to shame.

 _The thing was_ , Judith was not paying attention.

Her focus on the wolf outside. She moved her seat because Jake was visible through the window, and she could feel his eyes, those dark midnight eyes that would have never caught her attention before. He knew she was watching. As she watched she noticed his eyes like the midnight sky, dark and as bountiful as all the skies combined. Jude was the one to look away before she was consumed _._

 _Why was she so obsessed?_ It was never like this with her other crushes. They had been volcano's rising until the painful climax, but Jake was an earthquake, destroying her old world in seconds. Sudden, powerful, and deadly. She could hear his Rabbit's door slam, the engine door roar to life, and she dipped her head lower at the sound of screeching tires against the pavement.

Jake was more than pissed. She could feel the stress radiate through her body as the noise of the racing car became silent over the noises of the kitchen.

She felt crappy. As if this was going to happen all the time, and she might as well get used to it. Jude didn't know if she could make this right. That she was even capable of understanding the reason why, "Asshole werewolves," Jude whispered taking another sip of Emily's soup, and Leah chuckled at her choice of words.

 _The occasion had called for it_ , Jude thought, but knew that she would be cursing like a sailor if Jake's presence kept making her crazy like this.

Leah reminded her, "be careful _Jude bug_ , the walls have ears."

Judith chuckled too until she saw Sam's furious face.

For once, Jude was glad Leah's _grumpy butt_ was sitting next to her.

* * *

 **o0o0o0o0o0TMS0o0o0o0o0o**

* * *

"Please just tell me what is happening?"

"I can't," Leah said, and even if Jude was trying to keep her at Uley's until she could get to the bottom of this mystery.

It seemed their sisterly pull was not that strong. When she ran outside to stop her from running, that was the first times she saw Leah change into her wolf, her clothes ripping into rags, and it was as amazing as it was scary. Her sister was lithe as she circled around the trees, her brown eyes filled with so much emotion, yet she vanished in the bushy undergrowth of ferns and dense trunks. _Damn, she was too fast now._ No way was Jude ever going to be able to catch her now.

That brought a sad smile to her face. Jude was going to have a hard time with her.

It seemed like a constant struggle with her.

Jude wondered if they would ever find peace with one another.

"She will come around," Jude turned to find Emily with two handful of things in her hands, and Jude quickly helped her carry all the torn denim and tattered shirts to the car, the wolves growing abundance of screwed up clothes from changing into their wolf forms. Emily explained, "I take them to this wonderful little old lady in Forks," she said, "she is magic with getting the ones that are manageable back together. It saves me so much."

"So the guys rip them apart when they-" Jude didn't know the word, only hearing it a few times from the guys, and just seeing it now had frazzled her brain a bit.

"Phasing," Emily helped her.

"Phase," Jude said it, trying to see how the word felt when she imagined what the guys and Leah went through when their whole body transformed to a oversized fur-ball.

As Emily was picking up Leah's torn clothes, Jude helping, her scarred yet still beautiful cousin looking at her from the corner of her eye, Jude had to know, "Has she come around to you? Has she asked about Sam?"

Emily gave her a look that must supposed to have been mean, but it was hard to tell because she was still smiling, "you don't get it, do you Jude?"

Jude was honestly lost right now, not sure which way was up or down, "What?"

"Your sister," as if she could forget Leah, "she missed you a lot Jude." Jude already knew that, "Now that she has you back, she wants to keep you close, keep you safe," Emily said, "there is something beautiful about that, but... like when we were little, you are kind of full of yourself Jude, you never really paid enough attention to her as you should have."

"I loved my sister when she was a kid," Jude didn't really think that was true, "I love her still."

Emily was stubborn though, something from their mother's side, "Just take it from me, you should just spend some alone time with her. Make her feel like you feel the same way too, who knows, you might learn something!"

"Hey, that's not nice," Jude couldn't believe it, "I didn't know you had it in you to be mean."

Emily retorted back, "Worse than your sister telling you that you are 'dead to her'?" That made Jude freeze. _How did Emily know about that?_

"Pack mentality," Emily touched her head, "if Leah thinks it, the rest of the guys knows it," that made Jude freeze again. Leah knew some things she didn't want the pack to know, some dangerous things.

"She can't keep any secrets," Jude tries to convey the fear, the need to know what she knew, because losing that connection with Leah and Seth because they shared pack mentality, that would wear and tear on their newfound relationship so recently remade. Jude would hate to have to distance herself for privacy.

"I am sure Leah can keep secrets," Emily placated her, shoving the rest of the clothes in the backseat of her car, "the pack is built on one. You know the importance of keeping it, right?"

Jude picked up some socks she had dropped, "Why does everyone tell me that, Billy, mom, now you?"

"Because," Emily said carefully taking the socks form her, "you have more pale-face friends than the rest of us, one with a very loose tongue-"

"That is a derogatory term," Jude reminded her, "who even made up that word anyways?"

"I don't want to know what they call us," Emily said with a wave of her hand, _racist._

Jude deflected, now understanding now why a judgy Sam fit so perfectly with a judgy Emily.

Jude asked her, "So... you don't have any hard feelings about me hitting your boyfriend in the face?"

"Fiance," Emily corrected her showing off the Uley family ring, and that was a shocker, "as long as you are not angry about me stealing your sister's boyfriend."

Emily was just pulling her leash. Emily knew that, because as Leah's big sister she was probably entitled to hate her guts for saying that. Jude didn't feel like it. It was too much work to hate people.

" _Touche_ Cousin Em."

Emily let her help, and when they were finished she popped the figurative cherry to a very awkward situation, "I say we just get this out in the open," Emily decided and closed her trunk on the last of the packed clothes, "it wasn't right what me and Sam did." That was not something Jude expected, "We went about it the wrong way, but you can't help who your soulmate is, and I don't take that part back. I love Sam, I want to marry him, have babies with him, and he wants that too," she said with a big sigh, confidence in her voice, "and you and Leah are just going to have to deal with it."

Well, _when she put it that way._

"Okay," Jude nodded at her declaration, "that's a start."

"Good," Emily looked proud of herself.

Jude smiled to herself, "but it doesn't mean I forgive you Emily," because she knew that if it came down to it, Leah would be her first priority, no buts, no matter how much she was beginning to _like_ this less whiny, mature, and motherly Emily Young.

"I don't need your forgiveness," she corrected Jude, "I need Leah's, so what do you think? Is that a bit too forward when I try telling her?"

Jude grinned, letting her know, "let's just say that you better keep your wolf close just in case," and the future Mrs. Uley's face turned downright funny.

Her response, "I don't know if she would stay to listen to me if Sam was there."

"It's fine," Jude said, hoping Emily would learn that was the first step to talking to Leah was probably the most difficult, her sister had a short temper, and an even bigger taste for for holding a grudge, "Maybe I can be there instead. I think I can hold her down for you, well... if she doesn't bite off my face first."

The stupidly made comment made Jude cringe. Didn't Emily almost get her face chomped off too. _How can I be so stupid_ , Jude thought.

Emily didn't look disturbed, "Hm. That might work, but I don't know if missing half of your face would be an improvement for us. If we give her the idea now she might just bite both of our faces off for the heck of it."

"Hah, true true," Jude felt her honesty was refreshing.

Emily felt it too, saying, "I think we can get along now," Jude relented to let her believe that.

But there was one thing Emily need to know, "Just know when it comes to Leah, I will choose my sister."

Emily stopped to look at Jude, give her a proper look, "cousin, it should not be me or her. We are family, and Sam, even if he isn't family, I see him like that."

"Yeah," Jude waved that off, "until the wedding is over, then we can debate that."

Emily joyous smile grew, and that smile worried Jude.

Sam and Emily would not be thinking about getting married this early, _right?_ They were still young, there was still plenty of time for lovebirds to settle down, preferably when this whole Victoria shit-storm was over with.

"Before I go," Emily shut her car door, "do you want more soup? I can make you more soup," Jude pretended not to be excited.

The motherly Emily decided to be happy enough for both of them, getting some more from the bottom of the fridge so Jude could take it home.

She said as they exited, Sam's suspicious eyes on them, "Make sure Leah tries some too. I know she gets hungry after her patrol."

That was kind of her, "I am sure she will still eat it," Jude said taking the large pot in both hands. It would be more than enough, "thank you Emily."

She nodded, "Thank you Jude," and that was when Emily decided to pull her close in her arms before leaving, the hug was enough to remind Jude that they were still cousins, but she still looked around for a fuming Leah, "remember what I said," Emily told her as she turned on her car.

"That Sam still needs to prove himself before he joins our family?"

"No, not that," Emily said laughing and pulling out of the house and onto the dirt road.

She yelled from her car window as she left, "To TAKE CARE OF LEAH! It is not easy being on her bad side."

Jude grimaced, Emily was too far gone to hear, "you don't have to remind me."

* * *

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* * *

Jude slammed the front door of her home.

"Jude?"

Her mother was cooking in the kitchen, she peeked her head out to make sure it was her, "Jude what did I say about walking around in this weather?"

That would have been better than the silent car ride with, it wasn't wet from the rain. Jude rubbed down her sweaty head from sweating out the fever, "Sam dropped me off mom, is that okay?"

"yes."

Jude stamped her muddy feet and took off her boots, thinking aloud so her mother could hear, "I need to get gas for my car, and for the record I am not an invalid anymore, Emily's soup cured me." No one was more happy about that than Jude.

That made Jude's mom look around the corner, wiping her hands on her apron, "What happened? What did you do him?"

Jude could do nothing but roll her eyes, not daring to answer that question. She pushed herself to get up and put Emily's soup in the fridge, and immediately headed back for the comfort of living room cushions, settling herself in the cushions with a long drawn out sigh.

Her mother wolf picked up on that, "Are you sure your not sick," her mother's eyes said it all, "are you fine?"

Jude wondered, "Why is it that every time I am with Sam you have a look like we are going to murder each other?"

Sue did not think it was funny, having years of her antics, "What did you do to him?"

"Nothing, Sam was polite," Jude said, stripping off her scarf, "but Jake," she shook her head, "is Jacob Black a mean? I mean would you think he would have a reason to be rude to me other than the usual judgy shit this tribe already thinks of me?"

Sue looked at Jude like she didn't even know who that is, "I don't know what you mean?"

"Jacob Black," _the bane of my existence_ , even if Jude had no idea why,"I am talking about Billy's son, Mom, come on, keep up with me."

"Judith Wissah Clearwater, do not use that tone," Jude did not miss that part of her mother, "and I know Jake Black."

"Then why can't you give me any answers," Jude threw her whole body on the couch and her mother came out with more soup, this one still tasted good, but not as good as Emily's.

Jude would never tell her mother that, "I am too full Mom, I am about to burst!" It felt like her stomach was going to burst, for more than one reason.

"What did you do to Jake?" Sue sounded resigned to feel like everything was her daughter's fault. Jude had to bit my lip from yelling at her to believe her innocent for once.

"Fine Jude," Sue took Jude's side for once, "I mean that boy is one of the nicest ones around here, so much like Seth," Jude couldn't see it, "Are you sure _you_ didn't do anything to him?"

"No," Jude said, more sure than anything, "he-" _is infuriating, so serious, so mysterious,_ "stared at me and he wouldn't stop," Jude felt stupid and giddy at the same time, "and I think I did too. Maybe I creep him out or something. I didn't meant to stare, but…," Jude was discussing this and didn't miss how her mother had become still and silent, "I don't know what to believe anymore. It's driving me crazy."

Her mother froze.

Maybe that was not the right thing to say, "Mom?"

"Judith," her mother covered her mouth, shaking her head slowly as if she heard terrible news, "you didn't? You didn't-with him?"

"Didn't what? What did I do now," Jude felt pissed with all the secrets, "what happened? What is happening around here? How many secrets do we have to keep around here? I am a Clearwater for heaven's sake, my sister and brother are wolves, I would think I would should know everything that happens in this tribe by now," Jude's mother paled at that.

Sue Clearwater stumbled on her words, so unlike herself, "Well- Jude, you have to understand you are an adult now, you grew up, and now we can tell you-"

That was it, "I knew it," Jude pointed her finger in the air, "I knew you had more secrets you kept from me! How many tribe secrets are there?"

Her mother conceded the truth, as if it wasn't her fault, "They are not secrets Judith."

That was no the point, "But you still kept it from me!" Jude felt her energy coming back to her and she knew this did not bode well for her knew fascination with everything and anything Jacob Black.

She weighed Jude's words, and then thought differently for some reason, "I can't talk about this-" her mother disagreed, "Billy should be the one to talk about these things," Jude had enough of that excuse.

"Billy is not my dad. If dad was here," Jude argued with Sue, unafraid of the consequences, "he would have told me. I have the right to know."

Sue looked torn.

As if, she wanted to say it, but she knew it wasn't right for her to do so.

When her mother looked close to breaking, _so close_ , "Trust me mom," Jude reasoned, "if we don't trust each other than we don't have any respect. I didn't understand that before," Jude confessed, "but I am trying to know. I am trying now mom."

"I know, baby," her mother leaned forward to touch her cheek. Her hands were so warm.

"I will tell you," Sue said, getting into it, "I know this is going to all be new for you, but you have to have patience with us. Patience with Jacob." _She had my attention now,_ Jude's mind became a sponge.

Jude heard herself agree, "Okay."

Sue brought Jude back to a sitting position on the couch, their hands holding one another, "let me tell you a story Jude. The story of Taha Aki and his Third Wife."

She felt her excitement fade, "I know that story," Jude interrupted, "if this is some story to make me bored with all this, it isn't going to work-

"It's not, and this time I am going to say it differently," her mother's dark eyes meant so much more now, "this is not only a story of the Third Wife's sacrifice, but of her relationship with the Chief of her tribe and the first spirit warrior, her role as his imprint."

"Imprint," there was that word again, "tell me Mom."

"You are an imprint Jude," Sue told her quietly, letting her take it in, as if Jude did not know the importance of that word, but the more Jude's mother spoke, the more she did explain the role the imprint took, with that slow and sure landslide of information that came from her...Jude realized it so much more than a word.

It was so much more than she could understand without Jacob here.

 _But, Jude could try._


	17. Chapter 17

**AUTHOR'S NOTE: Sorry for the author's note, but wanted to thank that one guest review that has been waiting every day for this update. You inspired me to get it done today. Hope you enjoy.**

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* * *

 **Chapter 17**

* * *

Change didn't happen overnight.

Little moments of coming back to La Push had started the change she felt now.

A thousand nights had passed with Jude trying to hold onto that girl that had loved her family, loved Conner and her high-school varsity life with a fiery passion, and was still shackled with the guilt of giving it up after the tug-of-war with the spirits.

Jude had been a coward then, and now she felt as if she was letting that girl go by coming to the Black House. She was confronting it, after two days of mulling her mother's words.

On the car ride over, Jude had twisted and obeyed the call in her bones to come here, and now this Tuesday morning she knocked on Jacob's front door with purpose.

The turmoil of the tumultuous weekend, an end to that horrible Spring Week still rolled over her in waves.

As she stood there, Jude was not sure if it felt more like Billy's or Jacob's place. But since both of them would come as a package whatever Jacob chose, she might as well just call it the Black House now. As she waited for someone to answer, a raven's caw brought her out of her mind.

"Oh god, not you again."

It couldn't be a the same possessed Raven that watched her from her house every morning. It couldn't be, the spirits shouldn't be able to do that, but she felt like things weren't going to be that easy. Life wasn't like that for Leah and Seth, and so that meant that her very own hellish curse was going to rear it's head.

Sure enough, the suspicious Raven cawed again. It began hopping down the tree, flying over Billy's untrimmed yard, and landing on the railing. It hopped down the wooden railing of the porch, way too close to her for any regular old raven. It cocked it's head at her, daring her ire.

"Don't say it," Jude muttered.

It puffed up its wings, "Moonsea! Moonsea! Moonsea!"

"Damn you bird!" She waved it away, struggling to get it off the railing, and the front door opened as it flew off.

"Um?" It wasn't Jacob. "Can I help you?"

It wasn't Billy either. It was a raven-haired woman, possibly two years her major, with cute bangs that brushed against her finely arched eyebrows. Those bangs framed the same type of brown eyes as her brother. Rebecca was still in Hawaii, and so this had to be, "Rachel Black?"

"Yes," for a moment the woman looked surprised that Jude knew who she was. "Who are you?"

"I'm hurt," Jude played with her, "you don't remember me Rachel? After your dad let me use your room this last week?"

"Jude? Oh my god, you grew up," she made a noise between a snort and a grumble, looking at her chest, and Jude checked to see if she had smeared any of her breakfast on her chest.

"That is so not fair," Rachel grumbled.

"What isn't?"

"Why couldn't I have grown a boob size?"

Jude hid the blush by moving in for a hug, "Rachel! Stop it!"

"Damn. Two boob sizes," she said hugging Jude approvingly that made Jude groan out a, _ok, that's enough._

Jude was completely thrown off by Rachel's subtle confidence. "You've come out of your shell Rachel." Jude mulled it over, "not sure if that is such a good thing."

"College does that," she rolled her shoulders. Messing up her bangs, "I didn't even get to talk to you after the funeral. There was so many people. I'm sorry Jude. How is the family doing?"

"We're staying strong. Leah and Seth have been wonderful. Everyone from town has been dropping off food." She looked a bit upset that someone had failed to mention this to her. "Oh don't' worry Rachel, we have too much food now. We had to give some to the Call family. I am not even sure anyone at my house feels like eating these days."

Rachel nodded as if she could understand.

Jude had remembered Rachel being a shadow of Rebecca's exuberant happiness. Out of the two Black twins, Rachel was like the color of a muted grey, calm and assured in herself, but that didn't mean she hadn't learned form Rebecca to have a good time. She was very much like Billy, and the complete opposite of Jacob's untamed aggression earlier today.

The day was actually ending when Rachel invited Jude in after there lengthy conversation about Jude's life in New Mexico. Rachel was curious on how it felt to be a young mother, and then after their legs get tired from sitting for so long talking about Jordan's last Christmas fiasco, Rachel mentioned Billy was being dropped off by Charlie in a bit. They would be hungry. That made them head to the kitchen.

Jude felt compelled to ask, "was Jacob here today?"

Her eyes going to Jacob's room's door visible from the hallway. It had been two days since she had even asked about him, "was he sleeping in today?"

"No," Rachel chuckled as if she found it funny. "I haven't seen him all day, if you see him make sure you tell him that he has a mess in his room and just because he got a job with the Elders doesn't mean he can't wait for days to clean it up."

Jude never imagined Jacob's life outside name-calling her, being part of the pack, and pining after Bella Swan. To think that he had problems with keeping things clean, and that the had an older sister get on his ass just like Jude had done for Seth sounded hilarious. Jude caught the laugh before it came out, coughing. "Sure, sure I will tell him that Rachel." _As if_ , he would ever stick around to listen to her.

She wasn't finished. "I swear that boy is so filthy, Billy just enables him. But of course, some things never change. Is Seth like that?"

"We lucked out," Jude chuckled under her breath. "Leah and my mom have hounded him for so many years. I guess, he just cleans out of habit now." They both shared a laugh over that.

The sound of a car pulling up sent Jude's nerves on edge.

She relaxed when she heard Billy, and the voice of another man.

Her heart sped up at the sight of a red-eyed Charlie Swan and an equally red-eyed Billy. They had been crying, and now she felt like an idiot for intruding on Billy's house like this.

"I'm sorry," Jude stood. "I'll come back at a better time."

"No, don't leave," Billy wheeled skillfully right next to Jude, tapping on her arm, and slightly waving his Chiefly hand as if by some magic it would make her sit back down, "stay, I haven't seen you in a couple of days."

"Oh no, I hate to intrude."

"You're not," he made a face. "This is your home Jude too, I already told you that," those words that had nothing to do with magic sent a ripple through her. From the corner of her eye, Jude saw Rachel smiling, and how she put a drink in front of her. It was the mango juice she had become addicted to while staying here. Billy had talked about her, That was a nice development. Jude wasn't' sure how Billy's daughter would take her coming into her home, and it would seem she didn't hate her that much, if at all.

Rachel piped up. "He just won't shut-up about your pasta," she showed Jude the ingredients she had prepared for making it in the fridge. "I still have to get a few things from the store, Jude came to speak with you Dad," she broke the ice, "do you guys need anything before I go?"

Billy looked like the proudest father, and Jude knew the one and only reason was because his daughter was back. Jude wondered if he would glow like the sun if Rebecca had chosen to come back too. Jude wouldn't doubt it.

"Sure hun, you take whatever time you need." Rachel nodded to Billy, waving to a sheepish looking Charlie that was apparently embarrassed for being caught crying, and disappeared after finding her keys.

"How are you holding up Jude?" Charlie asked a pensive Jude while Billy went to the fridge to take out two beers. "How is Sue doing?"

"My mom was cooking breakfast, the three of us try to be there, Seth is there right now, but sometimes she just wants to grieve alone _y'know._ There is only so much we can understand."

"I'll talk to her." Charlie promised for some reason. "She'll need all our help, right Billy?"

"Right Charlie," Billy nodded, opening his beer and _tinking_ against Charlie's untouched one, and lifting it in the air, "to Harry! To his family!"

They all drank to that, the mango fruit juice went down smooth. It probably was not as smooth as the beer, but it felt rude to ask Billy before Jude could crack open the can of worms her mother had put into her lap.

Sue Clearwater had confessed everything Sam had told them of the imprinting bond and what it meant for the wolf and his mate.

She had explained what it meant to Jared and Kim, and now what it would mean to Paul and Rachel. A boob joking around Rachel, whom was still in the dark about the pack, was going to get a rude awakening in the form of a bad boy wolf.

That was why Jude had felt a pity as she watched the Black girl drive off as if there wasn't a wolf following her off to Forks and back again. Seth said that Paul was getting more watchful of his mate since they had hunted and killed a nomadic vampire.

They were not sure if it was rogue or one of Victoria's made vampires, because their insider, Bella Swan, was no longer around to tell them the difference. Charlie's daughter had jumped Forks with her female Cullen friend, or so the rumors went.

Maybe that would mean Rachel could continue to be blissful from the truth, and never have to go through what Emily and Jude knew of the wolf pack. Those who didn't know would be innocent of the celebration that we would make when the vampires stopped coming to haunt Forks. Jude looked forward for the day when Sam, Jared, Paul, Seth, Leah, hell the whole pack could stop phasing, and go back to their normal lives.

 _The day we could put this all behind us_ , Jude thought as she sipped the mango in appreciation.

The Chief of Police cleared his throat. "Bella is coming back from Europe," Charlie said. "She called me this morning, I was waiting all day to tell you." He nodded to Billy that had come back with two waters instead of two beers.

Billy was very careful with his words, too careful. "What did she say?"

"She says she'll be back tomorrow."

That made me feel relieved for some reason. Jacob would feel better having her back. Seth had said he had went a little crazy when she ran away for the second time. No doubt that was what Charlie was feeling too, even if his pursed lips said differently.

Jacob's father patted his friends' back. "That's good to hear Charlie. This is Bella's home." Billy took a drink of water to follow the beer, smacking his lips. "It's good that she came to her senses. That she is letting that family go for good. It's better this way Charlie you'll see. Jacob will be happy for it too, get him out of this funk he's in."

Jude was pulled back to reality at the mention of her imprint's unofficial girlfriend, and Jacob's love crisis he must be going through at the moment. It surprised her that she actually knew Billy's veiled advice about the Cullens being bad news. Charlie didn't know. He didn't have a clue what Bella coming back would do to the wolf pack of La Push, and how it would affect the people that loved and prayed for their safe return every night.

That was why Jude was not prepared when Charlie said, "she is coming back with Cullens."

Billy froze at the same moment Jude did too.

She heard herself say. "The Cullens." Jude felt her fingers become cold, twitching in fear, "they're coming back here?"

"Yes." Charlie was glum answer when he should be raging. "I don't how I am going to tell her she can't see him. That what she did by running after him was not responsible. I don't understand her," there was a sadness in his voice. "He hurt her for so long. I thought she wanted better." In some way, Bella's father knew of the danger that came with the Cullens.

Billy was quiet as Charlie continued turning it on his friend, "he was never good for her. Why is she doing this Billy? Why is she choosing this?"

Jude was sure Jacob asked himself this question every day.

"I don't know Charlie," Billy drank his water, sullen with the news, and didn't offer his good friend more than that.

Meanwhile, Jude was terrified.

She slumped into her seat when a lone wolf howled in pain, and so close to the treeline near Billy's house that he had heard their conversation.

 _I'm so sorry Jacob._

* * *

 **o0o0o0o0o0TMS0o0o0o0o0o**

* * *

When Charlie left in his police cruiser, Billy finally opened up, yelling, cursing, and Jude sat there watching him, letting him rage it up, and understanding the reason for it because she was holding back from doing so. Their was a little piece of woods outside the Clearwater house. It had plenty of flat rocks she could chuck in her own anger, probably set some glass bottles up, get the satisfaction of breaking every one, but that would have to wait.

 _Right now,_ Billy needed someone to hear him out.

"I was _this_ close to telling him, telling him the whole truth, about the Cullens, those leeches." He shook his head in anger, and rubbed his face until his nose was more cherry than tan. "I need to call Sam, and get the Elders. They need to make a perimeter, make sure the Cullens know where the treaty line is," he asked Jude to get his home phone, and she got it for him.

She would be patient. She knew her conversation about the imprint would have to wait until after the bigger problem that came with that _damn selfish Bella Swan._

While Charlie had been here, Jude had held back the hate and disgust of Bella's stupid choice to bring vampires back into her family's life. It was as if she wanted to hurt them, wanted to continue to destroy Seth and Leah's life, and… _break Jacob's heart._

When Billy hung up after explaining to Sam what Charlie had said.

Jude got up again to serve them some of that delicious mango juice.

She drank this one much quicker, her thirst increasing when she forced herself to say, "Billy?"

He sighed as he rubbed his chin. "Yes, Jude."

"What can I do for you? Do you want me to get Rachel, or make you something?"

He had not been expecting that, and that was when he truly looked at her. This was the first moment he had taken to notice that Jude was still here, and what Rachel had told them when Charlie dropped the figurative _nuke_ on their shaky peace with the Cullens leaving for good.

"Rachel said you had something to tell me?"

"It's not important anymore," _that was a lie,_ but Jude knew he was not ready for this conversation.

Just like his son, Billy was a stubborn. "It's okay. We have time."

How could she tell him? _Maybe._.. Jacob already told him, she hoped his son had mentioned something, anything, because coming out and just telling him seemed like she would be doing the same thing Charlie had done moments before.

"Billy," Jude wrung her hands together, nervous, "I don't think it's my place to talk about it."

"Ugh, oh," he chuckled nervously too, "it's not good if you're nervous about talking. Now that makes me nervous too. What did you do?"

It wasn't funny this time around. This was very serious. "At least this time wasn't completely my fault. I..." Jude could not believe that her father was gone in that moment as Billy watched her curiously. That she couldn't have this conversation with Harry first, and know what he would have advised her how to open it up to Billy without sounding like a complete moron.

Jude sighed, and closed her eyes. "Has Jacob told you anything recently?" _It was vague_ , but it was a start.

His eyebrows came together. "Jacob? My Jacob?" That threw Billy off, and that made Jude feel even more guilty. He rubbed the side of his face, no doubt it was one of those migraines he always complained about. He answered. "No, I barely saw him since the funeral. If he isn't sleeping he's patrolling, and he's not off patrolling-"

Jude knew this was not the right thing to do then. Jacob was ignoring it. Why shouldn't she do the same… telling his father seemed like she was betraying him in some way. _Maybe_ , Jacob didn't believe in confrontation, or telling his father about something this personal. _Maybe_ , she would be betraying his trust if she confessed to this.

"Judith Clearwater," Billy leaned forward in his seat, "you tell me what you did right now."

She came clean. "I imprinted."

Billy's curious looks died on his face. Falling back into his grim face from before. He was a smart man, smarter than she had given him credit for. He croaked out the words. "Jacob imprinted on you."

Jude hung her head. "Yes."

If Charlie had made the room tense, this was a bombshell, and Jude felt the tears coming now, and she sobbed harder than she had in a long time. Billy ended up patting her back, and Jude felt worse for pushing this on him. She repeated the same thing. "I'm sorry Billy. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry-" she was worse off than the Raven.

"There, there Jude," he kept patting her back, "let it out, just let it all out." She did, comforted that Billy hadn't called her a string of Quileute curses like had done to Bella just now. He would be in the right to do so. It was not right that Jacob was saddled with her, a girl that had ten times the baggage that Bella had, and she didn't even have the excuses of having vampires in her life.

"I wanted to talk to Jacob," Jude explained to him, after he gave her the whole tissue box. "I wanted to ask him what he wanted, but I couldn't find him at Emily's house. I decided to come here, and confront him about it, but then I heard that he hadn't been around, and I didn't want keep this inside. It was eating me. It hurts like hell, and from what my mother told me, Jacob must feel it too."

Billy muttered. "What did Sue tell you?"

Jude repeated every word, every story Sam had told Harry about the reason _why_ he had let Leah go, and most importantly the part that horrified Jude.

The rule that the wolf was supposed to become whatever the imprint wanted.

"I don't want Jacob to hurt Billy," that was the start of it. "I don't want to take anything else from him after all his decisions were taken with the wolf. If he didn't want to speak to me, that's fine." _It really wasn't fine_ , but Jude knew that his wolf would make him hurt for hurting her. Something that she was not going to do if it killed her. "I wanted him to know that he has the choice to do what he wants. Imprinting on me," saying that to Billy gave Jude goosebumps up and down her forearms. She rubbed at it. "Imprinting doesn't change anything he has with Bella."

Billy raised an eyebrow. "Are you sure about that?"

"Billy." Jude whined, "don't question me like that. You're only going to make it worse."

He raised his hands in surrender. For some reason there was a smile on his face. "Don't tell me it doesn't change things when all the imprints are changed after it happens."

"Well this will be different. Our imprint will be different than the rest."

Billy had the balls to smile as if Rachel walked into the room. "Is it, _our imprint_ , already?"

"That's it." Jude slapped my jumpy knees. "We're done here." She left Billy chuckling to himself over something she couldn't see.

Rachel getting out of her car as Jude got into hers, "you're leaving already? I thought we were making food together?"

She saw Jude's red puffy eyes.

"Oh no, what happened?"

"Ask your Dad," Jude shot back, only to regret saying it like that. "Sorry, I'm just upset, see you around Rach."

Jude had already done enough damage, no point bringing Rachel into it, and her dashboard told her it was only nine-o'clock in the evening.

She had plenty more time to drink her pain away.

There was her father's beer stash in garage refrigerator.

She ignored the furry friend that followed her back to the Clearwater House. It was rushing through the foliage of the evergreen canopy while she drove like a madwoman.

When she got there, her mother's head looked up from washing the dishes. Jude ignored her as she stalked right into the garage, pulling on the cobweb neon lights so she could see her way through the tools, rusty machines, and the 1970 chevelle ss that hadn't been turned on in years, and get to the hum of the refrigerator leaning against the back wall.

She yanked it open to grab a beer, and took the snapped the cap off with the side of a wooden cutting table.

In seconds, she drank it down completely.

She grabbed another, and chugged that one quicker than the first.

The third was a bit difficult to swallow since she felt like vomiting the two before.

She opened the car door, laid her body on the dusty seat, the springs groaning against her body, and she closed her spinning eyes for a moment.

She felt like crying, vomiting, cursing Bella, cursing Jacob, calling Casey, running to her mother in the kitchen, and then maybe walking up to the Whitney house and telling Conner all about their son.

Jude felt like shit, she felt like she was right back to where she had started, and it was never going to… _she belched._

Jude leaned up, forgetting her beer, and getting out of the garage in time before she vomited the beer and mango juice on the grass and mud of their backyard.

Before her mother came out to find out what she was up to, or Seth and Leah smelled it Jude watered it down with the backyard hose. She watered it until she could no longer smell or see it, and then watered it again just for the safety of wolves that could smell practically anything a mile away.

She watched it disappear into the earth.

In the swaying pine trees behind her, a Raven cawed.

"Fuck."

* * *

 **o0o0o0o0o0TMS0o0o0o0o0o**

* * *

The next day she needed a break.

First beach was a peaceful place that Wednesday morning, even when Jude was not feeling it.

She searched across the ocean and the surrounding landscape as she jogged on the coastline. Her ears becoming distracted by the calming sound of rushing waves, and the soothing sight of the sea's foam left behind her as the water receded back to its home. The rhythmic beauty should have soothed her as well, but that would be a lie.

Seth jogged beside her. Her wolf guardian today it would seem. "Your getting old Jude." He inched closer, "and fat."

She swatted him, but he moved in a blur.

"You're just too fast," Jude bit back at him as he effortlessly left her behind, "but I will get you when your sleeping."

She let her surroundings steal her away again.

Jude was west of the Olympic mountain range and fourteen miles from the the largest city, and here she could gather her thoughts between where the sea of evergreens was being sprayed by the roaring Pacific Ocean. It is here that her spiritually in-tune people have lived for centuries. The secluded coastline of the Quileute reservation had been home to crescent shaped beaches littered with driftwood and rocky shorelines that called for beach water shoes or at least tennis when crossing over.

Seth's powerful naked feet were a different story.

Jude feared for the pebbled shoreline rather than her energetic brother. The very same rocky shoreline was the one she was jogging on now. Up ahead there was some rocky boulders filled with crevices of tidal pools, eroding red and tan sea stacks, and in the distance was where the main Quillayute River emptied into the ocean.

Jude let her voice carry. "Remember when Dad and his buddies would cliff dive up there."

"Yup," Seth sent her an impish smile.

She listened to that nagging voice in her head. "The pack jumps off them too? Don't tell me you have too!"

"Yup." He repeated, too happy about it.

She couldn't really blame him.

Many locals and tourists alike shared the abundant beauty of plunging cliffs for diving, isolated underwater caves, scenic hikes that cut deep into the mountains. Her favorite had been the hike to the waterfall, also known as Taylor Point. It had been years since she had seen it.

Despite the passing years, La Push was still a national refuge for all forms of wildlife, especially the growing wolf population.

Seth said out of nowhere. "How's Casey doing?"

"She's fine," Jude shrugged, "pissed that I need a break from soccer, but she can't complain. Why? You don't have a crush on her do you?"

He rolled his eyes, "I was glad I didn't imprint on her. That would have sucked."

Jude growled at the insult, and he apologized.

"Come on Seth," Jude groaned as they took a break. "The forest has ears. I am pretty sure some of the guys would have taken that offensively. You don't choose who you imprint on. You know that."

Her once sweet Seth rolled his eyes once again, "do you know she is part of the hunters that tries to hunt down our pack? Some of the locals even Charlie Swan is apart of it."

"Yeah I know about it Seth. Like Mom said, you have to be careful." It surprised her to find out that Chief Charlie and many other hunters had tried to hunt or even capture pack members, and that made her worried about their secret, or god forbid one of the pack being shot by a trigger happy moron.

It made her feel helpless whenever Seth, Leah, or any of them went on their patrols and she was stuck at the still-repairing Clearwater home, cleaning around the construction, grocery shopping, and all but twiddling her thumbs.

Her fears were laid to rest the moment she saw how fast Seth and in addition the Spirit Warriors really were.

"Time me," Seth told her when he began to sprint across the beach, faster than she could actually see.

It was always seconds when he reached the the pebbled end.

She stopped her watch. "Five seconds!"

He pumped his hand in the air, and went faster, disappearing up a hill into the dense overgrowth of pines and mossy tree-trunks.

Jude slowly followed behind him, because even if she knew this path well, she was not graced with the super fast endurance like the wolves.

Nevertheless, she could still enjoy the human jog.

Some other humans were enjoying it too. "Hey Jude!"

She waved back. "Hey Kim, practicing for the marathon?"

"Yup," she waved goodbye, "see you around!"

Kim and a few of her friends waved at her as competitively jogged in preparation for the tribal school long-distance marathon that was coming up. Locals and tourists knew First Beach was a great beach to jog on.

Jude didn't need to follow the footprints Seth left behind in the sinking sand to know the way they usually went. Jude's eyes were distracted by the bright sky above and she found the light hit off the naked back of her brother that was now running to the sea water.

She watched the way his bare feet slapped against the ground as he dived into the frigid sea. He was having fun, even with the looming threat of bloodthirsty leeches, and the possibility of even more returning with the Cullens and Bella coming back today.

"Wooohooo!" Seth dived into the water.

He didn't return for a breath, and so that made her quicken her pace to him.

When he resurfaced Jude could breath again, and he unknowingly went deeper into the water. Even if he was a wolf, she watched him all the same.

While Jude was jogging along the shore, watching, she could remember Sam's words, "protect her," he said to Seth, as if he was going to ditch her.

He had become even more territorial over everyone's safety, even if they were staying on their side of the treaty line because the Cullen's were coming.

 _Jude had messed with him that morning, "What if I just wanted to-"_

 _"Nope," Sam left nothing to chance, "you can go with your sister to First Beach or one of the guys."_

 _"What about restroom breaks, should Embry wait outside my door, or on the inside," Jude said figuratively poking fun at Sam's furious face, and trying not to laugh so an embarrassed Embry wouldn't feel so bad. "I mean what if the leech got in through the window?"_

 _"You know what I mean Jude," Sam said pointing a finger at Jude's empty seat. "Sit down, shut up, and stop making me angry."_

 _"Yes Alpha Sam." She played the submissive imprint. "Whatever you say Alpha Sam!"_

 _He shivered in anger and went outside._

 _"Oh leave him alone Jude," Emily pleaded, "he is only trying to do his best."_

 _"He doesn't have to be a dick about it," I muttered, and Sam growled outside._

Jude had much to learn about the supernatural world.

What was safe and unsafe, and if her siblings couldn't tell her, than an Alpha Sam was there to set her straight. As the Alpha, he had told the Elders, pack, and imprints that when the vampire family came, the Cullens, they could no longer roam over the border without causing a war.

That had made Jacob turn into a ticking time bomb. Jude would hear him answer Sam's constant questions with sarcastic and sharp retorts. _"What about Bella? Doesn't she get a say?"_

Paul would mutter something like. _"What Bella? I don't see her here."_

Jude and the pack would watch him storm out of Emily's kitchen as they made plans for the Cullens, and flinch when his car or bike flew off like hell on wheels.

That had bothered Jude the most.

She would feel as if an ice dagger had shoved itself into her chest. It would wiggle there whenever Jacob so much as ignored her or when she knew he was hurting.

Seth called for her. "Hey Jude! Look at me." He splashed backwards, and her not so little brother came out of the water dripping wet, but of course his temperature was too hot for the cold to affect him so only wearing his pants just made her imagine the rash he would get between his legs.

"Don't get in the sand, it'll give you a rash between your legs," Jude yelled out.

He rolled his eyes. His resurfacing from the sea made a few pale face girl's whistle and call to him. They were laying on towels as some of their guys were surfing the waves way out in the waters. "Chow, wow, come over here pretty boy!"

"Yeah, don't be shy!"

"La Push hottie! Wow!"

 _Who?_ Jude looked around. It was only Seth and he was only fourteen.

It was Seth that they were cat-calling.

"Disgusting," Jude hated these girls. Hated that she had once done the same to Jared, Paul, and even Jacob when she had first saw them for the first time. She had not been this vocal, but still.

"Hey Jude!"

 _Oh no_ , "Hey Mike!" Jude waved back, turning her face to the waves, and kept jogging before Jessica saw her. She didn't need to make good on her stupid fighting words.

This was supposed to be a safe place. Pale-faces were welcome on the beach, but still, something rolled in Jude's belly whenever they got close to the pack. Sometimes it felt better just to have the whole beach just for the tribe, because at least their tribe knew to keep a safe distance from the pack boys.

The outsiders only saw really buff and built Natives, and they treated them as pieces of meat rather than people. That was the worst part.

Seth showed off his muscles, and Jude had enough.

"Stop showing off stupid." Jude growled at her brother to stop as they kept jogging, pushing him to keep going, and he did so. If people were whistling at Seth than that would mean Jacob was getting girl's phone numbers… _stop._ She couldn't think of him like that.

"Hey slow-poke." Seth had already jogged back to her. "You are lucky Leah isn't here to whip your butt back into shape. Come on, we are almost done with the whole beach."

"We already ran three miles Seth," Jude says, hoping he would get how very tired out he made her feel, and how she now wants nothing more than to sleep in the bed she shared with her mother, or nestle in her dad's old leather armchair, "we going to run every day. I don't know why your pushing me like this."

Seth snorted. "This is just the warm up Jude."

"Are you serious," that makes her cough-laugh. "I am just getting better from the fever this weekend. Do you want to get me sick again?"

"You're just saying that because mom says it."

"I am starting to think she is right about me. I mean if I go running with wolves, there is only so much my human body can take."

"Okay human, I will be easy on you," Seth looked towards the waves and took a deep breath of the sea. Jude wondered if he had super-wolf smell too. Leah said everything was heightened as a wolf, and for once she was jealous of her little brother.

"So you still like Paul," Seth asked out of nowhere.

Jude's rumbling belly answered, and she rubbed it down. "For the record, I never liked Paul. So whatever the pack's gossiping make sure that's understood."

"Fine by me." Chipper little fuck. He had the balls to continue. "I wasn't the one that made a big deal of him not noticing me."

Jude groaned, her cheeks flaming. "God that's embarrassing. It makes me feel like I did something bad to Rachel. How was I supposed to know what the imprint actually meant, or who is matched up to who?"

Jude looked over to her too cheery brother, "just wait till you imprint. I would hate to see you embarrass yourself!"

"I would not be embarrassed." Seth was quick to say, as if it was stupid to even think it. "When I imprint on her, we will just click. We will go like that," he connected his fingers together. "And then we won't have problems like all the other imprints have."

"Oh, they should have problems," Jude warned him, "that is what a relationship is all about, dealing with the problems together. Who told you that relationships didn't have problems?"

He sounded so sure of himself, "Sam and Emily don't have that many problems."

"Sam is Emily's little bitch," I said, groaning because Seth would have to cover that from getting to his Alpha, or maybe not, "try to think of that the next time you patrol with Sam. Might teach him to have a bit of a back-bone _haha_."

"You're mean Jude," Seth sighed as if she was the one with the problem.

"I know," she looks up to see Leah jogging to them, "is it time for the pack meeting already?"

"Yeah," Leah brushes leaves out of her hair, "Sam wants us there Seth. We have to be quick."

Her siblings ask if she wanted them to walk her back to the car.

"No, guys," Jude shakes her head, "who is the older sibling here guys? I can go myself. I'm not a baby." Jude had say to them, for once taking her natural place in this triumvirate. "I mean come on, I will only be keeping you guys back. You guys should pretend that you dropped me off at mom's, and then I will drive over to Sam's house and he can yell at me for coming over unchaperoned. Good?"

"I don't want you getting in trouble-" Seth doesn't like the idea.

Leah is ready to kiss me. "Sounds great to me. I like the way you think Jude." Leah said ducking her arm over her older sister's head and pulling down and messing her bun up.

Jude struggled for breath in Leah's tight hold. "You're only agreeing because Sam is going to be upset."

"Exactly," Leah says releasing her, and Jude rubs her neck. She is going to have a bruise there now, and she fingers her keys from her hoodie pocket, and started heading to the car. "Are you guys sure you don't want me to drive you? Sam can wait thirty minutes."

They are already taking off their clothes, and tying it around their legs. Nakedness is next to normality among these two, and it disturbs Jude in a way that she will never say.

That answers her question. "I guess you guys want to go wolf instead?"

"Like you have to ask," Seth says and he phases into his own wolf, and farther ahead Leah's wolf waits for him. Her feminine body, smaller than the other males, is covered in shining silver fur, and she is stark difference against the gangly sand-colored fur of Seth.

Jude could pick them out of the pack easily now. She watches as they run and lunge their furry butts into the underbrush, and leave Jude very alone on the empty beach.

"I am never going to get used to that? Am I?"

The ocean's waves is her only answer.

"Nope. I guess not," she sluggishly got into her car, ripped her tires against the dirt path, and wished once again that the spirits had made her into a wolf instead of a boring human.

At least then she would have a reason for her life going to hell, and then she never would have imprinted on Billy's already heartbroken son.

* * *

 **o0o0o0o0o0TMS0o0o0o0o0o**

* * *

After she had showered, and gathered a few things to bring over, Jude pulled up her car to Sam and Emily's place.

The pack was inside of the kitchen, and Emily was cooking by the sounds of boys calling for plates and forks to be passed around. Jude leaned over in her seat to fish for the platter of pastries her mother had brought from Seattle to cheer the guys up. They needed a little something after all this vampire talk. It was mostly Seth's favorite double chocolate cupcakes, but there were other fruity ones for the pack members that weren't chocolate lovers. Jude had a feeling they wouldn't care what they tasted like when their wolves that needed more food than their human bellies could carry.

Leah could eat this whole platter by herself and not gain a pound.

It didn't' seem fair, but Jude sure she wouldn't want to deal with the danger of tearing a new one into every vampire that tried to tear you one too-

"Do you need help with those?"

That voice.

At first Jude thought it was Embry coming to help her with the food she brought, but it wasn't.

She swallowed the saliva building in her mouth, "Jacob?"

It was him.

His eyes were not filled with anger, not even close. He looked closer to how she had first seen him. Calm, collected, and cool. As if it was one of those mornings that he had complained that she was a liar, a bully to Bella, and a pain in the ass to live with. It was like the imprint hadn't happened in the first place, and that actually calmed Jude down a bit.

He repeated himself. "I asked if you wanted some help carrying things in?"

Jude found her voice, "Yes, please."

She gave him the platter of pastries, and he took it, turning from a gaping Jude, and then doubled back, and used his free hand to open the door for her, "ladies first."

Jude got out of the car staring at Jacob as if he was an alien.

His eyes narrowed. "What is it? Did I say it wrong?"

That hint of rudeness in his voice brought her back, "don't be nice to me, it freaks me out," she told him, and walked away into Emily's house before he did something else that would flip her over the edge.

All she got was a laugh from him, and she would never tell a soul that she thought it was one of the most beautiful laughs she had ever heard. That his kindness of opening the damn door was like she was in high-school prom all over again. Even better than the first time Conner had opened the door of their Math class. That it gave her belly a thousand butterflies. Better than a few orgasms... _Nope._ She would deny it all.

"What's wrong with your face," Leah said when she caught sight of her.

Jude lost her glazed eyes. "I'm constipated."

That got her sister to shut-up before Sam debriefed them all on the new safety rules. The mighty Alpha had made plenty more since the Cullens had touched down in Forks two hours ago, and this was meant to be the final one before their first eventual confrontation with the Head of their Coven- no family. Jude was already confused.

If all this vampire shit irritated her before, it was nothing compared to the next hour.

It didn't help that whenever Jude yawned during Sam's lengthy speech, Jacob Black's eyes would smirk over the heads of his pack members.


	18. Chapter 18

**o0o0o0o0o0TMS0o0o0o0o0o**

* * *

 **Rhiannon Adams this is for you, thank you for pushing me, and do you have an fan-fiction account, I would love to PM you to talk about this story.**

* * *

 **Chapter 18**

* * *

If Jude wanted to get the tribe's attention before, disappearing and reappearing _'out of thin air'_ with news of the son she had out of wedlock was definitely the way to do it.

 _Someone_ , perhaps someone from the pack had mentioned Jordan's existence in passing. If it happened at Mark's Mart, under Old Quil's nosy ass nose, then it surely spread like wildfire all over the reservation. Jude was still figuring out the how, but most importantly the who, but no matter her crime solving skills the damage was already done. Her whole Clearwater family knew the truth now.

Grandma Julia had to hear it from Aunty Lizzie that had called all the way from California to let her in on apparently what everyone was trying to keep from her.

Jude got a call from the very pissed off little old woman, "I need to speak to you, I need to speak to your mother too."

Well there went the possibility of having a peaceful day.

Jude held back her groan to say, "we are going to breakfast Grandma."

"Where are you guys going?"

"Debbie's Diner."

Her grandmother yelled so loudly Jude felt her eardrum freak the fuck out. "Joy! get the car we are going to the Diner, the one in Forks-" apparently that was all the invitation she needed, and she didn't come alone in her witch trial. She brought the entire Ataera family with her.

Aunty Joy had gone to the table with her mother and grandmother, and Seth and she got stuck with next _rico suave_ after Paul hung whatever medal he had gotten from _getting laid the most_ at the tribal school. Something the _great sex-lord_ Paul would have to keep on the down low since imprinting on Rachel. Jacob's face whenever someone mentioned his future brother-in-law's prowess brought a smile to Jude's face.

"Hey Jude," _rico suave_ brought her back to the soon to be hellish morning, "you didn't tell me you had a kid. Does that mean we can call you Mama wolf girl now?" Quil's smile was just as annoying as Seth's was when their grandmother kissed her _favorite_ grandchild and refused to acknowledge Jude.

"If you do, I'll murder you."

Quil laughed as if he didn't believe her. Jude knew he was in for a rude awakening.

"But why didn't you tell us," Quil egged her on.

"Because, I was never planning on mentioning it," Jude sighed into the hand that ran down her face. "It is honestly not yours or anyone's business what happens in my personal life. I have Seth, Leah, and my mother, and the rest can go straight to hell, I don't know how to make that any clearer."

Quil snorted, "Jude come on, you have two siblings that are in the pack. Whatever happens in the families is bound to get around? So, what's your kid's name? How old is he? Does your baby daddy know?"

His pestering rubbed Jude the wrong way. "Shut the hell up Quil."

"You forgot already?" He teased. "Who doesn't remember how old their kid is?"

Jude gritted her teeth at him, something she had seen Leah do once. "Bite me asshole."

"Don't tempt me."

Jude discreetly kicked him under the table, and she was sure her big toe cracked in half by Quil's boulder-hard knee of his.

When she was rubbing the pain from her toe away, Old Quil came into the Diner. It seemed like forever since they had talked, and the _old racis_ t mumbled something about everyone leaving him without saying anything. Jude shook her head sadly at the memories of working for him. He was now forevermore ' _Mr. Grumpyface'_ , and Jude leaned to look past him, half expected Billy to be joining them at their growing two tables at Debbie's Dinner.

She was disappointed when he wasn't.

Jude was still trying not to think too much into that.

She distracted herself. "When is Leah getting here? Didn't her patrol end two hours ago?"

"She was late last night to relieve me and Embry," Quil said as if someone asked him.

"Seth, why is he even sitting with us in the first place?" Jude growled to Seth, trying to look everywhere but a smirking Quil that thought that Grandmother Julia whispering curse words in Quileute was the funniest thing in the world.

"Okay Mean Girl, calm down, I'll behave," Quil chuckled and confused Jude even more.

Jude hadn't wanted their attention, of course. Jude wanted to just sit with Seth and her mother the meal they had planned all week for their severely depressed mother.

"She is finishing her patrol." Seth rubbed his lips when he continued his answer, "Jared and Sam are taking over for both her and Jacob, so they can make it here."

 _Jacob._

Yes, she had heard Seth right.

Jacob had started taking his patrols with her sister, taking Jude's comment to watch over aggressive little sister, and make sure the guys didn't give her a hard time very seriously. He was taking her comments very seriously it would seem, and that frightened Jude more than she cared to admit. She didn't want to have the power over another person, there was a reason why she had let Susan and Peter the greatest responsibility she had been given. She felt like she was betraying their timid relationship by even breathing in his direction.

They shared a few minutes to talk cordially to one another after Sam had told them the rules to stay far away from the Cullens at all possible times, Jude had almost chomped off Paul's head for talking mess about Leah being _too tall,_ among other vulgar descriptions, and just the thought of them made her ready to rip her paper napkin in half. Jacob had picked up on that and immediately asked for patrols with Leah instead of her being stuck with the now annoying as hell Paul.

"Calm down Jude, your worse off than Leah," Seth put his hand over my now torn napkin, "everything is going to be okay."

"I know. It's just mom doesn't need all this drama-" Jude's eyes met her mothers from their booth across theirs, and her mother had the strength to give her a subtle smile while their Grandmother chewed her head about the grandchild she had no idea about, and apparently she was too upset to speak to Jude about her son.

Jude saw through her mother's comforting shield.

Sue had thought she had been hiding that bit from them, but there was a reason why Leah and Seth, the wolves in the house, got out of their beds to go to their mother's. A grumpy Jude would hear of it in the morning, and be upset that her mother refused to have anyone sleep with her at the beginning of the night, because by the end of it they all ended up the in the same bed anyways.

"Who ratted us out to Auntie Lizzie?"

Quil snorted for some reason.

Seth shrugged too quickly that it made him look suspicious.

"You both know who did it? It isn't a question, I know you do," Jude could see right through them. Seth leaned back in his seat with a groan, and Quil chuckling didn't make it any better. "I am going to find out who it is, and when I do, that person is getting their ass handed to them."

Quil outright laughed and Seth's head fell to the table as if it was killing him not to tell me. As if he couldn't tell me. "Sam alpha ordered you not to tell me anything didn't he? His ass is grass when I go over Emily's too." Jude yanked playfully on her brother's neck. "Don't worry bro this is not your fault, I got this, don't worry. Why you are stressing Seth?"

"Yeah, why are you stressing out Seth? Looking a little green, do you have anything to say little pup?"

Jude was ready to rip Quil a new one when from the corner of her eye she spotted a very familiar family of with sandy-colored hair.

She felt her heart drop to her stomach, and it only increased when Casey turned around to find her petrified face staring guilty right back at her.

Casey froze, and Jude was thankful her family didn't notice.

Hopefully they wouldn't get to see the way Jude's eyes landed on the back of the man next to Casey. The four o'clock shadow was evident as Conner turned to hear what his older brother was telling him. It was Conner. He looked so much older, his hair sandy-hair short and cropped, and his same grin widened at his brother Lucien Whitney. That smile caught her heart, and the second brother's roaming eyes made her want to shit her pants.

"I need to get out-" she shoved Seth, who grew rigid as he too saw who it was.

"Don't run Jude, it will look suspicious to Grandma," he had a point, but if she stayed here than Conner would look at her with the same pleading eyes Casey was sending her way, and then the Whitney cold-blooded mother looked her way, and she shoved Seth to run to the restroom.

Damn being suspicious. In the women's restroom at least, the men could stay out, and Jude wiped her sweaty forehead, and fanned herself trying to find a reason to stay in here for at least an hour until they left, hell even until her grandmother, mother, Seth, who would care if she disappeared for a moment, Jude needed it.

"What the hell are you doing in here?"

Jude was ready for Casey to confront her, but it wasn't her. It was the opposite of Casey.

Leah's glare made Jude feel filthy, like the coward she was acting like, and the fear that she let consume her at the sight of Jordan's oblivious father.

"I can't see him, I won't-" Jude made it very clear to a disapproving Leah, "I don't care what that says about me. I just got my life together with my own family, I don't have the time to try to fix another."

"You are so damn selfish Jude, I knew you would do this," Leah leaned against the sinks, "you don't have a problem trying to make things right, but only with some people. The people that _benefit_ you right?"

"Who then? Who benefits me? Because all you give me is shit Leah." She had it up to her with her sister's prideful attitude. "Seth is more stressed out than ever, and don't even get me started on mom. None of that benefits me, seeing my family in pain doesn't benefit me Leah, so what the hell do you mean?"

" _Emily,_ " she said it like their cousin was a curse word. "You go and forgive her for everything as if she didn't drive a wedge between everything I ever wanted, and everything I was promised. Instead," she drawled. "I get to see you play house with her and Sam, and here I am, being this fucken bitter person, I am now."

"You aren't bitter Leah." That was the least of it. Jude had plenty to say about that, and no time was better than now. "You have been hurt time and time again, and let me say this once. You deserve ten times better than Alpha _Douchebag_ Sam, and fuck Emily, she is not my buddy, she's barely my cousin," Jude didn't like saying it, but if Leah needed to hear it, then she would. "I told her that I would try to make peace with her- no wait Leah- _I would try,_ but I am never going to forget what she did Leah. How weak she was to go along with this whole love at first sight with the guy that told me he loved my baby sister more than anyone in the whole world. Come on, I was here when you first started dating Sam."

Leah got this forlorn look in her eye, and Jude came to stand right next to her, tapping her elbow with her sister's. "Don't you think I understand just a bit? I am on Team Leah, all the way, and I mean it Leah. So, don't make me feel like shit, you are good at it, but I appreciate if you didn't doubt everything I do. My word means something now, and I think you have seen that."

Leah gave a long sigh. "You are such a damn hypocrite Jude. You still run away when things get tough."

That made Jude grind her teeth. "You don't get to say that, I have stayed, even when things got hard, I am still here-"

"Yeah, so why are we having this conversation in a restroom instead of with the Whitney family. Does he scare you that much? That you can't face him, and tell him the truth, does he get to you more than we ever could? Is that why you are afraid of fixing things with him?"

"Fixing things." Jude didn't even want to do that. "What the hell is that supposed to mean? I never made a promise to fix things with him, why the hell would you expect me too?" Jude crossed her arms, leaning toward the she-wolf. "My priority is my _own_ family Jude, that is what I am doing, trying not to _make a scene_ in front of my family."

Leah pointed at the door. "You did make a scene. Grandmother put two and two together when Conner and his family passed by, and she recognized that he was your old boyfriend."

"Oh damn, she did?"

"Yeah." Leah chuckled coldly. "Thank god no one understands Quileute, she had some words to describe you, then mom got mad, and then everyone left after that. Now I gotta pay for two bills, and Quil is such a fat-ass he bought three breakfasts. Who the hell does that?"

"So, everyone left? Why didn't you tell me sooner, we didn't have to stay in here and smell someone's shit, god-"?

"Yeah, you don't have to see Grandma's prissy face-"

"I can do without that honestly Leah, she is going to already give me hell, might as well let her heat off a little."

"Yeah, like that will make it better."

"If I get an extra day, I'll take it." That was all the encouragement Jude needed to go outside into the less crowded Diner, grinning to see that everyone was indeed gone from their tables, and yet… _there was still someone at her table._

Jacob Black gave a little wave at her, and Jude turned back to glare at Leah's smug face, "why is he waiting out here?"

Leah saw how much it troubled her sister to be tricked into coming out. She was enjoying it a bit too much how much it made her sister uncomfortable to be in her strangely happy imprints presence. "Oh, he told me, that he needs you to help him with a little problem?"

"Oh, a _little_ problem," Jude whispered as they came up to a calm and confident Jacob. "Well if it is only little."

He had changed into a fresh pair of clothes, still levi cut-offs, and showered it would seem with his wet raven hair. He looked different with a shirt and shoes on, decently dressed look he was going for was a bit too handsome for her to shake off, and Jude could smell the shampoo she had showered with when she had lived with him.

She didn't wait for it to get awkward. "What's up Jake? Trying to get some free food?" That was the first time she had ever dare call him it, but it sure did break the ice. "Or you are sending me a message from Billy?"

"No." He flexed his biceps as he brought Seth's plate to him, digging into it, "didn't Leah ask you for me?"

"I'm not your messenger asshole." Leah flipped him off, and Jude raised her eyebrows as what that could possibly mean.

"Yeah." Jude scratched her head. "She told me you need help with a _little_ problem? I still don't get it," Jude confessed as she sat next to Leah, looking sadly at all the tables she had cleared because of her cowardice to face one person, "is that pack-speak for the leech problem?"

"No." He made it worse. "I am going to go meet with Bella, and I want you to come with me."

That was like a cold pale of water had been dumped over her head, but not so bad as having to face her own ex in the Diner.

"Oh, is that it," Jude took some bacon from the plate, for once not so worried for some reason, because focusing on Jacob's problems seemed a bit more therapeutic than ignoring her own. "Why do you need my help? You need someone to distract Charlie while you talk to your girl?"

Jacob made that funny face whenever he got flustered, "I already told you, she isn't my girl, we are friends, I just wanted to return her motorcycles."

"Oh, is that it," Jude winked at Leah. "Then why do I need to come for that, doesn't seem so hard to me, I mean unless there is something you aren't telling me _Jake._ "

"He doesn't say a lot," Leah mumbled loud enough for Jude to hear.

"Leah, you promised." Jacob snapped back, and that perplexed Jude. He tries once more, his tone sweet and pleading. "Will you Jude? Will you come with me, it will only take thirty minutes at the most and I will drive you back home. It will be easy."

He made it sound easy.

 _What was the point to reject him?_

Especially since he rarely asked for anything, well, he never had asked her for anything.

"I am free today." His eyes lit up with her words. "I don't see what's the problem Leah. I will go with you Jake, no worries," Jude shrugged, "this can even be fun. I will be your wing woman." He smiled with all his teeth at the suggestion, a full grin, and it was like the sun was shining out of his ass. As if she had just accepted to take him to prom or something cutesy like that. It was _so cute_ Jude couldn't help but smile back at him too.

"You can't be serious. That actually worked?" Leah complained, bracing her hands against the table, "Black stop using my sister as bait. If you're trying to get back at Bella for choosing her leech, then you better get another piece of trash girl to do it-"

"It's not like that." Jacob blushed red. "I am inviting her to come with me, I don't see-"

"You were going to use me," Jude raised her eyebrows in surprise. She had not seen this coming, not from a mile away. "To make _your girl_ jealous?"

Jacob Black at least didn't deny it to her, and for that she was grateful to him. There was something attractive about honesty It had been awhile since she felt… _so flattered._ As if the gorgeous doll like Bella Swan, a girl that attracted vampires and Spirit Warriors alike, would ever feel jealous of her.

"He's crazy Jude," Leah snarled. "Come on let's get out of here. Let me pay-"

"No. I think he has something here," Jude was intrigued, "what did you plan for us to do? I want to know."

He was analyzing her, just as she had done to him. Both refusing to back down. He did eventually explain it. "I don't know why Leah is making a big deal, I was just going to drive us to Bella's and then head straight back to La Push. It was just so…" he mulled his words. Slapping his lips, "just so I wasn't alone when I went. I wanted to control myself, and with you…" he didn't finish that sentence.

He didn't need to. His words hit her below the belt, and for whatever reason Jude could make, she caved. "Well then why didn't you say so," Jude smiled encouraging him. "I will gladly hang off your arm Jacob, make Bella into a green little monster."

"She is not a monster"-

"Yeah, yeah she's an innocent little dove yada yada." Jude waved her hand, he was so incredibly protective sometimes it could be annoying as hell. "You flatter me too by wanting to use me, but honestly jokes aside, it's been a while since I've been eye candy, I might be a little rusty, so sorry if I come off a little strong." Jude licked her teeth, and Jacob shook his head at her heavy sarcasm.

"I feel like I am going to regret this."

"This was your idea," Jude said, getting her wallet, "now excuse me, I need to pay for this morning's mess."

She left the table, and Leah sank her claws into Jacob. "You told me you were going to tell her-"

"Here they are." The chipper waitress gave her the two paid bills, "thank you for coming to Debbie's Diner, please come again!"

Jude could not understand the totals. Who had done this? "But I didn't pay for these. Who paid?"

The waitress pointed to the seat in the back of the Diner, and it was filled with a handsome young man with a buzzcut, a tattoo of a ying yang koi fish on his arm, and beside him sat Winona of the Makah Reservation.

The spiritual woman lifted a hand to her cheek, making a motion with it,

 _Call me._

Jude nodded and waved back.

Someone must have tipped her off that she would be here today. Jude swallowed down the nervous fear that brought on. She forgot how small this town was, and feared for what that meant of strangers knowing about Jordan when she had yet to tell Conner the truth herself.

* * *

 **o0o0o0o0o**

* * *

He brushed her hands away from turning it on full blast. "What type of _wierdo_ puts on the air conditioning when it is this cold."

"I am heating up." Jude said as she messed with the air conditioning again while Jacob drove to the infamous Bella Swan's house. It had only been a minute and he already had a problem with her trying to calm herself down. "What's wrong with air conditioning? You're not cold, are you? Seth told me that you guys couldn't get cold anymore."

"I don't."

He said it with such finality as he switched gears, his wrists were skilled, and she could tell he loved the feel of the gas under his foot. It reminded her a bit of herself when she was younger.

"Do you race cars Jacob?"

The face he made said enough. "No."

This was a conversation that was going nowhere fast. Talking to Jacob had once seemed so easy with Leah between them. The aggressive ass buffer that her sister had perfected had kept them at arm's length from one another. Now they didn't have any excuses not to get to the _nitty gritty_ of what this car-ride was turning into. As the older one Jude guessed she had the honor of jumping right into it. "Ok, Mr. One Word Answers, what's the plan? Do I stay here or do I go in cracking some vampire skulls?"

His hand gripped the wheel, "No. You can stay here."

She waited for him to speak, _hell_ , put on the radio, comment on the weather, but he did none of the above. He sat there driving his Rabbit, probably counting her breaths and heartbeats with his wolf hearing, but that just ticked her off even more. This was not what she expected him to be like, and Jude was honestly a bit disappointed. "What am I supposed to do in the car, twiddle my thumbs," Jude lowered the window, fanning herself, "do you feel the heat, damn, I might be getting a fever again."

In a second his palm was against Jude's head, for a burning second his hand only added to the flames that were crawling up her spin.

"You feel fine." Jacob told her. Obviously immune to the fire that refused to cool the fuck down.

"I feel like I am turning into a wolf," she gasped in the cool spring air of the open window. Leaning her head out to feel the soothing air whip by, "it's coming on, it's getting me." Jude gripped her throat in a playful manner. "Stop the car, I'm going to phase!"

"Not funny Jude."

Jude dropped her hands, smiling. That was the first time he had used her name. "I thought it was funny."

They turned a familiar street and Jude knew they were getting closer to their destination to ground zero.

"So, I sit here," Jude droned on. "I wait for you to come back, and then what? You aren't making this worth my while Jacob Black? I mean if you were just going to bore me to death, you could have just told me."

"I am sorry we all can't be daredevils." He nodded to the backseat, "we could take the motorcycle for a spin?"

Jude's eyes blazed with mirth. "Is that a dare? If it is, then I am going to wipe your ass on the asphalt. I don't hold back, I'm fast Jacob." She teased him, "bet a hundred that I'm faster than you. Maybe I can use the money to pay for something better than your shitty air conditioning."

She got him to laugh, and for some reason that felt like a victory.

"Stop bagging on my air conditioning."

They turned another turn, and he began slowing his car. They were too close now to turn back.

"Hey Jacob."

"yeah." He paid attention to the road, but Jude knew he was listening.

"When I talked to your dad the other day." He dropped his smile the same time Jude felt her heart pick up speed. "When I talked to him about the imprint, I am sorry if I was out of line. I just wanted to let you know that you had the choice"-

"That is what I wanted to talk to you about." He slowed his car to park in front of a house that she was guessing was Bella's. He turned the car off, and Jude sat there waiting for him to tell her. When he finally spoke again, Jude's hands were a sweaty fiddling mess. "I wanted to thank you for giving me the right to choose what I wanted. I know that sounds selfish or fucked up, but this whole imprinting thing is really just that," he swallowed, his eyes hardening. "When I imprinted." He turned in his seat, and Jude was once again trapped in his stare. _How the hell did he do that?_

He cleared his throat. "When we imprinted." He corrected himself, "I expected you to claim the imprint like the rest of them had done, and I expected the wolf"- he paused, "what I am trying to say is that I appreciate you giving me back my freedom back, letting me have a say in all this. You didn't have to-"

"I am not cruel like that Jacob, I am not going to force you to do anything you don't want to do. That is just disgusting, especially when you"-

He commented quickly. "I am getting that, I'm getting to know that the stories they tell me about you, some of them are true _."_ He vaguely put it, "and some of them were downright wrong about you."

His heartbreaking smile returned.

 _That was the reason why he had been so kind to me lately._ Jude thought. He was grateful, not because he liked her or found her cute. Not even because he was trying to get back at Bella, he was grateful because for once he got to keep some part of his old self. That made Jude feel an overwhelming sense of happiness, and knew some of it was leaking from Jacob's side of the imprint bond.

If she could keep feeling like this, then she knew that no matter what Jacob or she chose in their lives, they could stay in this _good_ place. Here it was safe and warm, not burning hot, but Jude would take it.

The reason was obvious enough. Jude bit her lip, "I hope things work out with Bella. I mean"- she coughed like Jacob had done, teasing, "I hope things work out with your friend."

This time he didn't deny it. He didn't make a big deal that Bella already had a boyfriend, and was giving him the biggest cock-block he would probably experience in his whole life. Because the moment he found out how downright classically beautiful he was, how his extremely muscular body was downright a piece of art, and how well his incredibly sweet attitude worked on breaking social barriers. He would be a narcotic to the female population, when he learned that, _well hell_ , Jude would be there for the day he did.

Jake went to the back to the get the motorcycles, and he winked at the rear-view mirror she had been watching him through.

Jude couldn't help but roll down the window as he pulled the motorcycles across the lawn and to Chief Swan's house, returning the motorcycles to him or Bella she was not sure. Honestly, with the whole Cullen and Bella drama, she chose to be out of the loop, but she knew enough to see that Jacob was nervous about doing this.

She yelled to him, "do you need any help?"

"I got it." He waved back over his tense shoulder, and for some reason she became a bit more nervous.

Not for herself, _but for him._


	19. Chapter 19

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 **AUTHOR's NOTE: Thank you so much for all you wonderful readers that took the time to review this story, and have stuck through this abnormally long hiatus. I will never give up on this story, and I am so grateful that I have found the inspiration again to write for this story. I would love your reviews about where you would like this story to go, your reviews are my fuel, give me the suggestions, and I promise to supply more. Thank you and love you all!  
**

* * *

 **Chapter 19**

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 **(2 weeks later)**

It was so difficult to remember the way things were before.

Time creating a distance from those years hiding with Jordan in New Mexico. All those dreadfully poor attempts at being his mother, and the blessing of being given a saintly couple, a couple that made the effort to check on her even to this day. Jude knew how blessed she was to still have a part in that simpler world.

 _"Hello Jory."_

 _"Mama!" She could feel the love through the phone, healing her, and knew that some time very soon their time would grow shorter. Their conversations would become more strained, and when he grew older, when he knew better, her little Jory would see through her poor excuses. "What are you doing mommy?"_

 _"Nothing important baby." At least she still had him now. "What are you doing right now? How is preschool?"_

 _"Great mommy, so much fun!"_

Their ritual of morning phone calls was ever the reminder of the life she left behind, and of the son that she now had realized that she needed therapy to continue speaking to. She received such instructions from both Winona (her new mentor for all things supernatural and spiritual) and Dr. Clarice Williams in Forks (her provider in all things reality), and both experienced woman lent a patient ear to the guilt-ridden thoughts that haunted Jude in the darkest of her nights.

It was too cold.

"Kim," she called out from the back of the store. "Did you shut the front doors it's freezing in here?"

A ponytail Kim yelled from her place at the front counter, "Yeah I did."

"Then why do I feel like it's open," she muttered, as Jude put wood in the furnace in the back of Mark's Mart, she wiped the soot and traces of termites on the reddish-brown wood on her mother's already dirty old apron. It was a faded yellowish white with a sewed-on fat little blue jay on her right hip, and holly flower vines bordering the edges.

"Kim, you still here?" She found her trusty broom once more and got back to work on the chores for the day, and at the job she never thought to have again.

"I'm here right here!" Kim said as she popped her gum at the counter, her eyes looking through the large pane windows, a comic book between her fingers, while she was attempting to man the cashier for Jude that kept sweeping the rows of Mark's Mart like a pro. "Uh oh. Hey Jude, look, the groupies are coming again."

"I know." She could hear them coming, giggling girls and whoops from the guys. It struck her as funny that Kim made them worse then they actually were. Horny teenagers weren't all that bad. "So why are you freaking out Kim?" She humored the timidest of imprints. "Do they make you feel uncomfortable, make you talk about Jared?"

"No, of course not. You just don't get it. I'll be in the back if you need me, get me when they are gone," Jude did not believe her for a second about not being intimidated by them, and stifled back a laugh when she went into the back with Billy and Old Quil. Kim would rather brave the smoke-riddled room than the posse of high schoolers that jumped on the wooden awning as if they owned it, but thankfully this time they came inside to buy first.

Jude was there to meet them. "How may I help you?"

"Oh, I want… three sprites, and whatever they want," said one of the girls that reminded her a bit of Casey as she attempted to kiss her boyfriend or whatever. The boyfriend looked like all the rest of the male highschoolers, skinny, scrawny and so boyish, and the difference of youth was so unlike the _highschoolers_ that she spent the time with.

"Sure," Jude rung them up, watching how some of the girls in the back whispered behind their hands, and the new Jude smirked at the so faint displeasure at being known as a follower of Sam's gang, at Harry's still struggling, single-mother daughter. She didn't like that the Elders allowing the tribe to gossip like that, about her, about Sam's so called gang, and most especially her families part in it all. If anything, Jude knew _Sam's gang_ were more like a pack, a big dysfunctional and too honest with one another _wolf family_ , and even if her part in it had _once_ been so uncertain, she never felt stronger during Emily's Sunday morning breakfast, and the way the pack made her feel safe and warm.

"Have a nice day," she channeled that same warmth, seeing how it left most of her customers happier. "Thank you for shopping at Mark's Mart, come again soon." Now that was just something she added in hopes of resurrecting peace with her reluctant boss, something that just made Old Quil raise his bushy eyebrows and mumble something about _crazy overachiever_.

"What did they buy?" Speaking of the devil.

"Oh just a few sprites, and some snacks." Jude said to Old Quil, grinning from ear to ear, for some reason being checked on by Quil's old man for the thousandth time reminded her a bit of how her father had drove around town to check on her too, always at another person's house instead of her own. How she wished she could hear her father's pick-up now. Feel that same feeling of how much she both irritated and worried about him. _Oh Dad._ The sadness would never leave her, being fatherless was not something anyone could forget, but that didn't mean she couldn't be happy too.

She was sure Aunty Joy would be happy too to know her father-in-law got his exercise by watching her like that damn Raven Winona had run off with her sage and chants. At least that got him off his butt.

"Are you paying attention Jude, I can't have you daydreaming on the job."

"You know." She caught herself. "I just wanted to thank you for giving my old job back."

"Well... let's see how long you can keep it," Old Quil gave her hell.

Jude gave him hell right back. "But I really appreciate this opportunity, and it has really given me back purpose. I know it is hard for you to trust me from the last time, but I won't let you down Old Quil, not this time," he swiveled quickly at her heartfelt apologies, disturbed by her earnest words, and grumbled at her, walking back into the safety of his kitchen cave.

"Thank you Old Quil!"

"Yeah, yeah."

Jude smirked to herself at getting to him, feeling as if she had proved something after a week back at Mark's Mart, back to where all the trouble had begun, and despite those haunting memories she cleaned behind the counter with ease, enjoying the feeling of scaring Old Quil away with the positive outlook Clarice had taught her to work on.

As she was dusting behind the containers of alcohol, the rumble of a familiar engine caught her attention. The Rabbit pulled up outside, the faded paint and low hum of the engine brought a smile to her face. "Jake," even her subconscious knew him.

Jake turned off the car, forgetting to stop jumping over his hood like a world class gymnast, and with athletic grace jumping onto the awning like _some cat_. Jude smiled at mentioning it to him, perhaps later when he was inhaling food.

He seemed to be a good mood when he rubbed his hands along his massive wooden stature of a wolf he had made before she had the pleasure of meeting him. _His wolf_ , _he protects me even when he's not here_ , she reminded herself to not get too excited as he pushed through the door open. The bell tinkling above his classically beautiful grin.

"Hey Jude."

"Hey Jake, how was school?"

"It was fine, they have a bunch of homework for me to do. I was patrol for the last two days so I wouldn't expect anything else," he leaned against his place at the counter, his massive weight and cut-throat muscled arms only leaving so much space for her, but she didn't mind it, knowing it was not his fault. The imprint was always so much easier when he was closer. "How about you? How is Old Quil treating you?"

"I'm not his favorite person in the world, but I think after a few weeks he'll remember how great of a worker I was."

"Oh, I wouldn't say a few weeks," now he was teasing her, he did that thing with his eyes when he was trying to. When his chocolate irises had this playful glitter in them, she knew for sure Jake was in a good mood. She was dying to know the reason. "Maybe after a few years."

They both laughed at that

"A few years," she humored him. "How will I ever cope?"

"Yeah," he leaned over his arms, like every boy his age trying to make them appear bigger. "Maybe in a few years he will stop mentioning that you tore up Old Mark's room, and he's too afraid of your dad's ghost to say no to you."

For a second, Jake's warm eyes shifted towards her face, suddenly more man than boy. He seemed to be searching for a reaction about mentioning her father, about the rumors that she was the unrivaled crazy person, the ones that had not even been buried a month. Perhaps when she finally broke into tears, he would give her that overflowing sympathy she had fallen under the spell of.

Jude steeled her eyes and strengthened her smile, knowing that she would rather go back to New Mexico than play on his giving heart. _I am okay_ , she hoped he got the message loud and clear, _I am okay talking about it._ "I am sure my dad would pull Old Quil's foot when he sleeps for turning me away. Perhaps, only then he'll believe me about this place being haunted."

"Hah! Love to see that," he went over to the freezer, pulling out the drinks as his fellow classmates did on their daily pilgrimage. His shirt rid up, and she looked away for his sake and hers. "How much for the Sprite?"

She fought the urge to blush when he righted his shirt subconsciously, she pretended to be irritated. "The same as for everyone else Jake." Jude was not babying him, didn't want him to get that smug idea into his mind, and she was not going to start now when he batted his eyes like a first-class flirt.

"Now that doesn't sound fair," he remarked for the first time, tempting the waters and waiting for her answer. "Can't you cut me a break this one time?"

"Life isn't fair," she felt stupid even saying it, forgetting how easy it had become to talk to Jacob Black after that car-ride to killjoy Bella Swan's home.

"You're right, I forgot." He put the Sprite on the counter to reach into his back pocket of his cut-offs, fingering through his worn old wallet Billy had probably passed on to him.

 _Sometimes she forgot too._ She forgot he was sixteen-year-old boy, probably living paycheck to paycheck to pay for expenses, and he didn't have money to spare for situations like these. Sometimes she forgot that they shared a connection so new and deep that it frightened her, and they weren't like normal friends, couldn't _just_ be friends, no matter how much they would like to pretend it was that easy.

"Jude?" He noticed it immediately. The attention bothered most days, but not today. "I was just kidding, you know I always pay for it. Hey, what's wrong?"

"Nothing." She lied, "do you want to get started on your homework?" She motioned for the books he must have left in the car. "We could finish it, so you don't have worry about it later." Jude had never been great at school, but she would try for him. God knew when he would get the time to finish it all with _Sam the Tyrant_ getting moodier with the wolves' constant patrol of the La Push treaty line.

"Sure, sure," Jake took the hint that they would need his syllabus and books, and when he went outside to get it from the Rabbit, Billy Black rolled from the back kitchen, with a smiling Kim. _Now what were they up to?_

"Jude," Kim said in a tone she was immediately distrustful of.

"No."

"Oh, come on Jude, give the poor girl a chance." Of course, Billy would be on Kim's side, those two had gotten closer over the weeks both she and Kim had been hired on as staff for Mark's Mart. Jude full-time, and Kim per diem reading a comic book, and doodling Mrs. Jared Cameron like Jude still teased her from time to time.

"Fine Kim, what is it?"

"Well, as you might already know, I am free this Saturday, and Old Quil said that he would take over for things on Saturday too so that you could be free too. So that makes us both free."

"Why would he do that?"

"Well," she looked at Billy, whom nodded. "I wanted to give you the option," Billy coughed, "no, I wanted you to come with Jared and I to Seattle for dinner."

That was unexpected. Something told her that there was more to this, "I don't get it Kim, like we will all be hanging out? Just the three of us?" Talk about being known as the third wheel.

"Yes, and no," that is when her fingers became preoccupied with her shirt, "and I might have invited Jake too. So, I wanted the both of you to join us."

Jude did not believe it, it couldn't be her, "Jake?" _My Jake. Why would she do that?_

"Hey Dad." The very Jake in question grabbed a stool and pulled his books and himself to the counter in front of Jude. He was even taller sitting down, and his great posture only made it worse when she had to look up at him, "what you guys talking about? Jude?"

"Apparently." Jude chuckled at his equally worried face, "we are double-dating with Kim and Jared."

That made him almost fall over in his seat, and her intent to throw him off just left her with the biggest smile on her face.

"Oh my god Jake, don't kill yourself, you big baby," she laughed at his upset face. Jude could not find it in her heart to be nervous and embarrassed when Kim seemed to be going through all those emotions herself. She found it so silly that she would get stressed over something as small as this.

"Did Jared put you up to this?" Jake interrogated Kim. "Did he mean it as a joke?"

"Oh don't be mean to her Jake." Jude would have not of that talk, Kim was too sweet to mean it as a joke. "Look at her, she's already freaking out with me saying no, don't you be like that too." Jude pushed on his big hot arm when he got back on his seat.

"I'm not-" was his grunt.

She didn't even wait for his approval before saying. "Of course, we will come with you to Seattle." It seemed that they didn't have much of a choice. "Stop getting nervous about asking favors, it's just us Kim. If you want us there, we will be there."

"Thank you! Thank you for saying yes!" Kim seemed _very_ thankful for some reason, daring to give Jude a big hug when she told her it was nothing.

The excitement for the weekend reminded her of Casey, and she pushed that nagging thought outside her head. She could be nice to Kim. If being alone with her love-struck imprint boyfriend Jared caused her enough stress to ask others to join them, then she would help her out with at least getting a bit of the confidence she knew lurked inside this girl.

"Oh, we could go to this cute Italian restaurant. I love it there, thank you so much for joining us." Jude could not guess why Kim was so grateful in the first place, or why Jake seemed to grow paler at Kim's overwhelming happiness at the double-date this weekend.

It took a few moments, but Jude only had to look at the growing grin on Billy's face to know, _she had been played._

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At the end of her shift, she got an awkward goodbye by Jake, and a rather smug one from Billy. Feeling as if she had done something terrible to Jake, she got into her Honda and drove back to the Clearwater home in deep thought.

 _Did she overstep her boundaries as Jake's friend? Did he feel uncomfortable that this was a double-date? Or did he feel uncomfortable about the blaze way she had went about it, as if they had such a strong friendship that she could already knew his stance on the proposal? Kim did say she told him, but something in her mind said that he had never agreed in the first place?_

"Oh God," had she forced him through the imprint bound. _The wolf will be whatever the imprint chooses to be._ "Oh God, I took his choice away from him. He must hate me." If there was one thing she was sure about Jacob Black, especially the one that had rejected the imprint at first sight, was that he hated his choices being taken away from him.

Despite her worried thoughts as she walked up to her home, Jude noticed a silver pick-up truck parked in front of her lawn. It had a leering dragon tattoo guy leaning over the truck's bed, a cigarette sticking out of his mouth, he looked like a dragon too. She usually associated his presence with a certain silver-haired Spirit woman. "Hey Tony."

The middle-aged Tony waved playfully as she walked past him.

Without knocking, Jude entered her home, noticing both Leah and Seth's rooms' doors were wide open, and void of her siblings. She smelled someone cooking, "Mom, I'm home."

"In the kitchen." She was in the kitchen, and with Winona.

"Hello, _Judy dear_ ," Winona said that horrible nickname, "you don't mind if I came to keep your mother a bit of company, we didn't have much time to talk on our usual Tuesday meeting." She had a long drive to the Makah Reservation, and most nights her mother came late too. Both her mother and Winona had not met before today, and perhaps that was a good thing.

Despite her instincts that it was not, she showed restraint. "No, it's fine, make yourself at home." Jude did the exact same, grabbing a cup of milk and making herself a peanut butter jelly.

"Oh, you'll spoil your appetite Jude," of course her mom would say that. Sue's fish fry filled the kitchen making Jude's mouth water, but it wouldn't be ready until thirty minutes as the timer said, and like most things, she was unwilling to keep her rumbling stomach waiting.

"I'm just leaving more food for Seth and Leah, you know they are always hungry."

"Sure, but I want you to have dinner."

"I had a big lunch Mom, Billy had Aunty Joy come and bring some take out for us at Mark's Mart for lunch, I only need this," Jude was lucky to have this since Seth, Leah, and if they were unfortunate to house another wolf would butcher whatever remained in the refrigerator that was stocked at the very least three times a week.

"How is William?" Winona butted in, always curious about Billy Black. It was like she had a crush on him or something, and there she went imagining them together, oh god, she was happy she would never have to share a pack mind.

"He's fine," Jude smirked around the sandwich. Grinning just like Billy had, "he was asking about you, he really wanted to see you."

"Oh, he did?" Winona's face reddened, and Jude knew success when she saw it. "Well then I will have to pay him a visit, won't I." She half expected her to get up there and then, but then her mother reached across the small dining table, claiming a warm hand over Jude's own.

"Winona comes with good news. Such good news," her mother pointed out. Her first reaction was to freeze. It scared Jude to think that these two women had been together, chatting or plotting it would seem. "She made the effort to come out as soon as she found out the answer we have been looking for."

Now that just tickled her excited, or terrified, _probably both_. "What Mom? What did you guys find?"

Jude was not sure whom she was speaking to, her excited mother, or a very quiet Winona, a small smile playing at the tips of her wrinkled mouth.

"She can help get rid of your visions once in for all," her mother did not spend a single moment for Jude to take in it. "She has found a way so that you never have to _fear_ them again." Her mother hugged her tighter than Kim did, but she did not feel any of the warmth, only misery at her mother's excited words. Her mother must have thought this was the answer Jude had been waiting for... but it wasn't, _it really wasn't._

Her mother noticed her grim face, "Jude? What's the matter?"

How could she tell her mother? How could she steal her hope and happiness when hers was taken a week ago? There was much Jude learned these past two weeks, "Mom." She didn't know what to say. She had not been taught how to crush her mother's hopes, she didn't even know if she was capable of it.

"There is more to this." Jude started there. If there was one thing she learned about Winona, with her spiritual lessons… she looked at the elderly woman that was more than what she appeared, and could see the glimmer of greed in her eye. Winona delved far deeper into the spiritual world than anyone she had the pleasure of meeting. She could see why Billy had tried to protect her the first time she had meet the spiritual woman.

Jude had seen screaming spirits with Winona, had experienced mighty wind that tore through windows when Winona went into the other Realms with her power of astral projection. Something that would have frightened Jude before, but now only filled her with cold resolve to never experience it again. There were just some things... people should not dabble in.

"There is more to this Mom. Winona probably didn't tell you, but we had this conversation before, and I have since then refused to accept her request. That is why I am a bit surprised she came to you to ask, when the answer is already no." Jude turned to a simmering Winona, there was anger in her eyes, her words came out in a tired way. "What is the price Winona? What is the price to your offer this time?"

"The price will not be steep," Winona was ever stingy with her knowledge after learning Jude's discredit to her practice. It was apparent they could not go back to those first meetings, not after what Jude had seen her capable of, "you will not miss it when it's gone."

"Let me be the judge of that Winona."

"How can you be the judge when you refuse to see the possibilities?"

"Possibilities." She was a stubborn old little woman, this was just a rehash of the previous argument, and Jude knew she would have to be more harsh in her refusal. "Winona. You come into my house, seeking my help, so I think I should judge what is best for me." Jude knew how her lessons with the spiritual healer usually went. With Winona displeased with timidness to reach out to the Spirit Realm.

"How will you protect the pack?" Winona bit back, "how will your inability save the ones you love?"

"That is not fair," Jude knew that. "I should not have the power to choose who lives or dies. I can't save them with powers that you don't even fully understand, you said this was all uncharted territory. This could be dangerous."

"Of course it's dangerous, if you get into that mentality, then no one will be able to help the wolves against the Cold Ones." There it was. There was only one thing that mattered Winona, she had heard the brutality of those Quileute, Makah and Hoh ancestors that had ventured into the spiritual plane, making worthwhile discoveries for Spirit Healers centuries later, using it in warfare against the white settlers and Cold Ones. Those daring forces of their ancestors waited on the other side, that is what she said. Those stories about Spirit Healers _jus_ t like them, and the _type of sacrifices_ it had taken them to break or remake the barrier separating this world from the next, to kill the Cold Ones, any enemy, and that responsibility weighted too heavy on Jude.

"Be reasonable Judith. I am giving you the way out this time, I understand your unwillingness to help, so then someone else should be given this gift." Jude did not like the sound of that, someone being cursed just like her. Winona did not see it like that. "This is _the out_ you wanted from me, and now that I present it to you, you shrink away, _why_?"

"My imagination is why. What I imagine is too much for what you ask," Jude said coldly. "That is what keeps me from ever approaching the problems that I had hoped you would fix. I have come to peace with seeing spirits, and I will not give this burden onto someone else when I know how terrible it can be."

Sue butted in, her voice shaking. "What is she talking about Winona? Jude, you never spoke of this?" Her mother had no idea, and Jude had told Winona to keep it that way. It would seem Winona wanted more of the same, to use her to reach further into places they had no rights to reach for. Jude would take part in this. She was very comfortable in the peaceful life she had made for herself in a supernatural fighting pit of seen and unseen monsters.

"I want you to leave my family out of your plans," Jude felt responsible for them now, and she would not sacrifice any precious time or discussion with someone that could not respect that.

"I did not bring your family into this." Winona clarified in that regal voice of hers. "I never thought we would get into this conversation in the first place," said Winona, scratching on her wrinkled arm, reaching forward for her cane. She used it to stand. "I never meant to cause your family or you any harm Judith. I only meant to give you answers, and provide you and your pack the security where you had none."

"I want you to stop talking about this." Jude was aware of when Winona's eyes meeting the amulet around her neck. Winona's dark eyes were daggers on the protective stone that protected her still, keeping her from her true potential.

"please, see things my way Judith."

"Thank you for coming." Jude remembered that she still had to give her respect as an Elder of the Makah Reservation. "But please, listen to my wishes before coming into my home."

"You don't need to repeat yourself. I know when I am no longer welcome." Winona stalked forward gravely upset with Jude. She was a hunched proud little woman, nodding to her mother in respect, even when her mother's stone face scared even her. "Thank you for your hospitality Sue, I will take my leave of your home, and your daughter."

Winona did as she said. her much younger dragon tattoo son or lover, Jude did not have the heart to ask or care, drove like hell from their house. The screech of tires seems to stretch between her and her mother.

Sue jumped her. "Why did you lie to me Jude?"

"I didn't."

"Why didn't you tell me Winona was making you do things you didn't feel comfortable doing?"

"Because what I was asking her to do was not comfortable mom." She had known the path of healing would bring back worse memories, possibly make the visions and ghostly apparitions worse. Jude had been prepared. "You want to believe that getting me to stop seeing spirits was going to be a walk in the park. Well it wasn't. It was hard, and it took a lot out of me. I learned that the amulet was the only I was going to stay out of their world, and Winona did help mom. She gave me prayers to keep the spirits away... but she just asked for too much back in return. I couldn't do the things she asked, not with the possibility of losing myself in the process."

That made her mother silent. After a few minutes, a weak whisper came from Sue."Why didn't you tell me?"

"I didn't want to make you worry." That was part of it, "and these was my monsters to deal with. I just never thought there were worse things than the things I had already seen. A whole world of it," Jude touched her amulet, thoughtful. "I can live with them if I can't see them, and now I know they can't touch me, it brings me peace Mom. It's enough." Well, that is at least what she told herself, herself and Dr. Clarice Williams.

"I thought Dr. Williams would have been the one to make you upset like this." Her mother noticed Jude's hand shaking, and she pulled her hands into her lap. It was hard to shake off this feeling, "oh Jude, you should have told me, I would have understood. At least to have someone to talk to about it."

"I wanted to tell Casey about it," Jude felt the tear leak out the side of her eye. "When I was gone, she was the first person I called, and now…" she hated herself for still caring, despite all the calls her so called best friend had not answered. The refusal to even meet her at the Diner, to speak about her brother's coming wedding, and why she felt the sudden need to pretend as if she didn't exist. "I feel as if I lost her mom, and I told Leah about it. How can I not? She catches onto everything. But it's not the same, it's like I lost her." Of course, she had told Leah about it, Leah would at least understand how important Casey was, and out of all her family, she had seen how close they had been.

"I would have tried." Her mother's voice shook. "I would have tried to understand, I am your mother, what else am I supposed to do?" Her mother began tearing up too, the pain reflected in her eyes, "oh Jude, you don't have to be alone anymore. You have to let me in if you want me to help you."

She had hoped for all this, but now. "I don't want to hurt you anymore mom. I already hurt you too much. This would have just been another way you couldn't save me. You never asked to have a daughter that could see spirits, and maybe I didn't want to see you hurt anymore, least of all by me."

"Oh, my Jude." Sue took her in her arms and hugged the hell out of her. "I will always protect you, I am your mother, you expect me to stop just because you're older? No Jude, your mine," she put it plainly, wiping the tear from her eyes, "you, Leah, and Seth. You are all mine, and I am yours. We are family Jude, _you don't have to be alone anymore._ "

She didn't know what to say. "Thank you, Mom." They hugged until it became too much, and then held each other's hands. They had not spoken for ten or more minutes and it did not matter, the quiet between them settled Jude's stirred mind. Too bad the stress had leaked between the imprint bond.

Jude felt her phone vibrate, and then a honk from outside.

She groaned, the same time Sue chuckled.

"Sorry mom, it's Jake. He probably felt me stressed out." She hoped it was the car that was pulling up outside. She hoped Jake had gotten over today, because she really needed him, and she wanted someone to listen, someone that could take all the pain Winona had opened. "I apologize mom for ruining dinner. I am sure Leah and Seth will finish it for me."

Her mother followed her half-way there. As if she was afraid to lose sight of her. "Don't stay out too late Jude! Make sure Jake brings you back before midnight."

"Sure, sure," she was no Cinderella, but she did respect her mother to at least try to listen this time. Time seem to leak by when she was with him.

Walking up to the Rabbit, the engine still on, and Jake waiting with his hands gripping the wheel, when she opened the door his eyes spoke volumes. She had never seemed him so stressed out, not since they had taken that ride to Bella's house. Something had happened, and every part of herself wanted to explain to him whey she had felt like a lion was stalking her every move. Tell him why she had subconsciously called out to him.

"Hey." He needed someone to listen too, "we need to talk Jude."

"I know." She agreed, "I do too."

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They sat at First Beach together, the rhythmic waves a calming background to their less than relaxed conversation.

He had something to show her, he had been fiddling with it in his hand. "She answered me."

"Bella?" She knew it was his Bella that had inspired the happiness she had caught this morning, right before she made Jake stress over the silly double-date, and Winona's untimely visit. "So, she actually came to see you? I thought you said the Cullens were keeping her on their side of the treat line? Did she come by herself?"

"Well, she didn't come to see me." Jake showed Jude the piece of paper they had been apparently passing between each other, some of the lines had been crossed out, as if they had been doing this for a while. "I feel like these count. Even if Billy and Charlie are our messenger birds, at least she is trying."

"Trying." She looked at Jake's personal note to Bella and gave it back to him without reading it. It felt wrong to read something that was not addressed to her. "I don't know if this is trying, it looks more like kids passing notes to me."

"I am not a kid. This is serious Jude."

"I know how serious it is for you." Jude knew it, but to Bella… she was not sure on what world that girl came from. "I just don't want to see you hurt if things don't go the way you want them to. You could want the world for someone, but it's up to them to want what's good for them too, and if that person can't see it the better choice, that it will keep herself and her family safe"-

"If _Bella_ can't see it's the better choice"- He grumbled, leaning on his knee, while Jude defensively brought her legs against her chest, giving a lazy look at his upset face. "Why can't you say her name Jude? Does it make it easier to judge her if you don't use her name?"

"No." Jude sighed, "I just see what it does to you when I say it. I don't want to hurt you. I don't want to hurt anyone anymore."

He reached a hand over her shoulder, making her heart stop for a moment. Jude had not expected him to ever reach out, but her flushed senses became cold at his words, "Don't worry. I know I can do it. Bella will come around. I won't let her give up on a human life."

Jude's worry for him only grew.


End file.
